


Wicked Game

by Ppushitrealgood



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-04-15 09:11:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 103,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4601193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ppushitrealgood/pseuds/Ppushitrealgood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca has a psychotic identical twin that hates Beca to the point she sneaks her way to Chloe many times, trying to get to the redhead and damage her beyond repair. </p><p>Warnings apply for this; Violence, abuse/sexual assault, Stockholm Syndrome etc. A lot of angst ahead. Also sex scenes and swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brewing Storms

**Author's Note:**

> I've been conflicted about posting this because it was a little darker than I'm used to writing, but I'm taking a shot and hopefully it isn't too much. 
> 
> Also, I'm still working on my other two fics, and I'll be posting updates soon.

  
Chloe has had the pleasure of getting to know everything there is to know about Beca over the course of the year that Beca’s been at Barden. It wasn’t Chloe’s intention to fall in love with her best friend. But these things happen. And if Beca hadn’t ended up with Jesse, Chloe would have done anything to make Beca hers. But it’s only life balancing out the good and bad.

There was a distant rolling thunder that alerted Chloe to the oncoming storm that she had stayed up to watch. She loves storms more than Beca does. As she walks into her bedroom to get a blanket while she sits outside, she sees something sitting on her pillow. When she approaches it, she finds a picture of herself walking alone. It was odd, but one of the girls must have left it there for her for some reason, she’ll find out about it later, she heard another rumbling of thunder and picks up the blanket, leaving the photo on her pillow and forgetting about it.

While she sits outside, staring into the night as the lightning strikes lit up the sky, she starts wondering what she’s going to do when she graduates. It’s a frightening thought for her to consider leaving. The Bella’s were her everything, and Beca was the closest she’s ever felt to true love. Leaving that is like dropping your heart in the middle of an intersection and never returning for it, even though you can still feel every car running it over.

Aubrey had the sense to get out, she even tried to convince Chloe to graduate, but she just wasn’t quite ready to give it all up like she should have. Staying here and watching Beca being happy with Jesse was horrible, but she loved to see Beca smiling, even though Chloe was the one to make her smile the most.

The pouring rain started hitting hard, filling Chloe’s ear with a constant sound. Her arms were hugging her knees while she sits on the chair on the front porch, leaning her head back against the chair, watching the raindrops falling until she sees the flash of lightning that catches her attention.

There was a quiet sigh that Chloe heard near her, making her turn her head in curiosity to find Beca standing against the front doorway, looking back at Chloe with an amused stare.

“I’m not surprised to see you out here” The downpour made it hard for Beca to hear her own voice, so she wasn’t going to be surprised if Chloe didn’t hear her at all. Beca’s eyes dart away from Chloe’s stare when the night sky flashes from a lightning strike. Beca enjoyed storms, and she loved the fact that Chloe was obsessed with them, always camping out when there was one forecasted.

“Want to join me?” Chloe had to raise her voice over the competing rain, smiling slightly when Beca moved off the doorframe to sit down next to Chloe. There was a long comfortable silence between the two as they stared out into the night. There was a loud rumbling that made Chloe smile widely and lean against Beca’s body, turning her head to rest against the brunette’s shoulder.

Beca never had someone in her life that made her so comfortable with contact before, it wasn’t hard to adjust to it either, Chloe felt natural to her when they touched. It used to surprise her when she found herself reaching out for Chloe’s touch, but now it’s so normal that she doesn’t notice. They were holding hands, and it wasn’t until Chloe had shifted to lean against her shoulder that she noticed. Beca stares down at their fingers intertwined with each other, ignoring the flashes in the sky in front of her. There was no way she’d ever gain the courage to admit her true feelings for this girl, as much as she yearns to.

The storm ended some time ago, but Chloe had fallen asleep with her head on Beca’s lap while the brunette was stroking her hair. Beca wasn’t ready to wake the redhead up, she had watched Chloe drifting off and didn’t want to wake her up. The longer she stares down at the girl in her lap, the less easy it was. She had the greatest best friend in the world, and she has a boyfriend. But her feelings were so conflicting when it came to Chloe, the tension was there, everyone can see it. But the circumstances are destroying any chances of Beca getting what she wanted, what she truly needed to happen.

There was a weight resting on the side of Chloe’s neck that pulled her out of slumber, when her eyes open slowly, she’s met with the morning dawn sky. She remembers that she had been out there with Beca, but she hadn’t realized she fell asleep. When she moves to sit up against the weight against her neck, she turns to see Beca’s arm reaching to her, it was the brunette’s hand that had been against her neck. Beca was asleep against the back of the chair, her head turned upward slightly.

Chloe moves her hand to Beca’s face, stroking the girl’s cheek lightly before snapping her hand back in realization. She wasn’t allowed to touch Beca that way, it was against her personal rule to step over lines. Friendly flirtation was fine as long as it was reciprocated. But do not touch Beca in any kind of loving manner, especially while she’s asleep.

“Beca” Chloe says quietly to the brunette, turning her volume up slightly to repeat “Beca”. Pretty soon she had to yell the brunette’s name to get her eyes open. Beca had sprang up so fast she startled Chloe into jumping, which Chloe laughed off as Beca apologized for it. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you, you should have woken me up”

“I would have...if I didn’t also fall asleep” Beca brushes her palms against her thighs before standing up and stretching her arms out, staring into the morning. Beca hasn’t been awake this early in a long time. When she turns around, she’s met with Chloe standing behind her, closer than they’re supposed to be. She knew they were too close because the tension was returning, their silent stare that they both knew too well. The stare that says ‘I need this, just make a move’. The only move they ever make is turning away, then avoiding the whole problem. “So we should get some breakfast” Beca says, interrupting the sparking between them.

“Yeah, I really feel like Lucky Charms!” Chloe smiles brightly, turning around to skip over to the front door. She had become quite the professional actress when it came to being happy for Beca’s sake. She couldn’t let her best friend be upset about hurting her. Chloe knows there’s no possibility for them to happen.

===

Being between a-capella seasons was horrible for Chloe, the only hobbies she had were the occasional riff-offs and karaoke parties. Sometimes she would run, that got her out of her head for a while. At least she was safe for another year of college, a-capella and Beca.  
  
Chloe was walking back from class today, there was a humid feeling in the air after their stormy night, the grey sky may be hinting that there’s another round of rain on the way. Chloe spent the whole way back wishing that it would storm again, not just so she can have a repeat of last night with Beca, of course.

When Chloe swings the front door open, she’s met with Beca’s eyes on the other side of the door, the brunette had frozen on the spot and stared at her like a deer in headlights, making Chloe smile at her and raise an eyebrow “Are you okay Bec? I thought you were in class today”

“Yeah. Just left something here”

Chloe had a slow nod following Beca’s emotionless response, almost sparking a question of concern, but then the brunette gave her a knowing smirk and her eyes started travelling down her body in a way that made Chloe nervous, more nervous than she’s ever felt before around Beca.

“I better get back to it then”

There was something different about Beca today, Chloe couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “Okay” Is all Chloe managed to get out as the brunette moved toward her, she was still in the middle of the doorway, blocking Beca’s path, but the brunette hadn’t given her the chance to move. Chloe felt Beca’s hand against her side, turning her and pushing her back against the doorframe. The stare that Beca gave her seems to have cut off every chance of Chloe’s breathing, all she could do was stare at the dark blue eyes in front of her.

Their moment was soon over when Beca started to move away, making a point to drag her fingertips over Chloe’s stomach with a pressure that leaves a ringing in Chloe’s skin for the next few minutes. Chloe let out her breath as she watches Beca walking away on the sidewalk, never turning back to her.

It took a long while for Chloe’s heart to return to normal, then she’d think about what had happened and it would flutter again. She had to sit in her bedroom for the rest of the day to avoid being called out for acting strangely. She wasn’t quite ready to face Beca yet, worried mostly that she was going to end up saying the wrong thing. Surely Beca was just being playfully flirtatious.

Chloe finally decided to brave the dinner conversation when Stacie had come to her bedroom to tell her the meal was ready. As soon as Chloe went into the dining room, she found Beca sitting at the table. The brunette was in mid-conversation with Amy and hadn’t acknowledged her at all, even when she sat down across from Beca, until their bickering had ended and the brunette asked her how her day was. “Great. Did you find what you were looking for earlier?” Chloe had to kick herself for the way she phrased her question, worried that it would be taken wrong.

“What thing?” Beca said, staring across the table while holding her fork up in the air with a piece of chicken attached. The furrowing of Chloe’s eyebrows in confusion gave her the same expression. Then she smiled and pointed the chicken towards Chloe “Are you trying to play a prank?”  
  
“No... you said you forgot something and left class to get it” Chloe found herself glancing at the girls to either of Beca’s sides. It was annoying that it was just the two of them at the house earlier, no one could be witness to Beca being there, although that would make things weird if they saw their moment.

“I have no idea what you were smoking today, I was in class the whole time, Amy was there too” The smile on Beca’s face started to slowly fade after Amy had backed up her story, there was something in Chloe’s eyes that told her she wasn’t lying. There was a possibility that Beca knew what had happened, but she just wished it wasn’t. There was no way.

“Bec? What’s wrong?” Chloe stretched her arm out across the table to rest it in front of Beca, getting the brunette’s eyes on her. The expression from Beca had suddenly turned to something Chloe hasn’t seen on Beca’s face since they were about to go on stage for the finals at the ICCA’s. The brunette looked freaked out, scared even.

“Nothing. I’m fine. I just have to go do something” Beca drops her fork onto the plate with a slightly loud clattering before she gets up from the table, ignoring the looks from the girls as she makes her way out of the room. The whole way to her bedroom, she felt a looming darkness hanging over her, growing darker as she started rifling through her folder of papers that she had for important occasions. Birth certificates and such. The red post-it note hanging out of the plastic pockets of the folder is the signal for the form she needs to find. Her seat on the floor becomes a lot more uncomfortable to her as she turns the pages over to find the date.

“Becs?” Chloe tried to stay quiet behind Beca sitting on the floor with a folder in her lap, but the sudden speaking seemed to have startled Beca into slamming the folder shut and turning to her. “Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay”

“Yeah. Fine. Go back to dinner, I’m fine” Beca stares up at the bright blue eyes that didn’t fall for her lie, but Chloe ended up nodding and getting the hint. Beca waited until the redhead was almost at the stairs leading down to the door before she stopped Chloe by calling the redhead’s name, bringing Chloe’s stare back to her from across the room. “Did you really see me today?”

“Unless I’m going crazy, yeah. I did” Chloe watches Beca turning back to the folder, making her unsure of whether or not she should stay now.

“I have a problem. A big problem” It wasn’t long after the words leave Beca’s mouth when Chloe was sitting at her side, staring over at her with a worried curiosity. Beca opens the folder again, finding that red post-it warning. There was a momentary hesitation before she tugged the pages and flipped them over to reveal the restraining order to Chloe.

Chloe had no idea what she was looking at with her first glance, Beca holds out the folder to her and Chloe takes it, reading over the words on the form, telling her that it was a restraining order for a Five year period, in which this person named Brody Mitchell has to stay at least two miles from Beca. “Brody Mitchell? Are you related to him?”

“It’s a her. That... is probably who you saw today” Beca’s hand started picking at the material on her jeans, trying to distract her from her worried thrashing heart.  
  
“Are you telling me that you have a twin?” Chloe finally looked up from the page to a nodding Beca, the confirmation almost made Chloe feel giddy, had it not been for the look on Beca’s face telling her that it wasn’t a good thing. Obviously it wasn’t a good thing because Chloe was holding a restraining order. “Two miles is a long separation. Why did you get this?”

“Brody is.... she’s unhinged. I didn’t even think about her, it’s been so long since I got that... it’s been five years, I guess. That expired last month.” Beca stared vacantly down at the form, trying to piece together how Brody found her after all this time. “She was emancipated from our family after she tried to kill my highschool boyfriend, then me”

The gasp from Chloe shocked Beca from her hazed look, meeting her gaze. “What? If you’re fucking with me Beca”

“I’m not fucking with you Chloe” Beca’s eyes hold the redhead’s stare, she could probably countdown the seconds until the tears forming in Chloe’s eyes start to fall. There’s been no one in her life who cares about her the way Chloe does. Beca moves her hand to Chloe’s cheek, wiping at the tears. “I just have to get the order renewed, there’s nothing to it. But I might have to tell everyone to be on guard” Beca feels the urge to hold her palm against Chloe’s cheek, and in doing so, she feels that familiar tension growing between them. If it wasn’t for her wrist tattoo, she may have been taken into the moment too far this time. “There’s a difference we have. She likes to take advantage of our identical look, but the tattoo is something she doesn’t have” Beca takes her hand away from Chloe’s face, holding her wrist up to put focus on the bug she has drawn on her wrist.

“So whenever I see you, I need to check your wrist... but what if there’s no tattoo?” Chloe finds herself nervously chewing at her lip, there’s no chance she could hurt anyone that looks just like Beca.

“Just... try to get away from her without being too obvious, you don’t want her to know you know, don’t just go grabbing wrists and looking, she’ll know something’s up” Beca drops her hand to her lap, staring down at the folder on Chloe’s legs “She likes to jump into my life and act like me, then get people that I... know into a corner and just hurt them, as me. So she can basically tear my life down as some kind of revenge”

“We won’t let that happen, okay? You can trust me. I know you well enough to tell when you’re an evil twin or not” Chloe tries a smile at Beca, and when the brunette looks up and matches her smile, the butterflies in her stomach let her know that her feelings are still too strong for her best friend.

===

Chloe was just about to get into bed when Beca hard barged into her room and started pacing like a frantic lion. There was a square piece of paper that the brunette had in her hand that she kept flailing and the run on sentence that Beca had spewed out flew over Chloe’s head because it was such a sudden interruption. “Can you repeat all of that slower?”

“No, Chloe!” Beca had stopped pacing when Chloe finally reacted to her confession, the one that she had to spring on Chloe because she had been procrastinating in the hallway for quite some time now and bursting in was the only way she’d be able to get it out. The frown on Chloe’s face made her re-think the attitude she gave, by moving across the room to the redhead. “I found this on my pillow”

Chloe’s gaze drops to the picture in Beca’s hand, when she reaches up to take it, their hands brush together with a spark inciting within Chloe’s chest, the spark she has to constantly ignore every time they touch. The picture she held up to look at was a polaroid, a photo of her asleep on Beca’s lap the other night. Chloe also had a picture on her pillow, but judging by Beca’s frantic reaction, she probably shouldn’t mention it.

“Look at the back” Beca found it terrifying to let Chloe know this about her, she hadn’t told anyone about it other than her family. Although her ex knew, but he ran for the hills as soon as it was over. When Chloe flips over the picture, Beca can almost see Chloe’s heart stop.

The message written on the back was just ‘Soon’, it wasn’t the most suggestive to Chloe, but when she looks back up into Beca’s eyes, it becomes obvious that this wasn’t just about Beca. “Does this mean she wants to kill me now?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe.” Beca had to turn her gaze away, settling on the carpet across the room. “Is there anywhere you can go to... be away for a few days?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Beca. You can’t expect me to let you deal with this alone” Chloe holds the picture out to Beca, waiting for the brunette to take it before she talks again “I’m not going to let your evil twin run me out of town. I’m here for you”

There was a split second between the end of Chloe’s sentence and Beca lunging forward to hug the redhead tightly, her arms clinging to Chloe’s back. “I can’t let you get hurt”

“She can’t hurt me Becs. I’m indestructible” Chloe smiles as she feels the huffed laugh from Beca against her body. Chloe loosens her arms around Beca’s neck as they begin to part from each other. There was a growing heat that she recognized, they’ve done this before while they’ve been hugging. There was a subconscious move that Chloe started to notice, where she would part her lips, but she would always catch herself before her tongue made its escape to wet her lips.

The stare Beca was getting from Chloe was making her heart hurt from the constant banging against her chest. All she needed to do was just start leaning in, there was only a few inches. Beca swallows heavily as her gaze drops to Chloe’s parted lips. Then the moment she makes the slightest move forward, there’s a loud sigh that causes Beca to spin around from their moment to see Stacie entering the room and dropping clothing onto her bed.

Chloe had never regretted having a room-mate more than right now. She could have sworn Beca just started to move towards her. Chloe has to remind herself that Beca is with someone else, once again. That constant reminder that keeps her heart hurting.

“I’m gonna go to bed” Beca turns back to Chloe, seemingly knocking the girl from a thought to react to Beca’s stare “I’ll see you in the morning”

“Night Becs” Chloe forces her smile, which fades as soon as Beca’s walking out of the room. Chloe sighs lightly as she stares out into the hallway, eventually turning to her bed once more.

“I interrupted something, didn’t I?” Stacie says from sitting on her bed, watching another Bloe moment unfolding. Those moments happen daily, but usually they don’t look so close to doing something about it, which would be a nice change for once.

“You didn’t interrupt anything. We’re just friends” Chloe pulls the covers back on her bed, with a little added force, showing her frustration off for Stacie to pick up on.

“For now” Stacie gets to see Chloe’s anger showing more than anyone else. Rooming with Chloe showed her that the redhead had a wide mix of emotions instead of the bubbly attitude the redhead tries to keep up as a wall. Stacie had a huge appreciation for Aubrey after finding out how hard it was seeing Chloe being hurt and upset. It wasn’t every day that the redhead let her feelings get the better of her, but she’d let it slip every so often.

Chloe decided against responding to Stacie, and climbed into the bed, pulling the covers up to her neck as she lays on her side, facing away from her roommate and right into the wall. And to kick her while she’s down, the rain had started falling, reminding her that she fell asleep on Beca’s lap.

Stacie turns off the light and makes her way back to her bed. It wasn’t until she was laying down and listening to the rain that she had become more aware of the noises in the room, she could hear Chloe crying. The redhead hasn’t had one of these nights since the ICCA finals.

Chloe was doing her best to wipe her tears before she lets her emotions get too heavy to deal with, she doesn’t want to completely bawl right now. Then it becomes easier after there’s a shift on the bed and Stacie’s arm snakes around her stomach, spooning Chloe’s back until she falls asleep.

===

The next few days, Chloe tries her best to act as normal and happy as she could, she didn’t want Beca to worry about her. Or Stacie. Stacie had tried to tell Chloe she needed to talk to Beca about her feelings, but there was no way she could do that. She’d be risking her friendship, and Jesse was a good guy.

The good thing about living in a house with so many girls is that you’re so busy with different people that you rarely get the chance to be alone and dwell on feelings that you shouldn’t be having. That’s what made the last few days so easy to get through. But there was a break in the noise before the Treble party tonight. It was Bumper’s birthday and Amy had taken half of the girls to get decorations, then sent everyone else on errands. Chloe was in charge of getting the cakes, three cakes.

When she parks the car and gets out, she gets that weird feeling like she isn’t alone, but when she looks around it’s just her. The silence was getting to her, she got so used to the conversations lately that as soon as they stopped, she gets paranoid. While she carries the first cake inside and puts it on the bench, she hears a noise from the other room. “Hello?” Chloe starts making her way through the doorway, seeing an empty room in front of her.

She decides to shake off the paranoia and head back out to the car to get the second cake, only when she gets out to the car, there’s only one cake left. Chloe feels her muscles tighten and she turns to look at the open front door of the house, frightened by the thought of it being Beca’s stalker twin, yet she found herself curious, something she knows is a dangerous thought. Chloe decides against going into the house again and climbs into the drivers seat, reaching over into her purse to find her phone.

As soon as she brings up Beca’s number, the brunette is magically standing next to the car staring down at her. Chloe nearly jumps out of her skin and clutches at her chest. “Jesus, Beca. You scared the crap out of me!”

“Sorry. I was trying to give you a hand” Beca’s hand comes out to Chloe, urging the redhead to take it and come out of the car.

When Chloe stands up in front of Beca, their hands still together, Chloe felt a different kind of aura coming off Beca, sparking another worry that this was the twin. “I should get the last cake in” Chloe says, slowly removing her hand from Beca’s grasp. She still got her sparks from this girl, even if it was the twin.

“I’ll get it for you”

Chloe tried not to be completely obvious staring through the window to try to look at Beca’s wrist, but the cake box ends up being too tall and covering any possibility of seeing the tattoo. Chloe makes a point of smiling at Beca as the brunette moves back from the car, letting Chloe close the door.

After Chloe gets her purse out of the car and locks it, they make their way inside silently. Chloe was trying to think of any questions she could that only Beca would know the answer to, only she couldn’t think of anything right now, she was finding her nerves growing worse as soon as Beca kicked the front door closed with her foot.

Beca follows her all the way into the kitchen and drops the cake next to the other two. _If it is Beca, why would she have taken the cake the long way around the house?_ Chloe thinks to herself, her eyes slowly moving up to stare at the dark blue eyes gazing back at her from the other side of the kitchen counter.

“What are you thinking?”

Chloe didn’t see any difference if this wasn’t Beca, they spoke the same, looked exactly the same, they dressed the same. Chloe can’t even remember what Beca wore today, usually she’s the first to notice these things, especially if Beca’s looking especially attractive in something. “Just... thinking” Chloe says, waving the thought away with her hand. “How was decoration shopping?”

“It got boring” Beca shrugs and moves around the counter slowly, her hands trailing across the top of the counter that sparks Chloe’s memory to her encounter with Brody.

Chloe keeps her expression neutral as Beca saunters towards her, even though her heart is starting to lose control of its steady rhythm. Chloe turns her head quickly and reaches for the cake closest to her, only to have it grabbed by Beca’s hand in a tight grip. The wrist was bare, but Chloe can’t react. She has to stay calm.

“I don’t tell you enough how much you mean to me, you know”

Chloe takes a slow breath in, mustering up enough strength to return her eyes to the brunette’s stare. Brody didn’t seem menacing, not yet anyway. “You don’t have to, Bec” Then Brody smugly smiles, and there’s something behind it that seems malicious to Chloe, but the redhead forces a smile back, even though her insides were screaming at her to get out.

“You know what” Brody’s eyes start travelling down Chloe’s body, the brunette’s head tilting slightly as her gaze starts moving back up again. Chloe’s smile had faded, Brody’s grip around her wrist was still solid, but she wasn’t hurting Chloe. “I’m just glad I get to look at you so much. You’re gorgeous”

Chloe feels those butterflies that drives her crazy whenever Beca flirts with her, this was exactly the same. It was Beca, or Beca’s face and body, and voice. But it wasn’t Beca in there. Chloe needs to get out of this. “Thanks Bec.. We should really get ready for the party”

“Yeah, how about you get ready and I just watch you?”

Chloe smiles genuinely and it surprises her enough to furrow her eyebrows “You’re not allowed to, remember? You have a boyfriend” It took about two seconds for Chloe to regret letting that slip, she may have put Jesse in danger. Chloe bites at her lip as she watches Brody’s head tilting slightly, but the brunette was just staring at her mouth.

“I know I’m dating Jesse, but you’re just so... fuckable and perfect for me”

Chloe was taken aback by Brody’s words, she’s a lot more crass than Beca is. Chloe feels her cheeks burning, which wasn’t the only reaction her body was having to the words that just came out of Beca’s mouth. Her eyes move to the fingers wrapped around her wrist, the staring must have alerted Brody to the grip and the brunette lets go.

“Too honest? Surely you’ve seen the way I look at you”

Chloe feels a slow shaky breath releasing from her mouth, she has to work up more strength to look at this girl again. It feels like Chloe’s the one taking advantage of the situation by reacting to Brody’s words so much. This twin knows how to get into people’s heads. “I- I have to get ready for the party” Chloe moves around the brunette and starts making her way down the hall towards the stairs.

“Don’t you forget about me”

Chloe freezes on the spot and turns to face Brody again, her brows furrowed in confusion at the song referencing Beca and Jesse. There was a silent pain that Chloe was having trouble hiding, and Brody was smiling at her again. Chloe had to turn away and continue up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warnings apply for this chapter.

Chloe was hiding in her bedroom all afternoon since her second encounter, it scared her that Brody would talk about Beca and Jesse’s song, Brody must have been watching Beca for months. And she knew that it would get to Chloe. That day when Beca kissed him was the first time Chloe knew she was falling in love with someone who could never love her back the same.

When Stacie and Beca walked into the bedroom together, Chloe looks up at them with a blank stare after being snapped out of her thought, the two girls were already dressed for the party that Chloe had forgotten about, she was still in her jeans and shirt.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” Stacie can’t seem to smile when Chloe’s face only expresses sadness. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just had a weird day” Chloe looks down at her lap while she sits on the bed, she has to avoid looking at Beca, which must be telling.

Beca looks over at Stacie and nods her head towards the door to signal the brunette to leave. Which she does, with an eye roll. _Aubrey 2.0_. Beca thinks as Stacie walks out of the room. Beca moves towards the door slowly and closes it. When she turns around to look at Chloe again, she’s met with those bright blue eyes.

Chloe holds her tongue on talking and glances down at Beca’s arm, the brunette gets the hint and turns her arm forward to show off her tattoo. Chloe sighs and looks down at her lap again “She knows everything about you, I think even Jesse..”

“Great. Figured she would. I can’t even call the courthouse again because it’s the weekend. I tried to get it as fast as I can, but the earliest I can get in is next week” Beca moves across the room and sits next to Chloe, reaching up to rub the redhead’s back, “I’m sorry. She hasn’t even attempted to do anything to Jesse though”

“Maybe it’s because he can take her. And it’s not your fault. She’s just.... there’s something sadistic about her when she smiles, it’s scary” Chloe looks over at Beca and catches the knowing smile on the brunette’s mouth that she tries to hide from Chloe. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just that everyone who has ever met her says that exact same thing” Beca takes her hand off Chloe’s back and drops it onto her friend’s hand, turning it over to intertwine their fingers. “You just need to be around me 24/7 so I can make sure she can’t get to you”

“That’ll be too awkward, especially for Jesse” Chloe stares down at Beca’s hand in her own, fighting back the tears that want to fill her eyes. She has to be happy for Beca.

“Yeah well, some things are more important” Beca’s thumb starts stroking the back of Chloe’s hand. She may have just revealed too much to Chloe, and to herself. She knows Chloe is more important than Jesse, but admitting that out loud was something new.

“I’m not more important than your boyfriend, Becs” Chloe could sense the heartbreak coming for her again, every time they’d have these moments, Beca would always leave, she’d always go back to him. They’re the romantic movie cliche, not her and Beca.

Beca watches Chloe intently, seeing the sadness in those blue eyes, even when they’re focusing on something other than her. She knows Chloe, she sees Chloe’s sadness, but more importantly, she sees Chloe’s love for her. Something that scared the hell out of her so much that she ran from it like an idiot. “Yes you are” Beca sees the sigh from Chloe, the redhead must think she’s lying. “Look at me”

“I can’t” Chloe feels her hand tightening around Beca’s, it was becoming harder not to cry, and she couldn’t show that to Beca. Then there’s a touch against her chin, Beca’s fingers were turning her head up to face the brunette. Only Beca isn’t saying anything, she’s leaning in, almost as if she’s in slow motion. Chloe falls into a state of shock when their lips collide, it takes a moment for her to move into the kiss.

Over the next few seconds, the kiss intensified with lips parting and tongues meeting, the welcoming moan from Chloe makes Beca’s heart pound against her chest, reminding her that she’s alive. Then Chloe’s hands are against her cheeks and she’s being moved backwards onto the bed, Beca couldn’t stop her hands from grabbing the shirt Chloe was wearing, pulling it up and moving her hands to press them against Chloe’s sides, moving them up Chloe’s back underneath the redhead’s shirt.

Chloe feels every piece of her body burning for Beca, the touch from the brunette sends a shiver down her spine as their heated kiss starts to turn into a grinding session when Chloe finds herself between Beca’s bent legs beside her. There was a snap realization of what they were doing that causes Chloe to pull back and move backwards on the bed, staying on her knees. As she stares down at a heavy breathing Beca, she has to fight every urge to move forward again. “We shouldn’t, not like this”

“I know” Beca starts sitting up and stares over at Chloe, releasing a smile from her face “So a raincheck then”

There’s a certainty in Beca’s voice that makes Chloe hopeful that they could have a future together and it brings a small smile to her face. Chloe turns her head to look at the closet holding her party outfit inside, then she looks back at Beca and hides her smile away “I don’t want to go tonight. I can’t see you with him”

The confession from Chloe almost broke Beca’s heart, she’d been so blind to what she was doing with Jesse. Dangling him in front of Chloe like he actually meant more than the redhead. Beca loved Jesse, but there was no chance that she was in love with Jesse. Not when she knows what love is like now. Beca leans forward slightly, resting her hand on Chloe’s knee and staring up at the redhead “You won’t have to ever again”

“I don’t want you to think you have to break up with him for me”

“I’m breaking up with him for me. I’ve been such an idiot trying to deny this, us, for so long. I wish I could just go back in time and not be such a dick” Beca sighs and brings her hands up to cover her face, letting out a frustrated grunt. When she drops her hands again, she sees an amused smiling Chloe in front of her. “What?”

“You’re just cute” Chloe stands up beside the bed, holding her hand out to Beca “And now you must leave and have some fun”  
“So can I get a raincheck on the kissing?” Beca smiles at Chloe’s eyeroll. Beca takes the redhead’s hand and gets up from the bed to stand in front of her future girlfriend.

“Not tonight you can’t. That’s so skeezy. I refuse to be the easy girl on the side” There was an ounce of truth to what Chloe was saying, but the rules are slightly different when it comes to Beca. She will definitely hold firm on not making out tonight though. Hopefully.

“You won’t be. I promise. I’ll hold off from the mouth assault until you’re ready”

“A week, at least” Chloe stares, as the battle raging inside of her prevents her from closing the space between them again. Now that Beca had finally revealed her feelings, it was going to be a lot harder for Chloe to be separated from the brunette.

Beca could sense the mood changing between them while watching Chloe’s smile fading slowly. In order to bring the redhead out of her thoughts, she brings her hand up to Chloe’s cheek, holding the blue eyes in a stare. “Can we just stay here together?”

Chloe’s eyes close when she feels Beca’s fingertips trailing down her cheek lightly, leaving a tingling against her skin. When her eyes open again, the tension between them grows to a new level, one that she couldn’t fight through anymore. Chloe moves forward into a quick movement and captures Beca’s lips again.

Neither of them wanted to make the move to stop the kiss from reaching that point of heat where they wouldn’t be able to return from. As soon as the first moan escaped from Chloe’s throat, Beca knew she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself, and it wasn’t long before she was underneath Chloe on the bed, pulling at the redhead’s shirt again, this time she managed to get it over Chloe’s head and onto the floor.

Chloe would have definitely found herself going too far had it not been for Stacie calling out for Beca to hurry up. Chloe moved away from Beca quickly, standing up again and holding her fingers to her lips in a state of surprise that she had let herself go again. She can’t let herself be that girl, she needs to know this is real.

Beca was left, once again breathless and on the bed, staring over at Chloe. Only this time the redhead turns away from looking at her. Beca knows what she has to do before she can have Chloe, and she needs to do it now. Beca springs up from the bed to stand in front of Chloe, getting the redhead’s attention by kissing Chloe’s cheek and moving back again, holding the gaze when Chloe turns to her. “I’m going to be all yours, I swear”

Chloe didn’t get much of a chance to respond, Beca had moved around her and started leaving. As soon as Chloe was alone, she had a rush of feelings washing over her, like she felt everything at once. The winning emotion in the end was relief, she was relieved that she might actually be able to stop torturing herself now.

\--  
  
A few movies later, Chloe decided to get in bed instead of waiting up for the girls to get home at who knows what hour. The later that it gets, the more worried she gets that Beca changed her mind. Almost as if she had been psychic, the mattress behind her dips and there’s a body moving against her back.

“It went well. Like I’m surprised how well it went”

It was Beca behind her, and when the brunette’s arm comes over her side, Chloe takes the hand and glances down at the tattoo on Beca’s wrist before hugging the arm against her chest. She could feel her heart beating hard enough for Beca to feel it, but there was no way she could turn around and face Beca right now. Her happy tears might send the brunette into a state of awkward that makes her run.

“He wasn’t even surprised when I told him, I think everyone knew. Am I that obvious?” Beca tightens her arm around Chloe, bringing the redhead’s back closer to her.

“I was too obvious, I’m sorry”

“We were both really obvious, Chlo. Don’t apologize for that. It’s what made the urge to kiss you reach some new crazy amount” There was a long silence that falls between them in their embrace. Beca didn’t want to move ever again, and she didn’t for the rest of the night. Even though she spent a long time getting to sleep, she stayed in that spot, listening to Chloe’s shallow breathing while the redhead slept.

===

It felt oddly strange to Chloe to be able to kiss Beca whenever she wanted now, although it took a lot of convincing from Beca that it was really okay for them to get into a relationship so soon. She never thought it would be possible for her to be in a relationship with the brunette. There was a year of convincing herself that Beca wasn’t interested in being with her. Yet here they are, it had been almost a full week together and Chloe found herself falling even more in love with Beca every time she looks at her girlfriend, which made her so giddy to say.

They had a date planned tonight, dinner and a walk, because Beca still hates movies and just wanted to spend more time with Chloe where they can talk. It didn’t take long for Beca to become some kind of hopeless romantic with Chloe, she even started leaving roses on Chloe’s pillow whenever she got home from class and had to go to work at the station without seeing the redhead. There were only two nights a week when her late shift was a problem for her. Going so long without seeing Chloe was horrible for her, but they always spent the night messaging each other anyway.

Chloe skipped her last lecture so she could get ready for her night with Beca, she’d spent the previous evening with Stacie trying to pick an outfit. She wanted this to be special, since it was their first official date. Stacie suggested the typical ‘little black dress’ that ended up winning, Stacie talked her into it by saying it was Beca’s favourite colour and she’d die.

The text Beca got from Chloe in the late afternoon told her she wasn’t allowed to go into the redhead’s bedroom because she wasn’t allowed to ruin the surprise. As nervous as she was for this ‘surprise’, she knew it was going to be a good one. When she gets into the house, she purposely makes as much noise as she can while walking by Chloe’s door to let the girl know she’s avoiding the redhead. There was really no valid reason to Beca why the redhead needed all afternoon to get dressed just for their date. It actually worried her that Chloe was going to end up in some full ball gown looking thing. Or a wedding dress. And as lovely as that thought is, she isn’t quite ready for that yet.

Beca smiles to herself at the idea of Chloe organizing a surprise wedding, a smile that quickly fades when she sees the polaroid sitting on her pillow. Every part of her body was telling her not to look at the photo, she already knew it was going to be bad. Maybe she can just leave it there until after her night. But if the message says something about their night, she’d have ignored an important chance to keep Chloe safe.

Beca finally bit the bullet and moved the few steps to her bed, when she picks up the photo, she sees a picture of Chloe sitting alone on the living room couch. It scares Beca to know that Brody can get this close to Chloe without the redhead even noticing. This freak was like a ghost, and she’s spent the whole week with Chloe, how has she not noticed Brody anywhere?  
  
\--

Chloe stands in the middle of her room, finally finished and ready for her date. She had to send a text to Beca to ask if she’s ready, the reply coming through almost immediately saying she needs a few more minutes. Chloe sits on her bed, waiting for the next message to tell her Beca’s finally ready for her surprise and is waiting outside Chloe’s door. Chloe chews at her lip and looks up at the door, the nerves rushing over her body as she gets up to move. As soon as Chloe opens the door, she’s met with Beca’s eyes, which instantly drop to the dress, followed by the brunette’s mouth dropping open.

“Holy..” Beca hadn’t quite anticipated that she’d be breathless over this surprise, she also forgot that she’d been holding the photo of Chloe, which had fell onto the floor during the staring contest Beca was having with Chloe’s body. Chloe must have been able to have functioning thoughts, because the redhead moved down to pick the picture up, snapping Beca back into her brain.

Chloe was amused by the stunned Beca, until she had picked up the picture that the brunette dropped. When she looks down at the picture of herself sitting alone during the night when everyone was at Bumper’s party, the smile fades from her face. She flips over the picture to look at the back, but there wasn’t any writing this time. It was almost like Brody knew how to upset her at just the right time.

“You look amazing” Beca chastises herself mentally, knowing it was a bad time to compliment Chloe when she’s being stalked by Beca’s sister.

Chloe looks up from the picture and smiles softly, the nerves were written all over Beca’s face, this is what she should be focused on. Not a stupid attempt at scaring Chloe. She decides to throw the photo over her shoulder and step forward to her girlfriend, reaching up to move her fingers through Beca’s hair. “We’re not going to let that get in our way tonight”

“I’m still just.... wow” Beca looks down at the dress on Chloe again, missing the playful eyeroll from the redhead. When she spends too much time staring, Chloe gives her a little nudge and causes her head to snap up and look at the girl. “Sorry. Lets go”

“You go first, I don’t want you falling down the stairs because you’re distracted” Chloe says with a smirk.

The date was going perfectly, it was everything Chloe wanted it to be. They spent the night flirting over dinner, then when they were walking, it started raining. Getting caught in the rain was something Chloe had never been able to do with someone before, it was the universe telling her that Beca was the one, or so Chloe has told herself. When the rain first hit, Beca was about to suggest running through it to get to where it’s dry, but Chloe span the brunette around and planted a kiss on Beca that left their lips burning for more.

It only took a few minutes during the kissing that Chloe realized how dumb it was to make out in the rain, they were becoming drenched and they were likely to get sick because she’s making them stay out in the cold water. She finally agreed to run back with Beca when she saw how much damage the rain was doing to their hair and clothing.

When they got back to the house, Chloe had to fight every part of her so she wouldn’t barge in on Beca’s shower. She’s done it before, but her intentions weren’t so innocent this time around. And she’d already had her shower and got into her Pjs, so it would be super weird to go back in. Chloe started losing the battle with her good conscience, but it was already too late, the shower had just shut off, leaving Chloe disappointed in her slowness.

The girls ended up on the couch together, with Stacie on the other end and the other girls scattered around while they watched some horrible movie that Beca had fallen asleep halfway through. When it was over, Chloe had to wake the brunette up, something that everyone else is always too scared to do because Beca can be grouchy if she’s woken up by anyone other than Chloe.

They ended up relocating to Beca’s bed, their close position would have felt more intimate had Beca actually stayed awake long enough to take advantage of it. Chloe smiles as she turns to her side and stares at the sleeping brunette, her fingertip moves across Beca’s lips before she leans in to kiss her girlfriend and fall asleep while she holds Beca’s hand.

===

The next day was Beca’s night at the station, Chloe always dreads these days, but it was always nice to spend the morning with her girlfriend. The breakfast they had was full of laughter about Beca falling asleep before she could get the ball rolling between them. Beca was hilariously ashamed of herself for letting that happen, she even headbutted the table after Chloe had first brought up wanting to take their relationship further.

Beca covers her face with her hands and groans loudly while Chloe laughs at her “It was the running, I got tired!” It wasn’t long before Beca was laughing with Chloe, she never thought she could fall asleep if there was going to be sex involved. Especially not when the sex is with Chloe.

“It’s fine, Becs. I kinda want it to be remembered, so it’s better that we do it when you’re awake and alert” Chloe smiles brightly and takes a drink of her orange juice, staring at Beca over the glass.

“I’m going to buy a year supply of Red Bull and just drink it all in one sitting. So whenever you want to do it, I will be ready” Beca can’t help smiling over at Chloe while she snorts into her orange juice and puts the glass down.

“That’s really unsafe, Beca. Just drink one or two”

“Something tells me you aren’t a one or two kind of Red Bull girl. I’ll go with four”

“Three”

“Okay, deal” Beca reaches over the table and waits for Chloe to shake her hand, as soon as they touch, Beca feels her heart jump to her throat. While she stares over the table at her girlfriend, their hands still linked together, she wishes that this feeling between them will never stop.

Eventually it was time for them both to leave for class, they had split off from each other when they were walking. Chloe didn’t find it as hard as it should be, considering she’s so happy with Beca right now. Nothing can stop her brightness, she was the happiest person in the world.

All through her lectures, Chloe and Beca were messaging each other. Their classes seemed pointless at this time, all they did was pay attention to flirting over text instead. Beca had finished class before her, just the same as every week. And eventually the brunette stops messaging because she gets to the station.

When Chloe walks into her bedroom, she sees that familiar flower on her pillow, a single rose. Chloe smiles and leaves it laying there while she skips out of the bedroom to find someone in the house to talk to. When she gets into the kitchen, she finds an invitation and a note stuck to it saying the girls are at a party and want Chloe to join them.

Chloe clucks her tongue a few times and shrugs, she might as well go to a party, it’ll distract her from being separated from her girlfriend for the night. When Chloe gets back into her bedroom to get changed, she goes to flick on the radio to listen to her girlfriend, stopping when she catches a glimpse of something moving in the corner of her eye. When she looks over at the door, there’s nothing there.

Chloe stares for a good minute before she thinks she was seeing things, so she turns around and starts pulling at the clothes in her closet, sliding them across the bar to try to find a good party dress. When she finally makes a decision and pulls a dress off the coat-hanger, she turns around and freezes at the sight of Beca standing on the other side of the room and smiling at her.

“Hey. So I found a way to repeat last week’s show on air. No one will ever know that I’ve left to come back here and kiss my girlfriend” Beca says, approaching Chloe with a slight smirk on her face. “Put that on though, that’s a hot dress on you” Beca takes the dress from Chloe and hangs it over her shoulder, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow to the redhead.

Chloe matches Beca’s smirk and feels the sexual tension rising between them with every slow step Beca takes. It doesn’t take Chloe long to start pulling at the buttons on her shirt to undress in front of Beca, watching the brunette’s gaze dropping to her chest when she opens the shirt sparks a fire inside of Chloe’s body.

Watching Beca biting her lip as she watches her pulling off the shirt throws a thousand butterflies around inside of her stomach, and when she starts unbuttoning her jeans, the feeling gets a lot harder to handle. Chloe watches Beca’s breathing start speeding up, causing her to swallow hard before pushing at the top of her jeans and bending while she pushes them off her legs.

Beca reaches up to the dress slung over her shoulder when Chloe straightens up in front of her, when the redhead goes to take it, Beca tightens her grip around it, not quite ready to stop staring yet.

Chloe was staring at Beca’s wandering looks, waiting for the brunette to release her dress. When she finally does release the dress, Chloe doesn’t even want to put it on. She takes a step forward, only to get Beca’s hand against her chest to stop her.

“Put the dress on first”

Chloe’s eyes narrow as she smiles, there’s a playfulness in her eyes that makes Beca smirk again. Chloe steps back and pulls the dress up from her legs, pulling the straps over her shoulders. Beca’s hands move to her sides and turn her around slowly, then Chloe feels the zipper moving up her back. She’s not quite sure why Beca would want her to put ON the clothes, but she’s curious to see if this is about Beca wanting to re-create their date night.

Chloe’s assumption was confirmed when Beca turns her back around and starts moving her hands up Chloe’s sides slowly, snaking them around Chloe’s back and yanking her against Beca’s body in a surprisingly rough manner that Chloe didn’t get a chance to react to because Beca’s lips were against hers, distracting her from being stunned. Chloe granted Beca’s tongue access into her mouth, starting a heated make-out session. Chloe soon found her hips grinding forward, but she’s met with the feeling of something hard against Beca that makes her break away from the brunette, who was smiling widely back at her. “What is that?”

“I’m just really happy to see you” Beca laughs slightly and starts sliding her hands down to Chloe’s lower back, stopping herself from going lower until she sees Chloe’s reaction to her next statement “I came prepared.”

Chloe was taken aback by Beca’s boldness, she hadn’t thought Beca would be so adventurous, at least not this early. Chloe chews at her lip nervously eyeing the brunette, Beca looked confident with herself in a way that settled Chloe enough to nod and go along with it.

“You’ll love it” Beca says, kissing the nape of Chloe’s neck, sending her hands down to the redhead’s backside and pulling Chloe against her. The sharp gasp from the redhead makes her smirk before she starts sucking at the skin on her girlfriend’s neck.

It wasn’t the most romantic thing that Beca could have brought into their first time, but maybe Chloe was over-thinking it. A small moan escapes from Chloe’s throat when Beca’s sucking starts causing a painful pleasure on her skin, and like it was a switch for the brunette, Chloe was being pushed backwards against the wall.

Beca’s sucking slowly turns into biting as her hands move to find their way around Chloe’s wrists, turning the redhead’s arms up against the wall to pin them next to Chloe’s head. Beca starts moving her body against the redhead’s, getting another soft moan in response to the grinding against the redhead.

Chloe lets a whimper escape when Beca’s teeth clamp down a little too hard against her neck, the pain was constantly being cancelled out by the grinding against her, she was almost craving the toy now. As soon as she opens her mouth to tell Beca that the biting was hurting, Beca moved back and kissed her hard. She feels Beca’s hand release one of her wrists and fall to her chest, pressing against her breast and causing another moan to release from her throat.

Beca could tell how worked up Chloe was getting by the desperate amount of grinding the redhead was doing. When her hand dropped between Chloe’s legs and pressed against her, the redhead released a louder moan into their kiss. It was impossible to stop herself from pushing down the underwear the redhead was wearing. She dreaded breaking this kiss, but that underwear was standing in her way of where she needs to be. Beca pulls away from the kiss, giving Chloe a quick look over, the redhead kept her eyes closed as Beca moved to her knees and yanked the underwear off.

Chloe licked at her lips, waiting for the return of Beca, Chloe drops her hand to the wall behind her sides and gasps loudly when Beca decides she’d rather kiss a different place on Chloe’s body. Chloe turns her head forward to look down at the brunette’s head under her dress, the tongue moving against her makes her head move back against the wall, she had to try with all of her strength not to move her hips and make the brunette lose her perfect positioning.

Chloe’s breath was getting harder to keep a handle on, and when Beca’s finger slides inside of her, she couldn’t hold back the loud moan that she had been holding in. “Fuck, Bec” Chloe flinches when Beca moans against her and adds a second finger. Chloe can feel the shuddering of her body beginning, causing her muscles to tense. As soon as Beca’s fingers curl inside of her, she lets another moan escape, saying Beca’s name again and getting a fast response from the girl that causes Chloe’s hips to buck against Beca’s hand. “Oh god”

Beca senses Chloe’s incoming climax and starts moving back up the redhead’s body, keeping her fingers inside of the redhead as she stands to watch her girlfriend. As soon as her fingers start moving at a faster pace, Chloe was grinding against her hand and moaning desperately, her voice becoming louder as she nears the finish line.

Chloe’s hands move to grab onto Beca’s t-shirt at the shoulders, gripping the material tightly as she clenches her eyes closed. The orgasm hit her like a tonne of bricks, sending an explosion through her body that rings out over the next minute. Chloe didn’t get much of a chance to recover from her orgasm before Beca was kissing her with the same intensity as before.

As soon as Beca takes her hand away from Chloe, she starts unbuttoning her jeans and shoving the zipper down quickly. There’s a split second where she thinks about giving Chloe a warning, but if the redhead hasn’t figured it out just yet, she must be blind. Beca reaches underneath Chloe’s thigh and bends the redhead’s leg up at her side, guiding the rubber toy against Chloe.

Chloe could feel Beca preparing the toy for use, but she still wasn’t quite prepared to go from one orgasm to the next. Beca’s kissing starts to become more rough as she pushes forward inside of Chloe, getting a loud groan from the redhead. Chloe had started to press her palms into Beca’s shoulders, seemingly trying to stop her, or at least make her go slow enough for her to regain some of her senses between rounds. It didn’t stop the brunette for long though, she just took a few seconds of hesitation before pushing again. Chloe found it extremely difficult to focus on kissing Beca as well as the feeling of the sex toy inside of her. After a few moments the pleasure was rolling over her body in a constant stream of waves again, her hips start grinding forward, needing more of that feeling from the brunette.

Beca squeezes her hand around the underside of Chloe’s thigh, moving her other hand to the wall next to Chloe’s head. Hearing Chloe moan her name again makes Beca start thrusting her hips faster, getting another moan of her name in an immediate reaction makes her smirk and go faster yet again.

It took Chloe this long to figure out that saying Beca’s name was an indication for the brunette to go faster, and it was already too late to slow it down now, Chloe was just about to feel herself tipping over the edge. Beca had broken the kiss and lunged down onto Chloe’s neck again, sucking a higher area from before. With a turn of her head to grant Beca more access, the orgasm explodes over her again, just in time for her to open her eyes and see the bare wrist in front of her face that she had turned to.

Chloe’s heart was already pounding from the sex, but now it was beating so hard that it hurt her. She wasn’t having sex with Beca. Chloe turns her head slowly, trying to hide the surprised look on her face as she stares at Brody standing against her, staring back at her with that sinister smile, as if she knows. Chloe starts wondering how she missed the clues and Brody moves back from her, releasing the toy from Chloe that makes the redhead shift uncomfortably.

“Get on the bed”

Chloe was frozen against the wall, she couldn’t continue having sex with this girl, but she knows this girl is dangerous. A plan wasn’t coming soon enough to her.

Brody’s eyes narrow at the redhead, she was suspiciously against the sex all of a sudden. Instead of waiting for the redhead to move, Brody grabs the top of Chloe’s dress, pulling her off the wall.

“I just need a minute... jus-” Chloe stops when Brody yanks on her dress and starts leading her towards the bed, Chloe tries to stop herself with her legs when she figures out where the brunette was taking her, only to have Brody shove her and send the redhead onto the bed. Chloe had tried to move up the bed quickly, to avoid being underneath Brody, but the brunette was too fast for her, she was being pinned down and her frightened look must be showing, Brody was smiling down at her in a way that made her unsettled. “Please, I just need-“

Brody moves her hand from one of Chloe’s wrists to cover the redhead’s mouth to shut her up, turning Chloe’s head to the side slightly so she can lean close to the redhead’s ear and whisper against it “You know the best part about this is that I got to taste you before she did” The tension in Chloe’s body became all too obvious when she confirmed who she was to the redhead. Brody kisses the ear in front of her mouth and lays herself down between Chloe’s legs, getting a whimper against her hand. Brody holds her upper body up over Chloe, close enough to feel her breath on the back of her hand covering Chloe’s mouth. With a wiping motion, Brody moves her hand from Chloe’s mouth, sending it down between them, she could see the worried look in Chloe’s eyes intensify when she realizes what’s going to happen.

“Wait, please don’t” Chloe moves the hand that Brody had left against the bed to try and push the brunette up from her, when she feels the sex toy pressing against her again she loses the strength in her body to push. “Stop” Chloe smacks her hand against Brody’s chest, only to have the brunette laugh at her and start pushing her hips forward, sending the toy inside of Chloe, the crying started almost immediately after Brody started her in and out motions.

Brody had both of Chloe’s hands pinned down again, she was staring down intently at the redhead crying beneath her. She was going to do everything in her power to own this girl. Chloe will be hers. “Say my name again”

Chloe furrows her brows in confusion “No” she was fighting back the tears that just seem to turn Brody on. Chloe turns her head to the side to stare over at the wall, then there’s a hard stinging against her cheek from the slap she just received. Chloe clenches her jaw in reaction, keeping her head turned away only to receive the same treatment after a moment. When she finally turns back to look up at Brody, she swallows the lump in her throat before she opens her mouth to say “Brody” A harder slap against her face makes her realize what Brody wants to hear. She can’t say it.

Brody knows this girl will be hers. She’s just going to have to give her the push she needs. Brody moves her hand down to locate Chloe’s side, moving it up over the redhead’s ribcage. There was a twitch from the redhead that makes her smirk again. Brody’s hand moves back, the redhead has no idea how hard this push was going to be.

Chloe feels the punch hitting her ribcage with enough force to knock the wind out of her, leaving her coughing for moments trying to get her breath back.

“Say it”

Chloe could feel herself shaking violently as she stares up at the brunette, feeling Brody’s arm moving back and scaring her into saying “Beca” Chloe whimpers uncomfortably when Brody starts moving faster against her.

Brody finds that Chloe wasn’t trying to struggle at all now, this was easier than she thought it was going to be. Brody presses her hand roughly against Chloe’s breast and whispers against the lips she’s hovering above “Keep saying it”

“No” Chloe feels the hand coming off her chest, which gives her enough time to close her eyes and brace herself for the next slap to hit, but instead she gets the hand around her throat. Her eyes spring open in reaction when the hand starts to push against her airway. When her hand moves to Brody’s wrist, she can’t pull the girl’s hand off her, she’s met with the raising eyebrows of the brunette in expectation for her words. Chloe feels the tears start rolling down the side of her face as she starts to accept her position “Beca”

Brody loosens her hand around Chloe’s throat, leaving it there in case the redhead decides she wants to try testing her again. “Tell me how much you love me, Chloe.”

Chloe starts to turn away, feeling the tears stinging her eyes, but when she feels the hand tightening around her throat again, she turns back, keeping her eyes closed this time. “I love you Beca.” Brody moves down quickly and kisses her, disgusting Chloe in a brand new way, she knew she had no choice other than following the orders handed out to her right now but being forced to say she loves this girl, even though she isn’t really Beca was more heartbreaking to her than anything this girl had done physically. The thrusting from Brody stops during their kiss, then the brunette’s hand leaves her throat and moves back down between them, then the brunette starts moving against her again. It takes Chloe a minute to realize that the girl above her was masturbating.

There was a minute after Brody had finished herself off on top of Chloe where everything was silent and still. As soon as the brunette moved off from the bed, Chloe found herself moving to sit against the headboard and hugging her knees, watching the brunette zipping her jeans up.

Brody was smirking as she watches her hands buttoning her jeans, as soon as she looks up at the redhead huddled against the head of her bed, the smile spreads further across her mouth “I’ll see you soon babe”

Chloe watched Brody leaving, she waited at least an hour before she ran into the bathroom and showered away her shame, along with the tears that continued to fall. She should have checked Beca’s wrist. Brody’s wrist. When Chloe finishes changing into her Pjs, she walks back to her bedroom slowly, rubbing the side of her face where she was slapped so many times. Her body was hurting more now, most of the pain being in her side. But that was nothing compared to her heart pain when she sees the rose on the floor. It had lost a few petals at some point, Chloe picks it up with a shaking hand and stares down at it, feeling her tears making their way back to her.

“Are you trying to become the rose?”

Chloe jumps, drops the rose and spins around, falling backwards onto the bedside table behind her and knocking everything over. She lets out a breath when she sees that it’s only Stacie, a now worried Stacie. “I’m fine, you just scared me”

Stacie eyes Chloe, she knows something is up with the redhead, especially since Chloe’s been the happiest thing in the universe lately. “Chloe, what happened?”

“Nothing happened. Stop prying” Chloe looks down at the bed where the rose had fallen and picks it up, moving it to the bedside table, then she reaches to the pillow and picks off the fallen petals.

“What else are friends for? We pry” Stacie smiles and moves over to her set of drawers to sort through and find her pjs. “So why the long face?” Stacie turns around after a moment because Chloe’s so quiet. The redhead is sitting on her bed and staring down at the floor. She was almost as red in the face as her hair, but she didn’t look like she was blushing. Stacie stares for a minute, trying to figure out what it could possibly be. “Are you sure nothing happened?”

“Stacie, will you please stop asking me that fucking question?” Chloe glares across the room at the tall brunette and moves up to get into the bed.

“Jesus. Fine.” Stacie huffs unhappily and watches the redhead moving to her side to face away from her. There was definitely something going on here. Stacie pulls her phone out of her pocket and walks out of the room to send a text to Beca ‘Why is Chloe upset?’. The reply she gets from Beca leaves her more confused, it just says ‘I have no idea. I’m at the station, what happened tonight?’

‘Well if I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you’ Stacie sends back. She could hear Chloe’s phone start to ring from the hallway, and the ringing stops, but she never hears Chloe’s voice answering. Stacie assumes they had an argument, and decides to wait for Beca to be home before she tries to ask about it.

===

Beca had finished her shift and tried to get home as quickly as she could. The text from Stacie worried her about Chloe, and then the redhead wouldn’t answer her phone the 15 times Beca called. When she gets home and makes her way up the stairs, she opens Chloe’s bedroom door quietly, trying not to wake either of the girls in the room. Chloe’s bed was empty, Beca looks over at Stacie’s bed and sees the brunette asleep. Assuming Chloe’s gone for a run or something, Beca heads up to her bedroom.

Chloe was sitting on the floor against Beca’s bed, waiting for the brunette to get home. Amy wasn’t home again, another night with Bumper. They really needed to come out and tell people they were dating already. Chloe looks across the room at the stairs when the thumping footsteps started growing louder. Her heart skips when she sees Beca climbing the stairs and meet her gaze with a smile. Chloe looks down at the carpet and starts getting up to her feet.

“I hope you weren’t waiting up for me, you would have been super bored all night” Beca says, making her way across the room to Chloe. The redhead has sad eyes that wipes the smile off her face and makes her worrying worse. “Are you okay?”

Chloe chews at her lip, trying to think of a good way to tell Beca what happened the previous night, she’d spent all night trying to think of the words, but they never came. Chloe shakes her head no and flinches her arm away when Beca reaches out for her. “I’m a horrible person”

“Why? What happened?” Chloe’s silence starts scaring Beca, not to mention the redhead just moved away from her, Beca couldn’t think of any reason for her to do that, not when they’ve been finally happy.

Chloe drops her gaze to Beca’s arm and she reaches out, hesitantly taking Beca’s hand and turning the brunette’s wrist to her. The tattoo is there, and now Chloe feels the tears starting to flood her eyes “I didn’t check” A sob escapes from her body, making her hand move over her mouth to stop herself from letting too much out. “I didn’t check” she repeats through her tears.

Beca furrows her brow slightly and moves forward to wrap her arms around Chloe while the redhead cries. If there’s one thing she hates seeing, it’s Chloe emotional. Chloe hadn’t moved away this time, so that was a good sign. The redhead was holding her so tightly Beca was surprised she could still breathe. Beca knows what this is about now, and now she just wants to avoid hearing the truth that Brody hurt her.

It takes a few minutes for Chloe to regain composure and start moving away from Beca, when she was moving her hands back from the brunette, she could see herself shaking, causing her to ball up her hands into loose fists at her sides.

After a minute of waiting for Chloe to start telling her what was going on, Beca had to try and push the subject out of her girlfriend “Is this about Brody?” When Chloe looks away from her, it was somehow confirming that it was about Brody. “Did she hurt you?”

“I thought..” Chloe stops herself to take a long breath in, she couldn’t face Beca, she had essentially cheated on her girlfriend, the girl that she’s been in love with for a year who finally found her way to Chloe. She has to close her eyes, the image of Beca walking out on her is clear in her mind. “I thought she was you. I didn’t check, and then she wouldn’t stop.” Chloe can feel the stinging tears again when she opens her eyes to Beca “Don’t hate me Beca, please. Don’t hate me”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Did she..” Beca’s shoulders slump slightly when Chloe averts her gaze back to the floor again. Judging by Chloe’s tears falling again, Beca had got it right. After a long exhale, Beca reaches up to Chloe’s cheek, pressing her palm against the skin. Chloe’s eyes find their way back to her with surprised written all over her face, even through the tears. “It wasn’t your fault, okay?”

“I should have checked” Chloe feels Beca’s thumb grazing her cheek lightly, wiping away the tear rolling down her cheek. Chloe almost wanted Beca to hate her, she hated herself for letting herself forget that Brody had been stalking them.

“She knew what she was doing when she showed up here acting like me. That isn’t on you. If anything, it’s my fault for leading her right to you” Beca moves her hand down to Chloe’s shoulder while they continue looking each other in the eye.

“You warned me and I didn’t listen”

“She would have forced herself on you either way, Chloe. Jesus.” Beca hangs her head for a moment, she had to take a minute to stop herself from getting emotional, Chloe doesn’t need that right now. With a sharp inhale, Beca looks up again “I’m sorry. If you need to leave, I-“

“I don’t. Please don’t send me away” Chloe moves her hands to Beca’s stomach, grabbing fistfuls of the shirt.

“I’m not sending you anywhere, I just want you to be safe, and obviously she’s watching and waiting. I... I can’t let her do this, and this fucking court system is jacked up” Beca sighs and moves forward to hug Chloe again, wrapping her arms around the redhead’s shoulders. “I’m sorry”

During their embrace, Chloe heard a heavy sniff from Beca, and the brunette’s refusal to move out of the hug tells Chloe that her girlfriend was crying. Chloe doesn’t try to move away from the hug again, she hugs Beca tightly again and lets the brunette take her time.

Eventually Beca did move back and release Chloe, there was a silent forgiveness between the two of them, those words were completely unnecessary when it was only the fault of the third party. Beca asked Chloe if she wanted to stay in Beca’s room to sleep, Chloe jumped at the chance.

Whenever Chloe was around Beca, she could see the difference between the two twins. It was something she was going to have to pay more attention to, the aura around the room changes. She feels safe in Beca’s arms. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep in Beca’s arms, her head resting on Beca’s chest.

Beca has to find a way to keep Chloe safe. As she strokes the sleeping redhead’s back, she tries to think of a way to keep Brody away from Chloe. She’s going to have to tell the Bella’s and organize some kind of buddy system. There was no way she was going to let this happen again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings apply to this chapter as well, more-so than the second chapter.   
> I'm trying to keep the bad parts short, because badness, but they may still be too much for some people.

When Chloe wakes up, she feels the empty bed behind her, causing her to sit up in the bed and look around the room. There was no Beca, she starts worrying that Beca left her. Chloe gets out of the bed and rushes down the stairs to search for the brunette frantically. When she reaches the living room, she walks right into a house meeting, which she was apparently not invited to. Beca was standing and stopped talking when Chloe walked in.

“I was just... telling everyone about the stalker situation and how we need to keep you with someone all the time” Beca watches Chloe’s eyebrows furrowing and the redhead starts taking steps backwards out of the room. “Chloe?”

“You told them? How could you do that?” Chloe was just about to turn around when Beca started waving her hand to get Chloe to stop.

“I just told them about the creepy photographs and following, also that I have a twin”

“Which is creepy as hell” Amy says from the couch, getting ignored by both of the girls that are just stealing the spotlight of the room.

Chloe felt stupid for thinking that Beca would tell the girls of the assault. Beca wouldn’t do that to her. Chloe turns away and sees it in Stacie’s face that she knew something else was going on. And it wouldn’t be a surprise to Chloe if it was her own fault for just getting defensive.

They spend the next hour going over each others schedules and working out who babysits Chloe at what time. Chloe was annoyed by the idea of using her friends as bodyguards. And the whole time while they were bickering about who gets to stay with Chloe the most, she stays silent, watching the table in the middle of the couches. Stacie got her attention after a while by nudging her arm, when Chloe looked up she was met by a concerned expression from her friend. Chloe forces a half smile and averts her gaze to Beca writing on a piece of paper, the paper which is supposed to be the babysitting schedule.

Chloe decides she’s had enough of everyone trying to claim spots for spending time watching her. When she gets into her bedroom, she stops at the doorway, remembering the night before makes her take steps back into the hallway. Her heart started hurting as soon as she walked into the room. She wasn’t quite ready to face that memory yet.

“You okay?” Stacie had been watching Chloe’s inner struggle for a few moments, catching the redhead before she moved away from their bedroom. The only answer she got from her friend was a ‘Yeah’ before Chloe started moving down the hallway and going into Beca’s bedroom instead. Stacie hasn’t seen Chloe like this before. But she has a feeling she knows someone who has. When she moves into her and Chloe’s bedroom, she has to make a call.

Chloe had crawled back into Beca’s bed and stared over at the wall, she lost track of the time she spent in there. The smell of Beca on the pillow had faded quickly when she got used to it, much to her disappointment. When she sees movement from the stairs, her eyes find Beca walking into the room and finding her stare.

“Everyone’s worried about you, you know” Beca makes her way to the bed and kneels down next to Chloe, the redhead stayed silent. It scares Beca to think of Chloe being so hurt. Beca moves her hand to brush Chloe’s hair behind the redhead’s ear. Staring into the bright blue eyes in front of her. “I’m worried about you”

Maybe it was the look in Beca’s eye, or maybe it was Chloe’s need to feel something real, but Chloe found herself reaching forward to the back of Beca’s neck, pulling her girlfriend closer to kiss her. When Chloe tries to push the kiss further, Beca moves away from her, there was a sympathetic look on Beca’s face that kicked Chloe into gear “I need you, the real you. Please”

Beca took a moment before moving up and getting underneath the covers with Chloe, laying in front of the redhead after Chloe gave her the room to do so. Beca trails her fingertips across Chloe’s lips lightly before moving in and connecting their lips together again.

Chloe’s heart starts racing when her roaming hand moves underneath the brunette’s shirt, inciting a soft groan from Beca as their kiss deepens. Chloe felt the difference with Beca, it was softer, loving. It means something. Chloe moves forward and picks herself up to lean over Beca, breaking the kiss apart to stare down at the brunette.

“If you’re not sure-“ Beca didn’t get to finish her sentence before Chloe moved down and kissed her again. Beca kept her hands still against Chloe’s sides, worried that she’d do something that could spark a bad memory for her girlfriend.

Chloe’s hand continues up Beca’s shirt until her palm was pressing against the bra underneath, another groan escapes from Beca that sends a heatwave over Chloe, the kiss stays at a steady pace as Chloe starts massaging her palm over Beca’s breast. Chloe sits up after a moment, straddling Beca’s lap and staring down at the brunette beneath her. Beca’s hands hadn’t moved from their spot the whole time and she knows why. Chloe’s hands both move to the bottom of her shirt and pull it up over her head. When she sees Beca’s gaze drop to her bare chest, she swears Beca had stopped breathing.   
  
Beca’s hands were still pressing against Chloe’s sides, refusing to move. As soon as Beca swallows the lump in her throat, she notices that she’d been holding her breath, her slow exhale was interrupted by Chloe’s hands grabbing at her shirt and trying to push it up. Something that Beca had to help with by moving up off the bed.

They stripped each other over the next few minutes and as soon as Chloe was laying on top of Beca again, her hand started working its way down between them, trailing down Beca’s stomach with a slow push. Chloe bites her lip when Beca’s eyes close in anticipation for her touch. When Chloe’s hand reaches its destination, she’s met with Beca’s hips grinding herself against Chloe’s hand.

Chloe was scared that she’d lose her trust in Beca, but with every second they’re together, she finds herself falling somehow more in love with the brunette. Beca looked at her a certain way all of the time, no one has ever come close to making Chloe feel this complete, especially not when it comes to sex.

Chloe gave Beca the permission to explore her body, and after a few hesitant moments, she was trusting herself in Beca’s hands. They spent a slightly excessive amount of time in bed together, and at one point Amy had walked up the stairs and interrupted them. Chloe found herself giggling with her face buried in the nape of Beca’s neck, covering the brunette with her own naked body while the brunette yelled at the Australian to get out of the room.

When it was all over, they had both settled in the bed facing each other on their sides. Chloe’s hand against the side of Beca’s head as she smiles at her girlfriend.

The longer Beca stares into Chloe’s eyes, the bigger urge she has to tell Chloe exactly how she feels about the redhead, and how she’s felt for the past year. It took a long time for her to admit it to herself, and now she needs to admit it to Chloe. “I love you”

As soon as Chloe hears the words from Beca’s mouth, butterflies exploded in her stomach. Chloe stares at the brunette, stunned into a silence that almost makes her want to cry, had she not spent way too much time crying already, she might have let herself. Instead, she shifts her body closer to Beca’s and kisses her girlfriend lightly, whispering onto Beca’s lips as she breaks their lips apart “I love you Beca”

Chloe feels her chest hurting when she remembers what Brody forced her to say. Chloe moves away, rolling onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. Her inability to say those words without feeling horrible was going to torture her. She loved Beca more than anything and Brody was taking that from her.

Beca watched the side of Chloe’s face, even though the redhead kept her face expressionless, she could see the battle raging behind. “Are you okay with....what happened?”

Chloe furrows her eyebrow slightly and turns to face Beca again, she wasn’t sure whether she should be more angry or confused at the brunette’s ridiculous question. “Of course I’m not, Beca. It was scary. I’ve never felt so scared.” Chloe could see a realization sparking over Beca’s face, making her see that the question Beca was asking was about what had just happened between them.. “Sorry, I thought you meant...” Chloe sighs and rolls back to her side to face her body towards Beca again. “Yes, I am okay with what happened. I’m more than okay. Thank you” Chloe cringes slightly “It feels weird thanking you for that, but... I had to know that....I just needed t-”

Beca smiles and moves her hand up to find Chloe’s hand between the two of them, stopping the redhead from her anxious stuttering. “I get it, it’s okay. You’re totally welcome” Beca feels her heart skipping a beat when Chloe smiles, it was so genuine that Beca feels like she wasn’t losing her girlfriend to a distrust in her.

“Are you guys finished yet?” Amy calls out from the bottom of the stairs, hearing the giggling starting from above. “Come on! You guys have been at it all night!”

Beca turns away from Chloe with much regret, seeing the redhead laughing was one of the best feelings she could have “We’re done, Amy. For now” she says loudly at the stairs. Chloe moves forward under the covers to hug Beca’s side and they both watch Amy walking into the room and give them a wide smile.

“You guys really got into making noise” Amy walks across the room to the walk into the closet and gather her pyjamas to get changed into for the evening.

“Sorry Amy, Chloe will definitely keep it down next time” Beca jumps slightly when Chloe’s hand smacks against her stomach suddenly.

“It wasn’t just me!”

“I don’t remember even making noise”

“Oh my god, you’re such a liar!”

Amy listened to the cute bickering for way too long in the closet. It wasn’t the slightest bit strange to her that Beca had made Chloe feel better, even if it took some sex to do so. When the two girls start going silent, Amy steps out of the closet and sees them making out. She sighs so loudly that the two separate and Chloe gets that proud smile on her face while Beca has a guilty smile on hers. “I’ll call out when dinner’s ready, but I am not delivering it to you lezbunnies”

Had Amy stayed in the room a few seconds longer, she would have been slightly traumatized by Chloe yanking down the covers and moving over her girlfriend again. There was something in their bickering that reminded her of why she fell so deeply in love with Beca. She spent less time finding comparisons between the girls during their second round of love making. Maybe Chloe can get through this unscathed.

===

When 6:30pm rolled around after dinner, Chloe was dreading her second night of separation from Beca. She was going to the station in a few minutes, although all of the girls were still at home, she felt unsafe thinking of Beca leaving her. Beca tried to tell her that she’d quit work for a while, but Chloe couldn’t allow that. She didn’t allow it. Beca loves working there, she got to play her music there, if Beca leaves that for her, she’d never forgive herself.

Chloe watches Beca gathering her stuff and shoving it into her shoulder bag. When the brunette turns around, she could see that Chloe was already having separation anxiety. Beca reaches up to put the strap over her head and onto her shoulder, then she moves across the room to Chloe sitting on the bed.

“I’ll be back as soon as I finish, then I won’t leave your side for a second the rest of the week” Beca leans down in front of Chloe, resting her hands on the redhead’s knees as she stares into the blue eyes inches from her. “I’ll be messaging you all night”

Chloe nods slowly before she moves forward to press her lips against Beca’s. A minute later and her girlfriend is walking away, descending the stairs to leave Chloe alone in the bedroom. Finding it hard to stay in the quiet alone, she has to avoid letting her despair get to her. Chloe waits a few minutes so she doesn’t have to see Beca leaving the house, seeing her girlfriend leaving twice might be too hard.

Stacie, Amy and Cynthia Rose were downstairs watching horror movies, which was fun for a while, having useless and funny commentary on how people were so stupid. But the thing about horror movies is that there’s always one with an unnecessary scene where a girl gets sexually assaulted. Chloe knew that Brody had tricked and forced her into sex, and seeing the scene playing out in front of her on screen was making it harder to stomach. She felt sick, sick at herself for falling for Brody’s stupid act.

The tears were on the verge of falling when she catches Stacie watching her, she turns away quickly, her emotions were caught out again. Chloe gets up from the couch, saying that she’s going to the bathroom before she leaves the room and starts walking up the stairs. She knew Stacie wasn’t going to be far behind her, and when she feels a hand on her arm, her assumption was confirmed. They had made it to the top of the stairs when Stacie stopped her and asked what was going on. “I’m fine, Stace. Seriously. I just miss Beca”

“I know that isn’t what this is about, there have been plenty of nights when you haven’t had Beca around” Stacie could almost see the cogs turning in Chloe’s head while the redhead searches for a different excuse to use. It was unlike Chloe to be so shut off from her.

“Now that we’re together, I just miss her, okay?” Chloe wasn’t sure how her anger could progress so quickly when her friend asked questions, Stacie wasn’t being rude or anything, she just couldn’t control the tone of her voice. Chloe knows that Stacie’s just concerned, but there was a difficulty in keeping her emotions in check.

Stacie wasn’t about to push Chloe further and risk pissing the redhead off, so she holds her hands up in front of her in surrender and turns around to descend the stairs. It was obvious to her what she needed to do now. She had to call a certain blonde for advice.

Chloe completely bypasses the bathroom and walks up the stairs into Beca and Amy’s bedroom, she needed her sanctuary. Before she sits on the floor, Chloe picks up Beca’s pillow and finds her place against the bed on the floor, hugging the pillow to her chest.

The night went without incident, even when Chloe had spent a long time in Beca’s bedroom. Amy had come upstairs and joined her in silence after a while, just to sit next to her. Stacie must have sent her up there or something. Or maybe Amy just knew that she needed someone at her side. Amy went to bed a while after they had been sitting together, Chloe wasn’t far behind. But it took a lot longer for her to fall asleep, and when she finally did, the nightmare came.

The nightmare was a repeat of events from the horror movie the girls were watching. Brody had her against the floor, and even through the tears and crying, she forced Chloe into sex. Much like reality when Chloe was telling her to stop. The more Chloe would scream, the rougher Brody would get with her, shaking her violently.

The shaking had brought her out of her dream and when her eyes sprang open, she found Amy standing next to her, the shaking must have been from the blonde trying to wake her. “Either you were having some nice kinky sex, or you were being murdered in your sleep”

Chloe’s breathing was heavy as she sat up, touching her hand to her pounding chest with a shaky hand. “Sorry for waking you”

“It’s okay. I was having that dream about vegemite again” Amy stands up straight next to the bed, staring down at Chloe with a concerned look on her face “Do you want to talk about the dream? Or...you know, what’s bothering you?”

“It was just a bad dream, I’m fine. Go back to sleep” Chloe lets out a slow breath, trying to steady her heartbeat to a normal rhythm again. Amy stayed beside the bed for a few moments and eventually moved away to get back into her bed.

Chloe spent the rest of the night laying awake and staring at the ceiling, or the wall. She was tossing and turning a lot. When she hears the footsteps of someone climbing the stairs, she sits up in the bed, feeling a mix of nervous and happy. Beca walked into the room and took her shoulder bag off, whispering a ‘hey’ to Chloe. It was painfully obvious when Chloe’s eyes dropped to the brunette’s wrist, and it caused a pain in her chest when Beca turned her wrist to show the tattoo to her. She hated that she couldn’t trust that it wasn’t going to be Beca in the room with her.

Beca would never mention that it was hard for her to see Chloe’s mistrust, but she knew it wasn’t in her. Staying strong was something she had to do for her girlfriend right now. As she makes her way across the room slowly, she gives Chloe a quick kiss before moving into the closet to get changed. When she comes back out, Chloe shifts over in the bed to give her room.

It was instantaneous that Chloe felt safe again as soon as she saw Beca’s tattoo. Chloe had made it the whole night without any horrible encounters, except for her own problems dealing with the whole situation and doing a pretty crap job at it. When she lays in Beca’s arms, all of those problems melt away. Beca kept her safe from her own thoughts.

===

Over the next few days, Beca was spending a lot of time on the phone to try to and get a court date soon, then she’d leave the house to go to a local police station. Chloe had managed to convince Beca not to divulge any information about the assault. She wasn’t quite ready to talk about it, and especially not ready to give a statement. And thinking about what Brody might do in reaction scares her more. Unless Brody had left again, which Chloe was wishing for. They hadn’t seen or heard anything from the twin in almost a week.

The a-capella season was in a few months, and there was a party with the Trebles tonight, but it was on Beca’s long shift at the station so she wasn’t going to attend, neither was Jesse. Even though the two still worked together, Chloe knew she could trust Beca with him. He had become a friend to her, even though they spent a few months in a relationship. Chloe saw him the other day and he was surprisingly nice to her. She had expected worse considering she kind of stole Beca from him. But he told her he was super happy that they were together and that Beca was always supposed to be just a friend to him. Jesse was such a good guy, that Chloe was perfectly fine with them hanging out together.

Chloe hadn’t spent a lot of time in her bedroom in the last week, only going in there for clothing, and then she’d almost run back out. Beca left the rose gift on her own pillow in the afternoon, Chloe had found it when she got back from class, and even with Amy at her side, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling brightly and letting out an ‘Aww’.

The more time Chloe spent around her friends, the more secure she felt. The party was everything she needed, laughing and spending time with her friends had been therapeutic to her. Chloe stayed there for a while and ended up feeling slightly awkward to be there without Beca. Stacie was watching her like a hawk and almost dived at the change of mood to take Chloe home again.

Stacie had told Beca earlier in the day that she’d practically be on top of Chloe all night to keep her safe, even through Beca’s faux jealousy, the short brunette was happy that Stacie had planned to be such a good bodyguard. Stacie had avoided alcohol like the plague all night and stayed by Chloe’s side, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t have fun. Chloe was almost back to acting like the brightest star she always has been, but Stacie just needed to be on guard.

The two girls had been watching horrible late night reality shows and when Chloe said she needed to pee, Stacie stood up as if she was going to follow her all the way into the bathroom. “I’m just going to walk with you. I promised Beca you wouldn’t leave my sights”

“Even in the toilet?” Chloe smiles playfully and starts walking away towards the stairs, Stacie was close behind her.

“I’ll be waiting right outside” Stacie had hardly finished her sentence when Chloe started running up the stairs. “Hey! No running from the bodyguard!” Stacie yells, running behind Chloe all the way down the hallway. Chloe slammed the bathroom door and Stacie stops outside, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m gonna kick your butt”

“Do it after I pee”

“I should kick the door down” Stacie says, turning to lean against the wall next to the door.

“Can you go away? You’re making me pee shy”

“Nope. Sorry Chlo. I’m going to stand here all night until you come out, or... leave the bathroom, because it’s pretty obvious you’re out when you kiss your girlfriend so much” Stacie laughs to herself then she hears Chloe turning on the faucet to make noises between them. Stacie pushes herself off the door and moves across the hallway to get further away, it really was odd to listen to someone peeing.

Chloe comes out of the bathroom after a few moments and shakes her head at Stacie with a smile on her face “You’re creepy for following me to the bathroom you know”

“I am aware, but I made my promise and I’m good at my job” Stacie smiles widely and moves forward to wrap her arm around Chloe’s shoulders and guide her back to the stairs.

A little while later, the girls were back to judging the girls who go on reality shows to make idiots out of themselves on TV. Stacie was in mid-sentence when her speech started slurring, Chloe grinned over at her “Had a little too much tonight?”

“I didn’t have any” Stacie felt her dizziness wash over her all of a sudden, she felt so drowsy. “I just feel... tired” Stacie felt her heart beating a little faster when she looks over at Chloe, she was in a losing battle with her sleepiness, and it was scary to her that she couldn’t keep her eyes open. “I’m just gonna close my eyes for a second”

Chloe wasn’t worried that Stacie was so worn out, even after the girl drops onto the couch into a slumber. Chloe snorted at the girl and got up from the couch to get the blanket thrown over the back of the couch to put it over her brunette friend. She stares down at Stacie, appreciating her friend’s help through the week, then she turns around and leans down to push the power button on the remote.

When Chloe moves out of the room to the bottom of the stairs, she freezes. Beca was standing a few feet in front of her, only it couldn’t be Beca. Chloe feels her leg moving back slowly in fear, a fear that was completely necessary. Chloe was alone with this girl.

“Told you I’d see you again” Brody says, as soon as Chloe’s leg moved her back, she rushes forward and Chloe turns to run from her, only for Brody to tackle the redhead to the ground into a wild wrestling match that ended quickly with a punch that leaves Chloe dazed. Brody had almost knocked the girl out, and she’s glad she didn’t, Chloe needed to be awake for this.

Chloe stopped struggling and yelling for Stacie’s help when Brody held a knife to her neck, she knew it wasn’t going to end well if she kept trying to fight, so she let it happen. Brody was taking her again, using that sex toy and hitting her every time she refused to say Beca’s name, Chloe’s face was throbbing from the punch she received, and each slap had heightened the pain. Brody would move harder with each time Chloe would call her Beca, just like the first time. Only this time, she wouldn’t stop. Not until Chloe had the idea to fake her orgasm. Which made the brunette slow down to a stop, thinking she had just won Chloe over, and kiss her roughly.

Chloe had to turn her head away to the side while Brody started getting herself off over the redhead. Her eyes close slowly when Brody finishes, laughing sadistically after breaking Chloe down again.

Brody reaches up to Chloe’s jaw, turning the redhead to face her. The blood on Chloe’s lip was just begging to be licked off, and the frightened look in Chloe’s eyes made her want to take the redhead again, just to see how far she could push Chloe. But she had limited time before the other girls would leave their stupid party.

Brody got up quickly after licking Chloe’s blood off her lip, picking the knife up on the way off the floor, then she stood right next to the redhead, staring down at the girl while she fixed her pants and buttons them. “You’re going to come to me soon, you’ll beg for me”

Chloe watches Brody unlocking the front door and leave, closing it again. Chloe gets up quickly, gathering her underwear and jeans to pull them on before she runs into the living room and tries to wake Stacie again. The brunette wasn’t waking up, but she was still breathing. Chloe hangs her head for a moment, feeling the tears flooding her eyes and falling.

Instead of cleaning herself up, Chloe moves forward onto the couch and picks up Stacie’s arm, laying with her back against her friend and hugging Stacie’s arm tightly. She needed the comfort, even if Stacie was knocked out.

Chloe doesn’t know how much time had passed when she heard the chattering from outside getting louder as the door opened, she was still half in her daze when the girls came into the house and scattered around. Amy was the first to see them on the couch and made a comment about cheating on Beca, it took a split second for Chloe’s tears and sobbing to return in an extreme reaction to the comment.

Amy had intended the joke to be innocent. When Chloe’s hand moved from her face as the redhead sat up, the blonde saw her bruised cheekbone and bloody lip. Amy was standing still in shock, Cynthia walked to her side and stopped talking after a few words into her question and rushed to the couch and kneel at the redhead’s legs, she had said something to Chloe, but it sounded like mumbling to Chloe, just noise. Cynthia got up after a moment and rushed off to the kitchen to get ice for her.

Chloe had to avoid looking at Amy, she couldn’t find the words, she had no words, and thankfully Stacie started to stir behind her. Her friend was still alive and she was okay, at least that made Chloe feel slightly better.

Stacie felt like she had just been run over by a thousand trucks, she was groggy and when she opens her eyes, Chloe was sitting in front of her and Cynthia and Amy looked concerned. Stacie sits up quickly, moving out from behind Chloe and grabbing the redhead’s shoulder, when Chloe turns to look at her, Stacie’s heart drops. She failed and this psycho beat Chloe up. “No. No no no. Oh my god” Stacie moves forward and hugs the redhead against her chest, staring up at Amy.

Chloe felt like she had no more tears left in her after crying against Stacie for so long. They took Chloe upstairs and into the bathroom, Stacie sent the girls out after cleaning Chloe’s face with a wet towel and suggested Chloe take a shower.

When Stacie went to leave the room to get Chloe’s pyjamas, Chloe grabbed her arm tightly and stopped her, telling her she couldn’t leave her alone. Stacie nodded and called out to Amy to get the redhead’s pyjamas. Stacie stayed in the bathroom while Chloe showered, there was no awkward tension in the air while she had to watch her friend on the verge of breaking down in the shower. There was a large part of Stacie that knew Chloe hadn’t just been hit, she wasn’t going to ask, but now that things were escalating, they had to do something.

When Stacie and Chloe finish in the bathroom, Stacie takes the redhead into Beca’s bedroom, Amy was already in there and waiting for them, watching Chloe as she moves over to Beca’s bed to climb in under the covers.

“Don’t leave, Stacie” Chloe says quietly, Stacie hadn’t moved away, but she needed to make sure that her friend wasn’t going to leave her alone in the bed.

“Do you want me to call Beca?” Amy says from her bed. She hasn’t seen the redhead this upset before, it was almost like the light in the house was gone because the light in Chloe was gone.

“No” is the only answer Chloe can manage. Stacie makes her way to the other side of the bed and gets in behind Chloe. The redhead felt unsettled when Stacie spoons her, and then Chloe feels as though she isn’t going to feel safe again, at least not when Brody has started drugging people. The same could happen to Beca. _How am I going to tell Beca?_ becomes the only thought that Chloe can have, starting to process it all over and over in her head again.

Chloe had thought about leaving, going somewhere until it was safe to return, but if Brody had managed to find Beca after all this time, it wouldn’t be long until Chloe was found. And to be somewhere without her friends would be dangerous. But it would be less dangerous for her friends since Stacie could have had a bad reaction to whatever Brody gave her.

During the night, Chloe tried to think of any way they could stop Brody from getting into the house, then she would try to think of ways for her to fight Brody off, but she could only see the bad in every plan. There was always going to be the chance that Brody would hurt one of her friends physically, especially since she has no problem hitting Chloe. And Chloe couldn’t find it in herself to ever hit Beca like that, even though this girl isn’t Beca at all on the inside.

Chloe must have fallen asleep at some point during the night, fortunately without nightmares which was probably thanks to Stacie’s hugging. Chloe moves slightly to look over her shoulder at Stacie still in the bed behind her. Chloe furrows her eyebrows and looks over to the window, seeing the brightness seeping in from around the curtains. Chloe sits up in the bed, getting a groan from Stacie and waking the girl up. “Where’s Beca? Why isn’t Beca here?”

“May-“

“I need to find her” Chloe says, before giving Stacie a chance to say anything, she got up out of the bed and was already halfway across the room before Stacie could sit up. Chloe shoved her bedroom door open to see if Beca had relocated to her bed, but the brunette wasn’t there, there was something else though. Chloe moves across the room to her pillow, finding the photo of her sitting in class. The warning was here all along, and she missed it. If she had just gone into her bedroom, they could have known something was going to happen. Her heart started aching with worry and regret, hoping that something hadn’t happened to her girlfriend. She could hear Stacie coming down the stairs from Beca’s bedroom, sparking her to move downstairs to the living room. Chloe caught the tears in her eyes before they fell when she finally found Beca asleep on the couch.

After standing there for a few moments staring up at the ceiling to try and calm herself down again, she moves forward and kneels down in front of Beca on the couch, her hand moving to Beca’s arm to check for the brunette’s tattoo. When she found the picture, she looks back at the sleeping brunette and turns around to lean her back against the front of the couch.

When Stacie walks into the living room, she came to a stop when she saw Chloe sitting against the couch instead of joining Beca, or at least waking Beca up. The sight of Chloe staring into her bent up knees was enough to confirm Stacie’s worry that this evil twin had hurt Chloe in a different way. Unless Chloe was incredibly shaken by being hit by someone who looks exactly like Beca. Which she hopes is all that this is, as horrible as that sounds, it’s better than the alternative. Stacie leaves the living room quietly, heading back to her own bed just in case those two decide to go upstairs.

When Beca’s eyes open slowly, the sight of Chloe comes into view. The redhead was sitting against the couch with the side of her head resting on her knees. When she got home, the redhead was asleep with Stacie in her bed, and assuming they had some kind of slumber party, Beca decided she’d go downstairs and watch TV but ended up falling asleep instead.

Chloe was in deep thought when she felt a hand drop onto her shoulder, sending her flying up to her feet and almost falling over the coffee table. Beca sat up quickly on the couch and apologized for the sudden grab, then she must have noticed the bruising on Chloe’s face, because the brunette stood up to start inspecting her face.

As soon as Beca stands to get a closer look at Chloe, the redhead turns her head to the side, shielding Beca’s view of the bruises. “How did this happen?”

Chloe considered saying she walked into something, or that it was some kind of accident, but lying to Beca was impossible, so she decided she needed to stay silent instead. Which seemed to be more telling than blurting out exactly what happened.

“Please tell me she didn’t” Beca waits for any reaction from the redhead, hanging her head with a sigh when she doesn’t get a no. When she looks back up again, the anger swells inside of her. “Stacie was supposed to be with you all night”

“She was” Chloe says quietly, finally looking at her girlfriend “There was something in her drink when we got back” Chloe found herself needing to look up at the ceiling again to keep her tears from falling.

Had it not been for Chloe getting emotional in front of her, Beca would have thrown something across the room in anger. Instead, she moves forward and hugs the redhead, getting a stiff hug in return. Noticing Chloe's apprehension, Beca moves back again and looks at her girlfriend, concern washing over her face. "Chloe... I-"

"You don't have to say it, Beca." Chloe chews at her lip for a moment, her eyes travelling away from the dark blue eyes in front of her. "I was hoping it was just a one time thing"

"Me too" Beca reaches up to Chloe's cheek, gently touching the bruised cheekbone "We should go to the police. She's escalating, she’s using violence now"

"I know" Chloe's eyes slowly close, taking in a deep breath while she takes a second to really feel Beca's hand on her face.

"And we are all going to be on you at once. You're just going to be crowd surfing the Bella's." Beca gets a tiny smile from Chloe, which didn't make her feel any better. It may have made her feel worse to see a small flash of Chloe just to have her leave again.

Chloe nods a couple of times, falling silent. She could feel the tears welling up again as she stares at Beca. She could feel her security with the brunette wilting away, which scared her almost too much to talk. "Beca... I-" Chloe stops herself from saying her sentence in a way that reminds her of her encounter with Brody. Brody had taken that from her as well. Chloe looks away with an unhappy sigh, hoping that her inability to say she loves Beca isn’t gone forever.

Even though there was a part inside Beca that told her not to ask, she couldn't stop herself "You what?"

"I want to tell you, but I just.... I can't say it." Chloe takes a long inhale and drops down to sit on the couch. Her eyes move to the coffee table in front of her.

Beca moves down to sit next to Chloe, keeping her eyes on the side of the redhead's face. "I would never judge you for anything, you can talk to me about this. And you probably should. Keeping things bottled up isn't healthy"

"You're one to talk" Chloe looks over at Beca and half smiles at the brunette, trying to lighten their moods. "You're basically stuck in a bottle all the time"

"I'm exempt from these rules, you didn't know that?" Beca feels lighter for a moment when Chloe huffs at her, until Beca puts her hand on Chloe's knee and causes her girlfriend's smile to disappear. Beca finally notices that Chloe must be losing trust for her. Beca takes her hand back and turns away from the redhead, facing forward at the blank TV.

Chloe knows that she was hurting their relationship by refusing Beca's touches. But she couldn't find it in herself to feel comfortable just yet. Every time Chloe opens her mouth to try to explain to Beca why, the growing anxiety becomes too much for her to handle and she stays silent.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Beca couldn't look away from the TV, scared of the look she might get from Chloe. Her stupid mind was telling her that they were over, almost before they had even begun.

"I'm just struggling. She looks just.... " Chloe feels a tugging at her heart, making her stop herself again. She may never be able to be honest about the mental trauma Brody puts her through. "Please don't leave me, I'll blame myself"

Beca turns to face Chloe, furrowing her eyebrows at her girlfriend "Don't ever blame yourself for this. This isn't your fault" Chloe turns away from her this time, making Beca risk another touch to Chloe's knee "I love you"

There it is again, the words that Beca needs to hear from her that she can’t say. "I can't say what you need me to say, not the way you need it. I just need a little time to get through this" Chloe stands up from the couch, feeling Beca's hand moving away from her knee. When she turns around to look down at Beca still seated, she feels her heart stabbing with pain. "If you need to leave, make sure I don't see you go"

As Beca started to get up, Chloe made her way out of the room in silence. Beca watches her redhead leave, feeling as though she just lost her. Beca drops back down onto the couch and rests her face in her hands, letting out the emotions that were tearing at her to get out in front of Chloe. At least she didn’t let Chloe see her like this. 


	4. Chapter 4

Stacie and Beca had both taken Chloe to the police station the next day, they were in there for hours giving statements and organizing a temporary restraining order for her and the rest of the girls after it was shown that Brody had tendencies to drug the people around Chloe. Chloe was thankfully alone in the room with a female police officer when she gave her statements. There was no way she’d be able to describe what happened to her in front of Beca, or Stacie.

The next couple of days were harder for Chloe than the first time she had to try to find herself again. She could see herself pushing everyone away, only she couldn’t stop herself from doing it. And even though her friends and Beca were still sticking by her side, she spent all of her time withdrawing and ignoring their antics.

Through the many movie marathons, Chloe would sit by herself on the sofa chair and try to make herself avoid being in her head, and eventually she’d have moments where she would listen to Amy’s movie commentary and feel herself smile, but she’d fall directly back into her dark well of a mind.

Chloe was trying her best to keep her body healthy over the days, eating as much of the tasteless meals as she could. It was helpful to have everyone’s concerned watch on her while she ate, she didn’t want them to think she was hurting herself by not eating. But it was hard to have an appetite in her mood.

She could handle the sleeping, Stacie never denied Chloe sleeping with her, even though she hated asking that of Stacie. Chloe was still visibly uncomfortable with Beca, which she was trying to work through in herself by standing closer, or spontaneously touching Beca’s shoulder. She did make progress today when she brushed Beca’s hand. It hurts her to think that every time she got close to Beca, that it could possibly be Brody and she knows that the two girls are completely different personality wise, but the constant stream of Brody trying to act like Beca and get into her mind was hard to work through.

The hardest part of her days were the showers, the times alone were the times when she expects something to happen. Those anxieties start screaming in her mind when she’s in the shower, telling her to run out of there. She spends most of her time alone shaking and staring at the door, just waiting.

When another day ticks over and Chloe was picking out her outfit for the day they had planned, Beca knocked on the door quietly. It was the first time she’d approached Chloe like this, and with Stacie in the room, the awkward tension rose between them, even from across the room. Beca was being supportive by keeping her distance, and Chloe knew it was hard for Beca to do, especially when she was struggling.

“Amy just looked up the movie times at the cinema, there’s one on at 1pm if you guys want to see it then” Beca turned her gaze away from Chloe to look over the room at Stacie seated on her bed.

Stacie looks up at Chloe across the room, catching the glance from her redhead before she stands up and nods at Beca “Sounds good to me, I’ll just go tell the others”

“I alrea-“

“They should probably know” Stacie cuts Beca off before she can finish whatever she was going to tell her. While she was walking towards Beca to leave the room, she gives Beca a nod towards Chloe and shoves Beca’s back to get her into the room and shut the door. Leaving the two girls alone to finally talk to each other.

Beca stumbled into the room after Stacie’s push and turned just in time to see the door closing, then she looks over at Chloe, staying still a few feet into the bedroom and far from Chloe.

Chloe’s eyes drop to the floor between them, trying to find the words to be able to fix this rift she’s caused. She doesn’t want Beca to be away from her, but it isn’t fair for her to have to Chloe feeling uncomfortable around her.

Beca could tell that Chloe was having a hard time talking, and she decides to take the reins “I know you need your space right now. I just can’t handle losing you. I wish I could help you through this”

“I know you do” Chloe can’t turn her gaze away from the spot she found in the carpet between them, for fear of seeing Beca’s eyes right now might make her break down again. She doesn’t need that, not when her last few nights have been full of crying in Stacie’s arms. “I’m trying, I just need a little longer”

Beca sighs softly in defeat, nodding slowly as she turns to the door again, stopping when Chloe’s voice catches her attention again.

“Can you help me with something?”

Beca stops on the spot and stares across the room at Chloe “Yeah, anything”

Chloe chews at her lip nervously and looks down at the pile of clothes on her bed “I have trouble... being alone in the shower. I know it’s a lot to ask right now, but can you just...” Chloe’s voice fades out into the room when she starts feeling ridiculous for asking Beca to consider that.

“I can sit in there, or at the door. Whatever you need” Beca turns her body to Chloe, approaching the redhead slowly and coming to a stop a couple of feet away from her. “I’ll do anything that you need”

Chloe reaches for the clothing on the bed, picking them up. When she looks up at Beca, finally making eye contact, her heart flutters in her chest, followed by the painful reminder. “I feel horrible for asking this, but I need to see-“ Chloe hardly got the sentence out before Beca held her hand up to show Chloe the tattoo. Chloe’s eyes close, she had to try to keep her tears in. It takes her a moment to open them again, Beca wasn’t showing any hurt from Chloe’s inability to trust that it’s her, but if Chloe had to keep showing Beca some form of I.D., she’d feel bad, worse than bad.

Beca takes the biggest leap that she possibly could, thinking of it as a bigger leap than confessing her love for Chloe. She moves forward and wraps her arms around Chloe’s neck, she wasn’t sure if the sobbing was caused by the hug, or whether the hug had helped Chloe release what she needed to. Chloe’s arms snaked around her back tightly as she cried into Beca’s shoulder. It broke Beca’s heart all over again to see this happen so often now.

While Beca sat in the bathroom, she was playing on her phone, glancing up every so often and catching Chloe staring at the wall. She looked so disconnected from everything. “Are you okay?” she’d say quietly, getting Chloe to snap out of her thoughts and urge her to continue. In the end, Beca decided to put her phone down and talk, just talk about anything that she could to keep the redhead distracted from her sadness. She even caught a smile from Chloe when she said she was going to try to make a mix of Taylor Swift and Black Sabbath.

===

Chloe appreciated the help from Beca. She felt more secure having someone with her. Chloe always loved having people around, having company was her thing, that’s when she shined. Only these days, it was the complete opposite. Her world had dimmed, and now she just needed to feel safe, although she certainly wasn’t at any time.

Beca was here though, and Brody never did anything with Beca around. It would have been so much worse if Beca didn’t have that tattoo. She couldn’t tell any difference when Brody would act like Beca. Brody could be nice one second and snap as soon as Chloe realized.

They were standing in the line to buy the tickets when it must have become obvious to Beca that Chloe was stuck in her head again. She could feel something brushing the back of her hand, causing her to look down and see Beca’s moving against the back of her hand, seemingly asking her if it was okay to hold her hand. Chloe wanted to cry right there, but she didn’t let herself. She moves her hand around Beca’s to intertwine their fingers. That instant connection makes her feel somewhat better, like she had just put up a temporary block from her frightening thoughts.

Chloe felt better after regaining some part of Beca, she was holding onto the brunette’s hand in the dark cinema tightly, the armrest pointed up between the chairs so she could have their arms touching. Amy was on her other side, then Stacie. Cynthia Rose was next to Beca’s other side. Chloe was right in the middle of the group, which was the way it had been in the past few days. None of them left her alone, Amy had even switched some of her classes to stay next to Chloe, much to her disapproval.

Chloe leans over to whisper to Beca that she’s going to the bathroom, and after she gets up and starts to move between the aisle of chairs, Amy must have figured Beca was getting up too slowly and shoved her back down to start rushing between the chairs, getting Chloe to look back at the blonde barrelling towards her between the chairs, yelling to her that she’s coming too. When Amy was shushed by someone a few rows back, she starts yelling at them too and starts pushing at Chloe’s back to move her along. Chloe couldn’t help but smile at the blonde’s overzealous attitude as she gets shoved along.

When Chloe walks out of the bathroom, waiting for Amy to finish, she sees Beca walking towards her. Chloe smiles and walks towards her to meet the brunette halfway. “You took long enough” Chloe’s smile falters when Beca seemed to start rushing at her, making Chloe take a step back in realization. It was already too late for Chloe to start moving away, the brunette covers the redhead’s mouth and starts pushing her backwards against the wall.

There was definitely something that was pressing against her throat after a moment, and Chloe could feel the sharp edge pressing into her skin, it was a knife. She wasn’t pinned down but there was no way for her to move without Brody being able to do a lot of damage to her neck, or possibly kill her.

“You think you can just go to the cops without me finding out? You think I wouldn’t be able to get to you again?” Brody shoves her hand on Chloe’s mouth, sending the girl’s head back against the wall with a thump. “You’re going to regret this, I guarantee it”

Chloe knew that there was a chance Amy was going to walk out, and she didn’t want Amy being hurt by this girl. Brody’s hand moves from her mouth to grab her jaw from under her chin. “Please don’t” slips from Chloe’s mouth at the rough contact.

“I will always find you” Brody moves in closer to Chloe’s face, hearing the sharp intake of air the redhead takes. “Because you’re mine now” Brody closes the gap between them, kissing the girl’s lips hard, moving back again then taking her hand from the grasp she had on Chloe’s jaw to tap the redhead’s cheek a couple of times. Chloe’s eyes were clenched shut as Brody starts moving back, preparing for the worst.

“Are you meditating?”

Chloe feels Amy’s voice rushing into her ears, and when her eyes finally snap open again, Brody’s gone and it’s just Amy standing next to her. Chloe searches the corridor frantically to find any trace of the brunette, but there was nothing.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired” Chloe starts walking back towards their cinema room, ignoring the next 10 questions from Amy asking if she’s really okay and what happened. Chloe couldn’t hear anything over her heartbeat.

When Chloe sits back down next to Beca, she makes sure to get into the same position against the brunette’s arm. Beca hadn’t noticed she was shaking when she took Chloe’s hand again. The cinema was dark enough for her to try and talk herself out of being scared without anyone noticing. Brody had just attacked her in a public place when Amy was in the bathroom, had the blonde been hurt, it would have been Chloe’s fault. She went to the police. She should have known Brody would find out and get pushed over the edge.

There was a painful burning feeling from Chloe’s chest, she knows that things will get worse now and Brody could target anyone to get her revenge. The longer Chloe scares herself with her thoughts, the worse the burning felt, and when she came to the conclusion that she needs to keep her friends safe by somehow going somewhere alone so this girl can get her frustrations out on her instead, the painful burning rapidly moves to her throat and causes her to slap her hand over her mouth and get up to rush out between the chairs.

Chloe had only just made it into the bathroom when she let the vomit release from her body, the girls must have followed her out because they were outside the stall asking her questions and making the whole situation worse for her. Even when she told them to leave her alone, they wouldn’t go anywhere.

Chloe sits against the stall, reaching up to the toilet paper to wipe her mouth and flush it. The bickering between the girls over what happened when Amy took her to the bathroom was growing louder, and it left Chloe’s attempt at trying to breathe calmly a pointless thing to attempt. Chloe stands up and pulls the door open, pushing her way between the group who have all fallen silent now. “I just felt sick. That doesn’t mean anything happened”

None of them believed her when she said it, and as soon as they had left the movie early and got back to the house, Chloe could hear them all arguing again while she was in the kitchen. Chloe’s patience wore too thin after the constant stream of her name being thrown around, and when she went into the living room and yelled at them to shut up, she got their attention after that outburst.

“If you guys are just going to argue about who left me unattended for two fucking minutes, maybe you just shouldn’t be babysitting me” Chloe holds a finger up in the air when Stacie’s mouth opens to say something, silencing the tall brunette before she starts. “I am not going to deal with all of you fighting each other because of me. If she’s going to find me, she will. None of us can stop her from getting to me and forcing...” Chloe hopes she didn’t catch herself too late, but judging by the look on Stacie’s face, she may have, and if it wasn’t for a new voice entering the room, she could have tried to make something up to cover it.

When Chloe turns to find where the ‘What?’ came from, she sees Aubrey standing in the living room doorway. Chloe was stunned into silence that her best friend had shown up, it took her a second to register that she wasn’t a mirage. Chloe moves across the room quickly and takes the blonde into a tight hug, staying silent through Aubrey’s onslaught of questions as they hug.

Aubrey managed to free herself from Chloe’s long hug after a while and got the other girls to leave them alone, she could see Beca’s apprehension before the brunette walked out of the room. Aubrey grabs onto Chloe’s hands and moves them to the couch to sit down so she could force Chloe into telling her what was happening. She let it slip that Stacie was worried and called her for help, and after the third and fourth call, Aubrey realized she needed to come back. And this seemed to open the floodgates of tears from Chloe.

By the time Chloe finished crying, she was balled up on the couch with her head on Aubrey’s lap. The blonde was playing with her hair and staring down. Chloe was sick of crying, it’s all she did now. Cry and get scared. “Beca has a twin”

“I heard that part, Stacie filled me in on some basics” Aubrey had never seen Chloe this bad before, it was bad when the redhead used to get sad over Beca being with Jesse, but it was never this horrible. This didn’t seem like something ice cream could fix.

“She came into my bedroom, I thought it was Beca.... then we... and I- there’s a tattoo on Beca’s wrist that Brody doesn’t have, I didn’t see it when she was... but she didn’t stop, and she made me say things. I called her Beca and that I love her, and now I can’t say it at all” Chloe knew that Aubrey had started seething with the long inhale, and it was only going to get worse for the blonde. “Then she drugged Stacie and did it again, but I knew it was her the whole time and Beca said we should go to the police and we got a temporary restraining order thing, and I thought it was a good idea but it was a horrible idea and now she’s going to hurt someone and it’s my fault”

Aubrey leans forward and picks Chloe up from her lap, sitting the redhead up next to her so she can hold Chloe’s shoulders tightly “Look at me right now Chloe. If you think any of this is your fault, you’re letting her win. Now are you going to listen to a psycho clone, or are you going to listen to me?”

“She’s dangerous, Bree”

“I don’t give a fuck if she’s some huge Hulked out freak. You’re letting this girl get to you, and watching your self destruction is horrible for everyone. We all love you, and Beca... well she’s probably dying right now. You can fight this freak off, and you don’t. Why is that?”

“You’re making me feel worse” Chloe’s gaze drops between them, causing Aubrey to give her a light shake and return the attention to the blonde. “She looks just like Beca... I can’t hurt her. I tried to fight her off, but I just... I’m not strong enough”

“You have the police order, you can get her arrested right now”

Chloe shakes her head in a quick no, letting her gaze drop again “If I do that, she’s going to seriously hurt someone and I can’t. If I just go somewhere she can just...”

“I swear to god Chloe, if you finish that sentence, I will kick your ass to the moon” Aubrey gives Chloe a light shove and removes her hands from the redhead. “You’re not putting yourself on the line”

“I’m already on it, Bree. When she found me earlier, she-“ Chloe chews at her lip before finishing “She said I belong to her and she’ll find me” Her stare not moving from her lap, she didn’t want to see Aubrey’s face at all during her confessions.

“There’s no way any of us are going to let her near you, okay?” Aubrey seemed to finally get through to her best friend, and she eventually got to see the bodyguard formation the girls had around Chloe. She couldn’t figure out how this twin got so close all the time. It’s like she was watching Chloe’s every move. Aubrey narrows her eyes slightly, looking around the living room as the girls watch some cooking show and drool. She stands up after a while and starts a slow pace around the room, slowly walking by the TV unit. If this girl knew when to strike all the time, she must have had a way of knowing exactly what was happening in the house. The thing about cameras is when you get close enough, it needs to adjust the lens, and had Aubrey’s father not been such an anal retentive ass, she wouldn’t have followed in his footsteps and noticed the movement in the eye of a ceramic statue.

Aubrey picks it up and throws it against the floor in a fast movement, the ceramic smashing open to reveal the camera inside. All of the girls in the room stared down at it, and Aubrey’s eyes move to Chloe. The hunt around the house started after that, and it actually turned into a pretty fun game to find and smash things, getting it wrong 90% of the time. The three they ended up finding were in the living room, Beca’s bedroom and Chloe’s bedroom.

For now the house seemed a little safer to Chloe. At least she knew now that Brody had less chance of knowing when she was vulnerable now. All she needed was Aubrey to come into the house for less than an hour and find something amiss like a tiny camera lens.

The blonde had decided to stay for a couple of weeks, and she had the time to since she took a break between graduating and finding a career. With Beca’s help, they started trying to build Chloe back up again, Aubrey wasn’t about to let Brody anywhere near the house again, so she felt confident that she could keep Chloe from being hurt again.

===

Chloe felt uneasy after a couple of days, there was always one day a week that Brody would make her move, and that was when Beca went to the radio station. Chloe had to do everything in her power to keep Beca from quitting, but the brunette went against her wishes and left the station to stay with her. Chloe felt conflicted about Beca’s decision, but when she said Luke would welcome Beca back to the job at any time, there was a little relief for Chloe.

There was no way Brody could knock out a whole group of girls having a slumber party in the living room, and Chloe was in that group the whole day. At some point in the afternoon, Stacie had gone into their bedroom, prompting Chloe to ask if there was anything on her bed. When Stacie said ‘no’, Chloe let out a breath that she had caught after her question, followed by a small smile of relief.

The day turned to night and Chloe was showing more nerves the closer it got to the end of the night, no one had to ask her why. Beca had her arm around Chloe every time the redhead was close enough to her, the redhead had checked her tattoo more than once, but it isn’t bothering her, it almost makes her feel better to see Chloe seeing the tattoo and relaxing into Beca’s arms.

The night went along easier thanks to the ridiculous games that Amy made up to play, and eventually Chloe’s nerves were almost gone, there was just a distant feeling that occasionally got louder whenever anyone would leave the room. They had decided eventually to push the couches out of the way to make room to spread mattresses across the floor so they could all sleep downstairs, and once again, Chloe ended up right in the middle. Aubrey and Beca were on either side of her and Stacie was spooning Aubrey, Chloe actually laughed out loud when she saw Aubrey’s face after the tall brunette got comfortable against Aubrey’s back.

Beca was against Chloe’s side, her arm and leg slung over Chloe’s body. She wasn’t so used to sleeping early, and Chloe hadn’t been sleeping much at all, so she was out like a light and facing Beca, giving the brunette the chance to watch Chloe sleeping.

There was movement next to Chloe that pulled her out of her sleep and when her eyes open, she’s met with Aubrey getting back onto the mattress next to her. The room was bright from the light of early morning, Chloe didn’t even remember falling asleep. When she shifts slightly, she feels the weight of Beca’s body against her, the brunette’s head was resting on her chest. Chloe reaches up with her hand behind Beca’s back to play with the brunette hair while she sleeps.

Chloe made it through the day without anything happening to her or her friends, maybe Brody finally got arrested or stopped.

“What are you thinking about?” Aubrey whispers to Chloe, she’d been watching the redhead’s thoughtful face as she stared up at the ceiling, unaware that she was being watched.

Chloe turns her head to the side to look at her best friend and whispers back “I’m just lucky to have you guys”

“We’re the lucky ones, really. You’re like a burst of everything good. When you’re sad it’s like the whole world needs to stop” Aubrey’s eyes move to Beca and she smiles slightly “I’m just happy you guys are okay”

“Me too. I don’t know what I’d do without her, even though it’s scary”

“Scary when you’re with her?”

“Only because... I’m always anticipating the tattoo not being there”   
  
Aubrey sighs softly and moves her hand over to Chloe’s arm. “I won’t even leave you alone with her”

“I ca-“

“Go back to sleep Chloe”

Aubrey had rolled over before Chloe could talk her way out of not being able to be left alone with Beca. It almost made Chloe smile to have Aubrey be so protective she couldn’t be alone with her girlfriend. But she understood why Aubrey isn’t leaving her side.

\--

In the later morning after they all had breakfast and started making plans for the day, there was a knock on the door. Amy left the kitchen to go answer it, leaving the group of girls to their playful arguing.

When Chloe saw the movement of Amy coming back, her eyes moved to the two officers following behind her, causing her heart to jump into her throat. The female officer apologized for interrupting and asked to speak to Chloe alone. And even though the two people Chloe was left alone with were police, she still felt unsafe without Beca and Aubrey next to her.

After the three had moved to the dining table to sit down, the female officer took the lead in talking to Chloe again “We need to inform you of an accident that happened last night” The male officer, who was holding a folder, places it onto the table and slides it across to Chloe.

Chloe stares down at the closed file folder, her worry was growing too rapidly for her to open it. “Is it about Brody?”

“We have reason to believe she hurt someone and left a message in an escalation, we just need you to take a look at what was left behind and tell us if you believe it may have been her”

Chloe reaches up to the file and opens it slowly, seeing a photo of a bedroom, the bed was messy and covered in red stains that Chloe could only imagine is something she doesn’t want to know about, there were spray painted words on the wall that read out ‘I’m the only one who touches you, Chloe’

“I don’t understand why she wouldn’t do this to my bedroom, where was this?” Chloe looks up at the female officer, moving her hand back from the picture when she slides the photo back to look at the bottom.

Nothing prepared Chloe for the moment she heard Tom’s name coming from the officer’s mouth. The officer had known that Chloe knew Tom, and judging by Chloe’s shocked reaction followed by the tears, they knew it was Brody.

“Is he dead?” Chloe was having a hard time holding onto her emotions in front of the officers, and wash of relief that flooded her body when the officer said he was just beaten made her move forward and cover her face with her hands, shielding her tears falling. The officer says they’re going to have cars stationed outside to keep an eye out and if Chloe needs help, they’ll be there.

After the police officers left, Aubrey had to watch her best friend being broken down once more by Brody. Even when she wasn’t attacking Chloe, this girl still managed to hurt the redhead. Beca made eye contact with her when she was hugging Chloe, both of them sharing an understanding for the next problem. Now that all of them were at risk of being hurt, they needed to let everyone who could possibly get hurt know about their danger.

Beca knew that this was going to push Chloe back 10 steps again, and when the redhead stopped crying, she started to withdraw again. Turning off her will to speak or even make eye contact. Aubrey had tried to get through, but Chloe ended up snapping at her and walking away. Beca follows behind the redhead, following the girl all the way upstairs to her bedroom.

Chloe stops at her and Stacie’s bedroom door, turning her face to look at the brunette “Can I just be alone?” Beca nods, and Chloe knows she’s just going to stay out there in the hallway, but she goes inside and shuts the door anyway. She could hear Beca sit down just outside against the wall.

Chloe slides down the wall to sit on the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest and hugging them. It was her fault that Tom got beaten up. Brody told her she’d regret it, and she does. It was stupid of her to think the police would find her before she lashed out.

Chloe stayed in the bedroom for most of the day, only to ignore Aubrey, Beca and Stacie when she walked out to go to the bathroom and return back into her den. Stacie never went into the bedroom, even though it was also her bedroom.

After Aubrey enters Chloe’s bedroom with a plate of food for the redhead, she finds Chloe balled up on her bed, she hadn’t even acknowledged Aubrey being in the room until the blonde was kneeling down next to the bed, causing the redhead to stretch out and roll over to put her back to Aubrey.

Chloe spends the night tossing and turning again. Stacie had come into the bedroom at some point to sleep, but Chloe ignored the tall brunette. Chloe fell asleep again some time after staring across the room at her sleeping friend in the dim light, only to wake up a few hours later and do the same thing again.

The broken sleep made Chloe groggy in the morning, or maybe it was her sadness. She stays in bed long after Stacie gets up and tries asking her questions. As soon as her friend got that sad look on her face and left the room, Chloe felt somehow worse.

It takes her a while, but Chloe convinces herself to get up and at least try to make her friends feel better. And it was a nice attempt, having breakfast downstairs with them all as they tried to ignore the problem and talk as if nothing had happened. Chloe appreciated the gesture, but she couldn’t join into the banter, she chose to sit there quietly and try to focus on eating the tasteless food in front of her.

Somehow over breakfast, Chloe had agreed to try going out for a walk with Stacie and Aubrey, their reason being that exercise will make her feel better. Chloe looked across the table at her girlfriend, not needing to use words in order to get the brunette to nod back at her, which helped Chloe to say yes, having silently made Beca join them, she felt better about going out.

Being outside did make Chloe feel slightly better, they had been out for over an hour just walking. She knew it wouldn't be long until Brody makes another move, fearing that it'll be a horrible one. Aubrey and Stacie had sparked up a few conversations with each other, and Beca was staying quiet at Chloe’s side, holding onto the redhead’s hand, tearing her between her horrible and only less horrible thoughts, good thoughts were just out of her reach now. Chloe knew she had to work harder at being okay, she makes it worse for herself by disappointing her friends.

When they started to head back towards the house, Stacie got a text from Amy saying the others had gone out and the house was locked, but to remember to do their sweep to make sure it was all safe inside. Chloe felt like saying it was pointless anyway, but she stayed in her silent mode and listened to Aubrey’s rant about Amy not telling anyone she’s dating Bumper when it’s so obvious.

Chloe almost smiled when Beca finally spoke up and said “Bumper’s an idiot, but they’re surprisingly perfect for each other” Beca had squeezed Chloe’s hand at the end of her sentence, and Chloe felt her heart skipping a beat. She was happy to know that Beca could still make her feel, even if it was just for a short while before her numbness floods back in.

The house was silent when they got back, and the girls split up to start looking around the rooms to make sure there weren’t any possible cameras or messages. Chloe went upstairs with the girls behind her. They all split into bedrooms in their searches while Chloe goes into her and Stacie’s bedroom. No one was in the room, but her eyes fall to the photo on her pillow. Chloe rushes across the room and moves it underneath the pillow just in time for Beca to walk into the room to look in the closet, then turn to look at Chloe.

“I know this is a horrible time for you” Beca starts, turning her body to face Chloe “I just want you to know that I’m not going anywhere”

Chloe chews at her lip and nods at the brunette “I know. I’ll be okay”

“Yes you will” Beca smiles slightly and starts walking towards the door “I’ll be back when we’re done checking”

Chloe watches her girlfriend leave the room before she glances down to the pillow, the photo underneath means that she needs to keep her friends safe. Chloe moves across the room and closes the door quietly before making her way back to the bed and sitting down, her hand slips under the pillow and finds the photo. As soon as she looks at it, her chest starts hurting. It was a picture of their slumber party, when she flips the picture over, there’s a message on the back telling Chloe to go to a hotel room on their night at 9pm, followed by a warning that reads ‘if you tell anyone, the next person won’t survive’.

Chloe pushes the photo back underneath the pillow and lays down on her side. The sick feeling swelling in her stomach. She has to keep her friends safe, and Beca. Chloe feels a stronger pain in her heart, which was heightened by Beca walking back into the room saying that they’re clear. Thanks to Chloe’s mood today, Beca hadn’t noticed anything different about her, she doesn’t know what Chloe was hiding. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- This is a heavy chapter, I kept it short because I didn't want to be extremely graphic, but it's still pretty bad.   
> If you aren't into the violence/sexual assault, skip ahead to the next chapter and I'll write a TL;DR at the start saying what happened in this one without the graphic. -
> 
> And there's a change of the names in this chapter, hopefully it's understood why I changed it around.

This day arrived too fast for Chloe. She had her plan to get away, she was leaving her lecture early. Her whole escape from supervision being planned made her feel horrible. All the way through the first part of her lecture, she was on the verge of a panic attack. She knew that Stacie was going to be waiting outside for her when it’s over. Just waiting for her to walk out, then she was going to realize that Chloe was gone, probably forever. Chloe had to keep those tears in check, she was surrounded by strangers.

When it was time for her to make her move, she closes her eyes in hesitation, the thought of all of her friends being hurt was enough to spring her into action and stand up, grabbing her purse before she leaves the room. As soon as she’s outside, she checks the hallway, half of her wished that Stacie was there to catch her, but she was alone. Chloe had to exit in a way that kept the officers just outside from seeing her movements, when she was far enough from the campus, she makes the call to get a cab the rest of the way to her doom.

Her nerves were building in the back of the cab, and when she got to the hotel, she could barely find the strength to move. Chloe reaches into her purse to find the photo that Brody had left her, using it to remind her that all of her friends were at risk of being murdered. This gave Chloe the fuel she needed again to make her way into the hotel and start searching for the door that she worries will be the end of her.

As she passes each room number, getting one door closer to the one she was dreading, her heart started beating faster. Chloe’s legs stopped when she got one door away, she could see the door about 15 feet away from her. All Chloe needed to do was remember the photo, to make her legs move again, bringing her to the door that holds her future. Now the problem was knocking, which was taking up more strength than she had.

Chloe moves her hand up little by little, she had only raised it partially when the door had swung open, making her gasp in surprise. Brody’s eyes instantly drop to Chloe standing frozen.

“Nice choice of outfit” Brody says, her eyes travelling down Chloe’s dress to the redhead’s legs and back up to Chloe’s eyes. “Get in” Brody doesn’t try to hide the smirk when Chloe follows her directions, this girl was going to be a fast learner.

Chloe clenches her jaw when she hears the door click shut, Brody moves behind her and takes her purse, throwing it onto the floor. Chloe has to swallow the lump in her throat when Brody’s hands slide around to her stomach.

“At least now you know not to piss me off” Brody whispers against Chloe’s ear, moving her hands up the redhead’s stomach slowly. “You know I had to teach you a lesson”

The brunette’s hands were moving dangerously close to Chloe’s chest, causing the redhead to close her eyes tightly. In a strange moment, Chloe felt nothing at all, like she was in a dream and that none of this was really happening. There were no tears threatening to spill, and she didn’t feel an urge to fight or scream. She just felt hazy... maybe she was getting used to this happening to her, which was a terrifying thought. But this may be her last stop.

“Take off your clothes” Was the last thing Chloe had heard before she let her mind shut down completely, she wasn’t going to let Brody have the intimacy connection.

Chloe still had to watch herself being spun around by Brody and slapped for hesitating after being told what to do. The stinging in her cheek rang the whole time she undressed in front of the brunette. When she finishes and stands in front of Brody, her gaze moves to the wall behind Brody when she feels fingertips against her stomach.  

“Now get on the bed” Brody sighs loudly at Chloe’s constant apprehension and swings her arm to slap the redhead again. “You won’t like the next one, I’ll make sure it hurts”

Chloe cringes and turns around to look at the bed, slowly moving over to it and sit down on the edge. When Chloe gets her direction to lay down, she moves further towards the middle and swings her legs around to lay down. Holding in a breath when the mattress dips under Brody’s weight when the brunette starts crawling onto the bed.

Brody places herself between Chloe’s legs, making sure the sex toy in her pants was pressed against the redhead before she lays down on Chloe’s body and starts sucking the skin on Chloe’s neck. After leaving a shining hickey on the skin, she props herself up over Chloe and grinds her hips, watching Chloe’s face contort and fall back to normal. “You’re going to do some things for me, got it?” Chloe nods and earns herself another slap. “Rule number one. You say ‘Yes Beca’ when I fucking ask you to do something”   
“Yes...Beca.”

“Rule number two. You keep your eyes on me while I fuck you. The whole time, right up until I make you come. Then we have Rule number three which is that you say you love me right as you come” Brody grabs Chloe’s face after the blue eyes try to wander away.

“Yes Beca”

“And you better pay close attention, because I have a lot of rules for you, babe”

It disgusted Chloe to hear Brody calling her a pet name. She’d laugh at Beca if she tried to pull that off. Chloe feels a hard impact against her cheekbone, sending her face to the side. It happened so fast that it hadn’t even hurt until the shock wore off.

“Don’t fucking ignore me.”

“I’m sorry Beca” Chloe winces when Brody bucks her hips, pushing the side of the toy against her roughly. “I won’t, Beca. I won’t ignore you”

“Good. Now tell me something Chloe” Brody starts rocking her hips against the redhead, making her visibly uncomfortable. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes, Beca. I want you to fuck me” Chloe tries to keep her eyes on the brunette above her, trying to ignore the toy being pressed against her.

“Are you ready for it?”

Chloe shakes her head “No, I’m not” Chloe gets another slap, keeping her head to the side this time when she realizes what this means for her. Brody grabs her chin and returns her gaze again.

“Are you ready?”

Chloe hesitates for a second until she sees Brody’s hand raising in a threat “Yes. I’m ready” Chloe says quickly. Brody lowers her hand again, moving it between their bodies and starting the tears from Chloe.

Brody leans down to the side of Chloe’s face and whispers against the redhead’s ear “I’m fucking with you babe. I’ll get you ready before I use that” then there’s a sinister laughter coming from the brunette that gives Chloe a chill.

Chloe took the chance of having Brody’s face so close to shut her eyes tightly when she feels fingers against her. Chloe was trying her best to think about anything that could get her in the mood so she wasn’t in pain when Brody decided to get impatient. Which became harder when Brody had moved away and saw that Chloe’s eyes were closed, earning her another slap. Chloe had to tell herself that this was just some kinky game with Beca. She had to try to make herself believe this was Beca. It hadn’t totally worked, but Brody must have prepared for this, the brunette had taken lubricant from the bedside drawer. Chloe’s stomach sank when the brunette entered her.   
Chloe hadn’t been able to enjoy it, and she certainly couldn’t orgasm, but it didn’t seem to be annoying Brody, she kept moving the toy until she decided enough was enough and moved her hand underneath the harness to touch herself while moving her hips and keeping the toy moving into Chloe. Brody’s hand moves around Chloe’s neck while she continues to masturbate over her, telling Chloe to say those magic words. “I love you, Beca” Chloe closed her eyes right after she had said it, prompting Brody to push against her neck until she opened them again, making her watch Brody finish herself off.

\--

The days rolled by incredibly slow. Being stuck in the room was taking its toll on Chloe, she found herself giving in more and more. And by the end of the week, she was gone. She knew that she’d never be free again, she was going to be Brody’s play thing until it kills her. There were small sparks that would remind her that there was something left in her, only for it to be extinguished when Brody would break her down again with a violent reminder.

Chloe was in the second week of being prisoner, when she wakes up in the bed, Brody’s not there, after a few moments of silence, Brody calls her over to the couch, startling her. Chloe was in the middle of trying to regain composure as she gets up from the bed to make her way across the room. The brunette stops her as she moves to sit down, telling Chloe to straddle her instead. Chloe’s hesitation causes Brody to grab onto her wrist tightly.

“You don’t want to say no to me”

Chloe stares down at the brunette sitting in front of her for a moment, then she moves forward to take the direction. Brody’s hands settle on her hips after she uncomfortably pushes herself onto the familiar toy. The guilt from letting herself think this was really Beca had started fading from her. She was letting go of her life, she wasn’t Chloe anymore. Chloe turns away from the brunette, resulting in her being slapped hard across the face.

“You know better than to do that” Brody says, replacing her hand onto Chloe’s hips as she starts pulling the redhead forward in movement against her.

Chloe furrows her eyebrows slightly when she starts to move, the pain stinging in her cheeks hit her at just the right time. Chloe turns away again, bracing herself before the next slap comes. When she looks back at the brunette again, she chews at her lip. Brody was helping her to feel again, even if it was just pain.

“You like that? If you want me to hurt you and fuck you at the same time, all you had to do was say so” Brody leans forward against Chloe, pulling the redhead forward and moving her face against Chloe’s neck to bite down, getting a small cry from the girl. Brody grunts against the skin she’s clamping her teeth on, when she moves back, her hands holding the sides of Chloe’s face, holding her gaze as she starts to push her hips upward.

A small moan escapes Chloe when Brody starts to move harder, Chloe can feel her tears welling up again, prompting her to say “Hit me harder” The laugh that Chloe gets in response doesn’t make her rethink her decision, it was followed by a slap that takes her tears away for another minute, this was the key to feeling enough to get herself reacting to the sex. Brody moves forward again, this time moving Chloe to the side and laying her back against the couch. Brody was above her and started feeling for something next to the couch arm on the table there.

When Brody’s hand returned, she had a knife, Chloe refused to let her eyes close. She wasn’t scared anymore, she expected this to end exactly like this. The blade was pushed against her cheek, and starts moving down. Chloe could feel the knife splitting the skin, she didn’t know to what damage, but she wasn’t about to freak out over it. Brody kept a slow grinding against Chloe’s hips that started to annoy her and made her pick up the pace herself by moving herself faster against the toy.

Brody was more than happy to oblige Chloe in fucking the redhead in a faster fashion, moving the knife down to Chloe’s chest and laying it on the redhead’s skin to move her hands beside Chloe’s head so she can get into a better position and bring Chloe to an orgasm. What she didn’t expect to see was the sight of Chloe’s release, there was something different about this one. It was powerful, and that wasn’t just because Chloe was finally hers. “What the fuck? You’ve been faking it with me, haven’t you?”

Chloe freezes underneath Brody, she didn’t know what to say, she just knew Brody was going to be angry at her. And angry she was, Brody was quick to get up and drag Chloe towards the bathroom by her arm, this was the only place that Brody had allowed Chloe to be alone. Chloe hit the wall with a strong force, followed by something connecting with her ribcage that sent her bending forward, only to be pushed back and held there. She was taken again, being held against the wall as Brody’s hits continued to throb harshly everywhere that Beca’s hand lands.

Beca stops after a moment and wipes just under Chloe’s nose, wiping across the redhead’s cheek, there was something liquid against her skin that she could only assume was blood. Beca’s hand grabs her wrist tightly, guiding it between them until her hand was being forced under the harness against Beca. The brunette had become incredibly turned on by hurting Chloe, it scared her to think Beca would like doing this to her so much. Her arm kept pressing against her ribcage every time Beca would grind against her hand, continuing her thrusting with the toy as Chloe’s fingers moved inside of the brunette. She knew that Beca was getting closer to the end when the brunette started grunting, and with another sharp slap against Chloe’s face, she came against the redhead’s fingers.

“Clean yourself up” is all that Brody said after they had finished, moving away from her to leave the bathroom. It took Chloe close to half an hour just to be able to get up. The shower may have been harder, needing to touch her sensitive areas to clean the blood off herself was a lot to handle. Then the drying part came and it was horrible all over again. As soon as Chloe walked out of the bathroom, Brody threw an ice pack at her. “Put this on your face, I want to be able to look at you the next time I fuck you” then the brunette left the room, leaving her to try and heal herself of the mental and physical wounds.

\--

The next morning, Chloe was woken up by Brody telling her to get up to eat something. Chloe had the post-morning regret, it was written all over her face and ended up getting her yelled at for. After the redhead showered painfully again, she put on the only thing Brody allowed her to wear, a bathrobe. Chloe tried to keep her demeanor as calm as she could, trying to keep herself from being hurt again by the brunette, but she couldn’t help every flinch when Brody would move.

Chloe joined Brody on the couch, and the brunette said ‘Tell me how we met’. Chloe knew she means to talk about Beca. Chloe almost found her mind switching back on when she talked about it, describing the first time she saw Beca. When Brody had started kissing Chloe’s neck during the story, she was scared that her body wasn’t going react to the foreplay, and that the brunette was going to notice and hurt her even worse.

Chloe tries to focus on talking to the brunette as if she’s talking to Beca, saying ‘you’ instead of ‘her’ made her feel like she was talking to her girlfriend eventually. It helped that Brody wasn’t being rough with her, but the brunette could also be being nicer because Chloe was so hurt.

Then they were kissing. And Chloe let herself kiss the brunette, telling herself that its Beca she’s kissing. When Brody pulls away from her, Chloe lets ‘Beca’ slip from her mouth, getting an instant reaction from the brunette by pulling her down into a heated painful kiss. A loud gasp escapes Chloe during the kiss when Brody pushes her back onto the couch and moves her hand between Chloe’s legs. Chloe finally feels the tears falling as her hips grind against the brunette.

Brody had moved away from the kiss after Chloe started to respond to her thrusts with her grinding and stared down at Chloe smirking, she knew Chloe would become hers with just a nudge, or a few hits. With her lips hovering just above the redhead’s, she whispers “Tell me who owns you”

Chloe opens her eyes to Brody’s, those exact same blue eyes as Beca’s. “You own me, Beca”

“And who is the only person who can touch you?”

“You, Beca”

“Say it.”

“You’re the only person who can ever touch me”

It wasn’t long before Chloe felt an orgasm growing inside of her, each time she’d say Beca’s name, Brody would bring her closer to climax, Chloe moves her hands to Brody’s shoulder blades, digging her nails into the brunette’s back as she finds herself on the edge. Brody lunges forward into another heated kiss, the moans escaping from Chloe into the brunette’s mouth as she crashes over the edge, the pain ringing in her body from her bruised body tensing and releasing.

As soon as it’s over, Brody moves up off the couch, leaving her by herself to reach for the robe and cover herself up. This was the way they would always end it, Brody would walk away and find something to do or leave. Chloe would be left to herself, waiting for Brody to tell her what to do.

\--

After the days started to become countless, Chloe had forgotten everything about herself. Brody was there to remind her how she was to act. Chloe had become used to the sexual beatings she’d get from Brody, finding herself enjoying the painful reminder that she was still alive.

It wasn’t difficult for her anymore to let Brody have sex with her, to Chloe, she was Beca. That’s who she saw in the brunette now. Chloe had convinced herself so well that it was Beca that she had thought of the reason why the brunette had changed. It was because she ruined Beca’s relationship and Beca was mad at her for it and needed Chloe to know it was wrong. Then she had to make Chloe hers.

Beca had left the hotel room for something, leaving Chloe alone had been safe for her when she really saw that Chloe belonged to her.

Chloe had been cleaning when Beca had come into the hotel room and slammed the door shut, saying “Bitch thinks she can find me? Fuck that”. The brunette was visibly pissed off, and left Chloe frightened, which ended up being rightfully so when the brunette moved across the room and hit her hard enough to daze her, then Chloe’s back hit the wall with a rough force that left her wanting to cry from having Beca come at her so badly.

Beca had Chloe pinned to the wall by her wrists “Stay the fuck right here. If you move, I will kill you”

Chloe takes the direction seriously, to the point where she can’t even move her eyes when she hears the noises close by. Beca returns to her and forces Chloe’s gaze on to her as she lifts Chloe’s leg to bend up at her side. It didn’t take her long to start guiding the toy that she had just put on inside of Chloe, bringing the redhead nothing but pain from not being prepared for it. Chloe had to make herself get used to the toy being thrust into her with a painful hardness. And eventually she managed to find it bearable. Chloe’s tears fell in silence as Beca watched her and grabbed her shoulders to pull her off the wall and slam her back again. Chloe had to try and focus on not crying, getting herself any kind of turned on, and focus on staring at Beca. And when the pain started to become too much thanks to Beca’s speed becoming faster, Chloe’s stare faltered just for a second, which was long enough for Beca to slam her fist against her ribs and wind her.

Beca had enough of Chloe’s painful tears and she moved back off the redhead and threw her forward, sending the redhead down to the carpet to try and catch her breath after the punch. Beca moved across the room while Chloe was starting to get up to her hands and knees so she could get up, not expecting the brunette to be back and shove her side to make her fall back onto the floor.

Beca was back on her and turns Chloe to her back against the floor, Chloe’s eyes move to the lubricant in Beca’s hands, finally thankful for the help. Beca was moving inside of her without as much friction, but her inability to get turned on before left the pain throbbing at her throughout the whole encounter.

As soon as Beca wanted to move again, Chloe’s body was hurting again, having to get up and then being thrown onto the couch. Chloe knew that the knife was going to be brought into play. Every time they had sex on the couch, Beca would cut her, it was never a huge cut and they didn’t produce a lot of blood, but she was scared of how far Beca would go in a rage like this.

Chloe ended up with more than 10 cuts across her face and torso, the cut on her cheek was the worst one, she had got blood on the couch that only got worse after Beca had slapped her and opened the cut more then wiped her hand across the back of the couch. Chloe will have to clean it later and hope she can get it out. She’d have to clean a lot of herself, Beca was wiping at the cuts and spreading her blood over her skin as if she were painting.

As soon as it was all over, Beca had leaned down to say “We’re leaving tomorrow”. Chloe couldn’t question it, she wasn’t allowed to, so she just nods.

It was one of her worst nights in that room since that bathroom beat down she got. Through the constant teachings and strange tests Beca would put her through, she’d always manage to take a few hits, but these nights when Beca would be in a rage were unbearable. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- For those who skipped ahead, the latest chapter was basically that Chloe had spent 6 weeks in a place with Brody, who broke Chloe's spirit and put her into a state of denial that made her think Brody was Beca. -

Chloe was at just over six weeks in the hotel room before she was found, and it was the night of her worst bad beating that it happened.

Whenever Chloe wakes up these days, all she can feel is pain. Pain from the amount of times she’d let Beca hit her, or when she just generally had the hit coming if she did something against Beca. There was nothing left inside Chloe that made her feel other than those moments. Pain was the only thing she’d let herself feel.

But waking up from this nap was something more, it was as if she couldn’t feel herself breathing because she hurt so much. Beca hadn’t let her wash herself, the brunette dragged Chloe to the bed in order to continue reminding Chloe who she belonged to. When she looks over to the other side of the bed, Beca’s asleep, there was a large space between them. Chloe winces when she starts to sit up, looking down at the bruises at her ribs. Beca’s hits had found a new target after a while, probably because she didn’t want to do too much damage to Chloe’s face again.

After Beca stirs in her sleep, Chloe looks down at the brunette and asks if she could shower. With Beca’s permission, she made her way into the bathroom, being sure to leave the door open. When she was just about to turn the water on, there was a loud crash followed by yelling, making Chloe jump and move her back against the wall.

The next person she saw was the female officer that she had met a couple of times. Chloe couldn’t feel surprised, she just stared at this alien person moving forward and giving her a towel to cover herself. Chloe flinches away from the woman’s touch as she was guided out, Beca had already left her there alone with these people. Chloe had no idea what she was supposed to do now.

After the hours at the hospital and not allowing any person to touch her, the officers and doctors had to forcibly hold her down and sedate her in order to make sure nothing was broken. As soon as she woke up, she was told that there were no serious injuries, but she was back into her freak out mode that these people had held her down like that. Beca was going to be more than upset that she let them do this. After the nurses and officers tried to calm her down, they had to give up and decide she should be taken home to her friends.

Chloe sat in the back of the squad car while the male officer goes to the door to tell her friends that she’s probably crazy. She could see them starting to flood out of the house, but the only face she could focus on was Beca. She hadn’t been left alone after all, Beca just had to come here for some reason.

As soon as the door was open, none of the girls tried to approach her from the porch, even when Chloe was making her way over to them slowly, they just stood there staring at her. Chloe felt her eyes darting over each girl’s faces before she settled on Beca’s eyes and pushed her body against the brunette, holding her hand against Beca’s stomach, too worried to hug the brunette just in case the officer told her she had people touching her. Chloe found it odd that Beca was crying, she never showed emotion when they were in the hotel room. Chloe moves back from the brunette, worrying that she shouldn’t have done that.

That’s when Aubrey moves forward, and the one thing Chloe wasn’t ready for was Aubrey grabbing her arm. Chloe reacted by shoving Aubrey’s hands away “Don’t touch me!” This seemed to get a surprised reaction from all of the girls. Chloe turns to look at Beca again “I didn’t let anyone touch me, they made me, I promise I didn’t let them, Beca”

“What did she do to you?” Beca asks through tears. Chloe stayed silent, unsure of the correct way to answer. Beca’s hand moved to her face and faltered in hesitation. The brunette must have seen the marks on her and was put off by her own damaging hands.

“I need a shower, Beca. Please?” Chloe was trying to sound like she was asking for Beca’s permission without being so obvious about it. She knows she shouldn’t be obvious about asking for permission with everyone watching them.

“Okay, yeah” Beca says as Chloe moves around her, the group of girls behind Beca part from each other and stare while Chloe goes into the house. When she climbs the stairs, she looks out the door to Beca and Aubrey hugging, confusing her again.

Chloe hadn’t thought Beca did a lot of damage, but when she got into the bathroom, she saw the cuts and bruises on her face, her bottom lip had been split. When Chloe painfully takes the shirt off that the hospital had given her, she looks down at the bruising around her ribs, she had small cuts on her chest and stomach from Beca getting into the knife play, her skin was still bloody from the hands spreading it across her body.

Chloe sighs and looks back up into the mirror, searching her eyes for any flash of life in herself. There’s a quiet knock on the door that snaps her out of her focus. “Who is it?”

“It’s me, can I come in?”

“Yes, Beca” Chloe looks back at the mirror again when the door opens and closes again after Beca walks in, the tears still evident in the brunette’s eyes.

“Can... do you need help?” Beca hadn’t expected to see the most horrifying image possible when her eyes landed on Chloe, covered in cuts and the blood that was covering her chest and stomach was everywhere. Beca moves toward her slightly, and when Chloe doesn’t even flinch, she reaches up to the lengthy cut on Chloe’s cheek, lightly touching the skin just under the cut. “Let me help you”

Chloe nods and turns her body towards Beca, watching as the brunette moves over to the shower to turn on the water. Beca stayed in her clothes while she washed Chloe’s body down, washing the blood away from her, even when the water was getting all over her, she never made any move to take off clothing. Chloe felt like she had become unwanted by Beca when she looked like this. Beca used to get out of control some nights and leave her badly hurt, but she never let it get in the way of letting Chloe know who she belonged to.

When Chloe and Beca had returned downstairs, Aubrey was watching Chloe like a hawk. There was something completely different about the redhead and it wasn’t just depression anymore. It was scary how shut off Chloe was, and her burst of anger earlier was completely unlike Chloe. All of the bruising and cuts on Chloe’s face made it completely evident that it was the worst time imaginable for the redhead, something that Chloe was never strong enough to deal with.

The redhead wouldn’t leave Beca’s side at any point during the day. Aubrey mentions to Stacie that she needs to take notice of the way Chloe’s acting, just to make sure she wasn’t alone. Stacie had already noticed though, and pointed out that Chloe thought she wasn’t allowed to move away. When they were eating dinner, there was a moment when Beca went to go to the bathroom and Chloe had moved to get up, but Beca told her to stay there and eat and she’d be right back. Chloe did exactly that. Aubrey felt like throwing her water all over Chloe’s face to snap her best friend out of this. It was scaring the shit out of her, but there was no way it would be that easy. Chloe sat there, staring into the table and refusing to move.

Aubrey was trying her best to not say anything to Chloe. Her and Stacie had been trying to figure out what was happening in Chloe’s mind to help her, but the redhead was a blank wall, only reacting to Beca. Aubrey looks to her side at Stacie and nods towards Chloe, silently telling her friend to keep an eye on Chloe, then she stands up to walk out of the room. When she meets Beca upstairs in the hallway, she stops the brunette. “We need to talk”

“I know” Beca was actually relieved to be able to get some of her feelings out. Chloe being missing had sent her into a frantic mess, she hasn’t had time to process any of it yet, even though she’d spent many days crying to herself.

“Have you noticed what Chloe has been doing?”

“Yeah.. I think so. She does everything I tell her to, and she got aggressive with you” Beca lets out a heavy sigh and turns slightly, moving to the wall and sitting down on the floor.

Aubrey joins Beca in sitting down against the wall. They both had Chloe as their number one girl, but neither of them knew how to bring her back. “I think we need to get her some professional help”

“I feel gross when she does the things I ask her to” Beca rests her hands on her legs and stares across the hallway at the wall.

“I know, Beca. But this is to bring her back to us”

“Then I’m in”

Beca and Aubrey had talked for a while before they headed back down. Beca was letting her nerves make her procrastinate, and when she asked Chloe to go upstairs with her, Chloe stood up without a word and followed Beca up to the brunette’s bedroom.

As Beca was turning around, Chloe had lunged forward and grabbed Beca’s cheeks, kissing the brunette hastily, as if she thought Beca told her to come up here for that. Beca grunts when Chloe moves the brunette against the wall and started grinding against her. Beca had to forcefully hold Chloe away from her to get the redhead to stop.

“Don’t you want me anymore? What did I do wrong?”

Beca saw the first flash of emotion in Chloe’s eyes after the redhead’s question, it looked like it was guilt. Beca moves her hand up, stopping herself from touching the redhead’s bruised cheek. “Of course I do. But not like this”

“Do you want me to do it slower? Tell me what to do” Chloe chews at her lip, watching Beca’s face nervously.

“That’s the thing, Chloe. You don’t have to do everything that I want”

Chloe stare turns to confusion “I don’t understand”

Beca’s eyes close for a moment while she tries to think of anything she can do to get through to Chloe. There must be part of her somewhere in there. When her eyes open again, she knows what she has to do “I’m going to take you somewhere tomorrow, and we’re going to get you some help”

Chloe knows this. Beca had tested her for this. If she just acts like nothing will change even after help, she won’t need it. “I won’t talk to anyone. You’re the only person I talk to”

When the brunette closes her eyes to take in a long breath, Chloe can feel herself starting to shake in fear that she was about to be punished for denying Beca’s request.

“I need you to do this for me”

“Just tell me how you want me to act, Beca” Chloe moves forward again, only to have Beca stop her before they kiss.

When Beca furrows her eyebrows and stares at the redhead. Chloe had been broken, and she couldn’t bring her girlfriend back, she didn’t know how to. “I want you to be Chloe again”

Chloe watches Beca starting to cry in front of her again. Her old personality seemed like a distant memory now, but she has to try it, she was told to. Chloe forces herself to smile widely and say “Kay, Becs” and even though it sounded pained, she moves forward to hug the brunette in front of her. It almost seemed to make Beca cry more when she tried to act for Beca.

A few minutes into their embrace, Beca starts loosening her grip around the redhead to move back. When she looks at Chloe’s smiling face, it was almost as if the redhead was wearing a mask, there was nothing behind those bright blue eyes.

Aubrey knocks softly on the wall after coming up the stairs to let the girls know she was on her way. When she finds the two standing in front of each other, Beca had clearly just finished being emotional, and Chloe was seemingly smiling over at Aubrey. “I just wanted to check on you guys” says the blonde, staying at the top of the stairs. She wasn’t about to risk getting too close to Chloe again.

It was more painful for Beca to have Chloe completely switch characters like she had nothing but masks. When she moves away from Chloe to approach the blonde slowly, Chloe moved to follow, causing Beca to turn back and stop her with a hand to the redhead’s stomach. Chloe got the hint and stayed still while Beca moves across the room and walks Aubrey back down the stairs. Leaving Chloe to worry about what she was getting wrong.

When Beca reaches the bottom of the stairs and turns to Aubrey, she could feel her heart throbbing with pain. “She won’t talk to anyone except me”

Aubrey sighs softly and crosses her arms over her chest. “This is... it’s fucked. This is just fucked. Maybe we can use a third party, like you get advice on how to get her to that point where she will talk to someone else”

“Yeah. We should do that. Sooner than later, I can’t keep doing this”

The pained look on Beca’s face seemed to be pushing further into despair, making Aubrey move forward and hug the brunette tightly.

Beca came back into the bedroom a while later with some of Chloe’s pyjamas, finding Chloe still standing in the place she was stopped. The redhead smiles at her again, which Beca had ignored as she moves across the room to hold the clothing out to Chloe.

The redhead takes the pyjamas and looks down at them, Beca didn’t let her sleep with pyjamas on before. When Chloe looks back at the brunette, Beca had started to move away towards the closet “You don’t want me to sleep like we always do?”

Beca freezes before she can get to the closet and turns back to the redhead with confusion written over her face “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I’ll wear it” Chloe knows better than to ask questions, she was punished for doing less than questioning Beca’s orders. Chloe moves quickly to start getting changed. Looking up when the brunette turns away from her. Beca was so different today.

While Beca stood in the closet, she had to take a few deep breaths to try and get a handle on how to act with Chloe. She doesn’t want Chloe feeling unsafe, but the girl was obviously under the impression that her and Brody are the same person.

After Beca got changed in the closet, she moved out into the view of the redhead and finds Chloe still standing in that same spot and attempting another smile. “Are you tired?” Beca asks

“Are you tired? I don’t mind”

“Why can’t you...” Beca takes a long breath in as she catches her outburst. “Lets just go to bed”

“Okay Beca” Chloe says as she moves to the side of the bed, the two girls stare at each other for a moment, Chloe was waiting for the brunette’s first move. Which Beca had figured out after a few moments and moved to get in the bed.

Beca didn’t think Chloe would get in and be as far away on the bed as she possibly could be. Even though a part of Beca told her it was somehow taking advantage, she finds herself saying “Come closer”

Chloe moves forward on the bed slowly, pressing her body against Beca’s front as they face each other. Chloe moves to kiss the brunette, getting stopped again and causing another confusion in her mind.

“I just want to hold you” Beca noticed the apprehension on Chloe’s face while the redhead tried to figure out what the game was here. “Turn over” Chloe took her direction almost immediately, then Beca moves forward, snaking her arm around Chloe’s side and hearing a sharp intake of air from the redhead that causes her to move up and look over Chloe’s body. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I’m okay” Chloe tried not to be obvious about the pain in her ribs when Beca’s arm had put pressure on the bruising.

“Tell me” Beca kept her voice low, she didn’t want to sound threatening, and even though she felt horrible to tell Chloe to do things, she needed to know if the redhead was in pain.

Chloe turns her head to look up at the brunette’s dark blue eyes “Your arm hit one of my bruises, I’m okay”

Beca remembers now that the redhead had been covered in bruises and cuts, she sighs and scolds herself for not thinking about this before she touched Chloe. “I’m sorry”

“You did what you had to do Beca” Chloe turns back to look at the wall, missing the heartbreak on Beca’s face. Chloe sighs softly and starts to play with the material on the corner of the pillow. “Can you hold me now?”

Beca had to turn her eyes up to the ceiling to stop her tears from falling. “Yeah” She says, moving back down after a moment to lay against Chloe’s back, her arm moves down to hang over Chloe’s sides, until the redhead moves her hand down to bring Beca’s arm back up to bend across her chest while the redhead hugs it.

Chloe didn’t mind the pain, not when it’s part of her experience with Beca. She loves Beca, that’ll never change. And although it’s become slightly odd to her to cuddle with Beca, she can get into this. It was almost like those distant dreamed memories from before Beca changed were real.

Chloe stayed awake, long enough for her to see Amy coming into the room and going to sleep. The paranoia in her mind kept her from falling asleep, worrying that she wasn’t giving Beca what she needed, and this was a test. She was going to regret not turning over and letting Beca have her.

Chloe turns over quickly and stirs Beca in her sleep, waking the brunette by grabbing Beca’s hand and putting it into her pyjama shorts. Beca groans after a moment and when her eyes open, she froze her hand against Chloe’s grip.

After Beca had caught Chloe trying to use her hand, she knew it wasn’t about pleasure. Her fingers coming into contact with Chloe proved that. “What are you doing?” Beca says in a whisper, seeing Chloe’s frightened face through the dim light.

“Please. Please, Beca. I need it” Chloe tries to move forward, stopping quickly when Beca’s hand flinched to move away from her. Chloe’s hand tightens around the brunette’s hand, even though this was going to get her into trouble for going against Beca.

“No, Chloe. I can’t” There was only a split second between Beca’s rejection and Chloe’s tears with more begging. Beca felt a strong pain in her chest, and she tries to push her hand back into place against Chloe. Seemingly settling the redhead through her tears. Beca knew she was shaking from the guilt, and the sting of her rising tears causes her to close her eyes and start moving her hand.

Chloe’s hips start moving as soon as she feels Beca against her, pushing Beca’s hand down further. “Please” Chloe whispers again through her shaking voice.

Beca wasn’t going to let herself break down in front of Chloe. It could be damaging to the redhead to think she’s done something horrible. Even though this was high on the list of horrible situations, Beca was trying. She had to try not to let Chloe hurt herself in reaction. Beca enters Chloe with a finger, the redhead was barely turned on.

“Hit me, Beca” Chloe was startled by Beca’s freezing hand.

“What?” Beca couldn’t stop herself now, the tears had started falling from her eyes and rolled down the side of her face. “No”

“Bu-.. I need it, Beca please” When Beca removes the hand against her, Chloe moves forward to try and grab it again, only to have Beca wrestling her hand away. Chloe moves forward to get on top of Beca and try to show the brunette that she was Beca’s.

Beca was quick to grab Chloe’s wrists when the redhead tries to catch her hands, pinning Chloe’s wrists together between them. “Chloe, stop. Stop”

“Please. I-..I can do it, please Beca”

“Stop”

Chloe stays shaking on top of Beca, the tight grip around her wrists was enough to make her feel some form of pain, even though it was hard to focus on such a small pain. Chloe leans down and Beca avoids her kiss by turning away, getting more tears from the redhead in response.

Beca releases Chloe’s hands in hopes that the redhead has given up, moving them to the sides of Chloe’s head to hold the redhead above her in a stare. “Chloe, no one is going to get hurt, okay? I won’t hurt you for this”

“But I- you haven’t got what you need from me”

“Yes I have, I just need you to sleep against me. Nothing more than that. I just need you in my arms” There was nothing in Chloe’s eyes, no spark igniting, no recollection of anything of who Beca was. I wouldn’t even matter if Beca showed the tattoo to the redhead anymore. “Come back onto the bed for me”

Chloe continues staring until she gets her order and moves off Beca to lay back on her side with her back to the brunette, hoping she couldn’t feel her shaking body when arms snake over her arms. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex and sad ahead

Waking up in Beca’s arms was even stranger to Chloe. She had Beca’s touch sometimes, it was never like this, but here she was. Still being held by the brunette. Chloe stayed awake until she started feeling Beca stirring. “Beca?”

“Hmm?” Beca tugs her arm softly from the front of Chloe, feeling the redhead flinching and taking her hands off her arm quickly. Beca instantly regrets scaring the redhead like that, she should have said something first. “Sorry, I need my arm for moving” Beca sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes. Chloe stays silent and not moving from her spot on the bed. When Beca turns her head to look down, she thinks of trying something “Chloe... You can move freely... like around the house and stuff”

Chloe feels her body stiffen, this was a test. Beca tested her like this a lot. The lump rising in her throat was swallowed back down as she lays still. “No I can’t”

Beca moves her hand to Chloe’s shoulder gently before she turns her body to lean over Chloe and look down at the redhead’s face “Okay, well... If you ever want to do anything, anything at all, whether it’s just to get out of bed or change a shirt, I want you to ask me”

Chloe turns to look up at Beca, she was unsure about this, and maybe Beca was planning on teaching her about asking questions now. But since this was new to her, Chloe was going to have to do it. “Yes Beca”

Beca started hating her own name after hearing Chloe using it as some kind of master nickname. It was detached from her, there was something gross about it now. Beca starts moving up out of the bed to stand and stretch, finally seeing Amy awake and watching her. Beca’s arms drop back down from her stretching while she has a staring match. The Australian’s eyes move over to the bed and she nods slightly, urging Beca to turn around and look at the redhead still on the bed, waiting.

“I told you to ask me if you wanted to do anything, Chloe” Beca hears Amy shifting from her bed, getting Beca’s attention to a glare.

“I’m sorry, I won’t... I’ll ask.” Chloe felt her hand clenching a fistful of the blanket over her, her heart starting to beat faster from the anticipation of having Beca’s hand striking her. “Do you want me to get up?”

Beca was busy realizing that she had just chastised Chloe, in a way she just disciplined the redhead. And Amy’s face had turned sympathetic when Beca started to feel the tears threatening to fall. “Yeah, you can get up”

Chloe got her answer after a few moments, and when she gets up from the bed and turns around, her eyes find Amy’s sad stare, when her eyes return to Beca’s, the brunette was wiping at her cheeks. “Did I get it wrong?”

“No, you didn’t. You’re fine” Beca sniffs loudly and clears her throat, trying to become stronger for the redhead. “Go get breakfast, I’ll be down in a minute”

Chloe’s eyes travel to the top of the stairs behind Beca, almost too scared to take these orders. But she does, her body tensing as she passes Beca. She had expected the brunette to grab her and tell her that she was doing everything wrong, and when Chloe passes her without anything happening, she’s surprised by it.

When Chloe gets into the kitchen, Stacie was in there alone making coffee. Stacie looked up at her as the redhead picks up a loaf of bread and unties the bag.

“How was your night?” Stacie says quietly, worried that her prying would get the redhead annoyed or something.

Chloe didn’t know whether she could talk to the girl or not, so she stays quiet, focusing on making the toast in silence.

Stacie got the hint that Chloe wasn’t going to talk to her, and when she finishes making the cup of coffee, she decides to stay in the kitchen with the redhead and watch the girl as she makes toast. Beca had walked in a little while after Chloe started eating the toast while she was standing at the counter, still unaware of Stacie watching over her. The redhead seemed to perk up when Beca joined her, but it didn’t seem to be in happiness, it was like Chloe became alert to Beca’s presence.

Beca’s hand moves to the top of Chloe’s back as she moves around the redhead and starts preparing herself a coffee, the brunette’s gaze meets Stacie’s caring look, giving a small smile in response.

“Do you want toast?” Chloe turns around to Beca, feeling the brunette’s hand dropping from her back.

“Yeah, I’ll ma-“

“I can do it Beca” Chloe turns back and grabs the bag of bread again, seeing Beca’s arm moving by her side to the back of her hand, stopping her.

“Don’t, I’ll do it myself. Finish your toast, Chloe” Beca takes her hand from the back of Chloe’s hand and moves it to the redhead’s shoulder, trying to settle Chloe’s nerves when she starts chewing at her lip. “Thank you for offering though”

Stacie almost had to walk out of the kitchen with fear that she was going to cry, luckily Aubrey had caught her attention by walking into the kitchen, the blonde hadn’t slept much at all, she even woke Stacie up a few times by rolling around so much in Chloe’s bed. Stacie smiles at the blonde as she approaches the coffee machine. “Rough night?”

“Horrible night. I had a thousand nightmares, and then I just couldn’t sleep. Sorry I woke you” Aubrey says as she pours herself a coffee, Stacie’s hand touches her arm and when Aubrey looks up, she can see the concern on her face. Aubrey turns to the other side to look at Chloe and Beca. The redhead was eating slowly and looked like she had to force it into her mouth and swallow. Beca was busy making toast and hadn’t noticed yet. “Beca” As soon as the brunette turns to look at her, Aubrey points at Chloe, turning Beca around again.

Beca didn’t see it right away, but when she noticed Chloe was forcing the food down her throat, Beca moved her hand up to Chloe’s wrist, pulling it down slowly. “If you’re not hungry, you don’t have to eat it”

“You said to eat” Chloe let herself drop the toast onto the plate in front of her, watching Beca’s face for any sign of anger or disappointment. A look that hadn’t shown since she got to the house.

“I didn’t mean to make yourself eat, tell me if you aren’t hungry okay?” Beca moves her hand away from Chloe’s wrist, causing the redhead to drop her gaze down and stiffen her body. Beca had to turn her head so she didn’t have to see Chloe preparing herself to get hit. The toaster’s timing was horrible, when it pops up, Chloe flinched so badly that Beca had seen it from her peripheral vision.

Chloe was trying not to show fear, although Beca had a tendency to ignore it either way. But the toaster had made the noise in the almost silent kitchen and scared her, almost as if it was teasing her for getting ready to be disciplined. Sometimes she didn’t even get to see it coming, and she couldn’t stop her body from reacting to movement.

After seeing the sudden flinch from Chloe, Beca moves over to turn Chloe’s body, facing their bodies towards each other. Chloe’s gaze jumps up to Beca’s eyes, this is it. She was already prepared. Chloe swallows when Beca moves forward, the redhead wasn’t expecting the brunette to wrap her arms around Chloe though. Chloe didn’t know how to react to a hug. This wasn’t something that she had gone through. Chloe could remember a time when she would hug people, but she found herself unable to connect back to those emotions, that wasn't allowed to be her anymore.

“I’m never going to hit you, Chloe. One day you’ll trust that” Beca talks quietly to Chloe as she holds the redhead, even though Chloe hadn’t made any movement to hug her back.

Aubrey watched the exchange closely, seeing her best friend’s confusion as they hugged was scary, there was a distrust in Chloe’s eyes when Beca moved away from the redhead. Beca was handling this well considering it was killing Aubrey to see her best friend like this. She knows it was killing Beca too, but the brunette was really trying to help Chloe to trust her again.

After breakfast, they all moved into the living room, Beca and Aubrey had their laptops going and Chloe was sitting at Beca’s side, staring over the room at Aubrey and then Stacie. She was trying to remember a time when these two girls meant something to her.

Aubrey looks up after a moment, sending Chloe’s gaze away from her quickly. She had been finding any mental health professionals who work with people who are victims of Stockholm Syndrome. “Beca” Aubrey moves her head to get Beca to move across the room and sit next to her.

Chloe shifts uncomfortably, watching Beca leaving her side. Her nerves start to build when Beca hadn’t given her the direction to stay or follow. She wasn’t about to speak up and tear Beca’s attention from Aubrey’s laptop screen.

Stacie looks up from her phone and sees Chloe chewing her lip, looking like she was scared. Stacie leans forward, reacting before thinking and touching Chloe’s leg “Hey” it was all so fast that her arm moved out, and the reaction she got brought her back down to earth.

Chloe jumped up from the couch when she felt a hand on her knee and started moving back from the tall brunette. She was so intent on watching Beca for a sign that she hadn’t seen Stacie moving closer, she let herself get touched because she wasn’t watching. Chloe holds up a shaking hand at Stacie still seated, staying silent as she turns to Beca for the brunette’s punishment.

There was a lot of self insulting going on in Stacie’s head at herself as she reeled back on the couch next to Beca and held her hand up. “Sorry Chloe. I didn’t think. I’m sorry”

“Chloe” Beca starts getting up to move around the coffee table and stop in front of Chloe, the redhead was visibly tense again. “They’re your friends, they just care about you okay? Their touch isn’t going to get you hurt”

“No. No, only you. No one touches me. I promise it’s just you, I didn’t see her” Chloe was quick to try and talk Beca’s non-existing anger down, the only move the brunette was making was a gentle stroke on her forearms.

“I don’t own you. You own yourself” Beca tried to keep herself from trying to force Chloe into believing her after Chloe started frantically shaking her head no. “Okay.. okay. I believe you, okay? You didn’t know she was going to touch you” Beca’s hands move to the redhead’s cheeks and holds her stare. “I’m not going to hurt you”

Chloe starts to relax in front of Beca, nodding to the brunette against the hands on her face. Beca takes her hands away and starts moving back to the couch to return to Aubrey’s side. The blonde’s staring making her uncomfortable enough to look down at the floor.

“Maybe you should let her sit here” Stacie says to Beca, slowly standing up and moving to the side of the couch, keeping herself from moving towards the redhead that was still standing.

“Chloe, come here” Beca raises her arm up to the redhead as Chloe moves forward and sits next to her, with Beca’s arm moving around her shoulders, she pulls the redhead closer and turns back to the screen.

Chloe was unsettled sitting so close to Beca for a while, her eyes move to watch Stacie sitting on the couch where Chloe was previously. She wanted to thank the brunette, but had no way of doing that. When Chloe catches her stare, the girl smiles. Chloe turns away from Stacie, she wasn’t going to risk upsetting Beca by looking at another girl.

Chloe instinctively moves down slightly to rest her head on Beca’s shoulder, her heart skipping a beat when Beca’s hand moves into her hair, stroking over her scalp. There was a small something tugging at Chloe’s heart that was telling her she was safe. That Beca hadn’t meant it when she hurt her so much on their last night in the room.

When Beca hit the end of the article Aubrey was showing her, she noticed the position Chloe had moved into. Her hand freezes on the side of Chloe’s head, her fingers under the red hair. Chloe had moved herself to this position against her shoulder, this was some form of progress that Chloe wasn’t completely gone. Beca starts moving her fingers through Chloe’s hair again, turning back to the laptop and watching Aubrey’s screen changing through windows.

Stacie had to double-take after she glanced up from her phone at the couch, catching Chloe leaning against Beca with her eyes closed. Stacie probably shouldn’t, but she turns on her camera and snaps a secret picture of the view. It was like Chloe was back, even just for a second, and that was worth being able to look at when it gets hard to see Chloe being not herself.

\--

Chloe’s eyes open slowly when she hears Beca saying her name quietly, making her sit up quickly and turn to the brunette “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep”

“No, it’s okay. We’re gonna go out for some lunch, are you hungry?”

“Okay” Chloe starts getting up from the couch, turning when she feels Beca’s hand on her forearm. Beca had stood up after Chloe and was waiting for her eye contact.

“Are you hungry, Chloe?” Beca sees a slight nervousness in Chloe’s expression, having it confirmed by the redhead chewing at her lip. “It’s okay if you’re not”

Chloe takes the first chance of saying no to Beca by shaking her head slowly. Beca follows through with her promise of not hurting her. The brunette gives her a small smile and takes Chloe’s hand, prompting Chloe to look down at their hands together.

“I’d still like for you to come with me, if you want to”

“Yes. I’ll go with you, Beca” Chloe says, when she looks up at Beca, there’s a disappointment in the brunette’s eyes that makes her second-guess herself.

“I don’t want you to think I’m making you go, this is your choice” Beca keeps her voice low, she could feel the heartache rising again.

Chloe takes a couple of moments to eye the brunette down “You make my choices, Beca. You own m-“

“Chloe stop. I don’t own you” Beca sighs when Chloe starts to stiffen her body and tighten her grip around Beca’s hand. “I need you to be honest with me when I ask you things”

There wasn’t a way that Chloe could wrap her head around what this test was. How could she act subservient and then have free will. Chloe chews at her lip and feels her heart start beating faster, worried that her next words will end up with discipline. “You own me, Beca”

This was a losing game. Beca was struggling to see Chloe again. There was one hint, a tiny hint that Chloe was somewhere inside there, but she may really be gone forever. Beca gives up on trying to tell Chloe to be free, she may have just pushed the redhead further back into this shell again.

\--

This is the first time Chloe had been out with Beca since she changed. Chloe wasn’t sure how she was even supposed to act, so she stayed by Beca’s side and kept quiet when they were seated. Beca had ordered a drink and something small for her to eat, just in case Chloe got hungry. Stacie and Aubrey were sitting across the table from them, but Chloe avoided their looks all the way though their lunch.

Beca had taken notice of Chloe being uncomfortable and reaches under the table to put her hand on Chloe’s thigh, trying to settle the redhead’s thoughts. Chloe looked back at her with a question in her gaze. “Are you okay?” Beca asks, getting a nod in response that wasn’t convincing in the slightest.

Chloe feels Beca’s hand squeezing slightly, causing Chloe’s nerves to go insane. She hoped this didn’t mean the brunette was going to touch her here, in front of people. Chloe feels a sense of relief when Beca’s hand moves away from her.

Through the lunch, Chloe expected Beca to make another move, which didn’t happen again. It was starting to become terrifying to not know when Beca was going to strike. She never left it this long. On their way out of the restaurant, Chloe walked beside Beca. When the brunette took her hand and intertwined their fingers, Chloe felt her nerves returning. Her eyes stayed following the ground as they walked. Was it in Beca’s plan to make her be outside for this? When was it going to happen? The questions ring around inside Chloe’s head as they walk, building a horrible feeling inside of her. Chloe felt anxious. More anxious than she’d been in the last six weeks. “Please just do it Beca”

Beca glances up at Chloe while they walked together, seeing that the redhead wasn’t as comfortable with holding hands as she thought. Beca releases the redhead and stops, Aubrey and Stacie turn around after Chloe had said something.

“I can’t take it anymore. Just do it” Chloe kept her eyes down at the ground next to Beca, mostly so she couldn’t know when it was going to happen.

“Do what, Chloe?”   
  
“What you need to do to me”

Beca looks over at Aubrey, watching as the two girls start moving away. Beca turns back to Chloe and reaches up to Chloe’s cheeks, raising the redhead to stare at her. “I’m not going to do that”

“Why not? What did I do wrong? I can fix it, please”

Beca almost fell apart right there when Chloe started blaming herself for something she hadn’t done at all. “Chloe, this... that isn’t. I’m not going to take you against your will”

“It isn’t against my will, I want you Beca” Chloe moves forward, kissing the brunette’s lips and splitting apart from her for a moment to say “I want you, see?” Chloe moves forward again, feeling Beca’s hands trying to move her back, then becoming more forceful pulling Chloe away when the redhead wasn’t letting up. As soon as Beca had them parted, Chloe’s tears start, her hands coming up to cover her face. Beca didn’t want her anymore.

When Chloe starts crying, Beca moves forward and wraps her arms around the redhead. She felt each sob from the redhead as she cried into Beca’s shoulder. It almost felt like there was another piece of Chloe that she had found hidden in there. Even though Beca was the one to upset her.

“I’d never hurt you, Chloe. That wasn’t me” Beca was taking a large jump that she probably shouldn’t have by trying to pull Chloe out of her denial so quickly.

Chloe leans back, releasing her arms from around Beca to stand in front of the brunette “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me like that. I can handle it, Beca. If you need to do it agai-“

“No. I wouldn’t ever. Chloe, don’t you remember Brody?” Beca watched Chloe’s lack of expression change, she just stared. “You don’t remember anything about my sister?” After Chloe shakes her head, Beca sighs softly, moving her hands to Chloe’s hips. “What happened in the hotel, Chloe?”

This was another thing Beca tested her on, only they were alone and in bed, because Beca made sure it was sexual. Chloe felt her nerves rising again. Maybe she was right all along when she thought Beca just wanted her outside. She had to let Beca take her. With a slow nod, she could feel her hands balling into a fist around the sides of her shirt.

Beca’s eyes widen when Chloe raised her shirt up, she had almost got it over her head by the time Beca had yanked it back down and raised her voice, which made the redhead flinch. “What are you doing?”

Chloe steps back from the brunette, her hands shaking in front of her “I thought... that’s how we practised it before”

“Well forget about that okay, just use your words. Jesus.” Beca started looking around to make sure no one had just seen Chloe trying to undress herself in public. When her eyes returned to the redhead, Chloe had reverted back to silent staring at the ground. Beca let herself fuck up again. “Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I just want you to understand that this isn’t about sex”

Chloe stays silent, still expecting Beca’s discipline to go further than an angry sentence.

Beca knows she pushed Chloe too far back into her shell to get anything from the redhead now. “Lets walk, okay? We can walk and talk. Or I can talk and we can walk”

Chloe nods at Beca, following beside the brunette as they start walking side by side.

“There are so many things I want to tell you, Chloe. I wish I knew how to say it without hurting you”

“I can take it Beca”

Beca looks over at Chloe, the redhead was staring down at the path with her eyes still watery. “I don’t want you to have to take anything. I want you to feel safe with me again”

“I feel safe with you”

“No. You don’t, Chloe. I can’t even...” Beca looks away and sighs heavily. Changing her tone back to a lower volume after she starts getting worked up. “I can’t even touch you without the fear of you expecting me to hit you”

“But you need me to understand things”

When Beca looks back at Chloe, the redhead looks so sure of that answer that it scares her. “No. That isn’t how to make anyone understand”

Chloe chews at her lip as she walks, she couldn’t look at Beca, not when she can hear the annoyance coming and going from the brunette’s voice.

“I wish I could have stopped you. When you left that night. I knew I should have stopped you”

“You needed to see me, Beca. You had to make me yours. I understand why you needed to teach me how to do things right”

Beca’s jaw clenches at the thought of Brody hurting Chloe to take ownership of the redhead. As they pass a post box, Beca’s fist swings out and she hits it with the far side of her fist.

A jolt flies through Chloe’s body when she hears the loud clanging from the postage box door, causing the redhead to freeze. When Beca turns to her, Chloe feels the speed of her breathing heighten. Beca takes a step forward and Chloe’s eyes close, the last thing she saw was Beca’s body moving towards her. The next thing after that was the sky, and Chloe was on her back for some reason. Maybe Beca finally cracked, but she doesn't feel a new stinging on her face, nothing hurt.

“Shit. Fuck!”

“What the fuck happened?”

“I hit the fucking postage thing and she fainted when I went near her”

"Are you fucking stupid?"

"Yes."

Chloe groans softly, she felt sick as she looked up at the girls kneeling over her. Chloe sits up quickly and shifts away from the two old friends. Almost falling over Beca trying to get away from them. Chloe stops when she’s a couple of feet away, the dizziness in her head being the cause.

“Chloe I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” Beca starts moving closer to Chloe, making the redhead’s heart speed up again.

“I'll be better, Beca. I promise"

Beca moves over Chloe’s legs, straddling the redhead’s knees and holding Chloe’s shoulders “I will never hurt you”

Chloe felt the dizzy feeling being replaced by her thumping heart, she needed to make sure that she didn't just faint. Maybe Beca just didn't want her friends to know, but Chloe had to “Hit me again”

“Chloe, no”

“Please Beca!” Chloe’s desperation was showing carelessly, she needed something, anything to tell her that she was wrong or right in this test.

Beca grabs handfuls of Chloe’s shirt at the shoulders and pulls the redhead forward, kissing her instead. Hoping that this could be an alternative, as much as it hurt to do it.

Chloe took the kiss, finally finding her answer. Her hands move to the front of Beca’s shirt as she opens her mouth, letting Beca’s tongue have access to a deeper kiss. But instead, she gets Beca moving away from her. Suddenly making her insecure again. “No, I can do it better”

“Not here, Chloe” Beca starts getting up and reaches down to Chloe to help the redhead to her feet. Stacie’s hand moves to Beca’s shoulder as they walk, trying to let her know she did the right thing.

Beca knew that putting it off would make Chloe start freaking out again. As she walks Chloe up the stairs, holding onto the redhead’s hand, she feels the oncoming situation breaking her heart already. She loves Chloe, and she wants her, but there was no way this was the way she wanted it to happen. She wanted Chloe back as Chloe. Not the shell of Chloe.

Beca felt her hands shaking by the time they were in her bedroom, her nerves get the better of her and she wants to stop before it begins. Beca turns to Chloe and stares into the emotionless eyes in front of her “I don-“ Her words get cut off by Chloe moving forward to kiss her. Beca felt the need to push the redhead away, mixed with the need to pull her closer. Choosing the latter one, she grabs at Chloe’s hips and pulls.

Chloe’s hips collide with Beca’s when the brunette pulls her closer. Their mouths open in unison, and Chloe lets out a small moan when their tongues touch and start massaging over each other. Chloe felt more secure now that she knows she can refill her meter after this. Chloe turns them both around and starts backing up to the wall behind her, sliding her hands down to Beca’s pants. When her hands can’t find the toy, she grunts into the kiss and pulls away, staring at the brunette “Can you put it on?”

“Put what on?” Beca says breathlessly against Chloe’s lips. The touch of Chloe’s hand against her makes her eyebrows raise “Oh. I don’t.... what?”

Chloe’s brows furrow, wondering why Beca got rid of the toy she used every time. But then the only times when the brunette didn’t use it, she wasn’t as violent with Chloe, so the redhead moves forward again, kissing Beca with the same heated passion.

Chloe takes her hand away from Beca’s crotch to find the brunette’s hand against the wall, pulling at it until the brunette releases it to Chloe’s guidance down to start pushing underneath the top of her jeans.

Beca snaps out of the kiss for enough time to say “Not yet” before she moves forward again and stops her hand from moving further. Chloe lets her hand drop from Beca’s hand, the brunette takes the chance to push her hand underneath Chloe’s shirt, getting a flinch from the redhead when she hits the ribs. Beca tries to move back again, just to get Chloe’s hands flying up to the back of her head and not let her break away.

A moan escapes from Chloe’s throat when Beca’s palm grazes her bra, the kiss started slowing down after Beca told her not to move so fast, she wasn’t used to getting a lot of foreplay. Plenty of times, she had just hoped that it wasn’t too painful. This was different, Beca was kissing her different. She kept Chloe’s pace slow.

Beca lets her other arm drop, causing more of her bodyweight to move against Chloe. Her arm slowly moves up the back of Chloe underneath the shirt, finding the strap on the redhead’s bra. As soon as it falls loose, Beca’s other hand finds its way underneath the front of the bra to press her palm against Chloe’s breast, feeling the hardened nipple against her skin. The sharp intake of air tells her that Chloe was reacting to the touch well enough to continue.

The only thing that Chloe could let herself do was hold onto Beca’s shirt and kiss the brunette. She didn’t want to do the wrong thing and have this turn bad, or end. Her heart was racing in a way that she hadn’t felt before, making it hard to stay level-headed.

Beca breaks the kiss apart, her breathing heavy as she moves her hands to the bottom of Chloe’s shirt and start pulling it up. Chloe moves off the wall enough for Beca to get it over her head. Then she reaches down to her own shirt and pulls it off, causing Chloe’s hand to have nothing to grasp onto. Beca’s movements were fast paced, her need for Chloe’s lips growing to an unbearable level. She moves forward again to return into the kiss while she slips the bra straps off the redhead’s arms, the kiss becoming harder.

Chloe’s hands find their way to Beca’s sides, holding the brunette firmly against her, she had a burning desire to start grinding against the brunette, but she had to wait for Beca to initiate something further. Chloe feels something hitting her chest and dropping, then she feels Beca’s half naked body against hers, causing a loud gasp to come from her throat.

Beca groans loudly when Chloe lets her hips move against her. The redhead was finally doing something by herself. Beca moves her hands up to the sides of Chloe’s neck, her fingers curling around the base of Chloe’s skull. When she breaks the kiss, she takes a few moments before speaking “Touch me, Chloe. Anywhere”

Chloe opens her eyes when Beca gives her direction out, the brunette hadn’t stopped her after she moved her hips. Chloe bites down on the side of her bottom lip, moving her hands against the brunette’s sides, taking them higher over the torso in front of her. Beca started moving back slightly to allow Chloe to lightly rub her hands over Beca’s breasts. The brunette starts taking deep breaths and closes her eyes. Chloe watches Beca’s face start contorting slightly, then one of the brunette’s hands drop down to the top of Chloe’s jeans and a finger hooks into the top. She could feel the back of Beca’s finger against her skin, and it made her yearn for the finger to get access.

The redhead’s hands slide up Beca’s chest, pulling her closer again into another kiss. It only took a few seconds before Chloe was grinding herself against Beca with a moan to follow. Beca lets her other hand drop to the jeans she needs to get into and starts to unbutton slowly, Chloe kept herself from moving her hips again, the kiss started to slow again as Beca starts to unzip Chloe’s jeans.

There was a few moments before Beca’s hand slipped inside of Chloe’s jeans, as soon as the fingers were pressed against Chloe, her fingers tighten around Beca’s shoulders, she could feel her hands shaking and she couldn’t risk Beca finding out and stopping. Beca slowly entered her with one finger, releasing a tiny higher pitched moan to be released.

As soon as Beca felt how turned on Chloe had become, she felt the temperature go up about a thousand degrees. It wasn’t long before Beca was moving two fingers in and out in a slow rhythm, keeping the redhead in a slow pace to keep her sure that this wasn’t going to be violent. She was letting the redhead move at the pace she needed, and when Chloe was getting closer to the edge, she was moving her hips faster, taking the chances given to her for control.

Beca moves out of the kiss and turns her head down to kiss Chloe’s shoulder, breathing heavily against the skin. Chloe’s fingers start to tighten around her shoulders, causing her to grunt softly when the redhead’s fingernails pressed into her. Chloe says her name, causing the brunette to move her head up and stare at the redhead.

When Beca hadn’t taken the name as her hint to move faster, Chloe had to say “Faster” before she let the growing climax leave her body. The brunette obliged her request. “I love you Beca” Chloe had to say it, she was about to topple over the edge, letting her mouth open as she moans desperately, bucking her hips as she hits her climax.

Beca stared at Chloe, taken aback by the words she said. When Chloe’s hips stop moving against her, Beca asks the burning question in her mind “Why did you say it like that?”

“Because you need me to” Chloe leans her head back against the wall, closing her eyes when Beca’s hand starts sliding out of her underwear. Chloe bites the side of her bottom lip, the desire still burning inside of her for Beca. When she opens her eyes again, Beca looked at her like she had just been disappointed. Chloe said the wrong thing. “Because I do. I love you” Chloe moves her hands away from Beca, becoming frantic “I’m sorry. Please.”

“It’s okay, don’t” Beca has to move forward again and kiss the redhead lightly, trying to settle Chloe’s nerves. “I love you, Chloe. Really.”

There was something about Beca returning the words to Chloe that made the redhead’s heart jump to her throat, there were butterflies in her stomach that wouldn’t let up. She felt something, something that she didn’t need to hurt for afterwards. Chloe reaches up apprehensively, slowly touching Beca’s lips with her fingertips. She didn’t believe that the brunette had even said those words to her. “Can...” Chloe stops herself when her nerves start playing with her emotions again.

“Ask me”

Chloe chews at her lip and takes her hand back slightly after Beca talked against her fingertips. “Can you say it again?”

Beca moves her hand to Chloe’s cheek, holding it against the skin lightly, keeping her eyes locked on Chloe’s to repeat “I love you, Chloe” There was something in Chloe’s eyes that had come alive, even though it was just for a moment, Beca saw it there. The brunette moves forward slowly to press her lips against Chloe’s.

The kiss turned heated again after a moment, Chloe’s heart was dancing in her chest, she needed to feel more. The way her body was craving Beca proved to her that she didn’t need bruises to remind her that she’s alive. Beca’s hands move to the small of Chloe’s back, pulling the redhead off the wall and starts moving backwards, guiding Chloe forward until the brunette has to break the kiss to locate the bed and sit on the mattress, kissing Chloe’s stomach. Her mouth opening to move her tongue against Chloe’s skin, leaving a light kiss on the redhead’s bruised ribcage.   
Beca moves back from Chloe’s stomach, turning her gaze up to the redhead standing over her. Chloe’s tongue moves across her lips and starts moving forward, stunning Beca into silence when the redhead makes her move to straddle her. The control that Chloe was taking makes her smile and kiss the redhead again, laying back slowly to keep the kiss connected.

The temperature was becoming insanely hot to Chloe, she felt the sweat starting to come between them, Chloe feels Beca’s hand pressing against the back of her own hand, sending it down slowly. Chloe hit the top of Beca’s jeans and breaks the kiss to stare down at the brunette “Should.... do you want me to take your jeans off first?”

“Yeah..” Beca says breathlessly “Sure” Beca turns her head up slightly when Chloe moves up off the bed to start undoing her jeans. When she looks up at the redhead, Chloe caught her staring and starts tugging at the jeans, getting them off quickly and then pulling off her underwear. The emotion in Chloe’s eyes was deadpan again when the redhead stood between Beca’s legs.

“Can I keep touching you, Beca?”

“Yeah, yeah” Beca reaches up to wave Chloe back down on top of her, the redhead moves forward and places herself between Beca’s legs, getting the brunette to jump slightly at the contact.

“Is that... did I do something bad?” Chloe holds herself up over Beca, the only response she gets from the brunette was her hand pulling the back of her head down into a heated kiss. The kiss was quick to get the room temperature back up, and Beca started moving her hips while tapping at Chloe’s forearm softly.

Beca felt Chloe reacting to her touch and move her hand between their bodies to press her fingers against Beca. The kiss broke when Beca’s groan entered Chloe’s mouth and caused the redhead to look down at her.

Beca never made noises before, even when she hit climax. Chloe was startled by the sound, it sent a jolt up her spine. Chloe moves her hand a little further and stops. “Is it okay if-“

“Yes. Please, Chloe” Beca hand tightens around the blanket underneath her when Chloe’s finger moves inside of her. “Jesus.” Beca starts riding her hips against Chloe’s hand, opening her eyes to Chloe’s stare sent her body into overdrive. “Another”

Chloe was almost in a state of shock that her body was reacting to much. She had brought Beca to orgasm before and it was never this intimate. Maybe the brunette’s test was to see if they could have phases of violent times and intimate times. Beca’s hips start bucking against her hand after a while, inciting the brunette to pull her into another hard kiss.

Another thing that Beca didn’t do while they were together was orgasm during a kiss, Chloe keeps her fingers moving, slowing down to a stop as the brunette’s body starts relaxing into a heavy breathing rhythm.

Beca feels Chloe moving up from the kiss, and when she opens her eyes, the redhead started to look nervous. Beca stares up at her for a moment before asking “Is something wrong?”   
“Should I keep going for you?” Chloe made the mistake of taking her hand from Beca without permission once, she never did it again.

“Maybe later” Beca attempted a smirk, only to have it wipe away quickly when the redhead’s hand stayed pressed against her. “Can you... you know, take your fingers out now”

Chloe moves her hand away slowly and stays hovering over Beca for a second “Can I lay down?”

“Of course, Chloe. You don’t have to ask that” Beca becomes more confused at the amount of questions the redhead was asking now. Beca moves around from underneath Chloe to start pulling the covers down so they can get inside the bed, just in case someone eventually comes into the room. Which was probably not a danger considering everyone probably knew by now.

Chloe waits until Beca was laying down before she gets into the bed, laying on her side facing the brunette.

Beca’s hand moves between them and draws a gentle line down the cut on Chloe’s cheek with her fingertip. “Tell me how this happened”

Chloe felt a lump rising to her throat that made her swallow, she was too scared to look away from Beca at this moment. That’s what started the hitting in the first place. It takes Chloe a moment to try to work up the courage to speak, and it was when Beca moved her hand away that forced her to blurt something out “I made you do it” It came out fast from her mouth, but she was worried that Beca was getting impatient.

“How?” Beca moves her arm under the covers and lands on top of Chloe’s hand.

“Your knife” Chloe would never question why Beca liked hearing her tell her how things happened when she already knows. There were a lot of times when she’d ask about their times together and turn it sexual, but this wasn’t going there. “I wanted you to hurt me”

Beca heard the truth in Chloe’s voice, it made her heart ache worse than it had before. Chloe was so damaged that thought she wanted it.

When Beca stays silent, Chloe decides she might need to keep going. “I liked it, Beca”

“Stop” Beca hated telling Chloe not to do something, she would recoil back into her shell so fast its like she was never there even close to coming back. “You didn’t like it Chloe, you took it because you had to”

Chloe’s heart started sinking. She thought Beca was being intimate, but she was still the same. Hurting her mentally more than physically may be the game now. If only Beca knew that Chloe wasn’t able to feel anymore.

“You should never blame yourself for that, Chloe. You didn’t deserve that”

Chloe couldn’t keep up with Beca’s change, going from saying she had to take it, to not deserving it. Beca wasn’t making sense to her. “Can I go to sleep?”

“Can I hold you?”

Chloe doesn’t answer with her words, she rolls over slowly and tenses uncomfortably when Beca moves behind her, hugging her from behind. Chloe didn’t sleep.

===

When Chloe wakes up after taking ages to fall asleep, she’s alone in the bed. She sits up quickly, becoming alert to Beca’s absence in the room. She rushes into getting dressed and moves downstairs to start searching. When she gets downstairs, she runs directly into the front of Aubrey, causing the blonde to spill her coffee over the two of them. Chloe backs up quickly, ignoring the hot coffee covering her shirt. “I-..I-“

“It’s okay, Chloe” Aubrey gave her top a quick wipe and stares up at Chloe, remembering that Beca had just gone to the shop with Amy “Beca’s just gone to get some dinner, she should be back any minute”

Chloe looks at the front door, she shouldn’t be talking to Aubrey. Not without Beca’s permission. She shouldn’t even be down here. Her mind starts spinning when her worry hits peak, causing her to start shaking.

“Chloe, she’s going to be right back. You’re fine”

Chloe moves forward, rushing back up the stairs. She had to get back to the bedroom, and just hope that Aubrey doesn’t say anything. Beca’s going to be mad. Chloe starts undressing as soon as she’s back in Beca’s bedroom and climbs back into the bed. Staring at the top of the stairs nervously.

It took Beca somewhere around 10 minutes to come rushing up in to the bedroom. Chloe stays still, staring up at the brunette from the bed.

“Are you okay? Aubrey said you freaked out” Beca walks across the room and kneels down in front of the redhead, reaching up and causing Chloe to stiffen and clench her eyes closed. “I won’t hurt you, I promise” Beca moves her fingers through the red hair and leans closer, speaking quietly “You’re allowed to move through the house, Chloe. I’m not going to be mad at you”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have moved. You weren’t here”

“Chloe, listen to me. You can leave the bedroom whenever you want to”

“I won’t do it again”

“Chloe!”

Chloe flinches immediately, hearing a sigh coming from Beca. She couldn’t open her eyes to Beca, knowing that the brunette was annoyed with her. Any second now she’s going to feel the stinging.

“Sorry” Beca moves back, letting her hand move down to Chloe’s shoulder. “I don’t mean to scare you when I do that”

“You don’t. I need to listen. I’m sorry”

Beca drops her hand to her lap with a smack and turns her head to look at the wall in frustration, shaking her head a little. When she turns back to Chloe, the redhead’s eyes were open and she was watching. “I’m trying Chloe. I really am”

Chloe can feel the tears starting to rise when Beca says she’s trying to avoid hitting her. Chloe swallows hard and blinks the tears out of her eyes, refusing to let her body move, even to wipe the tears away.

“Are you hungry?” Beca could see that Chloe was starting to cry, and hopefully getting the redhead up and free from the bed, she could feel better again. Beca had hoped that their love making would have brought Chloe back, and it hurt to know it hasn’t.

Chloe nods at Beca, even though she wasn’t hungry. Maybe if the brunette was distracted by something, she won’t lash out. Beca stands up after Chloe’s nod and waits for her. “Can-“

“Yes. You can get up and get dressed. And go downstairs and eat. And if you need to go to the toilet, you can go to the toilet” Beca brings her hand to her forehead after seeing Chloe rising with a regretful expression. Beca was making her scared to even ask questions now. She can’t do anything properly when she just gets that annoyed tone. “Chloe, wait” Chloe freezes, standing naked in front of Beca. “When I said I want you to ask questions, I didn’t mean I need you to ask me to do everything. If you want to sit up, or eat, or drink. Do it. I’m telling you to do it”

Chloe nods at the brunette, turning her gaze away from the girl. Beca tells her to continue getting dressed. Chloe was trying her best not to let her shaking hands be seen, and it was when she was trying to close her pants that Beca had noticed and moved forward. Chloe caught her breath in her throat and looked down at Beca’s hands taking over and closing the button and zip for her.

“I love you” Beca says quietly, staring down between them at Chloe’s hands shaking “I wish you weren’t so scared of me”

“I can stop” Chloe knows that’s a lie, she’d been trying to not have her shaking be seen. And Beca must know she’s lying, Chloe looks up at the same time the brunette does, catching the sad look in Beca’s eyes.

“One day you might be able to” Beca moves her hand forward to take Chloe’s hand. “Until then, I’m going to keep showing you that you’re safe with me”

Chloe doesn’t respond to Beca, and the brunette gets the hint and starts leading her down the steps.

\--

Chloe had been caught out again trying to force herself to eat too much. She had managed half of the meal fine, but she hasn’t been able to eat as much in the last month and a half. Beca didn’t make her moves sudden, she just slid Chloe’s plate away and told her to stop forcing herself. Chloe caught Aubrey’s eye and looked directly down at her lap.

Beca moves her hand underneath the table to Chloe’s hand on her own thigh, turning the redhead’s hand over to intertwine their fingers. She watched Chloe staring down at her movements, and had no reaction on the girl’s face. Sleeping with her had just set her back. Beca hated herself for taking it too far, she knew it’d be wrong. She took advantage of Chloe. While Beca was mentally scolding herself, she felt something against the back of her hand, when she glances down, she sees Chloe’s other hand closer to their clasped hands, drawing her fingers around the back of Beca’s hand. Beca felt the threatening tears trying to make their move, but she couldn’t stop watching. The redhead caught her at the right moment to remind her that she wasn’t completely gone.

Aubrey looked up when she was reaching for her water and caught sight of Beca’s face, there were tears falling from the brunette’s eyes while she was staring into Chloe’s lap. If it had been any other situation, Aubrey would have cracked a joke or something. But she looks back at Amy and Stacie talking.

Chloe hadn’t intentionally started moving her fingers over the back of Beca’s hand, but she didn’t stop when she noticed what she’d been doing. Beca had this way of making her feel something in her heart, it skipped whenever they touched, and Beca saying she loves her, that just makes her heart go crazy. But then Chloe would do something wrong and Beca’s discipline methods would always end up hurting her. And it was fine when Chloe couldn’t feel her heart, but now it gave her more of a reason to be frightened into doing the right thing. And her constant questions have started to annoy Beca, she was risking losing this feeling when Beca needs her control back.

Chloe starts moving her chair back and stands up, letting go of Beca’s hand, the brunette looks up at her with a furrowed brow “I just... I need- can I go to the bathroom?” Chloe waits for Beca’s nod before she moves away and chastises herself for asking another question, she had almost got the words out.

Aubrey takes the chance to rise the question when Chloe leaves the room “How is she after earlier?”

Beca sighs and rests her elbows on the table, bending her arms up to cover her eyes. “There was something there with her and now she’s just...” Beca moves her arms forward and drops them outstretched onto the table with a thud. “She’s further back in her shell and I don’t get it. I saw her for a second. I told her I loved her, and she was there. I saw her”

“What did she do?” Amy asks

“It was just in her eyes. It was like they lit up or something, I don’t know”

Aubrey asks another question “And what about just then?”

Beca looks over at Aubrey and takes a second to realize what the blonde meant “Oh. She was moving her finger over my hand”

“That’s something then. She’s having moments, and as long as you keep the positive reinforcements and stuff, she’ll get less scared”

“I just feel like I’m doing things wrong so much that it pushes her back ten steps for her to only move forward one more step each time”

“That isn’t true, Beca” Aubrey reaches across the table to put her hand over Beca’s “You’re amazing with her. I see it”

“You really are, Beca” Stacie joins in, followed by Amy agreeing.

Beca sighs and looks up into the doorway at Chloe coming back towards the dining room. Beca slides her hand out from under Aubrey’s and leans back into the chair, turning her head to the other side as Chloe passes her to sit down again. Chloe glances at her and turns to Stacie across the table before returning her gaze to her lap and zoning back out. Beca turns her head forward and looks up at Aubrey, getting a sympathetic look in return from the blonde.

“There’s a party on tonight if you guys are interested” Amy says, trying to throw a topic out there. Maybe the girls could have fun for once.

“I really don’t think I’m in a party mood” Aubrey says, turning to Amy.

“Come on, you guys. We haven’t had fun in weeks, we could use a little laughter”

“I’ll go with you Amy” Stacie lifts her glass in the air at Amy before she takes a drink.

“Yeah!” Amy slams her hand against the table, making the redhead jump from being startled, everyone saw it.

Beca refrains from yelling at Amy and reaches over to Chloe’s hand again. “You’re fine”

Chloe blinks a few times while her mind catches up to what had sounded through the room. When Chloe felt Beca’s hand on hers, she looks up at the brunette and tries to settle herself again.

Aubrey puts it on her to-do list to yell at Amy later. They all know not to be so careless around Chloe. And throwing party ideas and banging on shit were the worst ideas. She may not be allowed to touch or talk to Chloe just yet, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t still Chloe’s bodyguard.

Chloe had sat in silence through the rest of the dinner conversation, and after she moved into the living room with Beca and Aubrey, Stacie and Amy had gone to get changed for their party. Beca had her arm around Chloe’s shoulders, holding the redhead against her side on the couch. Aubrey was sitting on the other couch and had the remote. They started bickering about what to watch and ended up on a cooking competition.

After a while, Chloe turns her head slightly and looks at the side of Beca’s face, she hadn’t ever really looked at the brunette so hard. Most of the time it was because she wasn’t allowed to look away while Beca was having sex with her. The brunette must have noticed her stare and turns to face her, making Chloe’s heart skip again. Chloe wanted to apologize, but she knew it would annoy Beca, Beca wanted her to act more independent. Chloe’s heart almost exploded into a fast rhythm when Beca started leaning in and kissed her. She found herself moving forward with the kiss when Beca started pulling away. That feeling was still there, but she hadn’t been hurt yet.

Beca reaches up to trail her fingers down Chloe’s cheek, taking in the redhead’s beauty all over again. She missed staring at her girlfriend so much it hurt.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Chloe whispers, forgetting that Aubrey was in the room with them. Beca shook her head to say no and Chloe felt Beca’s fingertips moving over her parted lips.

Beca could see that she had Chloe on the verge of showing herself again, she just needed to say it. “I-“ Suddenly there’s a loud bang sent through the house, followed by a loud ‘Sorry!’ from Amy. And then Chloe was back in her shell again. “I’m going to fucking-“ Chloe had turned slightly and closed her eyes, thinking Beca was going to hit her.

“No, I am” Aubrey gets up off the couch and leaves the living room to find what the hell Amy had done to even cause that noise.

Beca turns back to Chloe and reaches over to the redhead’s cheek, turning her face back “Open your eyes” Chloe had waited a few seconds before taking the direction and meeting her stare “You’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry for getting annoyed, it wasn't about you”

Chloe nods quickly, trying not to look away from the brunette. Beca hates that, she can’t annoy her more right now.

Beca sighs when the yelling starts from upstairs, Chloe turns to look over at the walkway where the stairs meet the room next to the living room. “It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about that” Beca says, Chloe brings her gaze back to her and then turns away to stare at the floor instead.

Aubrey returned after a while, and Chloe hadn’t heard any noises in the house until Stacie had whispered a goodbye to them before they left. The three of them sat without talking, the only noises coming from the TV, and Beca hadn’t made the move to pull Chloe closer after she got annoyed at the crashing, but Chloe started wondering if it had annoyed the brunette that she moved away after it scared her.

There was a long while before Chloe glanced over at the blonde on the other couch and saw that her eyes were closed. Chloe starts thinking she needs to make it up to Beca for moving away. Chloe turns to face the brunette, getting Beca’s attention right away. Beca doesn’t want her to ask for things, so she moves forward and captures Beca’s lips, pushing the brunette backwards into the corner of the couch as she tries to deepen the kiss.

Beca’s mouth opens and Chloe makes the kiss more heated than it needed to be. Like she was trying to jump to the end before she even starts the race. When the redhead’s hands start pushing against her stomach and roaming around in a quick pace, Beca feels the need to catch the hands and bring it to an end. She isn’t sure what this was about, but it didn’t feel right. Chloe almost hit the other side of the couch when Beca had to tell her to stop between kisses. Beca was still reeling from the kiss as she sits back up again and looks at Chloe “What was that for?”

“I wanted to give you what you need” Chloe’s eyes drop to the couch space between them.

Beca moves down the couch to sit next to the redhead again, reaching up to raise Chloe’s face with a finger under the redhead’s chin. “You don’t need to do that. That’s.. it isn’t about getting off, it’s about me and you being in love”

“But...” Chloe chews at her lip and turns away from Beca’s stare, returning it quickly when she realizes what she’d done.

“But what?”

Chloe was surprised when Beca hadn’t brought up Chloe turning away from her, there was never a moment she wouldn’t feel a stinging cheek after that. “You told me that’s what I was for”

“For what? Being in love or getting off?” Beca already knew the answer to the question, but it was supposedly a good thing that Chloe talks about the ordeal.

“You said I was there for you to... and I was only good at doing that” Chloe hardly finished when Beca had turned away with an annoyed look. Chloe’s eyes fall back down, staring into her lap.

“You’re not here for me to get off with. And you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met, Chloe. Your singing made me join the Bella’s, I mean it isn’t every day that someone makes you serenade them in the shower and joins in with perfect harmony” Beca can see the confusion spreading across Chloe’s face. “Do you remember that?”

“It feels like a dream”

Beca reaches forward and takes Chloe’s hand, pulling it up to her mouth. Chloe looks up at her as she kisses the redhead’s palm. “I knew I’d fall in love with you on that day” There it was. She saw her again. Beca moves forward to kiss Chloe, their lips part together and their tongues meet after a moment.

Chloe didn’t feel any advances coming from Beca to turn this into anything other than a kiss. A kiss which was sending the butterflies in her stomach into a frenzy. Chloe’s hands move up to Beca’s cheeks, the kiss stays at the same pace until Beca pulls away. Leaving Chloe’s lips already missing the feeling.

After they shared a moment staring at each other, Beca moved back onto the couch again and waved Chloe over to sit against her, Beca’s arm returning to Chloe’s shoulders.

They did eventually go to bed after Beca covered Aubrey with a blanket, and even though Chloe had tried making a move to once again try to give Beca sex, the brunette denied her, knowing that it wasn’t something as genuine for Chloe as it needed to be. 


	8. Chapter 8

The days started ticking by, and Chloe had tried to avoid as many questions as she could, even though she'd still slip a lot and visibly annoy Beca, scaring herself into a silence that felt almost deafening. Beca never made any movement as if she would go through with the discipline, but Chloe will always expect it to happen when Beca's annoyed.

It had been a week since Chloe arrived back at the house, and Beca had tried plenty of times to try and get information from the redhead about her time in the hotel room. She very rarely got answers though. Chloe was healing better physically, she'd still feel the pain in her ribs when she gets up, but it wasn't as bad, and the bruises on her face were fading slightly. The cuts on her skin were almost healed as well. Chloe could look at herself without feeling like she needed those marks on her skin now, she almost felt like Beca could as well.

Chloe hadn't asked Beca before she went into the shower, and now that she was getting dressed after she'd finished, she was starting to regret it. She had done small things, like going to the toilet or moving around the bedroom and touching things of Beca's, or just generally leaving to go upstairs to Beca's bedroom. As soon as Chloe opened the door and steps out, she bumps directly into someone as they were walking by the door, when she goes to back away from them, she sees that it's Beca she's bumped into. The brunette's hands reach forward to her hips and stop her from moving away. Beca looked back at her with a warm smile and moves closer to hug her. It was a confusing embrace for Chloe, but she let her arms move around Beca's back in response.

The progress had started showing with Chloe in these moments, Beca tried to keep the reactions positive when the redhead would leave the room without saying anything. There was a slow regaining of independence. Very slow. She would still ask for a lot of permission before doing things, but the shower was a large step in the right direction and Beca knew that she had to go along with every tiny step with being as positive as she could.

Beca moves away from the redhead after a few moments and leaves a kiss on Chloe's cheek before moving away from the redhead "I'm gonna be downstairs when you're finished doing your thing" Beca half smiles at Chloe before moving down the hallway.

Chloe watches Beca walking away from her, feeling the need to follow behind her. Chloe has an inner battle with her urge and finally turns back to the door behind her, slightly surprised that Beca was fine with Chloe leaving her for long enough to shower.

It took a few minutes for Chloe to find Beca, the brunette was laying down on the couch and on her laptop, so Chloe hadn't been able to see her until she walked into the room completely and saw Beca.

When Beca saw the movement above her, she looks up from her laptop and sees her redhead, then she moves the laptop over to the coffee table and holds her arm up over her head to reach for Chloe's hand and guide her around to the side of the couch. "Come down here with me"

Chloe climbs onto the couch, finding the only way she's going to be able to do this is to lay on top, or mostly on top of the brunette. She holds herself up on all fours as she thinks about asking whether or not she should, only to have Beca reaching up and tugging at her shirt to pull her down on top of her. As soon as Chloe lays down, their lips connect. Both of them not intending for it to happen that way. Chloe moves back from the kiss after a second and bites the middle of her bottom lip. "Do you want me t-"

"No, just lay here with me" Beca wraps her arms around the redhead after she lays down on top of her. She would never let Chloe do anything sexual if she asks like that. She needed the touch the other night when they had got in bed, but it was almost as if the redhead had a time limit on how long it was before she started to get scared that Beca was going to explode and force her into something. Beca was okay with Chloe needing the sex, but she wasn't okay with Chloe thinking that she had to do it for Beca's sake alone. It hurt to think that Chloe forced herself to do these things.

Chloe rests her head on Beca's chest, staring at her hand as she draws circles on the front of Beca's shoulder. The brunette seemed to always react to her when she'd do things like this, and she liked the way her heart would flip when Beca would smile, which Chloe doesn't even know was happening or not, but if she tries hard enough, she can see Beca's smile in her mind. The urge Chloe had to kiss Beca started growing, to the point where she turns her head up and kisses Beca's neck before moving her hand to the brunette's cheek and turning Beca's face to connect their lips.

Beca leans into the kiss, her hand stroking Chloe's back as the redhead deepens the kiss with a light moan. Somehow over the next minute, Chloe's thigh had found its way between Beca's lips. When they break apart for a few seconds, Beca expects the question from Chloe, only to look at the redhead and see a spark in those blue eyes. Beca didn't want Chloe to stop anymore.

There was a different feeling between them to have sex without that obvious need for a touch to fill a void. This time it was like Chloe had figured it out that sex could be something more, something that has a feeling beyond just sex. When Beca touches her, each grazing finger against her skin lights her body on fire and Chloe doesn't understand it, but she finds herself craving more in these moments.

Beca had started losing herself to the moment and forgot they were on a couch, which she was soon reminded of when she rolls Chloe over with the intention of getting on top of the redhead, only to drop her off the side of the couch and end up on top of her. Beca moves up quickly and holds Chloe's cheeks "Shit. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, I'm okay. Keep going" Chloe moves up to catch Beca's lips again, their tongues soon meeting again. Chloe feels something under her back and moves her side up, sending Beca shifting to her other side while Chloe fishes around for whatever it is.

Beca feels another interruption taking Chloe's attention away and goes to move up again, whacking the back of her head against the underside of the coffee table. "Shit! Jesus. Ow"

Chloe found it to be a remote under her back and slid it away, just in time to see Beca hitting her head against the table. Chloe froze on the spot, watching the brunette rubbing the back of her head and cringing. Chloe reacts quickly by moving up and kissing Beca again, getting a groan from surprise, then the brunette settles into the kiss and gets back into the mood, saving Chloe from the brunette's anger.

Beca feels Chloe's hand taking her wrist in a grip and move it down the redhead's body, Pushing on her hand until Beca's fingers move underneath the fabric, another push from Chloe's hand signals her to move further, the only noise that came from Chloe when Beca slipped a finger inside of her girlfriend was a whimper, and when Beca found out just how unaffected Chloe's body had become by the touch she moves up to look at Chloe, the redhead looked away reluctantly with a flinch. Beca took her hand out of Chloe's jeans and stared down at the redhead, startled by the girl letting her do that when she was frightened. She hadn't even realized what the speed had meant. "Chloe look at me"

The redhead chews at her lip as she turns her head back to Beca, swallowing hard when they make eye contact.

"Why did you let me do that if you were uncomfortable?"

Chloe knows that she's shaking again, the nerves becoming too much for her again "Please, I can- I can do it"

"No you can't. I'm not going to make you do that" Beca starts to get up off the floor and reaches down to Chloe to help her up, the redhead stares at her hand for a few seconds before taking it and standing up with her. "I don't want you to do that again. If you ever feel even a little uncomfortable while we're getting physical, you have to tell me, okay?"

"Okay Beca" Chloe's eyes drop down to stare over at the floor.

It had been longer than a few days since Chloe had said her name like that, reminding Beca that it only takes one moment to have Chloe revert back to scratch. "Sit down, Chloe" The redhead sits down as soon as she's told to and Beca kneels down between Chloe's legs, staring up into the redhead's eyes and resting her forearms across Chloe's knees. "I know that you think you have to do that for me, but you don't. The only way we're going to be doing that is if we both want it"

"Yes B-"

"Chloe. Please don't say that. I don't own you, you don't have to say my name like that"

Chloe chews at her lip, nodding quickly to Beca instead of speaking. The brunette sighs and sits down on her feet then rests her forehead against her forearms. Chloe had annoyed her, and she wasn't sure of what the outcome would be anymore, but she starts believing that it may not be a violent outcome now, maybe Beca just likes to see her scared instead. "I'll tell you"

Beca looks up at Chloe, slightly surprised that the redhead had pulled herself out of the shell. Beca stares at her girlfriend for a good 15 seconds before she reaches up to Chloe's cheek with her hand. "Thank you. That's all I wanted you to say"

Chloe follows Beca's eyes as the brunette gets up and moves to her side on the couch. Beca looked like she was somewhere between relieved and happy with her. Chloe moves her hand across to cover the back of Beca's hand, prompting the brunette to turn and look at her.

Beca leans back onto the couch as she stares at Chloe, holding her arm up for Chloe to move against her side. Chloe moves forward and sits against Beca's side, as soon as Beca rests her arm over Chloe's shoulder, she relaxes into the position, her lingering sadness was hanging over her head like a cloud.

\--  
  
They had a lot of the sex moments over the passing days into weeks. The redhead was using it as a means to make up for something she thinks she had done wrong. There was only one more case of Chloe freaking out so badly that Beca had to give Chloe that relief. Beca knew that it was a horrible way to get Chloe to calm down, but the redhead gets almost too frantic to hold down and talk to her. The yelling only makes Chloe flinch and get worse. Beca didn't want Chloe to use sex as a way of being safe against her moods.

Beca thought that Chloe was improving, only to have Chloe falling back further. It was the worst kind of roller-coaster, she would be on her way up and lose traction, speeding backwards. The second time they had sex was almost harder to get through than the first time since Chloe had been back.

Beca had left Chloe sleeping alone, she should have waited until the redhead was awake, but she's left before waking Chloe up before, and assuming that she'd be okay, she went downstairs. Beca had been called for upstairs, getting yelled at by what felt like everyone. When she made it to the top of her stairs in the bedroom, she couldn't see Chloe, just Amy directing her to the closet. Chloe was sitting in the corner of the room with her hands covering her face.

The question couldn't even leave her mouth before Chloe looked up to see her sitting there. She just lunged forward and tried to kiss Beca. Only this time she wasn't letting Beca stop her, no matter how much Beca was trying to push her away. Beca had to hold Chloe down against the floor to try and talk sense into the redhead, only getting tears and pleading instead. It seemed to be making her worse every time Beca would try to move her hands to touch Chloe's face and let her know that nothing violent was going to come from her. The kiss was the only thing that settled her, just for a moment until it was over and Beca moved away in hopes that it was all Chloe needed. Then Chloe would fall back into driving herself to a panic attack and Beca had to give in.

She hadn't found out what had happened to Chloe until hours later when Chloe finally told her quietly that she had a nightmare, then she apologized to Beca for going against Beca's orders. Beca noticed the change in Chloe's behaviour again later in the day, she was in another slow crawl upward after her freak-out recovery. Beca felt like she'd let herself fall backwards though, like she was the worst person in the world for giving in and taking advantage of Chloe, even if she didn't let the redhead touch her back.

Chloe was being better again about being on her own. Her questioning had fallen back into place for a few hours after her nightmare, but in the end Chloe limited herself to show Beca that she could do what the brunette needed of her.

The brunette hasn't left Chloe in the bed since, but Chloe still gets up and prepares herself to shower after she wakes up in Beca's arms. Beca would always greet her well when she returns to the bedroom, the brunette was never annoyed at her for it, she seems to actually prefer it happening. She would smile, or hug Chloe. Sometimes even both.

It threw the redhead to have such a switch, but she was settling into her role. At least that's what she hoped, and Beca had told her plenty of times that she was doing everything correctly. But there was still a large part of her that would tense and prepare herself if Beca moved too quickly, there were always certain tones that the brunette would produce to put Chloe on edge. The violence never came, Beca would always settle her with a few words, or a touch against her cheek.

And then there was Aubrey. Chloe noticed the way the blonde would stare at her, she could see the concern written over Aubrey's face, but Chloe would never allow herself to say anything to Beca's friends, not without permission. That was going further than what she was ready for.

The previous evening when Chloe was leaving the room, Aubrey had walked by her and asked if she was okay. Chloe actually opened her mouth to answer with her words, and caught Beca's eye over the blonde's shoulder, scaring her into backing against the wall next to her. Although it took a bit of convincing, Beca managed to settle her down again.

That's what brings on the repeating nightmare that Chloe was having. It involved Beca reverting back to her violence and putting Chloe back into her place with her hands and painful sex, it felt so real. She could feel each punch and slap. Chloe was pulled out of the dream by yelling, and when her eyes snap open and meet eyes that aren't Beca's, she sits up quickly, shaking as she moves up to the headboard away from Aubrey, bringing her knees up to her chest. The blonde hadn't been touching her, but she was frighteningly close.

"You were having a nightmare, you're okay" Aubrey stays still, kneeling next to the bed. She had heard the noises of Chloe's pained words from the hallway down the stairs. "You're fine"

Chloe looked down at herself and held a shaking hand to her face after dreaming that Beca had hit her multiple times. There was no pain on her when she touched her cheek, then her eyes return to Aubrey's. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, she needed comfort and the blonde was close. Chloe moved her hand off her face, slowly reaching it forward, it had only gone a few inches when it snaps back at the noises of the footsteps coming up the stairs.

Aubrey had actually held her breath when the redhead started to move her hand. It was coming closer to her. The blonde turns to the nearing footsteps and looks up at Beca.

"Is everything okay in here? What happened?" Beca regretted leaving the room to go to the bathroom as soon as she sees Chloe was sitting against the headboard, knowing that something had scared her. She just hoped it wasn't Aubrey, which wasn't believable since the blonde had made no attempt to approach Chloe since the first day Chloe returned to them. Beca had moved around the bed to lean down at Chloe's side. The redhead kept her eyes on Beca's. "What happened?"

Chloe was still coming down from having dream Beca hurt her, her flinch made Beca stop when she went to reach up.

"She had a nightmare" Aubrey says, getting Beca's attention when she speaks. "I had to wake her up"

"Thanks" Beca turns back to Chloe and turns her gaze to the redhead's shaking hands pressing into Chloe's knees, trying to hide the fact that they were shaking. Beca moves her hands up slowly, glancing up at the redhead's eyes before resting them over the back of Chloe's hands. She wasn't freaking out again, which was a really good sign.

It was almost as if Chloe had been pushed back again. It took Beca back to square one, the redhead reverted back to doing every single thing for Beca. Asking for permission and flinching and shutting down. Beca knew that it wasn't hopeless. She had made huge progress with Chloe. She just needed to build her up again.

It seemed to be taking her longer to find her way back into Chloe. She knew that the nightmare had shattered the redhead's trust that she had been building again. It took just over two days just to be able to get the redhead to stop asking her if she could do things. Chloe had tried each night to initiate sex, and crying herself to sleep when Beca stopped her and got her to just be held. Beca felt horrible for leaving the bedroom, she had to keep the redhead in her arms to make sure she didn't have returning nightmares.

Aubrey had noticed Beca's spirit breaking and convinced her that Chloe wasn't lost. It helped to have the blonde sticking around and helping her. Beca always had to tell Chloe to stay in a room so she could let herself break down in the bathroom. Letting all of those emotions of watching her broken girlfriend trying to just make her happy at the cost of everything within herself. It was driving Beca right into a depression, something that Beca can't afford to go through right now.

\--  
  
Over the course of the month, Beca saw the progress building up again. She got Chloe out of the house a lot more, trying to get the redhead moving around so she'd feel more free and being outside was a good way to let Chloe know that she was free, even if it took the redhead a while to understand that.

At some time, Beca was working her way back into the redhead's mind, Chloe had realized that the nightmare wasn't as real as she had thought, the memories of Beca after she had been taken from the room came flooding back to her and she tried her best to fall back into the pattern of being better for Beca. She knew that it was disappointing to Beca that she fell back into being scared, and she had to prove herself to the brunette that she could do it again.

The a-capella season had started and they hadn't even prepared for the need to do auditions. Aubrey was taking over as an un-official captain while Beca was distracted. Beca tried to help as much as she could, making some mixes with Chloe sitting beside her. Chloe used to do this when she'd make mixes, there was always bickering when Chloe would just say the song was awesome, Beca could have used a turkey call and Chloe would still say it was perfect. But this Chloe was just quiet. It made it hard to focus on making a song that was upbeat when she wasn't feeling it.

Beca had presented the mixes to the girls in the living room, getting the good reactions on only one of the songs, Beca was losing her touch, or maybe her motivation. Definitely her motivation, that was always Chloe.

"There's a riff-off tonight" Amy throws out into the group and looks over at Beca.

"I can't" Beca closes her laptop, leaning forward and focusing on Chloe's leg pressing into hers while the redhead was leaning back into the couch.

"We can't do it without at least one captain"

Beca looks up from her closed laptop to Amy, trying to figure out a way they can get around this. "Then you be captain"

"I don't think we can do this with only half a team, Beca. And we don't have auditions until Saturday"

Chloe turns her head down, hearing a loud sigh coming from Beca. This is her chance to show Beca that she can be better for the brunette. "You can leave me here"

Beca turns slowly and looks back at Chloe, furrowing her eyebrows "I can't. You haven't... I'm not going to leave you alone"

"I'll stay" Aubrey says from across the room, causing Beca to look over at her. The brunette seemed to become freaked out at the thought of leaving Chloe. "If she needs you, you're only 10 minutes away. I'll call you and you can fly back over here"

Beca looks back at Chloe again to start a staring contest. The redhead nods at her. Beca has a growing anxiety about leaving the redhead here, but this may be the best thing for Chloe. It could be another big step and Beca didn't want to risk the chance of saying no and making Chloe think she wasn't allowed to be alone. "Okay"

Beca was trying her best not to show her concern when the hours start passing. But Chloe had this calm attitude about being here that kept her relaxed enough to follow through with the plans. As Beca was putting on a jacket in her bedroom, Chloe gets up from the bed and stands in front of her.

"Can... if Aubrey talks..."

"You can talk to her, please do. You can talk with anyone in this house" Beca reaches up to Chloe's cheek and kisses her, moving away to smile softly.

Chloe nods at Beca and reaches up to hold onto the jacket Beca had just put on. "Have a good time tonight" Chloe instinctively chews at her lip, her nerves finally bubbling in her stomach.

"I'll be back as soon as it's over and tell you all about how we won" Beca moves her hand up to brush the red hair behind Chloe's ear. Then she sees Chloe's lip twitching into a small smile before the redhead's face drops to hide it. Beca was stunned by it, but she lifts Chloe's face again. "I love you" Beca had found these spontaneous moments of seeing Chloe again, and she needed to keep these moments for as long as she could before the redhead would disappear into herself again.

Chloe thought the feeling that Beca had given her was supposed to be the start of something sexual, because usually she'd have these moments when she was showing the brunette that she was Beca's. But Beca hadn't seen a lot of the reactions Chloe had to her when she'd be just holding Chloe or smile. Her smiles would always cause a raced heartbeat and this growing feeling deep within her stomach that makes her feel nervous.

Chloe reaches up slowly between them and slides her hand underneath the open jacket to put her hand over Beca's heart, feeling the same racing heartbeat that Beca had given to her. She couldn't say what Beca needed to unless Beca was having sex with her. She still needed to get herself used to that.

Beca knew as soon as Chloe's hand was against her heart what the gesture meant. Her heartbeat was speeding ridiculously along, so much that it caused a tightness within her chest. There was nothing else in the world right now, the only thing she could see was Chloe.

They were standing together for at least a minute until Amy had yelled up the stairs to get Beca moving and snapping them both out of their moment. Beca would have stayed with the redhead had she not taken her hand away and fell back into her shell in reaction to the booming voice. "I'll see you soon" Beca moves forward and kisses Chloe's cheek before she started leaving. Glancing over once more before she descended the stairs.

Chloe had been away from Beca a few times, the longest was only about 25 minutes, but she held onto the hope that she could do this. Chloe stayed in the bedroom, sitting on the bed until she heard quiet footsteps on the stairs. Chloe watched Aubrey as she came up and stopped at the top of the stairs, looking over at her.

"Do you need anything? Drink, food?" After Chloe shakes her head to say no, Aubrey taps her fingers on the stair railing, staring over at the redhead "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Remembering the permission Chloe got from Beca before the brunette left, she nods at Aubrey and starts moving off the bed, stopping her path halfway across the room because she couldn't let herself get too close to the blonde.

Aubrey had chosen the movie to watch, and Chloe was half paying attention to it, but she had to keep looking over at the blonde to make sure she was staying on the other couch. Chloe knew this movie, she knew the next scene before it had even started, but she couldn't remember a time where she ever watched it.

"Do you remember that time we went to that club and did this?" Aubrey pointed up at the screen when Romy and Michele started dancing in a club together and looks across the room at Chloe, getting a blank stare in response, then a shake of Chloe's head. It was hard to hear that Chloe had barely any recollection of her.

"I-... there are things that feel different" Chloe turns her gaze to the coffee table in front of her, hearing the film come to a sudden stop makes her look up at the pause screen, then over at Aubrey with the remote turning back to face her. The blonde wanted her to continue and it was all too confronting. Chloe tried to focus on the fact she had Beca's permission, and the blonde had been a constant help with her. "Like it's..." Chloe chews at her lip and looks back to the table. "Like a dream that I can't remember. But it comes in parts"

Aubrey wanted nothing more than to cheer when Chloe finally talked to her. She wanted to throw a party and hug the redhead non-stop. And one day she will, just for this moment. Aubrey leans to her side against her elbow on the arm of the couch. "Do you have many memories? From before"

Chloe hadn't looked up from the table just yet, she just shook her head. Aubrey could see the tears in her eyes from the start of her words. "Can we just..." Chloe turns her gaze to the TV.

"Yeah, sorry. Lets finish the movie" Aubrey holds the remote up towards the TV and plays again.

It wasn't difficult for Chloe to calm her nerves down, but she had a minute there where she found herself needing to see Beca, which was terrible since the brunette hadn't been gone for long. Chloe needed to be stronger than that, Beca wanted her to stay here. She needed time away.

The end of the movie rolls around and the Bella's still haven't returned. Aubrey sent Beca a text at some point and the brunette had replied quickly saying they were almost finished after having a few rounds of competing.

The room fell silent as Aubrey got up to look through the DVD collection. Chloe was staring across the room at the blonde, her heart racing from her growing anxiety of the separation from Beca. All she could think about were the times Beca would be out for hours and return in a rage. "Beca left me like this"

Aubrey turns around and stands up straight to stare at Chloe from across the room, the redhead's eyes dropped down to the table. "What for?"

"I don't know"

Aubrey stands still, watching the tear falling from Chloe's eye, quickly followed by another.

"It was... she was upset" If it hadn't been for Beca telling Chloe to talk, she'd never let Aubrey hear about any of this. But the blonde was someone that Beca obviously trusted enough to let her stay with the blonde. "I don't know what I did"

"You didn't do anything, Chloe" Aubrey moves slowly across the room and sits down on the couch that she was seated at before, staying away from the redhead.

"I must have. She-... I-... I don't know what I had to learn, she didn't give me any rule for that"

"Was this why you were so hurt when you first got here?" Aubrey regretted the question as soon as Chloe started nodding. Making the blonde sick to her stomach.

"I think she just needed to make sure... that she could do anyth-"

"Stop, please. I just... it isn't easy to hear this" Aubrey brings her hand up to the air in front of her to signal Chloe's voice to stop. The redhead looks down in her guilt, causing Aubrey to chastise herself in her thoughts. "I'm sorry. Continue"

Chloe stares down into the coffee table, staying silent. She thought it could be better if she tried to speak to Aubrey, but the blonde didn't want to hear it. She could tell by the way Aubrey would look at her while she tried. Chloe stands up slowly, saying she's going to bed before she walks away.

"Chloe." Aubrey stands to follow the redhead and stops herself in her tracks, telling herself that Chloe had only just started talking to her, she didn't want to ruin that by chasing after the girl and making her talk, it won't get her anywhere.

As soon as the Bella's got back to the house, Aubrey had to tell Beca what Chloe had said, it was some form of breakthrough for Chloe to talk to Aubrey, only the downside was seeing Beca's face when she told the brunette what Chloe had told her.

Beca knew that Chloe had blamed herself for being hit, but she didn't realize it hit the extent to where Chloe could take such a big beating and then keep defending Brody like it was her own fault that Brody attacked her for simply no reason.

Beca found Chloe in her bed when she entered her bedroom and caught the blue eyes in the lit up room. Beca moves to the closet to get changed into her pyjamas and walk back into the room to stop next to the bed and stare down into Chloe's eyes. "How was the night?"

Chloe had half expected Beca to enter the room in a rage, she relaxes as soon as she sees Beca's face, she looked happy. "Good" Chloe chewed at her lip, worrying that Aubrey had told Beca what she had said, and that Beca was going to be annoyed. She'd find herself in these moments between scared and safe since Beca stopped being violent.

Beca leans down over Chloe's face to kiss the redhead's cheek and move back a couple of inches "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be back"

It only took one kiss for Chloe to feel secure that Beca wasn't angry at her. Chloe wasn't scared at all when the brunette returned, she almost felt relieved, but those underlying insecurities were always burning at her.

Chloe watched Beca moving across the room until the brunette was climbing into the bed behind her, as soon as Beca's arm comes over her side, Chloe takes Beca's hand between her arms, hugging it to her chest. "Was your night good?"

"It was great. We totally kicked ass, as usual" Beca smiles to herself, being in bed with Chloe like this had become her favourite part of the day.

"I'm happy to hear that" Chloe says, even though happiness to her wasn't anything to do with the true meaning of the word. Her kind of happiness was feeling anything other than frightened or hurt.

After a few moments of silence from the redhead, Beca moves forward and kisses Chloe's shoulder, she knows that the redhead has fallen into one of her thought processes, but this happened far too often for Beca to help put an end to it, at least she had the redhead somewhat settled in her arms. "Night Chloe."

"Goodnight Beca" Chloe's arms tighten around Beca's arm after she closes her eyes. She could hear Beca's slow, calming breathing. It helped her to fall asleep at night to listen to Beca's sleeping breaths.

\--  
  
Beca feels something touching the side of her face, waking her from her sleep, when her eyes open, she meets Chloe's stare. The redhead had turned over and been stroking her cheek but stopped when she woke up from the touch.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

"Keep doing it, it feels nice" Beca smiles slightly and closes her eyes again, feeling Chloe's fingers return to her cheek after a few moments.

"Can I try something today?"

"As long as it doesn't involve getting out of bed" Beca feels Chloe's hand slow to a stop and move away, when Beca opens her eyes again, the redhead looked sad. "I wasn't being serious... What did you want to try?"

"It's okay, I can stay here" Chloe's stare doesn't move from Beca's eyes as the brunette starts shifting closer to her.

"You know, I'm going to keep asking you until you tell me"

Chloe moves her hand underneath the covers and holds onto Beca's pyjama shirt. Her silent battle with her nerves delayed her question for moments. "Can I try going outside?"

"We can go out, yeah. Why do you need t- Oh. You mean alone?"

"I won't go far, I promise. I just want to see.."

Beca watches the redhead for a second and rolls onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. She wanted Chloe to be independent again, but Chloe will be alone around people, people that Beca doesn't know. And if someone scared Chloe, she could end up back at square one again. "I don't think it's a good idea"

"Okay" Chloe chews at her lip and lets go of Beca's shirt, bringing her hand back against her chest.

"That doesn't mean you can't ever leave, I am fine with you taking people with you, but just... you being alone out there scares me. I don't want anything to happen to you"

"It's okay Beca, I won't" A long silence falls between them. Chloe's uncertainty about Beca was growing again.

"What if you take Aubrey with you?" Beca turns her head to look at Chloe again, the redhead was thinking about her offer, taking a minute before she nods at Beca. "Okay. Good. Thank you"

Chloe lowered her voice to almost a whisper to say "Thank you" and Beca rolls back onto her side facing Chloe and takes the redhead's hands in her own.

"I'm gonna sleep again now" Beca said as her eyes started closing on her without her will. It was way too early for her. Chloe plants a light kiss on her cheek, making her smile. "G'night Chlo"

\--  
  
Chloe was nervous, more than nervous. She'd been standing on the front porch for at least 5 minutes with Aubrey, she was trying to work up the courage to leave the house without Beca and it was proving to be more difficult than she had imagined. Aubrey was being patient with her, as soon as Chloe stopped just in front of the steps, Aubrey was at her side, telling her that it'll all be fine.

Chloe needed her security, she needed Beca at her side. She had to know that what she was doing was okay with Beca, and make sure Beca watched her so she won't do anything to disappoint the brunette. Chloe closes her eyes tightly, trying to see Beca in her mind telling Chloe that it's fine for her to leave the house like she did less than 40 minutes ago. If only it would come to her.

"Chloe, we don't have to go anywhere yet. We can just sit out here and take it one day at a time"

Chloe's eyes open again, the tears that have filled them start to fall out as she nods to Aubrey. The blonde moves onto the first step and sits down, looking back up and urging Chloe to join her. As soon as the redhead was seated, she felt relieved that she didn't go further outside. Beca was just up the stairs, she was close.

The two of them sat in silence for some time before Chloe slowly looked over at the blonde who was staring out into the neighbourhood. "Thank you" she says quietly, the blonde turned to her in reaction and smiled softly. Chloe had felt a sense of trust with Aubrey that she didn't know if she was okay with, but Beca had expressed to her a lot that Aubrey was someone the brunette wanted Chloe to be okay with. It was a difficult feeling to process when Beca had spent so long getting her to not trust anyone other than her, only to turn around one day and tell her to talk to someone else.

Aubrey's smile faltered a little when she watched Chloe's expressions changing back to upset, and she decides that it was time to try and nudge Chloe a tiny bit out of her shell. Aubrey turns her hand up and holds it out to Chloe, seeing the redhead's eyes moving to watch her hand staying still in between them.

Chloe felt her heartbeat speed up when Aubrey's hand moved towards her, but it stopped in the air and waited. Chloe had no idea what she should do, Beca had only told her to talk to Aubrey. She never said anything about letting people touch her. Chloe could feel her fingers twitching against the floorboards under her, wanting to move to the blonde's hand. It was taking every piece of strength within her to just be able to move it up an inch off the porch.

Aubrey was staying completely still, knowing that if she moves at all during this, Chloe will stop. It felt like she was approaching a wild animal and hoping to not scare it away. It'll happen eventually, but for now, she was getting closer. Chloe's hand was almost halfway now and Aubrey felt like she had to hold her breath so she didn't make any noise at all.

Chloe's fingertips came into contact with Aubrey's wrist, freezing her hand in place. It was the first time she let herself touch anyone and she felt a wash of guilt come over her body and make her yank her hand away to her lap. Chloe turned her gaze to the ground in front of her, letting the stream of tears out, followed by the sobbing that she had to catch by covering her face.

Aubrey let out her captured breath when Chloe started to cry, the wild animal finally running away from her. The touch was small, but it was enough to fill Aubrey's heart with a hope that Chloe was just as desperate to reconnect with her.

When Chloe hadn't stopped crying, Aubrey had left to get Beca, bringing the brunette outside to hold Chloe through the apologies and tears. It hadn't mattered how many times that Beca said it was perfectly fine to touch Aubrey, Chloe's guilt was eating away at her that she did it without Beca's permission.

Beca had eventually calmed the redhead down, although it took a lot longer than usual when Chloe thinks she did something wrong, but at least she didn't try to force herself into sex anymore. It still reminded Beca that things weren't supposed to be moving along so fast, Chloe's work in progress could take months, or years, especially when she has no idea what she's doing when it comes to this whole thing.

Aubrey was standing at the door behind the two girls, watching Beca's fingers move through Chloe's hair. She wished she could comfort her best friend again. The hardest part was that she wasn't allowed to. She just had to stand back and watch Chloe breaking down over and over again, then they would have to find Beca to calm her down. It was horrible for everyone to see. Brody took the heart out of the Bella's. Aubrey turns away after a few minutes of watching to make sure Chloe was feeling somewhat better again.

"Do you want to go inside?" Beca feels a shaking head against her shoulder. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Another shake.

"Can we just stay?" Chloe asks quietly, Beca's hand starts moving down to rub over her back softly.

"Of course. For as long as you want to" And they stayed, Beca held Chloe against her as they watched the neighbourhood roll by. "It's hot out here in the sun"

Chloe hums lightly, she hadn't really noticed that the sun was even blazing down on them. She was too wrapped up in Beca's body against her that she missed it.

Chloe hadn't really wanted to leave, sitting with Beca in silence had calmed her, almost as if she never really freaked out. Chloe's hand moves down to Beca's thigh, pushing down to sit up straight and look at the brunette for a few moments before she could talk "I'm ready to go inside"

Beca feels her heart skip a beat when Chloe says it without a question, it makes her smile slightly and nod at the redhead before she starts getting up and holding her hand out to Chloe. She took two huge steps in the course of half an hour. Touching Aubrey was something out of this world though, Beca thought the redhead was worlds away from that place.

They move into the living room where Stacie and Aubrey were watching something, and Beca decided to give something a shot. Since Chloe had shown the need for Aubrey's comfort as well, she walks between the couches and turns to Chloe "Can you do something for me?" there was a concerned nod from the redhead that makes her apprehensive about the next move, but she has to try it. Beca points to the end of the couch next to Aubrey "Sit here for me"

Chloe turns to look down at the couch, feeling a tug at her heart, but she makes the move anyway and sits down, there was space between her and Aubrey left.

Beca turns around and sits on the other couch, leaving Chloe to watch her from next to the blonde. She could feel Aubrey's intense stare, probably telling her to stop pushing Chloe, but she knows that Chloe can do this. Or maybe that was just her wish.

Chloe had to push her hands against the couch cushion beneath her legs, she couldn't look away from Beca until the brunette smiles at her softly and nods. Chloe swallows the nervous lump in her throat and turns her head to look at the TV, she couldn't focus on anything that was happening.

It took Chloe a while to settle into her spot on the couch, no one had talked or moved, and every time Chloe would glance at Beca, she'd find the brunette giving her another smile to let her know she was okay. Chloe felt her stomach flipping every time she even thought about moving her hand, just in case she would accidentally touch the blonde next to her.

"You know, I was an extra on this show once" Stacie says, getting Aubrey and Beca's attention on her. "I may have got to know one of the stars, if you know what I mean"

"You had sex with someone from Greys Anatomy? Who? Please tell me it was Jesse Williams." Aubrey gets a smirk from the brunette at her side.

"Knowing Stacie, it was probably everyone" Beca says with a laugh, when she looks at Chloe, the redhead had the smallest smile on her lips.

"Oh, bitch! It was ONE of them"

As soon as Stacie had started, Chloe's smile was gone again. Beca was too busy being happy that Chloe had given her so many signs today that she couldn't be disappointed when the smile left.

The conversation between Aubrey and Stacie kept rolling along, but all Chloe could do was watch Beca. Every time the brunette would join in on the conversation with a smile, Chloe would feel lighter somehow. It was like her mind was being lifted away from her but her body was sinking.

"And, you're a dick!" Stacie says after the blonde calls her a hobag. Stacie crosses her arms in a faux offense and pouts.

Aubrey couldn't help but roll her eyes, and just as she was about to come back with another retort, she feels something against the back of her hand. Her gaze drops to look, finding a hand on top of hers. Her eyes travel up the arm, almost in a state of disbelief that this could possibly be Chloe's arm, but it was attached to the redhead. Everything had fallen silent when Aubrey stared at Chloe. The redhead wasn't looking back at her, they were fixed on the coffee table. Aubrey was almost too scared to move.

Beca couldn't see why Aubrey was staring at Chloe like that until she leaned forward in worry, when she looks between the two girls, Chloe had touched Aubrey, her hand was still on the blonde's hand. It was a sight that caused her to choke up and look away. She couldn't take the chance of scaring Chloe right now. Beca stares at the screen, hoping that she didn't look like she was in some kind of shock.

Everyone in the room knew what was happening right now. Stacie had looked when Aubrey never came back with an insult. She couldn't even think through her shock.

Aubrey could see Chloe's hand shaking against hers, prompting her to try turning her hand over and curling her fingers around the redhead's hand. It made Chloe go tense, so Aubrey relaxed her fingers again, waiting for the redhead to relax again.

Chloe felt like she might be sick from her growing nerves in her body. Her eyes move to Beca when Aubrey grabs her hand, needing that support and getting the side of Beca's face instead. Chloe wanted badly to pull her hand away, and she tries to get a handle on her breathing, but it wasn't okay. She wasn't okay without Beca's approval. Chloe flinches when she hears Aubrey clearing her throat quietly, then Beca's attention was back on her.

Beca saw the scared look in Chloe's eyes that makes her lean forward and reach out to the arm of the couch beside Chloe. The redhead immediately takes her hand, Beca could see the shaking fingers in her grasp. She starts worrying that she may have pushed Chloe too far, but then Chloe looks down at Aubrey's hand. And from Beca's view, she could see Chloe's fingers curling around Aubrey's hand tighter.

Aubrey felt like her heart was actually going to explode in her chest now that Chloe was holding her hand. Then Stacie puts her hand on Aubrey's shoulder to keep the blonde from letting her emotions fly out of her in the moment, but it couldn't be stopped. Aubrey moves her other hand up and covers her mouth as she loses control of her sobbing and tears.

Chloe finally looks over at the blonde when she started crying, her hand still holding onto Aubrey's while the blonde was trying to stop herself from crying. Stacie moves out of the room quickly and comes back with tissues. Chloe was confused by the tears from Aubrey, she had no idea why Aubrey would cry over the touch like this.

Beca understood everything that the blonde was letting go of. It was relief, happiness and sadness all rolled into one.


	9. Chapter 9

The longer time rolled by, the less Chloe needed Beca to watch her when she was holding Aubrey's hand. It wasn't often that she would hold the blonde's hand, it was only when Beca would make them sit together. Sometimes Chloe would just feel better sitting close enough to the blonde that their arms were touching. She'd never think about moving beyond the hand-holding, Chloe kept telling herself that would be less okay with the brunette, and if she ever even considered hugging the blonde, it would all be over.

The first and only time so far that she held Aubrey's hand without Beca in the room was when she had left the house with Aubrey, they actually made it 10 minutes into the walk until it became so nerve-wracking to Chloe for her to hold Aubrey's hand and be without Beca that she had to run back and find Beca in the house to hug her tightly. She didn't cry, but she had to keep apologizing until Beca made her stop.

Beca had been sitting in the living room, working on a mix when Chloe had burst in and started saying sorry for being away from her and holding Aubrey's hand without her supervision. Beca had her calm again after a few minutes, she was too used to these moments now that it was becoming instinct to put her hands to Chloe's cheeks and bring her back down.

Chloe sat with her again while she tried to work on the mix again, but the upset redhead had thrown her off. Beca drums her fingers against the edge of the laptop, waiting for her motivation to return to her.

"Can I listen to it?" Chloe says, staring down at Beca's fingers tapping away at the laptop on the coffee table. The brunette turns to face her, prompting Chloe's eyes to move up and meet the dark blues.

"Yeah.. Yeah." Beca turns back to the laptop and moves her finger over the trackpad to go to the start of the mix. "Sure thing" With a quick tap against the trackpad, the song starts, it was a slow mix of Rihanna's 'Russian Roulette' and Beyonce's 'Halo'

Chloe had leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees to get closer to the song, the music started with Halo, and worked really well with Rihanna, but then again, it wasn't surprising because Beca was really good at these, she knew how to mesh sounds together. Chloe watches the screen intently, keeping an eye on the moving bar as it goes through the song. Instead of paying attention to how the songs work together, she finds herself listening to the words from Rihanna, wondering if Beca was trying to tell her something. Before she could get too far into her thoughts, the song ends abruptly halfway.

"Is it horrible? It's horrible, right?" Beca was watching Chloe's face falling further away from her, but then she looks up and there's something in her eyes that makes Beca's heart skip.

"Did you do that for me?"

"I mean... yeah, I guess. I wasn't like.. You're kind of my muse, I guess. Really, you always have been" Beca reaches up and rubs her neck, trying not to be totally obvious that she had a build up of nerves taking over her stomach.

"I think it's great. I really like it" Chloe reaches up and presses her hand against Beca's chest, in a somewhat sudden movement that seemed to stun Beca. "Thank you for not leaving me when you're terrified"

Beca smiles slightly and looks down at Chloe's hand "Yeah well" When she looks back up again, she feels almost dizzy staring into Chloe's eyes. "Your halo is too bright to walk away from"

"You're a d.." Chloe's hand falters, coming off Beca's chest and slowly making it's way back to her as she turns away from Beca. She almost called Beca a dork, that could have ended horribly, and it may still.

"A dork? I know. I have this horrible tendency to try and impress you and it always comes off cheesy" Beca puts her hand against Chloe's shoulder, trying to knock the redhead back into reality instead of letting herself become guilt-stricken.

Chloe lets out a long, quiet breath. Beca hadn't been mad at all, but it was a big risk she took just letting her mouth run away like that. She needs to be more careful.

After Chloe wasn't responding to her touch, Beca leans in slowly, pressing her lips against Chloe's cheek, feeling the redhead moving against her mouth slightly. She pulls away after a moment and keeps their faces close "I like it when you call me a dork. One day can you maybe try it again for me? It doesn't have to be now, just... maybe keep it in mind" Chloe nods back at her request, but keeps her eyes fixed on something across the room. "Thanks"

Beca turns back to her laptop, going back to her matching the singing to parts of the music, just joining it with the tempo so it doesn't sound totally off. It takes a while to get it finished, and Chloe was still leaning forward, keeping herself shoulder to shoulder with Beca. "Okay.. Lets see if this worked" Beca says slowly, moving the cursor down to hit play and freezing her mind to the moment she looks over at Chloe's face. The redhead was staring at her and there was a small curling of the ends of her lips, showing a tiny smile that still manages to light up her whole face. Then her mouth opens. And Chloe starts speaking the words along with Rihanna, picking her voice up into singing when the chorus hits. Beca feels like she might actually faint, her heart was beating so hard against her chest she couldn't feel anything else.

After the first chorus, Chloe falls silent, worrying that Beca's stunned silence meant she should have just stayed quiet over the song. She was about to apologize when Beca starts picking up the second verse, moving her hand towards her to urge her to join in. Their voices meet each other, harmonizing with each other as if they were made in every way to be together. Chloe moves forward, cutting Beca's singing off with her lips and kissing the brunette. Beca moves into the kiss with a matched slow pace, their tongues meeting each other sends butterflies through Chloe's stomach. There's a few moments where Chloe feels herself vulnerably trusting that Beca was this way forever, leaving herself open to being hurt all over again if the brunette reverts back to her old ways.

Then it's over, and Beca's moving away. Her breath was heavy against Chloe's lips as she moves back and opens her eyes. The only thing that Beca can see in Chloe's eyes is love. But her devotion may have clouded what love really meant to the redhead. Beca gives a smile and turns down to the laptop again.

All Chloe could do was stare, taking in Beca and the way she sends fire and nerves through her body. She can't remember a time that she's ever felt that before, and she never felt it at all in the room. All she knows is that she loved Beca when she was in there, and she loves Beca more now, enough to make her ache and want to say it. But she can't unless she's on the brink. "Beca" The brunette looks up at her quickly, waiting for Chloe's next words "I... can we... can-"

Beca moves her hand onto Chloe's knee, trying to stop the redhead's nerves from making her stutter "You can ask me anything, Chloe"

"Can you touch me?"

Beca turns her head slightly, processing the request. "Can you tell me why you want me to?"

Chloe knows that her breathing has become heightened, and she's not sure whether it was because of her need to say she loves Beca, or because she's going to have Beca's touch. "I j.. I need to say it"

"Say that you want me to touch you?"

"No.." Chloe chews at her lip, which seems to make Beca more concerned in her expression. "I need t- I need to say it to you"

"I'm really not following, what do you need to say?" Beca was growing more concerned by the second at Chloe's apprehensiveness to tell her something. She straightens up her back and goes to reach up to Chloe's cheek, only to have the redhead take this as her chance to move forward in what feels like a slow motion movement, taking Beca backwards onto the couch in a slow kiss. Beca does consider putting a stop to it, but this doesn't feel like there's a hidden agenda behind it, there was something that keeps telling her Chloe was doing this for the right reason.

Chloe was moving against Beca, her hands finding their way onto the brunette's stomach as she holds herself up on her bent legs. Her hands move up slowly, gently, stopping when they reach Beca's ribs and settling there. Beca's hands against Chloe's cheeks keep her rooted into the kiss, feeling every wave of heated pleasure rolling over her body.

There was a faint moan from Chloe that incites Beca's hips to roll forward into Chloe's slow grinding body without permitting her body to do so.

Chloe responds to the movement by travelling her hand down to Beca's thigh, lifting it to bend Beca's knee by her side. Her hand moves back up to her original place against Beca's ribs, she felt no need to rush through this feeling. She wanted to keep it forever.

A slight shift from Chloe's body ends with Beca feeling a weight between her legs, causing Beca's hands to drop from Chloe's face and move down to the redhead's sides, pulling her closer and snaking her arms around Chloe's back, holding fistfuls of the material as the body above her starts to move again. The thigh pressing against her moves slowly, pressuring a moan to release.

The noise from Beca sets Chloe ablaze. She can't help herself when she adds pressure to Beca, urging her to make another noise and send her past the point of no return. The next noise that Beca produces was more igniting than the first. Chloe was burning up. Her hands push their way up further, covering Beca's bra and getting a grind from Beca that leaves her higher pitched moan ringing in Chloe's ear for moments after it sounded out to her.

Beca's body was flooded with desire, all she wanted was Chloe's touch, she needed it. The kiss breaks, and the space left between them was tiny, but it was still too far from Beca. Her eyes open to find Chloe's bright blue eyes staring back at her, so close that she can hardly focus on her.

"Beca...I.." Chloe has to take a second to swallow her true feelings down, suppressing them once more from her mouth. "I'm gonna touch you okay?" Chloe lets out a soft breath after Beca nods at her. When her hand started to move off Beca's chest, it felt like it travelled for weeks before it reached the top of the brunette's pants and stops. Chloe holds her hand flat against Beca's lower stomach and closes her eyes.

"What's wrong? Chloe?"

"I want to go upstairs. I want... I want us to... I want you to be naked"

Beca stays silent and starts crawling out from underneath Chloe. As soon as Beca stands and looks down to Chloe, she was met with a serene smile. Beca hadn't even noticed that she held her hand out to the redhead until Chloe put her hand on top and stood up in front of Beca. The only thing that Beca could feel was the hard knocking against her chest from her rapid heartbeat.

Chloe's unsure of the staring, she isn't scared of it, but Beca's just..staring. Right up until Chloe leans forward again, stopping halfway hesitantly. She was soon met halfway by Beca's lips, taking her to another level of self-confidence. Chloe surges her body forward, forcing Beca to move backward and fall onto the couch, breaking the kiss between them for a moment. Chloe wasn't far behind, she falls forward and onto her knees over Beca's lap.

Beca had less than a second before Chloe was kissing her again, pushing Beca against the back of the couch. The kiss was heating up rapidly, there was no chance they were going to end up in the bedroom. Beca reaches forward to Chloe's lower back and pulls the redhead closer until their bodies were pressing against each other.

Chloe breaks them both apart, just so she can try to catch her breath for a minute, right as Beca was pulling her forward. The contact between them was impossible to run away from, she couldn't even think. All she could do was keep her hands moving over Beca, or find a place to hold onto when she felt her body reacting almost too much at the touch.

Beca knew from the urgency in Chloe's next kiss that the redhead needed to be touched soon. Beca slid her hands underneath the back of Chloe's shirt, pressing them hard into the skin and holding Chloe's body against her tightly. There was a fast reaction from the redhead in the form of an impulsive moan against their kiss.

Everything within Chloe's body was yearning for Beca's touch, and she didn't want to rush the brunette, but as soon as Beca's fingers were bending and digging into her skin, she grinds forward against Beca's lap, only to lose herself in the burst of excitement and continue rolling her hips forward.

Beca couldn't help but let the redhead move against her, each moan from Chloe was sending her further into euphoria. There was no way she'd be able to stop Chloe now, in fact, she needed more of it. Beca raises her hips slightly in an effort to meet Chloe's grinding, prompting another moan from the redhead and throwing more of the butterfly feeling into Beca's stomach. In a swift movement, Beca's hand moves between their bodies, Chloe doesn't stop her movements, even as Beca was pushing her hand underneath the redhead's underwear.

There's only a split second between grinding against Beca and riding the brunette's fingers. Chloe was way too close, ridiculously close. She had to grab Beca's forearm tightly and break the kiss to stop moving suddenly, in hopes that her growing climax would fade back down, but it was far too late for that. Even with Beca's fingers completely still inside of her, she topples over the edge with a loud moan. It wasn't until she was shuddering into a relaxed state that she noticed she missed her opportunity to say what she needed to.

Beca was stunned, just sitting with her mouth agape and staring up at the redhead. Chloe's eyes were closed tightly, and she'd become completely still. Beca wasn't even sure if it was a good thing until Chloe starts rolling her hips forward again. Beca was sent further into her shock as she watches Chloe's face contorting.

She had to. It was the only way she can tell Beca. And it helps that this overpowering feeling was coming back to her in slow waves, building up inside of her. Chloe's fists grip around the material against Beca's shoulders as she starts building her speed up, trying to get her back to where she can open her feelings up to Beca. And it works, she could feel it growing steadily while she stares into Beca's eyes. Her eyebrows furrow when Beca's shoulder dips, and there was another burst of pleasure rolling through her body that causes her to lurch forward into the nape of Beca's neck.

Each hard breath against Beca's neck was making her body heat rise, she could feel the sweat forming underneath her clothes. Each curl of Beca's fingers causes Chloe's hips to buck and ride. Chloe's second build up was gaining speed with each grind against Beca's hand, she could hear it in the desperate moans. Beca has her right on the edge and curls her fingers once more, inciting an "I love you!" from the redhead followed by a high pitched moan as she climaxes. Beca actually feels like her heart just exploded.

Chloe groans loudly against Beca's neck and moves up quickly, kissing the brunette with an intense fire, pushing on Beca's forearm until the hand was removed from her pants so she could reach down and pull the bottom of Beca's shirt up until it was over her head and thrown onto the floor. Beca had tried to say something just before Chloe replaces her lips against Beca's. Then Beca was moving forward and takes Chloe down onto her back on the couch. The roaming hand from the brunette needs to stop. Chloe pushes on Beca's shoulders, breaking them apart from each other so she can stare up at Beca and breathlessly say "I need to be on top"

Beca wasn't about to argue anything like that, and she wouldn't even have had the chance to, Chloe was already rolling them over towards the back of the couch. The redhead seems to have enough sense not to roll the other way. Chloe was on top of Beca, kneeling over her legs while they kiss.

Chloe lets her hand travel down Beca's chest, taking a moment to press and rub it against Beca's breast before continuing her line down to her target. Chloe has to breath the kiss to sit up and straddle Beca's thighs in order to undo the brunette's pants and slip her hand inside as she falls forward again into another fiery kiss. Appreciating the deep moan coming from Beca's throat when her finger finds its way inside of the brunette.

Beca isn't sure whether it's the way Chloe was kissing her right now or the amount of work up that they've been doing to this point, but she was getting dangerously close to an early ending and the second finger being added almost, almost sends her there. Beca had to focus less on the kissing, causing Chloe's mouth to move away and hover above hers. Their breathing meets in the middle and reverberates back onto their lips and all Beca could do was let her body tip over and grip onto the back of Chloe's shirt as she lets the ecstasy hit her body.

Ordinarily, Beca would approach this situation by being insanely awkward and embarrassed, and had it been anyone other than Chloe, there was no doubt she'd react that way. But the only thing she feels when Chloe kisses her gently in a post-coital calmness is happiness. She couldn't even hide the fact that she was smiling. A small huffed laughter escapes her during the kiss, causing Chloe to move up and look down at her. "Sorry... just... I was thinking about that being super fast for me"

"Should... do you want me to do it again?" Chloe had already taken her hand from Beca's pants and moved it to return, stopping when Beca catches her wrist.

"No... no. That was definitely A-plus."

Chloe moves her hand to stroke Beca's cheek lightly, she wanted to smile, and it shows slightly.

"You were...yeah...that was quite a thing" Beca nods slowly, losing the battle with her conversational skills completely was normal for her when it comes to Chloe, so she doesn't think anything of it. But the redhead was staring down at her like it was new, as if she'd only just discovered that Beca was a hidden nerd. The smile on Chloe's face spreads wider, filling Beca's chest with a tightness. It was hard to breathe when she stared at Chloe's smiling face for the first time in months.

Chloe feels the words coming to her, outside of sex and real. She needs to say it to Beca, just three simple words. But Chloe was interrupted during her inner battle to let herself say she loves Beca when Aubrey and Stacie walk in the front door bickering about something. Chloe gets up quickly, too quickly, it was way too obvious when she falls onto the abutting couch and tries to act natural, even though both of the girls had watched her do it, and Beca was topless and still laying on the couch.

"Huh. Getting busy in here?" Stacie says, grinning as she enters the living room before Aubrey. Chloe was red in the face, looking like a 15 year old girl who just got caught during her first kiss. And Beca was propping herself up onto her elbow in her bra, totally unbothered by the company.

"Well" Beca looks over at Chloe, but she was staring at the table in some kind of embarrassment, or maybe it was a bad thing that the redhead was doing that. "We were just talking" Beca says, looking back up to Stacie's incredulous gaze.

"And I'm the Pope." Stacie feels Aubrey's hands on her back, hearing the blonde telling her to leave them alone. She points at Chloe as she gets pushed away from behind the redhead's couch and gives a thumbs up to Beca.

Beca waited until they were gone before she looks over at Chloe "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" Chloe nods, she hadn't been able to look up from her spot on the table, she didn't exactly understand why she couldn't face Aubrey and Stacie after being caught during sex. When her eyes finally move over to the brunette, she gets a smile from Beca that makes her try to give one back.

The smile from Chloe doesn't last long, she dropped her head to look down and make Beca worried again. "Chloe, are you really okay?"

Chloe stands up slowly, moving back towards the couch and picking Beca's shirt up on the way. When she stops next to the couch where Beca was laying, she plays with the shirt in her hands, staring down at it. "I just... I feel like I'm stuck somewhere"

Beca sits up and gets up on her knees to kneel in front of Chloe on the couch, being quick to hold her hands against Chloe's cheeks and stare up at her.

Chloe attempts another smile at Beca's concerned move. The brunette always does the same thing every time. Only this time it's unnecessary. "I think I'm just stuck trying to be something more than scared.. I can feel it there, but it's not...coming"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Beca"

Beca drops her hands onto Chloe's shoulders, holding them for a moment in silence before she convinces herself to say it "Do you think you can talk to someone for me?"

"Like Aubrey? Do you not want me to tell you these things?"

"No, I do. I really do. But I can't... I can't help you the way that a professional could"

Chloe's heart jumps to her throat, causing her to swallow. There were those nerves again, sending her into a worried state of mind. "You want to put me away?"

"What? No. No way. I would never even consider that, Chloe. I really just want you to have the right help, I don't want to say anything wrong and push you back down again"

Chloe's silence lasts longer than usual, but she was put into a thought process where she was worrying about being taken from Beca, or vice versa. She'd never be able to live in a world without the brunette at her side. She didn't want to, but maybe Beca was doing this for a different reason. She has to hold onto that hope.

\--  
  
There were a few days before Aubrey and Beca were driving her somewhere, Chloe was in the back with Beca, leaning against the brunette. She wasn't scared about where they were going, she knew that Beca was never going to leave her for long. Beca had mentioned that she wants Chloe to meet someone, and that she was going to be right at her side the whole time. It confused Chloe, but she had a feeling it was going to be the professional that Beca wanted her to see. The building that they stop outside of isn't a place that Chloe recognizes, even when they were walking inside. Chloe couldn't find any signage on the building until they moved off the elevator and found an office. It was a psychologist. Chloe was right.

Beca sighs softly and drops her gaze to Chloe's hands, seeing the redhead shaking. She should have prepared Chloe more for this. Beca reaches over and holds Chloe's hand. "You don't have to do this, but I just need to know how I can help you better"

Chloe turns her head to look at Beca, furrowing her eyebrows. "What should I do in there?"

"You don't have to do anything, you can just listen, or you can talk. Whatever you feel you want to do, you should"

Chloe's head moves up when a woman calls Beca's name from across the room. Chloe moves to get up, only to be stopped by Beca. 'I just need to do the first part alone, Chloe' was all she needs to hear to cause her to cling to Beca's hand tighter when the brunette gets up. "Please don't"

Beca bends in front of Chloe's face, putting her hand against the redhead's cheek "I won't be long in there, okay?" Beca reaches down to Chloe's wrist, to take her hand out of Chloe's grip and letting Aubrey's hand move over in replacement of hers. "I promise I'll be back"

And just like that, Beca was moving away from her. Chloe watches the brunette disappearing into the room. Her eyes stayed fixated on the door for about 20 minutes until it opens and Chloe releases Aubrey's hand to move across the room and catch Beca in a hug.

"I told you I wouldn't be long" Beca says, wrapping her arms around Chloe's lower back.

"I'm sorry" Chloe says, moving away slowly and turning her gaze away. Beca's hands move to her cheek again, pulling her back into the dark blue eyes in front of her.

"It's fine. You're fine" Beca brushes her thumb across Chloe's cheek and turns her head to the psychologist.

Chloe follows Beca's gaze, nervously setting her eyes on the woman who had been watching them intently. The woman was quite tall, and she talked in a quiet calm voice, she wasn't threatening in the slightest, but Chloe was too nervous to talk to her.

"Hello Chloe, my name's Katherine Ramsay" Katherine steps aside from the door and holds her hand out "Would you like to come inside?" Chloe had started shaking her head in response until Beca turned to the redhead and walked into the office, leading Chloe inside.

Chloe would have taken the time to look around the room had she not been scared. Scared that she was somehow going to be separated from Beca if they knew what she had done. Chloe had grown to think the beatings were normal. But then after, Beca was acting like it was never okay. Chloe's head was a mess, pulling her in every direction possible.

"So Chloe, how are you feeling right now?" Katherine asks, Chloe had an inability to look at her, she would stare at the table in front of her, or Beca's hand in her lap.

"Chloe" Beca got Chloe's gaze on her immediately "You can talk to her" Chloe shakes her head at Beca, it was unusual for Chloe to say no to her. Beca looks over at Katherine, hoping she knew where to take it.

"Beca, maybe you should try leaving the room for a minute"

"No! Please. I ca- I can talk, please" Chloe was clinging onto Beca's arm with both of her hands, holding the brunette firm against her side.

"Chloe, it's okay. I'll just be on the other side of the door" Beca had no chance of pulling her hand out of Chloe's grip, with every tug, Chloe would hold her tighter.

"Don't let them take me"

Beca stops trying to pull her arm from Chloe and looks at her, bringing her free hand up to Chloe's cheek to settle the redhead down "This isn't about you going anywhere, Chloe. I promise. This is just you talking to someone"

"It's okay. Beca will stay" Katherine says, watching Chloe's arms loosen just a little around Beca's arm. "Chloe, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself" Once again, she was ignored by the redhead, then she motions for Beca to ask Chloe instead.

"I don't know" Chloe says to Beca, searching the brunette's eyes for the answer that she's supposed to give. Beca wasn't helping her, and it scares her into thinking that she really was going to be taken away. She couldn't stop worrying that Beca was trying to test her.

Katherine watches the redhead's face, tilting her head slightly when Chloe starts looking more scared "There's no wrong answers in here Chloe. Nothing is going to happen to you. And if it helps you to feel better, we can stop the appointment now and try again another time" The frantic nod from Chloe was the first time that the redhead responds to her without needing to use Beca for communication. "Okay. We'll try again in a couple of days, Beca"

Beca would have been concerned about the early exit, had it not been for the smile and nod that Katherine gave her to tell her it was going to be okay.

\--  
  
The ride back was silent, and Beca had to keep her hand rubbing over Chloe's arm to keep her from shaking. Beca had scared Chloe, it felt horrible. She felt horrible. She should have talked to Chloe more about what they were going to do, that way she could have let Chloe know early on that nothing was going to happen to her, that she was never going to be taken away.

It wasn't until Beca had walked up to her bedroom with Chloe that she found out how much damage she'd done by taking Chloe to the psychologist. Chloe spun her around and tried to initiate something sexual between them. Beca had to hold the redhead back, she knew that this was because Chloe was scared. "Chloe, stop, it's ok-" Chloe was back against her mouth, kissing her and trying to get Beca to react. When Beca pushes Chloe away and holds her at arm's length away, the redhead started crying. Causing Beca to move forward and wrap her arms around Chloe. She was shaking against Beca for minutes until the tears stopped and she relaxed slightly.

"I swear to you that I never intended to scare you like that, I really just wanted you to be able to talk about this and get better. I needed to just... I need to help you" Beca feels Chloe's shaking returning again as she talked. "I'll never leave you, ever. I promise" It took a few moments, but Chloe starts leaning into the hug and closing her eyes.  
  
===

It took longer than a few days to get Chloe back into the psychologist office, it took over a week. Beca had to spend every day trying to coax her into returning, only to keep being refused. Chloe must have been worn down over the time, because she eventually agreed to try it for Beca's sake.

Chloe didn't want to be here, they were in the waiting room again. Chloe only agreed to this because she overheard the brunette talking to Aubrey about how hard it was to see Chloe like this. Chloe had to at least try for Beca, it's what she wants her to do. Chloe was sitting between Aubrey and Beca again, watching the door and waiting. There was the constant worry buzzing in the back of her head that this was going to end in her or Beca being taken away.

The second session was almost the same as the first, only with less of a frantic outburst from the redhead. She was just silent for the whole time unless Beca asked her something, but then Chloe would try to get out of an answer with shaking or nodding her head.

It was like this over the next few sessions, Beca thought Chloe would never let herself even try. Beca had become the one to start answering for Chloe, it relaxed the redhead when it was Beca talking for her, this way she knew that she wouldn't upset Beca by saying the wrong thing.

It took five sessions for someone named Brody to come up, Chloe had no idea who this person was, but Katherine and Beca looked at her expectantly, waiting for some kind response as if she should know.

"Chloe, do you remember what happened before you went to the hotel?" Katherine urges Beca to repeat the question to Chloe, even the brunette seemed reluctant to ask.

Chloe shakes her head to say no, turning her eyes down to stare at Beca's knee. She couldn't, really remember. Everything was hazed, like it was just a large cloud covering images, she could see spots of the picture but there was nothing full until Beca first made Chloe hers in the room. Chloe couldn't say any of that though, she couldn't talk at all to this person.

"Do you remember what happened as soon as you were in the room?" Katherine was watching Chloe's face, she knew the redhead was listening to her questions before Beca got her to answer them, and the redhead's eyebrows twitch slightly.

As soon as Beca repeats the question, Chloe can feel her tears welling up. She doesn't want Beca to make her answer. Chloe nods her head slightly, closing her eyes to avoid the next question.

"I think it's best if we leave it here. We'll continue this in another session." Katherine says, Chloe's hands were shaking in her lap, signalling Katherine to end the session. Pushing Chloe was just going to have her become too upset to give an answer.

Chloe felt a wave of relief over her body as soon as she stepped out of the office with Beca's hand in hers. Aubrey stood up and held her hand out to Chloe, which the redhead took. It was time for Beca to go into the office again and leave her. This part made her feel horrible. It was obvious that she was disappointing Beca all the time by being so useless.

"Hey. It won't be long" Aubrey says, snapping Chloe out of what could only be a sad thought, the redhead looked like she was about to cry.

"I can't talk"

"You will one day, Chloe. Don't push yourself so hard, no one else is"

Chloe turns her gaze away, Beca is pushing her, even if she doesn't mean to. Chloe felt a tonne of pressure on her whenever Beca asks her Katherine's questions. Only because it forced Chloe to answer.

Beca had come back out of the office after a while and hadn't looked upset this time. She looked relieved, almost happy. It made Chloe feel worse to see Beca look like Chloe was getting better. There was hope in her eyes when Chloe felt like she was hopeless.

The drive back was silent, and then Chloe found her way up to Beca's room to hide in the corner of the closet, sitting behind the hanging clothes. She heard Beca come into the room and call out her name, then the brunette left again. Chloe hugs her knees tightly, the thought of hiding from Beca was as overwhelming as her sadness, but she stays still. Maybe if Beca snaps, it'll be easier than trying to pretend that she can be this person that Beca needs so desperately.

It felt like a long time had passed before Chloe started hearing the yelling and thumping footsteps. She heard her name a few times, but her mouth couldn't open, her legs weren't working, and she couldn't think of anything other than what she was in for. It had been so long since she was scared of Beca, she'd forgotten how it felt to flinch. Which is exactly what she did when the clothing in front of her was parted with a loud sliding from the coat-hangers above her.

Beca kneeled down next to her, but Chloe couldn't hear a thing, she kept her eyes closed tightly after the flinch. Even when she feels Beca's hand on her cheek, she was stuck. There was nothing but darkness and muffled voices.

The longer Chloe sat there, the easier it became to fall deeper into her mind. She didn't care if Beca needed to teach her not to ignore her anymore, she needed it back. She needed Beca back, it was easier when she knew exactly how to be. This was too much for her to understand.

The next muffled voice that she heard sounded so alien to her that she had to open her eyes. It was Katherine, she had been sitting in the closet and Beca wasn't there. Katherine reached out to the door and closed it, making Chloe's breath become faster paced. She was stuck in here with Katherine now.

"Chloe, whatever you're feeling right now is okay. You feel scared, tormented and I'm guessing you just spent a really long time in here hurting yourself in your mind" Katherine was staying against the opposite side of the closet next to the door so that Chloe wouldn't get the urge to fly out of the door.

Chloe turns her gaze down to her knees in front of her chest, listening to Katherine's words as she continued.

"It's all normal to feel these things. I went through this plenty of times, which is exactly why I chose this profession. I know how it feels to be worthless and scared every second of the day" That seemed to get Chloe's attention back on her, so Katherine leans in slightly. "You may not feel it yet, but you are stronger than you think." Katherine sees Chloe's mouth open and close again when her nerves get the better of her. "Whatever you tell me, its just between us"

Chloe chews at her lip and looks up at the closed door, she doesn't want to leave and that was startling to her. Her eyes move back to Katherine, who has a warm smile on her face. A trusting smile. "I..." Chloe slumps her body slightly, trying to shrink. "I can't"

Katherine waits a moment to make sure Chloe wasn't going to say something else. "You can't what?"

"I can't feel anything" The stinging in her eyes were the tears threatening to fall as she stares over at Katherine.

Katherine nods slowly and leans back against the wall "I don't think that's true at all, Chloe. You're just feeling so much right now that it makes you feel numb. When you came in here to sit, what were you scared of?"

"I wasn't, I was.." Chloe turns her gaze back down to her knees, reaching up with her hand to wipe at her falling tears. "I'm not good at this, I'm only good at.." Chloe chews her lip again, letting her nerves stop her again.

"My ex husband made me think that I was worthless. He would say it constantly, so many times that I believed it. You're not worthless. You aren't only good at one thing, and yes it's very simple for me to say that to you and incredibly hard for you to feel it for yourself. But you will feel it's true one day again"

The tears kept falling from Chloe's cheeks, she shakes her head at Katherine's words and keeps staring down. "I don't know who I'm supposed to be"

"You're supposed to be whoever you want to be. Beca has been trying to make you comfortable, hasn't she?"

"I don't understand why she changed. It.. I knew who to be, I don't know anymore"

Katherine stares for a few moments, not quite understanding how these girls let Chloe go on so long without treatment. This denial and brainwashing was buried so deep, it was going to take ages to bring this girl back out. "Do you know that it was unhealthy before?"

"It didn't feel unhealthy"

"It must have been painful"

"I needed it to feel. It was the only way I could..." Chloe takes a small breath and looks up at Katherine again, leaving the tears to roll down her cheeks and drip onto her jeans. "The only way I could let her into me"

Chloe hardly got the words out before she lost herself in an uncontrollable sobbing and bent her head down to rest on her knees. It was a heartbreaking sight to watch, she sees it all too often. Katherine waits for a while until Chloe's sobbing passed. "It sounds to me like you did the only thing that you could do to keep yourself alive inside" Chloe moves her head up and looks back at Katherine with red eyes. "Since you've been back here, has Beca been hurtful towards you?" Chloe shakes her head in response "Do you feel like they're two different people?"

"I feel like Beca realized that the last time was too much for me and it made her stop for a while"

"Can you tell me what happened the last time?"

Chloe falls silent, she could see it playing out in her mind, but describing that to Katherine was a step she wasn't sure she was ready for.

"How about you just tell me about when you came home then, do you remember Beca acting like a different person?"

"She was better, she looked after me. Beca didn't touch me unless it was... but when I got back, it was the opposite. The only time she ever touched me were hugs and when we slept. And I tried to get her to go back again, but she wouldn't. I don't know why"

"Lets try something, okay? We're going to call the violent Beca 'Beca B' and the changed, nice version of Beca we can call 'Beca A'. Does that sound good?" Chloe nods back at Katherine, bringing out a soft smile at Chloe. "Okay, so using these names, can you tell me what happened on the first day you went to Beca B, and then the first day you saw Beca A afterwards?"

"When I went to Beca B... I can remember when we... she made me hers on the first day, and she told me the rules to being hers, which she had to teach me a lot. I kept looking away and she didn't... I did everything she asked of me a lot. And when she finished taking me, she told me that the bathroom will be my place" Chloe chews her lip again "Then she took the dress that I had on and put it in the sink and set fire to it. She said something like... 'You're never going to need this now'. I still don't know what that meant. She cooked this pasta for me for dinner and I remember that she had to make me eat it. She made me eat every time"

Katherine was nodding, urging her to continue. Chloe hadn't felt like she was doing anything wrong anymore, it almost like she was becoming lighter when she talks about it. "I didn't need to be taught many lessons after a couple of days. I knew how to be."

"What are the rules that you spoke of?"

"Beca said that -"

"Beca B." Katherine interrupts, reminding Chloe that she needed these two girls to be separated.

"Beca B..said that she has rules that I have to follow now that she owns me. I had to look at her in the eye when she was... with me. And that I needed to say that I love her as soon as I.." Chloe cringes slightly and looks down at her knees.

"You can say it however you want to, Chloe. I won't judge you for anything"

"Whenever she let me finish, I had to say it"

"Why did you phrase it like that? Whenever she let you."

"Because she owns me, she tells me what to do and what I can do" Chloe starts picking at her jeans covering her knees, keeping her focused on something other than the eyes of the woman sitting near her.

"What are her other rules?"

"I was never to leave. I wasn't allowed to speak unless she asks me something. I wasn't allowed to do anything without her permission, showering, reading, putting ice where I hurt. I had to ask her"

"What would happen if you broke these rules?"

"She'd discipline me and fix me" Chloe looks up at Katherine after the woman falls silent and stares at her.

"And when did you find out that the discipline could be used to get a sexual reaction?"

Chloe swallows, keeping her eyes locked on Katherine's. "I looked away and she... then I felt like it... like it was helping me to take it. Then I looked away on purpose and she knew, then it became something that happened every time"

"Was her hand open or closed?"

"Sometimes it was both.. It depends on where she wanted to.."

"Where she wanted to hit you"

Chloe nods and looks back at her knees again. "I don't like to call it that, she wasn't hitting me to hurt me"

"But she did hurt you quite badly, didn't she?"

"That's only because I did something to make her hurt me"

"What did you do to deserve that, Chloe?"

Chloe falls silent. She doesn't know the answer to the question. Beca had just blown right through the door and started on her that night. "I think it's bec-"

"Not think, Chloe. Tell me what you did"

Chloe stares down into her knees. There was no way she could answer this.

"You don't know, do you?" As soon as Chloe shakes her head, Katherine continues "You don't know because she wasn't teaching you any lesson, she just took her anger out on you"

"But I was the one who made her angry"

"How did you do that?"

"I j... I should have been doing something different when she got back"

"So you think that Beca B somehow got angry at you while she was out, and then came back to take this anger out on you? Don't you think it's a little suspicious that it was on your last night with her?"

Chloe looks up at Katherine. It made sense to her that the day Beca hurt her so badly wasn't about her now. Beca said that they were going to leave the next day, and they never got to. Beca must have run away from her and got scared back here for some reason. "I don't understand why she would come here though"

"Because Beca A is different. And you will understand it one day, but for now it's going to be a little difficult to see through the smoke. How about you tell me about Beca A now"

"Beca A is... she's quiet and she's always helping me. I don't know what would have happened if she really left me"

"Do you feel safe with her?"

"Yes"

"And do you feel scared of her?" Chloe's silence was confirming Katherine's question, prompting her to ask another "How do you feel at this moment now that we've talked?"

"I feel like... like I'm lighter somehow"

"That's good, Chloe. This is a lot of progress, you should be proud of yourself"

Chloe nods at Katherine, but all she can wonder is if Beca was going to be proud of her.

"Would you like for this to be our little talking room? I can come here instead of you going to my office, it's a lot less dreary in here" Katherine smiles warmly, getting a nod from Chloe. "Okay. Now I'm going to get up and go, do you want me to send Beca in?"

"No... I want.. I'll come out" Katherine was standing up before her and held a hand out to Chloe, leaving the redhead staring at it. Chloe reaches up, feeling her heart hurting as soon as she's letting Katherine help her up. The feeling fades after a moment when the woman let Chloe's hand go again.

"She's going to be proud of you too, Chloe" Katherine says before she opens the closet door and leads Chloe out of the bedroom. As soon as they were downstairs, Chloe makes her way to Beca and hugs her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update.  
> This one moves a little faster

There's something different in the way Chloe moves, almost as if she's less weighted down in her thoughts. Beca watches her every time Chloe's near, noticing the way the redhead was less depressed. There were still too many moments where Chloe would drop back into herself, but then she'd be with Beca and smile.

Chloe did feel a weight had come off her after talking to Katherine for a few sessions. She was having her next talk today and she hardly felt nervous for it anymore. She almost looked forward to the meetings. Beca spends the nights telling her how proud she is, and it even made Chloe cry the first time, but not the usual tears. It was like a happy cry, or a cry of relief. All she wants is for Beca to be proud of her, and now she is. Chloe finally felt like she was doing things right.

Chloe looks up from her spot against the kitchen counter to find Beca in the doorway watching her. The jolt in her heart wasn't a stabbing pain anymore, it was more of a skip. Chloe smiles softly and turns back to the dishes, she could hear Beca's footsteps moving closer to her as she wipes a plate down in the water.

"How are you feeling about later?" Beca asks while picking up a hand towel and taking one of the wet mugs from the side of the sink to dry it.

"I don't know. Good?" Chloe hands the plate to Beca and looks up at the brunette, feeling the same heart skip again.

"Well I hope it is good. I like seeing you like this" Beca takes the plate and gives Chloe a smile before she looks down and starts drying it off.

Chloe stares Beca's mouth after the smile sends butterflies through her stomach, then her eyes move to Beca's cheek as she leans in to press her lips against it softly. After lingering there for a few moments, Chloe moves back and turns back to the sink.

"What was that for?" Beca turns to look at Chloe again, all she's met with is the side of Chloe's smiling face.

"I just…. wanted to thank you" Chloe starts washing the next plate under the water, trying to avoid looking up. She knows that Beca's staring again though, subtlety isn't Beca's strong suit.

"Well thanks for the thanks"

"Thanks for the thanks for the thanks"

Beca laughs softly and holds her hand out for the next plate, which Chloe hands over. "Thanks, beautiful"

Chloe looks up, losing all control of her heartbeat, she couldn't hide the stunned look on her face.

"What? Too weird?"

"No, it's just… I didn't expect that"

Beca leans over and kisses Chloe's cheek this time, smiling as she moves back again. "You're beautiful, and I love you"

Chloe's gaze drops, and she turns back to the dishes again. She wishes she could say it, and maybe Katherine can help her to.

"Sorry" Beca puts the towel down on the counter. Chloe's falling face was enough to make her insecure with how the redhead feels about her now. The chances of her coming through this and realizing her feelings aren't so loving anymore is through the roof.

Even though all she wants to do is say it, Chloe stays silent. That was something she just couldn't bring herself to say, even when it claws at her heart. There was always something stopping her. Chloe feels Beca's hand on her shoulder, and when Chloe looks up at her, the brunette moves away to leave the room. Leaving Chloe to try and hold back her tears.  
  
\--

"Why do you think it is that you can't say it?"

Chloe stays silent, staring down at the floor between them. Her session with Katherine had moved from the closet to the bedroom, where they sat on the floor against Beca's bed. "I don't know"

"There's quite a lot of disagreements when it comes to saying 'I love you' during sex. A lot of people think that it has no meaning when you say it during sex. And especially more-so when it's during an orgasm. But then you have some people who think that saying it is perfectly fine, especially when your relationship with that person has been established as a loving one"

"But… I don't feel like I said it out of love"

"Are you scared that Beca B took away your ability to say it out of true feelings? Or are you scared that you don't love her anymore?"

"I love Beca, I do. I love her so much that I….but.. what if it's just… I wish I could just let it out, but I get scared"

"After all of the progress you both have made, do you truly think she would be upset if you said it?"

Chloe lets out a long breath and closes her eyes, she could imagine herself saying it, followed by good and bad reactions from Beca. "I don't know"

"How about you start small? You could say things like you like the shirt she's wearing, and then work your way up to saying you  _love_  the shirt. Then you can see what her reactions are to the word and get a better feel for it"

Chloe looks over at Katherine with a contemplative gaze "Would that work?"

"Well you won't know unless you try it"

"I do love her"

"I know you do, Chloe. You loved her long before any of this started happening, you need to remember that"  
  
===

Chloe had been getting into the complimenting idea, it took her a few days to get past the word 'like' and onto 'love', and Beca's reactions were exactly the same. She smiled and made a joke about the item of clothing. Saying something like 'Thanks, it was my grandmother's' when it would be a pretty low-cut top.

It wouldn't be long now before she started to move to the next level and say she loves Beca's smile, her eyes, the way she mutters in her sleep, the sound of her voice. The way she captivates Chloe.

Beca had gone out to class with Amy, leaving Stacie and Aubrey at the house with Chloe. The two girls were in the kitchen laughing and what seemed like flirting. Chloe had a good view down the hallway and into the kitchen to watch the two girls. Stacie was really making it a point to keep touching Aubrey's arm, which was obviously being reciprocated.

"Hey"

Chloe turns around to the quiet voice and smiles when she sees Beca back from class early "Hey"

"I have a surprise for you, you wanna walk?"

Chloe nods and moves forward to Beca, the brunette reaches her hand out to lead her out of the house. The eye contact that she got from the brunette felt electric to Chloe. When she opens her mouth to say she loves Beca's eyes, the brunette points at something and turns Chloe's gaze away to a taxi waiting. "Where are we going?"

"I told you it's a surprise. Come on"

Beca starts leading her faster over to the taxi. She hadn't said anything to the driver, he just started driving somewhere. Chloe watched Beca's face, getting that skipping heart as soon as they'd make eye-contact again.

"Close your eyes"

Chloe closes her eyes and feels Beca's kiss against her lips. The taxi was slowing down now, and the kiss breaks just before the car comes to a stop. Beca tells her to keep her eyes closed as she helps Chloe out of the car and starts leading her somewhere. Which feels like the longest walk in the world. They ended up inside somewhere, somewhere quiet. Chloe gets stopped in her tracks and a bit of noise followed, then she was being lead away again by the hand and stopped.

"Open"

Chloe's stomach drops as soon as she sees the room. She almost feels like vomit was rising to her mouth, there was a burning lump in her throat. It was the same room. With a pounding heart, Chloe turns around slowly, making eye contact with Beca as she slides the chain across the back of the door, locking it in place.

"Get on the floor"  
  
\--

Beca yawns as she shuts the front door and looks around the house, the voices coming from the living room send her walking in that direction, finding Aubrey and Stacie sitting on the couch and bantering. "Are you two gonna start making out soon?"

"No"

"Yes." Stacie says with a smirk, ignoring the glare from Aubrey.

"Well please, keep the moaning levels low" Beca huffs out a laugh and starts making her way upstairs to find Chloe. When she reaches the bedroom, she drops her bag onto the floor, the room was empty. "Chloe?" Beca makes her way over to the closet and looks in the corner at Chloe's hiding spot, nothing. "Hm" Beca turns to leave and makes her way downstairs, checking the bathroom. Then every single bedroom. When she gets downstairs, she starts getting more frantic. "Guys where the fuck is Chloe?"

"What? She was here before" Aubrey stands up when she sees Beca's face, she brunette couldn't even try to hide the concern "Maybe she went for a walk"

"She wouldn't. She wouldn't just go for a walk without telling anyone. Fuck. Fuck! Where the fuck did she go? Try to call her phone. I'm gonna go out and look" Beca rushes over to the front door, swinging it open and almost running into the police officers standing outside. "Please tell me you have Chloe" But the reaction from the officers tell her the complete opposite. They were calling in for a search.  
  
\--

She couldn't move, all she could do was hear her own breath move to hyperventilation level. The tears weren't long behind. She thought she was free. "Why are you doing this?" Beca rushes at her, hitting her hard with a punch that sends her down onto the floor with a thud. The brunette was on top of her a moment later and trying to pin down her arms. All of the work that Beca put into making her trust again, it was all just a sick game.

In a fast impulsive move, Chloe slaps Beca. Causing her to shock herself and the brunette. Beca's eyebrows raise as she stares down at her. "I didn't- plea-" There was another stinging against her cheek, with more to follow. Up until the point she felt herself becoming dizzy and weak. Beca enters her after another hit, aiming her next shots for the body instead. Chloe was helpless all over again.   
  
\--

Aubrey was following behind the police, trying to avoid speeding, but really there was no choice. She had to keep up with them, and they didn't seem to mind when they got to the hotel. "Do you really think she'd bring Chloe back here?"

"You'd be surprised how arrogant people like that are"

Beca was silent, she had to stay silent. If she even tried to talk, she'd explode with all the pent up tears and anger. It was happening all over again, she was going to lose Chloe for sure now.

The officers got the key to the room that Brody used. Now they were right outside and preparing quietly before putting the key in and unlocking the door. The door swings open and the officers move into the room. Beca couldn't see anything in there, and when the police said 'It's clear' from inside, she felt like her heart just gave way.  
  
\--

Beca was laying down on top of her, pulling Chloe's hand out from underneath the harness with a heavy breath against her neck. "Good to know you haven't lost your touch, babe"

Chloe could hardly focus from the throbbing in her body, she felt faint when Beca starts getting up off her and moving away, leaving her in a pained heap on the floor. Every time she'd try to get up, the pain would ring through her stomach and ribs.  
  
\--

Beca takes a deep breath, looking up and trying to choke back the tears. Then her eyes catch the room number, throwing a memory into her mind. "Twelve. Twelve. Why does.." Beca turns her head down the hall and moves around Aubrey to walk further down.

"Beca?" Aubrey turns to the officers calling it in and decides to follow behind the brunette, keeping up with her rushed pace until she stops at another door.

"Twenty-one. Twelve twenty-one" Beca turns the handle, it's unlocked, she opens it a little and sees the chain on the door. When the door extends as far as it can against the chain, Beca moves back from the door, only to be stopped by Aubrey

"You're like a foot tall, I'll do it" Aubrey says quietly. With a quick breath from across the corridor, Aubrey runs forward and slams the side of her body into the door, falling forward onto the floor after it breaks open. "Jesus fucking christ! Ow!" Aubrey rubs at her shoulder as she starts getting up, then she sees Chloe laying on the floor.

"Babe. How do you feel about getting fucked in Canada?" Brody stops in her tracks as she exits the bathroom and sees a blonde hovering over Chloe, then she looks up at the doorway and sees Beca. "Oh, hey sis. You missed all the fun as usual."

There was only a split second when Brody stops talking before Beca runs across the room and takes her twin down, punching her in the face as soon as they hit the floor.

"Chloe. Chloe, talk to me. Can you hear me?" Aubrey puts her fingers against Chloe's jaw and turns her to look up. The redhead's eye and lip were swollen, and there was a bruise and a cut on her other cheekbone. "Say something to me"

"Bec"

"Beca's…. she's okay" Aubrey glances up at the two brunettes rolling around and yelling at each other while swinging fists.

"I need" Chloe reaches up to Aubrey's shoulder and tries to pull herself up, getting help from the blonde's hands lifting her back so she can sit up. When Chloe turns around to all the noise, all she can see is Beca. Beca on top of Beca. Then it comes back to her, what happened before she went into the room. "Brody"

Both of the girls had been taking hits, but Chloe couldn't even tell who was who anymore. As she starts to get up, she sees the twin on top continually punching the other, slowly knocking the girl laying down into unconsciousness.

"Fuck" Beca throws another punch into Brody's already bloodied face. "You!" Then another, and then she wraps her hands around Brody's neck and squeezes. Squeezing until the gets yanked off by someone and held back. It was one of the officers. "You need to shoot her right the fuck now!"

"Calm down, we can't do that"

"Then let me fucking do it"

"Beca, stop" Chloe winces as she stands against Aubrey.

Beca hears the voice, bringing her crashing back to earth. When she turns around all she sees is Chloe wounded and holding her side. "Chloe" Beca steps forward, expecting the redhead to stop her, but she doesn't. Chloe holds out an arm to her instead.

"We have paramedics on the way, sit her down"

Beca and Aubrey lead Chloe over to the table and chairs, sitting her down on one. Aubrey rushes off to go wet a towel to wipe off the blood from Chloe's face as Beca kneels down in front of Chloe and reaches up to her jaw, inspecting the cuts and bruising "I'm sorry, I...I'm sorry I wasn't-"

"Stop. Don't do that. We both know it…." Chloe looks up at the still unconscious Brody with the officers standing over her and talking quietly "She isn't you. You didn't do this to me" Chloe looks back at Beca and reaches up to put her hand over Beca's hand against her cheek "I'm not confused anymore, Beca"

"Well that doesn't make any of this better. Maybe like… a tiny bit better, but this is fucking horrible. Look at you"

Chloe drops her hand and looks down at her lap. "I know, but I just can't…. I can't help feeling relieved that the screen dropped from my eyes"

"I am too, and maybe when you're less… hurt, we can be relieved together" Chloe nods at her slowly. Still not looking up.

Aubrey returns with a wet towel only to find the paramedics walking into the room, one walks over to Chloe while the other inspects Brody on the ground.  _Let that bitch die._ Aubrey turns to look at Chloe again, watching her best friend tell the guy where she was hurt. After a few moments, she decides to approach the police officers and ask "What's going to happen to Brody?"

"She'll most likely be put into a hospital, unless she doesn't plead insanity and in that case, prison"

Aubrey stares down at Brody, with a growing urge to kick her. "I hope she goes to prison for the rest of her life"

"Yeah, me too. This is someone we  _don't_  need on the streets"

"How did she get out?"

"She paid for her bail somehow"

"But it was a lot, wasn't it?"

"Three-hundred thousand. We have no idea where she got it"

Aubrey turns back to look at Beca watching Chloe with all of the love in the world, it brings tears to her eyes to see the two of them being fucked over by some stupid sociopathic creep. "She won't be able to do that again, right?"

"No, she won't. She'll be behind bars, whether it's prison bars or hospital bars"  
  
===

It was strange. Strange to see two of Beca. Chloe wouldn't have believed that Brody was real had she not seen them both in the same room. Katherine said it woke her out of her state of denial, and that it was lucky. Chloe's recovery wasn't as long as it would have been had she not seen them both. She may have fallen right back into her submissive mode.

It had been a few weeks since Beca saved her, that's how Chloe looks at it anyway. Without Beca figuring out that Brody has a stupid pattern and used Beca's birth time, which was minutes from Brody's, she would have been trapped again. And then there was Beca knocking out her own twin to save Chloe, with a lot of punches. She'd spent many sessions talking to Katherine about how to help Beca deal with that, only to find out that Katherine was also having sessions with Beca.

There wasn't a lot of reassurance needed that Beca was going to be fine, Katherine had helped Chloe endlessly. Beca was trying to act as normal as she could around Chloe, and she appreciated that, but felt like the brunette needed a break. Still, Chloe tried for Beca, she tried to act like everything was back the way it was before. As hard as that is. Whether Chloe wants to admit it out loud or not, she knows that Brody was right. She will always own a part of Chloe, but that just means she needs to suppress that part of her so deep that it'll never matter.

Chloe was still sleeping in Beca's bed, she still felt the need for comfort in Beca's arms while she slept, but it wasn't about safety anymore, it was just a want that she had. Beca was avoiding contact with her out of fear, probably because of the bruises and fractured ribs that she received from Brody.

Beca kissed her for the first time in weeks yesterday when they were talking in bed, Beca had made her smile when she said something about the advancement of toothbrushes, after Chloe called her a dork, Beca made her move. Nothing came of the kiss, even though they both felt it heat up.

When Chloe wakes up, she turns her head to watch Beca sleeping, as she has been doing a lot over the months, but the brunette was already awake and moved her hand back from Chloe's hair. "You're awake"

"I dunno, you are kind of dreamy"

"Are you trying to make me call you a dork again?" Chloe smiles and reaches up to put her hand on top of Beca's.

"Yes. Yes I am. It worked so well last night, I feel like I just have to now" Beca strokes her thumb along the side of Chloe's hand slowly. Beca was always impressed with the way Chloe could wake up and look amazing. Even at her worst, she'd still brighten up Beca's day just by existing. And then Chloe smiles and everything just turns into the sun.

"You should just kiss me, whether you're dorking out or not. I love your kisses" Chloe's gaze drops to Beca's lips, taking her own advice to move forward and kiss Beca.

The kiss moves from moments to minutes, until it ends up with Chloe's body moving forward with a whince. Beca moves out of the kiss quickly to check on the redhead, she was shaking her head and moving forward again, prompting Beca to turn her head away from the kiss and sit up. "I can't. Not yet"

"Is… did I do something?"

"No. You really didn't, this is just.." Beca turns her head to look down at Chloe "I don't want to hurt you, and you… your ribs were  _broken_. If I put pressure on you, I'd never forgive myself"

"I'm sorry that I can't heal faster for you, Beca"

"Don't say it like that" Beca turns away again, moving the covers off her legs to get up.

"Beca, wait" Chloe moves to sit up too fast and bites back on her pain, stopping halfway.

Beca had looked back at just the right time, and comes forward to help Chloe sit up. "You shouldn't be doing that, the doctor said it could take a few more weeks for you to get up without pain"

"I'm fine, Beca, I just moved too fast" Chloe moves her hand to her side as she gets up to kneel on the bed in front of Beca. "Can you just talk to me about this?"

Beca sighs and turns away, getting a tugging feeling on her shirt to bring her attention back to the redhead "I just…. in that room, Chloe. I-.. I saw you lying there and.. I can't, I can't touch you until you're okay"

"Or is it because you're not okay?"

"I'm okay"

"Beca"

"Please just… I can't do it"

"Alright" Chloe lets her hand drop from Beca's shirt, then the brunette moves away from her and leaves the room silently.  
  
\--

Beca had kept her distance over the next few days, obviously worried about her temptation around Chloe. It hurt her more to think that Beca didn't even want to touch her anymore.

Katherine had been able to put it in easier understanding words, telling Chloe that Beca may have seen what happened to Chloe and was scared to think that it was something Chloe thought Beca could have done to her.

Chloe knew now that Beca would  _never_  have done those things to her. But it didn't matter anymore, Brody damaged their relationship in so many ways, Chloe started to think there was no coming back from it all.

"Can you tell me more about that place you went to?"

"The Amanda Gifford house? Are you thinking of going?"

"I don't know.. I just… I want to be better, for me, for Beca."

Katherine nods slowly and gets up from the chair in her office to move around the desk and take out an envelope. "You do need to remember that this is in Canada. That's pretty far from Beca"

"I know.. I think I can do it now… I've been thinking about it" Chloe takes the envelope from Katherine when she returns to the seat. Chloe stares down at the blank envelope.

"You don't need to rush this, Chloe. Just read through the information first, and if you think it's what you need to do, you can fill it out and bring it into me"

Chloe reaches up as a tear falls from her eye, wiping it away before it rolls down her cheek. "Thank you"  
  
===

Chloe hadn't been certain of anything that she needed. She spent the passing days trying to keep her distance from Beca just to see if she can handle it. Even staying in her own bedroom for the first time, which kept her awake all night. When she saw Beca the next morning, she also looked like she got no sleep. But they didn't talk about it.

Chloe sees it now. The amount of damage that had been done to them. Beca couldn't talk to her, or touch her, all out of fear that Chloe was going to expect some kind of beatdown or something.

Chloe wasn't okay yet, she was far from it. But for some reason, her sole focus became Beca. Which was either a really good thing that she could avoid processing what had re-occurred, or a really bad thing because she's avoiding it. Beca spent all this time on trying to heal her, and Chloe hadn't noticed her girlfriend slipping. It was one of those realizations that you don't ever want to happen. Beca had all but slipped from her grasp.

  
  
As Chloe was laying in bed one night, she hears the distant rumbling thunder, causing her eyes to open and listen again. The next rumble gets her up out of bed and moving downstairs quietly, holding her blanket wrapped around herself. When she gets outside, the rain starts. In a second's decision, Chloe drops the blanket and walks off the front porch into the rain, turning her head back to feel the rain on her face, washing away all of her fears for her future.

"Chloe?"

The sudden voice startles Chloe out of her daze and when she looks at the house, Beca's standing on the porch staring at her like she's crazy. "Beca"

"What are you doing? You're gonna get sick"

"I just missed the rain" Chloe moves forward slowly, walking up the steps to stand in front of Beca and stop to stare at the brunette. Beca wasn't showing any emotions, and it didn't worry Chloe so much because she knew what Beca was feeling towards her anyway, just a lot of apprehension. "Beca…. I need to leave"

"Yeah, come back in" Beca steps to the side to let Chloe move by her.

"No… I need to leave" Chloe drops her gaze down and chews at her lip. "I.. there's a place that I need to go to"

"Okay. Do you need me to take you tomorrow or something?"

"It's in Canada" There's a long silence between them, and when Chloe finally looks up, all she sees is Beca's questioning stare. "It's like a rehab kind of house, a lot of therapy and stuff. I just… I want to be okay again. It isn't fair on you for me to stay here and cling to you like a security blanket"

Beca turns her head away, she knows the tears aren't far off from running down her cheeks, so she just nods and and starts walking into the house silently.

"Beca?" Chloe watches the brunette walking away, waiting for Beca to be gone from her sight before she drops her gaze and turns back around to move back into the rain.  
  
\--

It was horribly awkward for Chloe to try sitting up in the bed when she wakes up these days, without help anyway. Stacie was usually in the bedroom, but she wasn't here today, most of the girls were out. There was an a-capella event, Chloe hadn't even thought about singing, that seemed so far from her mind now.

After Chloe gets up with a few winces and groans, she makes her way over to the closet door, pulling it open and finding her suitcase on the shelf above the hanging clothes. If she tries to pull it down, that'll end in a really painful experience.

Beca had been avoiding her the last few days since Chloe told her the plan for Canada. She hadn't even asked about it or tried to approach Chloe. Every time Chloe would catch the brunette staring, Beca would look away quickly and pretend Chloe didn't exist.

Chloe closes her eyes, trying to avoid the stinging tears building up from thinking about Beca. She hated the idea of walking away from her girlfriend. But it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who won't or can't even look at you. And then there's Chloe, who hasn't even reacted to seeing Brody again. They both needed this. They needed time apart.

There's a quiet knock on the door that gets Chloe to turn around and find Aubrey standing there

"Did you need some help?"

"Yeah… can you.. get my suitcase?"

Aubrey furrows her eyebrows slightly and slowly approaches Chloe before reaching up and getting the suitcase down. "Are you going home to your parents?"

"Canada"

"Canada? What's in Canada?" Aubrey moves around the redhead and puts the suitcase on the bed, unzipping it and flinging the top off.

"It's sort of this therapy house thing made for… abuse victims" Chloe turns back to the closet to start choosing out the clothes she should take with her.

"I see… and have you told Beca?" Aubrey stands by the bed, watching Chloe taking a jacket off a hanger and moving over to the bed to fold it up.

"Yeah" Chloe puts the jacket into the suitcase and hesitates as she stares down into the suitcase. Like it was warning her not to go.

"Is that why she's been such a recluse lately?"

Chloe shrugs and turns back to the closet to find another jacket, then she stops halfway and covers her mouth with her hand, finally losing the battle with her tears.

Aubrey sighs softly and moves forward to wrap her arms around Chloe and pull her into a hug.

Aubrey helped Chloe pack only to have the redhead cry again when they were finished. She  _never_  thought Chloe would be able to leave the Bella's, but this was necessary. Or so she hoped. Chloe explained the type of place it was, and it sounds a lot like a mental hospital, only it's a house somewhere in Canada. Aubrey was completely unconvinced, but Chloe's psychologist had surprisingly worked wonders, so she was trustworthy. It just sucked to lose Chloe.   
  
\--

Chloe was sitting on her bed when Beca knocked at her door and entered the room. The suitcase was standing at the end of her bed, ready for Chloe to wheel away in the morning. Chloe watched the brunette approaching her slowly, the look on her face was completely indecipherable to Chloe.

"So… I know I haven't really been good about the leaving thing. And I want to apologize for that. I think you're actually doing a good thing" Beca stands in the middle of the room awkwardly, trying to keep her eyes on Chloe, even though she wants to look down at the suitcase and throw it out the window.

"Thank you, but you don't have to say that" Chloe stands up and moves in front of Beca, stopping a couple of feet away.

"Yeah. I kinda do. I was just shocked before, I really shouldn't have reacted so bad, and I sure as hell shouldn't have avoided you. I can't imagine you ever leaving me"

"I don't...want to leave you, but… it's something that I have to do"

Beca reaches her hand out slowly and Chloe meets it halfway "I'm not going anywhere, to me, you're still the only person that I want to be with"

"I can't ask you to wait for me. It isn't fair"

"I don't want you to ask me, I'm telling you that I'll always love you. And if you come back in a day or a month, or ten years. I'm still going to want to be with you"

"You don't know that" Chloe turns her gaze down to their hands clasped together, trying not to let her tears fall.

"If there's anything that I know in this world, it's that I'll always be in love with you. You're that movie love, the one that when we kiss there are fireworks and all that weird sappy crap"

Chloe huffs out a small laugh and smiles.

"I'm going to miss you so much" Beca has to catch the almost sob in her throat and turn her head when Chloe looks up.

"Bec" Chloe moves forward and rests her hand against Beca's cheek, turning the brunette back to face her. "I want you to promise that you're not going to be hard on yourself when I'm not here"

"I'm never hard on myself"

"Beca" Chloe has to shut down Beca's attempt at a lighthearted joke to ease her mind. "Please"

"I promise I'll do my best"

"And don't let anyone talk smack about the Bella's. And don't keep mixing colours with whites when you use the washing machine"

"Okay that was once or twice."

"And you still turned one of my favourite sweaters into this bright pink splotchy thing"

"Which I was totally willing to pay for, had you actually accepted it"

"I know" Chloe smiles softly and then they both fall silent, the sadness seeping back into the room. Chloe leans forward to press her lips against Beca's cheek, then take the brunette into a hug. "Don't forget about me"

"Impossible" Beca closes her eyes tightly as she hugs Chloe. Hoping to hold onto her for as long as she can before she has to lose the redhead for who knows how long.

When the hug starts loosening, Chloe moves back slowly, stopping when Beca's cheek grazes hers. Beca was turning her head slowly and connects their lips together. Chloe has to pull away quickly before it gets to be too much. "I can't… it… it'll be too hard to go"

"That isn't a bad thing for me" Beca can see the struggle going on in Chloe's expression and moves back a little "Sorry, get it."

Chloe turns around slowly and moves back to the bed to sit down and look up at the brunette "Do you want to talk for a bit? Or maybe we can watch something"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good with that"  
  
\--

Chloe gets to watch Beca sleep one last time. And through all of the movies and conversations they had tonight, this was probably going to be the hardest thing to be away from. Beca's arms were her security, it scared her senseless to think of being without them. But it scared her more to stay here and hurt the brunette.

A part of her wishes that Brody was dead, and that's horrible to wish on anyone, but maybe there could be some sense of safety, just enough safety to keep her here to work on things. But she's still got that fear that somehow Brody will get to her. Even though she's locked away in a hospital somewhere and isn't even allowed to have contact.

There's a pain in Chloe's heart that rises to another level the longer she watches Beca sleeping. It was some time in the morning now, judging by the light finding its way around the curtain. Chloe gets out of the bed slowly, not waking the brunette out of her sleep. After she moves across the room to her dresser, she writes a note down for Beca, then leaves the room to get changed.

When Chloe comes back into the room, she stares at Beca again for a few moments and takes the letter off the dresser, drops it onto the pillow next to the brunette and turns to walk out, grabbing her suitcase on the way.

_Beca,_

_I know you may be mad at me for leaving like this, but it's too hard. I'll never be able to leave you if I see you looking at me. I'm sorry._  
_I love you, and I always will._  
_Don't hold onto me if you can't anymore._

_Chloe Beale_

===.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going back and forth on writing an interquel with Chloe in Canada, so I decided I'd skip ahead and leave the possibility open for me to write it later. I didn't want to pack in a completely new story with Chloe alone and risk going too far from the story.  
> And I'd like to thank everyone for the comments, I really appreciate the good feedback, because I was worried about the story being too dark and weird. Anyway, onto the story

 

Seven months have gone by since Chloe left for Canada. She hasn't had any contact with the Bella's other than a letter that Beca had given to Katherine for her when she visited two months ago. Only she could never find the courage to open it, not until today. She's leaving in a week so she can prepare for the upcoming trial in Brody's case and re-attend Barden, and there's really no better way to find out if she's healed at all than to open the letter.

Chloe was sitting in her room at her writing desk. The desk where she'd written everyone many letters that would only be packed away or given to her therapist during their sessions.

And here she is with the envelope sitting on the table in front of her, Beca's handwriting calling for her to reach down and open it. She spent the afternoon talking about the letter and working up her courage to get to this point, and she knew that she was being ridiculous about it, but she had different worries hitting her all at once.

Chloe moves her hands up onto the desk on either side of the envelope before taking a deep breath and moving her hands together to pick it up and turn it over. The back of the envelope was tucked into the back instead of sealed., so she pulls up the folded over paper and stares down at the letter inside for a moment before she pulls it out slowly and unfolds it.

_Chloe,_

_I know it's been ages, but Katherine told me she was heading up there to see how you are, and I asked her if I could give you a letter...even though I have no idea what I should say._

_Well that's a lie_   
_I know what to say, and it's that I miss you._   
_I miss you so much it's unbearable sometimes._   
_I'm sorry if this letter causes you any confusion or hurt, that isn't what I want. I just needed to tell you that I miss you and I still love you. I'll always love you._

_Beca._

Chloe folds the paper up again and pushes it into the envelope again.

It was going to be difficult to go back to Barden next month, but there were only so many things she could accomplish in the house. And her therapist and Katherine think she's ready to live her life again, even if the Trial goes sour.

* * *

It wasn't difficult for her to leave the friends she made in the two other patients at the house. All of them were bonded right away in that they went through. The relationships were only ever going to be temporary, and Chloe didn't feel attached to anyone there. Only Katherine, but she was sitting next to Chloe on the plane, being more of a friend than a psychologist since she left. Especially when she'd let Chloe know if Beca was doing okay or not. And even though there's a large chance the woman was lying, Katherine always said she was going well.

Chloe's first step in getting back to town was to stay at her parents' house until she knew she can handle being back there. She hadn't seen anyone she knew other than her family. She never saw Beca, Aubrey, or any of the Bellas. Her nerves were shot from all of the thinking she was doing about the ways the Trial could go, but she was trying to stay focused on being back at the College first. The Trial wasn't for another month anyway, so she had plenty of time to freak out about it.

The first day back at Barden was her hardest. She had changed her major to psychology and had to start her college years all over again. And somehow she managed to get her old dorm room, although her roommate isn't Aubrey this time, she's a brunette who never acknowledges her existence. Much like Kimmy Jin was to Beca. Now that thought throws more nerves into Chloe's stomach as she makes her way outside.

The campus was buzzing with all of the new students around, and she sees the activities fair up ahead, but avoids going near it, she actually turns and walks in the opposite direction. Her time in Canada made her somewhat of a recluse, even though a lot of the exercises they did in the therapy house were exercises to build her trust and socializing back up.

Half of her  _does_  want to go over there and meet people, make friends and smile. But then there's the other half that keeps telling her not to, that it's unsafe. And this is why she had to come back here. Because the only way she can defeat the hesitating side of her, she needed to be around people.

This is when she stops walking and turns around to face the fair again. It was time to be a normal, happy woman. Chloe chews at her lip and starts walking, with the build up of nerves returning into the pit of her stomach.

* * *

Aubrey sighs loudly in her Campus Security shirt. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she strolls around the activities fair, she was ready for something to kick off as soon as the fair started, but it's disappointing so far. When the blonde circles around the fair and ends up back at the Bella table for the third time, she sees Stacie and Beca being extremely half-assed in handing out flyers. "Ugh, you guys aren't enthusiastic enough!"

"I don't really see why we need to have auditions anyway, we have the group still. No one has graduated yet" Beca drops the flyers in her hand onto the table when Aubrey returns to judge them again for not being happy enough.

"Because you need more Bellas so you have someone to pass the torch to, Beca" Aubrey rolls her eyes and picks up a flyer, shoving it towards a passing girl and smiling at her.

Beca huffs when the girl takes the flyer and continues walking away from them. "There's never going to be anyone int-" Beca's brain freezes. Along with her breathing. Her eyes fixed dead ahead on Chloe.

Aubrey turns around to look at Beca "Did you just have a stroke or something?" Aubrey follows the brunette's stare and sees the redhead walking through the people. "Oh my god" Aubrey rushes forward quickly through the students, approaching Chloe's side. "Chloe?"

Chloe hears her name and already she wants to run. But she sucks in a breath and turns to look at Aubrey. She hadn't quite expected to run into any of her old friends quite so soon, but she knew it'd happen eventually. "Hi Aubrey"

"I don't even know what to say. How are you? How was Canada?" Aubrey reaches up to Chloe's arm, hesitating halfway and pulling it back.

"It was…" Chloe notices the movement and smiles softly "It was good. I'm functioning now. I'm actually touchable" Chloe moves her hand up to take Aubrey's in her own. "How are you?"

"Me? Oh well… this" Aubrey looks down at her shirt and back up again "I'm thinking I might go into something a little less… security and a little more substantial though. I just haven't quite figured it out yet"

"Yeah… I know how that feels. I switched my major. I'm doing psychology now, I had a lot of time to start studying" Chloe starts swinging their hands side to side. "How's Stacie?"

"She's great, we're… we're great." Aubrey smiles and shakes her head with a sigh "It's ridiculous that I ended up with her, she always seemed so…. not monogamous"

"She calmed down a lot after that first year. I think her toner for you might have kinda made her want to be monogamous"

"If that was the case, she should have told me years ago. I waited almost as long as you and Be-…" Aubrey stops herself too late and cringes slightly "Sorry"

"No. It's okay. You can say Beca's name, I'm not going to crumble" Chloe gives Aubrey's hand a little reassuring squeeze. "We really did wait ages though. It was only because she was dopey and had to get a boyfriend and then keep him forever"

Aubrey huffs out a laugh and nods "You're not wrong there. She's dopey as hell for that. I still remember the ice cream binge we had after that night"

"Oh god! Don't remind me. I think I spent like...a whole month trying not to vomit from all of that junk food"

Aubrey was almost too amazed at Chloe's laughter and smile, all she wanted to do was freeze the moment and keep it forever. Her stare must have been noticed by Chloe, the laughter dying out after a few seconds and forming into a questioning look. "I missed you"

"I missed you too, Bree. When do you finish working?" Chloe glances down at the security shirt Aubrey was wearing, reaching her finger ahead to poke Aubrey's stomach.

"Not until One. Do you want to get lunch or something?"

Chloe takes a moment to consider what it means being friends with Aubrey again, eventually it would mean she'd have to see Beca and deal with those feelings and guilt from leaving. Still, Chloe was here to fix everything, and that would include Beca. With a slow nod, Chloe finally releases her answer as "Yeah, that'd be great"

"Okay good, I guess you'll be at the house moving your things in anyway, so I'll see you when I get home?"

Chloe's gaze drops downward and she cringes with a pained expression. "I'm not... I have a dorm"

"Oh." Aubrey turns her head to the side, looking over at the two brunettes still staring at Chloe, then her eyes return to Chloe.

Before Aubrey gives her another option of a meet-up, Chloe looks up at the blonde and decides to make the decision for them both "Lets just meet up at the place, I'll give you my new number"

"You have a new number?" Aubrey moves her hand to the pocket holding her phone, taking it out slowly before she hands it over to the redhead.

"Yeah, I wanted to do this whole 'starting fresh' thing, so I got a new phone. Also new shoes" Chloe kicks out one of her legs and pulls the leg of her jeans up to show the shoe off and then take Aubrey's phone to dial in her number and save it.

"I can't wait to borrow those" Aubrey says, huffing a laugh as she looks back up at Chloe, taking her phone back when it's offered to her. "I don't know... if you want me to tell you this or not, but Beca's to your left. They have a Bella stand, I just don't want you to be shocked or something"

"Thanks for telling me, Bree. Really. Now go get securing" Chloe smiles widely as Aubrey passes her to leave, then her body betrays her and she turns to look at the stand, locking eyes with Beca. The world drops away from her in that second, leaving her stranded in her inability to move. Which must have registered to the brunette who was starting to approach her. With a hard swallow, Chloe prepares herself for the greeting.

"Hey." Beca says a few feet from Chloe, her eyes darting around to the students moving around the area, almost expecting them to be staring at her for feeling so awkward.

"Hi" Chloe smiles softly at Beca's nervous eyes, at least she knew she wasn't alone in how she was feeling. "How are things?"

Beca's eyes return to Chloe as she speaks, she still couldn't quite believe that the redhead was standing in front of her. She'd spent almost every day dreaming about this moment, and the various reactions they'd have to each other "Oh... yeah. Good. Still doing the same old stuff, nothing new here" Beca had forgotten how awkward she could be, it had been so long since she even felt uncomfortable, especially around Chloe. "You look...really good" Beca glances away again, almost scared to see Chloe's reaction to her compliment.

Chloe chews at her lip as she stares at Beca's face turned to the side, every piece of her feelings for Beca had returned the second she saw the brunette, but she knows that she can't throw herself into anything huge. Not yet. "Thanks. I should really go" turns slightly, stopping herself to speak quickly "I have a lot of unpacking to do" she didn't need to explain so Beca would feel less rejected by her, but there was still a lingering need to keep the brunette happy, whether that was because of Brody, or just because she always had wanted to keep Beca happy. "I'm meeting up with Aubrey later, maybe we can...maybe I can see you after?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sounds good" Beca nods and starts backing up slowly, raising her finger to sign a gun pointing at Chloe "See you later"

Chloe smiles at the gesture and completes her turn to walk away, silently reprimanding herself within her thoughts. She can't let herself think about being with Beca, not when it comes at such a price. Her trust took months to build back up, the trust that could fall away from her if she moves too fast, and building up trust with Beca was going to be the most important step.

* * *

Chloe kept Aubrey talking through the lunch, mostly so she didn't have to worry about trying to explain her time away. So when the question came up about what it was like in Canada, she became growingly anxious and her mind fumbles around trying to find a good way to explain it. "It was…It was eye opening. I had a lot of breakthroughs and then a lot of sadness came, then we had to sort of...start at scratch. It was good" Chloe glances down at the glass of water in front of her, reaching forward to pick it up and sip at it for a distracting movement from her feeling.

"So are you feeling better now?" Aubrey was in the process of opening her purse when she looked up and caught the frown on Chloe's face, sending a pang of regret into her heart "Sorry, am I supposed to not ask things like that?"

"No, no it's fine." Chloe inhales slowly, and turns her gaze up to the blonde across the table "I have moments still, but that's why I decided to come back here and not change colleges. I needed to come back for the trial"

"There's a trial?" Aubrey feels another pang when Chloe's gaze falls from her.

"Yeah...Brody's trying to plead no contest" Chloe furrows her brow slightly, staring down at the scrunched up napkin on her half empty plate.

"No contest? How? She  _did_  it" Aubrey looks down at her purse to open it up and put money into the check book.

"I know… but because they look exactly the same…. she's trying to say there's no evidence to say it  _was_  her." Chloe starts to stand slowly and move away from the chair to push it in, turning her gaze to the standing blonde. "Can I ask you...how she is?"

Aubrey's eyes join Chloe's in a stare before she nods and starts to move with the redhead towards the exit "She's doing better now"

"Did I hurt her a lot?" Chloe didn't really need to hear the answer to the question, or even want it. But for some reason, she wanted to feel bad about feeling better.

"It wasn't easy for her at first, but she got past it pretty early on because she knows it was what you needed to do. And that you'd be back. Which you are" Aubrey shoots the redhead a smile and pulls the door open for Chloe to leave first.

"So you think she'll forgive me for walking out like that?" Chloe turns back to Aubrey as the blonde steps out from the door, stopping the walking altogether.

"Oh, yeah. She forgave you long ago" Aubrey's hand moves forward to rest on Chloe's upper arm with a light squeeze.

Chloe smiles softly and nods her head. It wasn't going to be convincing until she hears the words from Beca directly, but it was keeping her hopeful. "Thanks, Bree. For being my B.F.F."

Aubrey huffs a laugh and starts them walking again, linking her arm around Chloe's "You're half of the B.F.F., so thank you too"

The conversation was lighter on the walk back over campus, Chloe had even laughed a few times at the stories of Aubrey trying to woo Stacie and failing because she would reconsider it and end up running from it. In the end, she had to take a card from Chloe and sneak into Stacie's shower. Which had a completely different outcome to Chloe doing that to Beca.

Chloe fell silent when the Bella house was in view, something that Aubrey noticed and she took Chloe's hand to let the redhead know that it'll all be fine.

Each step that Chloe took was one more step closer to Beca, one step closer to fixing things and being able to build a relationship. Chloe stops walking when they reach the porch until Aubrey opens the door. Her hesitation was written all over her face when she looks inside at the house. Everything looks exactly the same, and when she moves inside, every memory rushes back to her. Every memory. She looks down at the floor and swallows the lump building up in her throat.

"So everything is pretty much the same, we did swap some rooms around though, Stacie and I are in Cynthia's room, who is your… well. I guess not your roommate if you're staying in a dorm." Aubrey turns around to face the redhead, seeing the blue eyes darting up from the floor to meet hers. There's a pain behind the eyes that was quickly hidden away by Chloe's smile.

"That's great that you two are so close. I'm happy for you" Chloe stares at the concern on Aubrey's face, causing her smile to falter slightly, then she sees a movement from the living room and her heart skips when Beca enters the entrance hallway.

"Oh..hey. I thought I heard voices in here" Beca was quick to look from Aubrey to Chloe, letting her eyes linger on the redhead with a small smile. "How was lunch?"

"It was nice" Chloe eyes the visibly awkward brunette, wondering what it was specifically that has Beca so anxious. Maybe it was the unknowing tension between them.

"Good. Cool." Beca nods along for a moment before she thinks of a better question for Chloe "When are you moving back in?" Which was apparently not a better question when Chloe's eyes drop to look down.

"Chloe isn't moving back in" Aubrey says quietly, she didn't want to interrupt the two, but judging by Chloe's intent stare at the floor, she was needed for help. To keep Chloe from running away.

"Oh." Beca looks away from Aubrey to Chloe still avoiding her gaze. "Well that's cool too. You're lucky really, Everyone has been insane lately. I think it's the season, everyone's just excited to sing and kick asses" She wasn't exactly sure that Chloe just smiled, but it looked a lot like one.

Chloe turns her head up after a moment of building her courage and returns her eye contact to Beca "Yeah. They get pretty crazy around this time"

Even though Beca knows that Chloe wasn't feeling all that happy about not being back in the house, she has to roll with it and leave everything up to the redhead's decisions. "Seriously.. I think they may actually be taking speed"

"You might need to get on that, being the captain and all" Chloe sends a smile at Beca, and almost feeling winded when the smile was returned to her.

"Well I don't know. I have been giving them steroids since we started so… speed may make them even better" Beca was somehow thrown fifty storeys high when Chloe shifted the conversation to a lighter direction.

"You were? That explains so much. Like why Amy could suddenly run a thousand feet in ten seconds"

"Oh, no. Amy could always do that, she didn't even need the steroids"

A quick laugh escapes from Chloe, followed by a shake of her head. "So what's your excuse for being slow?"

"I am not slow. I'm resting from being so fast when everyone isn't looking" Beca smiles proudly and turns to look at Aubrey, who was watching them both about two feet away and just being generally weird with her smirk.

Aubrey catches the stare and tries her best to hide it when the redhead also turns to look at her. "I should really go get changed. I'll be back"

Chloe opens her mouth to protest, but Aubrey already turned away from her and started up the stairs. Her mouth closes slowly when she turns to look at the brunette in front of her.

Becaa could feel the rising awkward tension again and clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth before attempting another light conversation starter "So I got an internship"

"You did? That's great, where?" Chloe didn't have to fake her excitement at Beca's news.

"Oh just a small recording studio, I'm really not doing anything impressive there. Coffees and such" Beca shrugs off the excitement from Chloe, as she had to do with multiple people after she told them. But she actually found herself regretting it, she does want Chloe to be proud of her.

"That's still amazing. You'll be at the top in no time, Beca. You're really talented" Chloe smiles widely and reaches forward to stroke Beca's forearm with her hand.

Beca almost felt like an explosion went off in her stomach, sending butterflies all over the place, which felt more like birds. "Thanks" Beca says quietly, resisting the urge to reach out to Chloe as soon as the redhead's hand moves away.

"I should probably get going. I still need to finish unpacking and get prepared for classes" Chloe turns towards the door slightly and looks over at Beca once more "I'll see you though. Soon"

"Okay. Sounds good. I'll keep watch outside and lower the drawbridge when you come closer"

"Goofy." Chloe smirks quickly and moves toward the door, being followed out by Beca.

"Hey now. Goofy was entertaining. One of the most entertaining, really"

A small huffed laugh comes from Chloe when she turns back to look at Beca standing in the doorway "If that makes you feel better"

"I'd feel a lot better if I could just be Donald"

"You are so not Donald, that's Aubrey"

"Oh god. You're right" Beca narrows her eyes with a smile and points over her shoulder "You think I should go tell her you said that?"

"Please don't! She'll probably squawk at me" Chloe reaches up to her heart to feign a frightened look.

"Even more reason to do it, you keep calling me Goofy" Beca drops her hand back down with a grin across her face. Chloe looked so carefree and happy, although it dropped a few times, Beca was still beaming from seeing the happiness.

"You keep acting Goofy. I'm just… pointing it out" Chloe turns her head away to look out at the direction she was supposed to be already heading in. "I should.." When her gaze returns, Beca was already nodding at her. "Yeah. Stop distracting me from leaving" Beca reaches up and mimes a key locking her lips and Chloe laughs softly before she turns away and walks.

* * *

Chloe had a lot to think about on her walk back to her dorm room. How easy it was to have all of her feelings rush back to her, and how easy it was to talk to Beca, how happy the brunette makes her. Which is something she'll have to talk to Katherine about. It shouldn't feel like it's supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be difficult somehow, as if Beca was somehow untrustworthy, but she wasn't, and maybe Chloe knows that already.

The rest of Chloe's afternoon and evening was spent unpacking and then studying for the Psychology class that she hasn't even started yet. She just needed to be prepared, this was all new to her, she didn't want to be stuck behind everyone in the class. The buzzing of her phone on the desk in front of her snaps her out of the paragraph she was into, when she reaches over to turn the screen on, she finds Aubrey's name and the start of the text. After she unlocks the screen, she reads ' _Hey Chloe. We're having a slumber party tonight, you wanna join? It'll be a good way to reconnect with the girls_ '

Chloe doesn't hesitate before she writes back 'No thanks, I get overwhelmed in groups. Maybe I can come over tomorrow or something?'

 _'Okay, that sounds good to me. I don't work tomorrow_ '

'I'll text you in the morning' Chloe puts her phone back to sleep and drops it back on the desk, turning back to the page. She did want to reconnect with the girls eventually, but all at once was a bad idea.

* * *

Chloe was standing a few yards away from the coffee stand, glancing around the area. When she hears her name being called out, she spins around and finds Aubrey. With a wide smile, she moves forward and opens her arms out, being greeted by a surprised blonde moving in for the hug, something that Chloe decides to ignore. "How was the slumber party last night?" She asks as she moves back from the hug.

Aubrey was thrown off by the contact from the redhead, but she lets it roll off her shoulders with a smile "It was long. I really thought I was never going to sleep. I'm so glad you suggested coffee" Aubrey follows Chloe when the redhead moves towards the coffee stand. "What did you do last night?"

"Oh, I was studying pretty late, but I managed to actually sleep" Chloe nudges Aubrey's arm softly, smiling over at her. After they receive their coffees, they start walking together, talking about Chloe's interest in taking psychology now. "It was just something that came to me. I guess I had Katherine there to inspire me" Chloe says, turning to sit down on a park bench next to Aubrey.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that, that you had someone like that anyway. She seems like she actually really cares about you, and less about getting your money" Aubrey sips at her coffee and lets out a loud groan as she leans back into the seat. "Coffee is so fucking good"

Chloe laughs softly and turns to face Aubrey "So when do I get to third wheel with you and Stacie? I wanna see you two together"

"Oh god. That's a concerning thought. Are you going to get all pervy and tell us to kiss all the time?"

"Probably, yeah. If you weren't so sistery, I'd probably get  _super_  into it" Chloe laughs again when Aubrey points into her mouth and sticks out her tongue.

"I didn't think you'd be such a voyeur" Aubrey takes another drink of her coffee and looks out at the campus. Her eyes settling on Beca and Stacie walking together and laughing.

"I didn't think you'd be such a prude" Chloe's comment goes unnoticed when Aubrey stares off at something, Chloe turns her head in the direction and finally finds the source of Aubrey's distraction.

"Sorry, I got distracted. I have no idea what it is about her that makes me just...stop"

Chloe focuses on Beca and nods at Aubrey's words "I know what you mean" her gaze falters and she turns back to the blonde.

"Are you finding it hard to be back, you know...when she's around?"

Chloe inhales deeply, taking a moment to really consider the question, then she shrugs slowly and glances back over at the two brunettes "I don't know, I feel like I should be confused about it, but I just…. I'm not"

"About what?" Aubrey tilts her head slightly, watching Chloe's face change with deep contemplation.

"About my feelings. It's been so long, I thought they were going to be gone but…. then I saw her" Chloe can feel the tears welling up in her eyes, making her turn her eyes up to the sky and try to get a handle on her emotions. "I have to focus on building relationships, I can't jump in and ruin everything again. Especially not if the Trial is bad" Chloe looks back down and faces the blonde "And even then…. what if she doesn't even want me?"

"Chloe…. she's never even looked at another person since you. Just… maybe don't put pressure on it to be more yet. Build the relationship like you said, and then you can both get married and live happily ever after with Stacie and me"

Chloe's laughter bursts out of her suddenly, almost shocking her that she had such a reaction. Then she sniffs loudly and nods "I can't wait to see you in a wedding dress"

"Oh, I can't wait to see  _Stacie's_ wedding dress. I bet it'll be something reality TV show worthy" Aubrey turns her head to scan the area for the brunettes and not finding them.

"I think it'll be surprising. She seems like she might actually take a wedding dress seriously, it'll be totally elegant and beautiful, then you'll feel like an ass"

"I'll just have to somehow work out how to ask what kind of dress she'd wear without making it sound like I have future plans"

"Yeah, don't make it obvious. Make sure she  _doesn't_  know how serious you take your relationship"

"Oh I hear your sarcasm, Chlo. And I am ignoring it completely"

"I don't think you're ignoring it"

"I am now"

Chloe smiles and reaches up to wrap her arm around Aubrey's shoulder, hugging the blonde against her side "You're the best"

* * *

After saying goodbye to Aubrey, Chloe was walking towards her dorm building, trying to figure out how it would even be possible to re-build a relationship with Beca. If Brody gets out, it could potentially ruin her again. And all of the nerves she had about the trial may also ruin their building. It seemed like there was always going to be a block between them, they never got to have a real relationship, and they may never.

When Chloe gets back to her room, she walks directly to her desk where the scattered open books were sitting.  _Time for study mode._ She thinks as she sits down and moves closer to the desk. The pen she picks up ended up being tapped against the writing book in front of her as she reads.

"Could you stop that?"

Chloe jumps slightly and turns to face her roommate, who she hadn't noticed when she walked in. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were in"

"Well I am. So…. refrain from the drumming" The brunette turns her head back down to look at the iPad on her lap, swiping at the screen every so often.

Chloe still hadn't found out the name of her roommate, but she didn't want to push for it when the girl was fairly unwelcoming to conversation. She turns back to the desk and finds the place in the book where she left off.

"I've never known someone to study so much" When Chloe's gaze returns back to the brunette, there was a questioning stare from her. "You're always into the books whenever you're in the room, and even though it's only been a day, you've still spent  _hours_  reading"

"I just…. want to be prepared, I'm pretty new to the topic" Chloe sets the pen down on the writing book and turns around on the spinning desk chair to face the brunette. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I never got your name"

"I didn't give it, I really thought you were going to be one of those ditzy girls who was just going to spend all your time drinking and bringing guys home. I'm Eliza"

Chloe smiles slightly and stands up off the chair to approach the brunette, who was watching her moving closer. "I'm Chloe. And I'm not going to be bringing anyone back here" Chloe holds her hand out to Eliza, which was taken by the brunette in a light handshake.

"Good to hear. So what are you studying that needs to be so intense?" Eliza releases Chloe's hand, watching as she returns to the desk chair and sits again.

"Psychology. I didn't actually think that I could do it, and I still don't think that I can"

"Well at least you can study your own psychology and find out what those insecurities are about. Although you probably already know, right?" Eliza sits up on her bed and drops the iPad onto her pillow, returning her gaze to the redhead.

"Are you also studying psychology, or is that just something you picked up on?" Chloe smiles and leans back into the chair, staring curiously at her roommate. It was surprising her that Eliza went from glaring mutely at her, to somehow trying to help her regain some form of confidence.

"I'm studying psychology  _and_  picked up on it. You walk like you feel as though you need to be hiding, when you first got here yesterday, I deterred you within a second with a single look. If a stranger can affect you like that, it usually means you've spent way too much time being torn down by someone. Then you have the scars, which I'm just trying to figure out the dates on, because your behaviour says it might be something within the last five years. Am I close? Your face says I'm spot on"

Chloe looks down at the floor then over at her books, then she spins the chair to face the desk again and reaches for the pen.

"Look, I'm sorry Chloe. I didn't mean for that to sound like I'm being horrible or anything. Maybe I can help you, if you want to ask something about the psychology thing. Although you don't have to spend this much time preparing, you're in the first year, they pretty much explain all of this"

"How do you know what they're going to teach?" Chloe stares down at her handwritten notes in front of her, choking back tears from being opened up without her permission.

"Because I'm repeating the year, unfortunately. I had to drop out for a minute and didn't end up finishing. So here I am"

"I'm sorry to hear that" Chloe chews at her lip gently, inhaling deeply through her nose and releasing it through her mouth.

"I'm sorry for being too forward. I didn't realize you were so badly…"

"Damaged?" Chloe finishes for her roommate, writing down a few words onto the paper "I get that a lot"

"People often call you damaged? That's kinda fucked up"

"Yeah, well. People aren't well versed in abuse victims" The following silence lasts moments, almost a full minute before Eliza's voice returns

"I am. My mother was in an abusive relationship"

Chloe turns her head slightly, still looking at the desk but more alert to Eliza's words "Can I ask...how she got out of it?" Chloe turns around again, finding Eliza's quiet contemplative face.

It takes a few moments for Eliza to speak again "She decided to take herself out of it" Eliza's eyes drop down to the floor "By hanging herself"

Chloe stares in silence, feeling the sting of tears welling up in her eyes at the personal detail handed out to her, leaving Eliza as vulnerable as she was just feeling. "I'm sorry"

"I'm not one for dwelling on it all that much, it was a few years ago. But it's what my motivation was. I saw her downfall and didn't know how to help, but when I get through college, I'll be helping as many people as I can" Eliza's eyes return to Chloe's, sinking deep into the stare

"I was… in an abusive..thing. It's a really long and confusing story. Every time I explain it to people, I get more confused" Chloe smiles slightly and plays with the pen in her lap, twirling it around in her fingers nervously. The brunette seemed trustworthy, especially after her confession, so Chloe nods at her and decides to try and let her guard down "I was… in love with this girl"

"Wow. Okay, did not see that one coming" Eliza raises her eyebrows at Chloe and tilts her head slightly before leaning to her side and propping herself up on her elbow "Please continue though, I'm more interested now. And not in… I'm straight so… don't get any ideas"

Chloe huffs out a laugh and shakes her head "Don't worry, I'm still… she. Anyway. So we had  _just_  got together and her twin sister, who is identical, starts showing up and… she'd be really creepy flirty, and I thought that it was Beca, my girlfriend. And then our first time together… it wasn't Beca"

"So the twin was pretending to be your girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Then she became more… violent with me, and forcing herself on me. And then she attacked my ex and threatened all of my friends to get me to go to this hotel, and she kept me there for weeks, breaking me down until I thought that she was Beca. It took... _months_  for me to figure it all out, and it wasn't until they were in the same room together"

"Jesus. That's fucking dark"

"It's not as dark as your story" Chloe turns her gaze down to her lap as she plays with the pen again.

"No, that's just as dark. So you were stuck in some Stockholm Syndrome thing? I've never actually thought that was a real thing"

"It's very real. And very scary, I couldn't… the things I…"

"And you still love this girl?"

Chloe nods slowly, keeping her eyes fixed on the pen "The worst part is that I still… feel attached to Brody somehow"

"Well that makes sense. You thought she was your girlfriend. That's…. I mean, wow"

"I hate it. But I see Beca around and she's so overwhelming to me that I can't even think of anyone else, even Brody. I wish I could just… skip everything and be with her again"

"And why can't you?"

Chloe sighs and reaches up to the desk to drop the pen onto the writing pad, then look over at Eliza "Because I have to build everything up with her again.

"Fuck that, what do you need to build? You guys have a past, right? You got together for a reason. Just because her twin sister steps in and ruins your life, doesn't mean that you need to beat yourself up about wanting to be with Beca"

"It's not that simple, I used to flinch every time she moved. I always thought… I thought she was going to switch and be abusive at any moment"

"But that was  _before_  the veil was lifted, right?" Eliza raises her eyebrow, waiting for an answer from the redhead, which she gets in the form of a nod. "So… you know that Beca and the other one aren't the same person. And I'm guessing you trust this Beca girl. Just go for it. Unless the real reason you're not is because you still think there's the  _slightest_ chance that she's going to reject you"

Chloe's eyes drop to stare at the floor, chewing her lip and nodding.

"Yeah, see? Not at all about you needing to build a relationship or whatever. Just go for it, is she the type of person who would embarrass you?"

"No, she wouldn't do that"

"So fuck it. Tell her that you miss her and want to get back with her, and then she'll know your intentions and you two can figure shit out with each other. Instead of you being all mopey and sitting in here studying all day and night" Eliza smiles and grabs her iPad before laying back down on the pillow.

"I don't think I have enough courage for that"

"If your love is at a lower level than your fear, then maybe it's best that you don't tell her. Because that means you don't want to be with her as much as you think" Eliza returns the laptop to her bent up knees, tapping at the screen again.

Chloe stares over at Eliza before spinning on the chair and trying to get back into reading, only she couldn't focus now. She felt shaken up by the idea that her love wasn't strong enough to be with Beca anymore. Even though it feels as strong as it ever has.

There's a long while before Chloe gives up on trying to study altogether and she stands up to look down at Eliza, who glances back at her "Thank you, for talking"

"No problem"

Chloe gives her a small smile before she walks to the door and leaves. It was late at night, but the darkness wasn't bothering her on the walk over to the Bella house. It was tearing away at her heart that her love wasn't enough. She had to prove herself wrong, and Eliza. The campus was mostly deserted, and Chloe looks down at her phone when she stops outside of the house, it was midnight.  _No._ Chloe glances up at the house from her phone and sees the light on inside, then she pushes her phone back into her pocket and approaches the door. Giving a light knock and waiting.

When the door swings open, she's met with Stacie's topless body, luckily with a bra still on. "Chloe!" She says, moving forward to hug the redhead.

Chloe laughs softly, wrapping her arms around Stacie's shoulders and holding the brunette close. "Stacie, you're half naked, you know"

"I know. It's nothing you haven't seen before. I was  _just_  about to get it on with Aubrey"

"Excuse me, I can hear you" Aubrey says from inside the house.

"She's getting dressed" Stacie says, moving back from the redhead and holding her hands against Chloe's arms "I'm so glad you're okay again"

"Well I'm mostly okay. Somethings are a bit… weird" Chloe smiles when Aubrey comes out from around the wall into the doorway "Nice to see you're dressed"

"Okay you can shush too. We very rarely get time alone in this house, so we had to take advantage"

"Oh...is everyone out?" Chloe tried to act like she wasn't disappointed, but it was clearly written across her face for a moment before she noticed.

"They're in bed, are you okay? You're here really late" Aubrey holds onto Stacie's forearm, guiding her girlfriend back so Chloe can walk into the house.

"No, I just… I was hoping to talk to… Maybe I should come back, during day time" Chloe shakes her head, backing out of her ridiculous plan.

"No way am I going to let you walk across campus again at this time. You could have been hurt on the way here. Come in, please?" Aubrey watches Chloe hesitating for a moment before stepping inside, then she closes the door and smiles slightly "Thank you. You can stay here tonight"

"I don't thi-.."

"Chloe?"

Chloe looks up at the stairs, finding Beca standing halfway up and coming down slowly towards her, making her breath catch in her throat. Her heartbeat was speeding with every step the brunette takes, each thump of her footstep was ringing in her ears. She couldn't think, let alone speak.

"Is everything okay?" Beca says, reaching the floor in front of Chloe, who was looking stunned, or something. But the redhead was completely quiet. "Chloe"

"Yeah. Sorry, I was just… I.. I'm here to talk to Aubrey" Chloe chews at her lip nervously, trying to avoid the horrible feeling in her heart when Beca's gaze falters.

"Ah. Well I'll leave you to it" Beca nods and turns to walk around the stairs into the hallway towards the kitchen.

Chloe closes her eyes her heartbeat needed controlling, it was losing control and making her feel like she was about to drop dead at any moment.

Aubrey reaches up to Chloe's shoulder, taking notice that the redhead didn't get scared at the touch, she just turned and looked up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…. I need to" Chloe points at the hallway and gets a nod from the blonde before she moves ahead through the hallway to follow in Beca's footsteps, finding the brunette sipping at a glass of water in front of the sink. Her heart swells again, filling her chest with a tight squeeze and making every heartbeat feel like a punch. Now she can't talk again.

Beca noticed Chloe at some point and turned to face the redhead, waiting for anything to be said, only the moments keep ticking by and Chloe looks more and more worried. "Really, Chloe. Are you okay?"

"I… I just need.. I need a minute" Chloe tries her breathing technique to calm her down, even closing her eyes and imagining herself on a beach. It works to some degree until she hears Beca's voice again.

"Chloe… you don't have to be scared of me"

Chloe's eyes open again, furrowing in concern "I'm not scared of you, Beca. I'm not. I just…. I'm .. " Chloe swallows the lump in her throat, thinking of it as her fear of rejection and stepping forward. "I… Thank you.. for the letter that you sent to me. I just wanted to say thank you"

"Oh. Yeah, no that's… fine" Beca wasn't trying to hide the confusion written across her face at Chloe's extreme reaction when it was only a 'thank you'. And the redhead still looked jittery even after.

Chloe turns away, hesitating once before letting her legs take her back down the hallway to Aubrey and Stacie in the living room. "Thank you, for the invitation, but I really… I can't stay here"

"Then we'll walk back with you" Stacie says, getting up from the couch, now with her top back on.

"I can't ask you to do that, you guys don't get alone time.. I'll feel bad"

"Pff. That  _never_  stops Stacie" Aubrey says as she gets up from the couch next to Stacie, moving around her girlfriend to approach Chloe and picking up her jacket from the hooks on the wall. "Besides, I have my security cart outside. I can drive us all and we'll get back in no time"

Chloe was about to reject the offer again when Beca emerges from the hallway, then Chloe turns back to Aubrey and nods at her before moving towards the door and pulling it open to leave quickly.

Aubrey sends Beca a questioning look, only getting a shrug back. Then she looks over at Stacie and moves out the door after Chloe. She tried to ask Chloe if she needed to talk about anything, but the redhead stayed silent.

The whole ride back, Chloe was chastising herself for letting her fear overtake her love. It was bad enough that her fear took over her whole life for a year, now she has to lose her love for Beca to it.

When the cart stops outside Chloe's dorm room, Aubrey reaches over to the redhead's hand, pulling Chloe out of deep thought. "Hey. I don't really know what happened before, but you're putting way too much pressure on yourself right now. Remember to take things slow"

"But what if I'm so scared that I've lost my love for her?"

Stacie snorts from the back and gets up to move to the side next to Chloe. "Chloe." When the redhead turns to her, she raises an eyebrow "You really think that those things that you're feeling inside is fear? I've seen you, I saw you just before looking at her. You're  _definitely_  in love with her. You always have been"

"I can't even say it" Chloe's stare moves down to the front of the cart as she slumps down in the seat.

"You couldn't before.." Aubrey starts, getting a pain in her heart when Chloe's eyes close. "Why are you going back on listening to Katherine all of a sudden? I thought you were happy with moving slow"

"I… my roommate. We talked and she thought it'd be better if I just laid it all out there"

"Chloe.. she doesn't know you, not like Katherine does. And she isn't even qualified to give you any advice like that. She knows where you're supposed to be at, and this isn't the place"

Chloe sighs softly and nods, finding the pieces clicking together, she did push herself too far and that was something that she had talked about in the house  _and_  with Katherine. "I have a session with her tomorrow" Chloe sniffs loudly and wipes at her cheek when a tear falls. "I don't want her to think that I don't…. I can't see her with anyone else, it'd just.."

"She isn't going anywhere, Chloe. I promise you that, she's been waiting months just to speak to you again" Stacie says, stroking her hand across Chloe's shoulders and back again.

"But what if she does? What if she missed out on someone better for her, and I'm just keeping her locked in this hell" Chloe leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and covering her face with her hands.

"Chloe, you're still pressuring yourself way too much over this. You need to stop and think, this is just pushing you into depression" Aubrey puts her hand on Chloe's leg, squeezing gently "Listen to me when I say that you two are in love with each other, neither of you can think about other people  _because_ you only have eyes for each other. So stop being a dope and think about what all this pressure is doing to your recovery, what it's going to do for your future relationship  _with Beca_."

Chloe sniffs loudly and wipes her hands against her cheeks, turning her head to look back at Aubrey. "You're right. I should.." Chloe inhales deeply and moves to sit back again. "I should focus so I can get better"

"You need to focus on getting better, and don't let your stupid roommate talk you into doing anything ever again. She may think that she was helping, but she really wasn't" Aubrey's hand moves up to brush Chloe's hair back.

"Okay" Chloe nods and turns her head to face Stacie, who steps away so Chloe can get off the cart and let Stacie move onto the seat "Thanks for driving me back..and making me feel better"

"That's what best friends are for" Aubrey smiles and leans forward across her girlfriend's lap "Don't listen to your roommate, Chloe"

"I promise, I won't" Chloe gives a faint smile before she moves around the back of the cart towards the building.

"Hey" Aubrey yells out, waiting until Chloe spins around to her "Be our third wheel tomorrow for lunch?"

Chloe smiles genuinely and nods "Sounds great. Text me in the morning"

"You got it" Aubrey watches Chloe turning back and entering the building before she turns to Stacie and exhales deeply.

"She's almost there, Bree." Stacie brings her arm up over Aubrey's shoulders "You're amazing, you know"

"So are you" They exchange a quick kiss before Aubrey turns to the wheel and drives away from the building, hoping that Chloe keeps her promise not to let this roommate get in the way of her recovery with stupid ideas.


	12. Chapter 12

Chloe wakes up to movements across the room, being sure to keep her eyes closed until she hears the door click shut. Her eyes open after a minute and she's alone in the room, successfully avoiding the talk with her roommate that'll make her feel bad again. She's quick to get up and choose an outfit for the day before she walks to the door. After a moment's hesitation she pulls it open and jumps when she sees someone on the other side. Her nerves settle back down when she sees that it's Stacie.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Stacie says, grimacing slightly in her apology.

"Oh, that's okay. I was just" Chloe huffs out an embarrassed laugh "I'm being stupid. I'm avoiding my roommate"

"Did she say something again?"

"No, but I don't really want to give her the chance to, so I'm avoiding. Which is always a great plan" Chloe pauses for a second and tilts her head slightly "What are you doing here?"

"Aubrey got called in early, she was going to come instead, so I offered to check on you" Stacie looks down at the clothes hanging over Chloe's forearm and smiles softly "But I caught you at shower time"

"Yeah… but you've seen it all anyway, come and talk to me in the bathroom, maybe Eliza will keep her distance if I'm busy talking to you" Chloe steps out of the doorway, pulling the door closed behind her.

"I'll put my boxing gloves on, she won't even consider talking to you" Stacie reaches forward to take Chloe's clothing and toiletries bag from her and spins around to walk with the redhead. "I'm carrying your books for you"

"Aubrey is a lucky girl" Chloe smiles as she walks beside Stacie, her happiness fading slightly when she remembers why her friend showed up "I didn't worry Beca last night, did I?"

"I'd be lying if I said no, Aubrey and I talked to her and we just said you were feeling a little off. She's still confused though" Stacie pushes open the door to the bathroom, walking in and holding it for the redhead to follow behind her. Chloe was staring down as she walked, her face caught somewhere between sadness and contemplation. "Don't worry about it though, nothing bad was said, right?"

"No. Nothing bad. I just have to not mess things up" Chloe looks up after a moment and catches sight of Eliza at the far end of the showers, then she ducks into the first stall, cutting off Stacie's step forward.

Stacie looks up at Chloe turning around in the stall and letting out a deep breath before the redhead pulls the curtain closed. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Talk to me about something. What was your first kiss with Aubrey like?" Chloe chews at her lip as she undresses, it was easier for her to hide her facial expressions behind the curtain.

"Okay… well it wasn't the most romantic thing in the world. We were watching that British bake-off show on TV and it just….happened somehow. We went from looking at gingerbread to looking at each other and just bam"

Chloe almost immediately felt lighter when Stacie's story started, even smiling by the time she finished. "That's not romantic at all. Beca and I didn't really have a romantic kiss either. We were talking and then...staring and.."

"It just happens, right? Like there's so much sexual energy that you just…. have to do something or else you'll end up punching her in the face" Stacie sighs as she looks around the bathroom, then she notices Chloe fell silent, completely silent, there wasn't even water on. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" was the only thing Chloe could manage to reply with as she turns around to turn on the water.

Stacie looks at the curtain blocking her view from Chloe, running over the last thing she said in her mind. Her eyes close when she realizes what she'd said, then she pulls the curtain open, steps inside and closes the curtain again to look at Chloe "Chloe"

Chloe turns around when Stacie walks into her stall, the obvious regret was written across Stacie's face in a way that made Chloe feel both better and worse at the same time. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean to say it. I'm just…"

"I'm sorry either way, I should really know better than to remind you of that"

"It's fine. I have plenty of reminders of it anyway." Chloe looks down at her chest, then slowly returns her gaze to the brunette in front of her, who had caught onto the hint and was staring at the scar on her chest.

Stacie's eyes drop further to the lines on Chloe's stomach, when her eyes return to meet Chloe's, there wasn't any sadness behind them. "How do you..deal with the reminders?"

"There were a few exercises we found to work, I like to think of them as a reminder to be stronger. Especially this one" Chloe reaches up to tap her cheek.

"I hadn't even noticed it before" Stacie turns her head slightly, staring at the line across Chloe's cheek.

"I hide it with makeup, it's weird for me to display it, people ask about it too much" Chloe turns slightly, then looks back at Stacie "I'm.."

"Oh, right. Yes. Shower away" Stacie drops the toiletries back on the small shelf and steps out from the stall, closing the curtain again behind her. "You know, Aubrey has a scar on her side"

"I know, I was there when she fell off the roof"

"She told me she got mauled by a dog"

Chloe grimaces slightly and laughs through it "Sorry to Aubrey then. We were playing Rapunzel and she dropped her rope hair and it was a little heavier than she thought and it was wrapped around her neck"

"That sounds horrifying, maybe even worse than a dog attack"

"It was. I thought she was going to die. It was lucky I was freaking out so much because my parents heard the screaming and came out" Chloe pops open the shampoo bottle as she talks "And then we had to sit in the E.R. for like two minutes because she was bleeding so much they just sent us right through. It was funny like….weeks after she healed, but that was scary"

"So….. what was the plan if she  _didn't_  fall off the roof, were you going to try and climb the rope with it around her neck?"

"I never said we were smart children" Chloe laughs softly as she moves her head back into the water stream.

"That's an understatement" Stacie looks up at a brunette approaching her, sighing slightly when she prepares herself to reject this girl's flirtation.

"Chloe's in there right?"

Chloe moves out from the water when she hears Eliza's voice, then she waits for Stacie's reply before trying to figure out what to do.

"Yeah, but she's got this weird inner-ear problem that's just oozing and gross. You don't wanna be near her right now"

Chloe rolls her eyes and moves to the curtain, poking her head out from around it and looking at Eliza "Don't listen to her. I'm not oozing"

"Good to hear…" Eliza shoots Stacie a weird look and returns her eyes to Chloe's, raising her eyebrows "So how'd it go last night? Did you get it on or run away?"

"Chloe's taking things slow, she doesn't need any added pressure. Not from someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're doing" Stacie takes a step forward to Eliza, who gets startled and moves back.

"Okay, relax. I was just trying to get the ball rolling for Chloe. It didn't seem like she was going to be cut up about anything, or did the girl reject her?" Eliza leans to the side to look at Chloe from around Stacie "Did she reject you?"

Stacie draws in a deep breath and refrains from shoving the brunette.

"She didn't reject me, I just… I'm not quite ready to move things...further"

Eliza nods and swings her hand up "See that's all you need to say" Then she turns to Stacie and straightens up again "You don't need to go all Amazon warrior on me, I was really just trying to help"

"Maybe don't try to butt into people's recoveries, you could fuck everything up"

"Stacie, it's okay" Chloe says softly, reaching out to her friend's arm and pulling her back slightly.

Eliza looks down at Chloe's hand on Stacie's arm, then back up at the tall brunette, tilting her head slightly "Are you two a thing?"

"You're seriously nosey, aren't you? No we aren't a thing" Stacie huffs and turns her body towards Chloe, giving her a look that just says 'Seriously?'

"Okay, I get the hint. I'll leave you two alone" Eliza smirks slightly as she starts walking by the two girls "To get it on" she mutters as she walks away.

Stacie glares at the back of Eliza and rolls her eyes before she returns her gaze to Chloe. "There's something that I really don't trust about her. She's… there's something."

"She's been through some things, just give her a break, please?" Chloe moves back into the shower, closing the curtain again before she turns off the water to start drying off.

Stacie looks back at the door with a growing suspicion. She may not be able to express her mistrust in that brunette, but she can keep an eye out for any cracks. "What time is your appointment?"

"It's in an hour" Chloe says as she finishes drying and reaches out for the clothes that Stacie still had hold of. The only thing the brunette hands her are her underwear, which she puts on before reaching out again and waiting "Stacie?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have my clothes?"

"Call me pretty first"

Chloe snorts and pulls the curtain open, giving Stacie a warning look "Gimme my clothes or I'll tell Aubrey you wanted to keep me naked"

"Oh that's mean" Stacie holds the clothes out to Chloe quickly "I was just doing it for fun, but you go right for the jugular"

"I'm cold!"

"I can tell"

Chloe shoves Stacie's arm before reaching up to the curtain and yanking it shut again. "You're so getting in trouble for that"

"Pff. You're like my sister in-law, I'd never find you attractive"

"Did you just say I'm not attractive?"

"I said you're not attractive to  _me_ " Stacie turns back to the stall when Chloe pulls the curtain open again, full dressed already. "You're speedy"

"I'm just as speedy getting undressed" Chloe smiles and picks up the bag and towel before making her way out.

Stacie follows behind Chloe, smiling to herself that Chloe can be so normal and happy now, even though she has her drops. "So Bree's excited for this lunch today"

"I'm surprised, I thought she'd be nervous because I know all her embarrassing stories" Chloe smiles as she pushes her dorm door open, looking inside to make sure Eliza wasn't in before she enters and drops her bag on the desk.

"Well maybe I should rephrase,  _I_  am excited for lunch, she's excited and worried" Stacie stands just inside the door, watching Chloe as she moves around her room and gets shoes on. "Wanna get breakfast before you go?"

"That'd be good, we can make Bree really worried when we tell her" Chloe stands up after putting on her shoes and grabs her purse and phone before approaching Stacie and moving into the corridor with her, closing and locking the door behind her.

* * *

The breakfast with Stacie went fine, it was nice to reconnect with her old friend. When she gets to Katherine's office, she greets the receptionist, Amber with a friendly hello and takes a seat to wait for Katherine quietly. She looks over at the magazines on the table next to her, but she always had an inability to focus whenever she was in this office, it was such a clinical place. Like she was always going to get probed or jabbed with needles in here.

"Chloe?" Katherine says quietly, pulling the redhead from her thoughts and getting her attention on the doctor. Chloe stands up slowly and smiles at Katherine, walking behind her into the office.

"How are you?" Chloe asks as she finds her seat on the side of the couch that she always ends up on.

Katherine sits across from Chloe on a chair and nods "I'm doing well. How are you? How was your first day?"

"It was…" Chloe falls silent for a moment, searching her mind for a word that could describe what it was like seeing Beca again after all the time apart. "Strange" she says with a small smile. "I've been talking to Aubrey, and I had breakfast with Stacie today"

"Do you feel good about reconnecting with them?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was a little weird at first, I didn't really know what it was going to be like, but everything kind of feels…. like it's normal with them" Chloe lowers her gaze to the couch as she picks at the cushion.

"Is there going to be a 'but'?"

Chloe nods as she stares down at the couch, taking a small breath before speaking again "I saw Beca"

"Did it not go well?"

"It went okay, I guess… it was awkward, and I didn't really talk to her that much but… something did happen last night" Chloe glances up to Katherine urging her on with a nod "I um… I was talking to my roommate, and she said that… I was letting my fear take over my love for her and I was going to lose it"

"Oh, no"

"Yeah.. so I went over to the house to find Beca, and I just… I froze and I couldn't say it, then I felt horrible" Chloe's eyes drop back down to her hand, keeping her mind off the feeling by playing with the material.

"Well I can definitely say that your roommate was wrong about that. You don't have anything to worry about with your love for Beca" Katherine smiles softly at Chloe "In our sessions, even when we met up when you were in Canada, you would always talk about missing Beca the most. Do you remember what you said?"

"Yeah, but… what if I'm just.. feeling nervous because I'm scared of her?" Chloe leans back into the couch, slouching with her self defeat.

"When you're near her, do you feel like she's going to hurt you?" Katherine waits for the silent shake of Chloe's head "So why do you think that you're scared?"

"I don't know… I just don't want to lose her. Even though she's not...really mine anymore" Chloe turns her head up to look at the ceiling, laying her head back against the couch.

"It sounds to me like you're going back on our promise to move slow"

"I am. I'm trying not to go too fast, but I saw her and everything hit me like a train" Chloe sniffs and wipes at the side of her face when a tear falls.

"That doesn't mean you need to pressure yourself into expressing those feelings. Especially not if you're still unsure of your fear of her"

"I want to be sure, I do" Chloe lifts her head to look back at Katherine again "I don't know how to find that out, I don't feel like she's going to do anything to hurt me but…. how can I be sure?"

"Do you remember when you first got to Canada, what your recovery goals were?"

"Um… yeah. I wanted to be able to talk to people normally without flinching, I wanted to be independent, I wanted to wear my normal clothes again, and I want to trust people"

"So going back to a specific part of that, one that may be a simple enough task to try out, but a little difficult to pull off. So to speak. You were wearing dresses again by the time you left the house, and I see now that you're not" Katherine points down to Chloe's jeans, making the redhead look down and take notice "Have you thought about trying to wear a dress?"

Chloe pauses as she stares down at her legs, her heart starts jumping into a fast beat when she looks back up. "I don't know.. that was easier over there, but here.."

"What do you think is stopping you?"

"Myself, I know it's myself. I keep getting this image in my mind that as soon as I put it on, she'll show up and.." Chloe turns her head to stare over at the wall and take a deep breath through her nose, releasing it again from her mouth. "I'll try to do it"

"Don't force yourself into doing it, Chloe. It was just one of the ways we can test your trust out. We'll come up with a few things to try, okay?"

Chloe returns her eyes to Katherine and nods along with her. She did need to try everything she can to get herself to stick to the track and focus. Losing her mind over Beca was starting to push her back down again.

* * *

The rest of her session went well, they had some tasks for Chloe to try out in order to test herself around Beca, one including an actual conversation with the brunette. She gets out of the cab at the restaurant where she's meeting Aubrey and Stacie for lunch and approaches the door, coming to a fast stop when she sees Beca at the table as well. She had forgotten that she told Stacie to invite her as well.

Chloe walks over to the table slowly, Aubrey noticed her first and stood up to walk over and give her a hug, then return back to Stacie's side. Leaving Chloe to sit down next to Beca and give the brunette a quick smile and a "Hey"

"Hi" Beca returns to Chloe, keeping her hands attached to the sides of the chair beside her legs. "How are things?" If the awkward tension was visible, it would just be a huge fog cloud right between them.

"Things are…. they're well." Chloe turns to glance over at Aubrey and Stacie, before dropping her gaze to the menu on the plate in front of her. This should really be the time when she tries to have a conversation with Beca, but her anxiety was getting the better of her.

Beca accepts her defeat with a quiet sigh and turns to look at her menu quietly, flipping the page over.

"So... " Stacie starts, looking between the two awkward girls in front of her and trying to avoid playing matchmaker and messing everything up. But they needed even the smallest nudge to get them talking "Beca met Snoop Dogg and impressed her boss"

Chloe looks up at Stacie first, just to make sure she wasn't being an ass. Then she turns to Beca who looked like she was on the verge of blushing at her success. "Really?" Beca nods at her as she stares down at the menu, Chloe knows she isn't even reading it and smiles. "That's really great, Beca. I told you that you'd be on top in no time" Chloe jumps slightly at the sudden snort and choking coming from the brunette in front of her, followed by laughter through coughing.

Aubrey sighs loudly, she got the joke, but it really didn't deserve that reaction from Stacie. Her hand comes up to the back of her girlfriend, patting Stacie's back as she regains her ability to breathe. "Sorry, Chloe. My girlfriend is a perv"

"I don't… oh. Right" Chloe laughs softly and shakes her head before looking back at Beca, feeling her heart jump to her throat when Beca stares back at her "I-.. I didn't mean it like that"

"I know. And thanks, but it's really not that big of a deal" Beca watches Chloe become slightly saddened by Beca's non-attempt, so she leans in slightly "But my boss..he asked for a demo, so that's something"

Chloe returns her stare to Beca, letting her body react as it usually does to having the brunette's stare on her. "I'm so happy for you, you're going to be great"

"I said a burger, Stacie. God. Get your ears checked" Aubrey sighs with irritation and looks back down at her menu after the failed attempts at whispering to her girlfriend.

"Well excuse me for not being able to focus when your mouth is against my ear" Stacie says, looking up and seeing the two girls in front of her staring back. "Aubrey's fault, not mine. I was trying  _not_  to interrupt"

Aubrey smacks the back of her hand against Stacie's arm "I was whispering, you lost concentration because you're dirty"

"I am a lot less dirty than I used to be though, you said that yourself" Stacie smiles proudly and reaches up to stroke her finger up and down Aubrey's cheek "Such a nice girlfriend"

Chloe laughs softly at the sight of an annoyed Aubrey dealing with Stacie, the blonde just gives in completely, it was weird to see Aubrey so...calm when she's annoyed. "I think I might join you in your burger idea" With a quick nip at her lip, she turns to Beca "What are you getting?"

"I'll do the same" Beca says, closing the menu and looking at Chloe, catching the smile on the redhead's face brings out a smile of her own. She can't exactly say it out loud, but she finds Chloe beautiful in every way, and the smile was the quickest way to bring out that reaction.

The awkward tension dropped almost immediately when Beca's demeanor changed, there was something different rising between them, something that Chloe hasn't felt in a year. Her heart races and she could feel herself leaning slightly forward, snapping out of it after a moment and turning her gaze down to the menu before she stands up, sending the chair toppling backwards and making her spin and pick it up quickly "I should… I need to.. I have to go, I'm sorry"

"Wait, Chloe!" Aubrey shoots Beca a questioning look, but the brunette was too busy watching Chloe turning and walking away.

Beca gets up quickly, ignoring the blonde. When she gets outside, she stops herself from grabbing the redhead and decides to just say "Wait"

Chloe inhales deeply and slows her pace down to a stop, keeping her back to Beca so she can gather her thoughts

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...been staring, I'm just still surprised you're even here" Beca looks around at the parking lot, trying to avoid the redhead's back. "I won't do it again"

"It's not… it isn't the staring" Chloe chews at her lip as she turns around to feel her already fast beating heart skipping a beat. "I'm trying to be better… I don't want to get in the way of anything you have going on"

"What do you mean by that? Because I literally have nothing going on other than ending my year and doing this internship" Beca turns her head slightly when Chloe's gaze drops to the ground between them.

"If you move on.."

"I'm not. I haven't"

"But if.."

"Chloe… I know that it's been  _ages_  that you've been away but I'm still here, I'm still waiting. And I will for the next thousand years if I have to"

Chloe raises her head to look at Beca, she couldn't hide the confusion on her face, it was impossible to believe that Beca could even consider waiting for her when they hardly had anything. "We never had a real… it wasn't… a normal relationship that you got to have with me"

"And that isn't on you" Beca steps forward hesitantly, and when Chloe doesn't react badly, she takes another two steps to stop in front of Chloe with a small space between them "I'm not pushing anything. What we had before we were even together was real for me, every moment that we would spend dancing around each other and just…. knowing each other.  _That_  was us being together" Beca reaches up slowly, wiping Chloe's tears with her thumbs. "Normal or not, I love you, and I always will"

Chloe nods and lets out a shaky breath, then she moves her hand to Beca's stomach "I'm not… I'm not ready yet"

"And I'm not going anywhere" Beca smiles softly, trying to be reassuring to Chloe.

"I don't deserve you, I'm too dama-.."

"Please. Don't say it, because you aren't. You deserve the best, and I'm not saying I'm the best at all, but I know for sure that I'm going to treat you like you're the most amazing person in the world, which you are, by the way"

Chloe huffs out a small laugh and sniffs as she reaches up to wipe at her eyes "Thanks, Becs. You strangely always know what to say"

"Strangely? That's a little offensive. I spent years studying you, I think I know what you need by now. Which is a burger and friends, and laughing" Beca strokes her hands down Chloe's arms, waiting for Chloe to decide the next move.

Chloe stares at Beca for a moment before she nods at the brunette and starts moving back with her, heading back inside to the table.

"Are you okay?" Aubrey says, leaning onto the table towards Chloe.  
"Yeah, I'm fine I just...had a moment" Chloe smiles and glances over at Beca, her eyes still felt like they could burst into waterfalls at any moment, but the brunette reaches up to her shoulder and Chloe turns back to the blonde again. "So burgers?"

"Yes." Aubrey says with a point of her fingers before standing and collecting all of the menus then walking away to order.

Chloe feels Beca's hand drop away from her shoulder, and the absent touch doesn't make her feel horrible, she still feels calm. Maybe that's because Katherine's plan to just  _talk_  to Beca worked so well. Chloe was never going to try and rush it again. She turns her gaze to the brunette again, catching Beca in another stare.

Beca turns away quickly, then she hears a huff from Chloe that gets her to look back, seeing the redhead laughing at her softly. "Really?" Beca asks with a sarcastic tone, shaking her head and looking up when Aubrey returns to the table.

"Burgers have been ordered, so have the afternoon cocktails" Aubrey claps slightly and reaches forward for the glass of water in front of her, stopping the glass at her lips before she drinks when she sees Chloe looking concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just not supposed to drink, so Stacie can have mine"

"Oh yes I can!" Stacie reaches up over the table for a highfive with Chloe, smiling wider when the redhead's hand slaps against hers.

"Is that part of the treatment? Should I cancel them?" Aubrey says, ignoring Stacie's excitement because she's too worried that being around alcohol was going to have an effect on Chloe's recovery.

"Oh, no. No, I can handle being around people drinking, I have...some… medication to keep me on a level"

"Oh, well good. Or ...not good. I guess, but good that… you aren't in danger of… okay. Anyway, I am sorry for asking that" Aubrey taps nervously against the top of the table as she drinks to shut herself up.

"It's fine, Bree. Really, I don't mind talking about it" Chloe looks up at the waiter bringing over the drinks and waits until he leaves to reach over and slide the glass across to Stacie, who takes it in her other hand and tries drinking both of them at once.

"Oh my god, Stacie. Control yourself? Please?" Aubrey reaches up to push one of Stacie's hands down, shaking her head and looking over at Chloe grinning as she watches Stacie, then she looks at Beca staring at Chloe. She has every belief that they're going to be double-dating as two serious couples soon, or not soon, but eventually.

* * *

Being around Beca was easier after their little talk, even though it was really the first time they've actually spent time together. Chloe just felt lighter somehow, like the weight of being scared that Beca would reject her, or that she would push Beca so far away that the brunette wouldn't even care about her anymore, was lifted off her back. There was a kind of unofficial confirmation between them that makes Chloe feel secure that Beca really will be standing right next to her, even after the brunette graduates.

They were walking back across campus when the thought of graduation hit Chloe, she hadn't really thought of what it would mean for them now that Chloe was re-taking her classes and Beca had plans for L.A.. But then there was also the fact that there was still a year until graduation and Chloe was jumping the gun once more.

Beca was walking beside Chloe, they had both trailed behind the couple flirtatiously bantering up ahead. Beca turns her head to look over at Chloe, finding the redhead stuck in an inner battle "Hey"

Chloe gets pulled out of her anxiety to look at Beca, smiling slightly and looking up at the couple walking a few yards ahead of them.

"Do you...wanna hang out sometime? Maybe we can talk, just...catch up on lost time or whatever" Beca says through her growing nerves, she couldn't push Chloe into anything, but she didn't want the redhead feeling alone.

Chloe looks back at the brunette, catching the nervous look just in time and smiling at Beca to try and settle those nerves "Yeah, that sounds good"

With a long exhale of relief, Beca smiles slightly as she turns to look at the couple again, dropping her gaze to their swinging hands together. She's happy for the couple, but now she feels awkward and sad for wanting that with Chloe.

"There is a lot that I need to talk to you about" Chloe says quietly, knocking the brunette out of her thought process and turning to look at her again. "But it can wait until we're catching up"

"Well now I wanna know. What are you doing tonight?" Beca smirks when Chloe shakes her head and smiles.

"I'm studying tonight" Chloe says

"All night? You turned nerdy"

"I didn't  _turn_  nerdy, I just transferred my nerd from a-capella to psychology" Chloe watches the path as they walk, she hadn't noticed how close she had moved to the brunette until the back of their hands brushed against each other. Chloe moves her hand back to push it into her back pocket, hoping that the move wasn't completely obvious. She just needs a question to cover up her avoidance maneuver. "Um… do you want to get a drink or some lunch tomorrow? My classes end at one so I'll have the afternoon free"

"Yeah, sure" Beca had noticed the light touch on her hand and leaves it at that, although it did kickstart her heart into a harsh beat. "Sounds good" she adds in a quieter voice.

Chloe became instantly anxious and excited for the plans. She got to spend time with Beca, but it was going to be the first actual one on one time with the brunette, and maybe she should invite Aubrey along to take the heat off. She wanted desperately to be okay when it would just be the two of them, and it will be, most of her knows that. She hates that, how her emotions constantly fly out of control as soon as she thinks of herself alone with the brunette. Every part of her knows that Beca isn't Brody, yet she still needs to look for Beca's tattoo, even after it had been so long since she's been back in this situation.

Beca had looked up a few moments after Chloe's silence settled in, and she knows that look well. Chloe had fallen into a darker thought process, and she could tell that the redhead was stuck there. "There's this pretty good sushi place downtown. We could meet up there if you want"

Chloe had to swallow back the slow building tears and looked over at Beca, catching the knowing stare. Beca must have noticed that she was thinking too much, she sends a smile smile at the brunette and gives a quick nod "Yeah that's good" she looks away again, glancing at the back of Aubrey and letting out an exhale of slight relief now that there's less pressure about being left alone with Beca. Which makes her pace stop completely, she wasn't supposed to be thinking like this. Her sudden stop causes Beca to stop after a few steps and turn around to her. "I just...remembered that I need to do something" Chloe says quickly, failing at thinking of an actual good reason for her semi-freak out. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Text me the address" she says before spinning and rushing away before Beca could answer, which just came in the form of calling out her name as she moves away.

Her breath was heavy as she moves, and she could feel the stinging in her eyes and painful heartbeat, which got to the point where she had to stop and lean against a sign pole to catch her breath and close her eyes. She had plenty of these moments in Canada, so it wasn't difficult for her to regain control and take her phone out with a shaking hand so she can dial Katherine's number.

It had only taken a few seconds for Katherine to pick up "Chloe, is everything okay?"

As soon as her mouth opened to answer, she breaks, releasing a strained "No" into the phone through her tears and desperate attempt to stop herself from a breakdown.

"It's okay, just take some deep breaths, okay? Where are you?"

Her breathing hitches as she inhales, and it takes her moments before she can give out her location "The east quad on Campus" her legs bend slowly, lowering herself to the ground and sitting with her back against the pole, leaving her facing away from the path and holding her hand against her knee, with the phone falling quiet against her ear.

"Keep talking to me, Chloe. I'll be there soon"

Her eyes turn up to the blue sky, trying to focus on the clouds making their slow way across. Her constant sucking in at the air keeps her heart rate up, and she tries as much as she can to take random long breaths to ease herself down, all while trying to listen to the movements from Katherine on the phone.

"It's warm out today, isn't it?" she hears, and it was Katherine's distraction attempt

"Yes" she lets out in a quick answer, keeping her eyes up at that cloud and feeling her body start to allow longer bursts of breath. "I can't do it" she says quietly "I thought I could do it, but I can't"

"You can't do what?"

"I can't be with her" Chloe sniffs loudly and moves the hand off her knee to wipe at her cheeks, then wipes her wet hand against her jeans. "I keep doing the same thing over and over again, I can't trust her"

"Chloe, we both know that this recovery isn't going to happen over night. You're rushing yourself again. What are you thinking is going to happen?"

"I don't know. She asked if we could...hang out and I said yes and then I just.."

"You started to think that it was going to lead to more, and then you started worrying about being right back where you were a year ago, right?" Her heavy exhale was all she needed for an answer, leaving Katherine to continue "It's a very easy thing to say and know that you can trust her, but you haven't started to build trust with her. What you should do now is maybe wait a few more days and organize a lunch where you aren't going to have that pressure to be alone, but you can also talk to her as much as needed"

Her breath was starting to steady a little more, letting her body relax slightly against the pole behind her. "I had lunch with her, Aubrey and Stacie just before"

"How did that go?"

"I wanted to kiss her" Chloe admits, turning her head down to look at the grass "I know I'm moving too fast, but every time I'm with her, everything is so confronting. I don't know how to be"

"I know. The important thing is that you remember this when you're in the moment so that you don't have to have a panic attack. And wanting to kiss her, or be with her at all isn't a bad thing, that's totally normal because you love her, it's expected of you to want that. And one day, after all of the trust is back, you can do it forever. Until then, small meet ups where you don't have pressure"

"I didn't think there would be pressure today. It wasn't supposed to go so..-" Chloe's voice trails off into her sadness, she felt embarrassed by her freak out now.

"I know. But this is really the first time you've spent together. The first time you spend with her alone is going to be a stressful experience, possibly even the first few times. If you go in there with that in mind, you can be more aware of how your thinking is affecting you"

"You're right" Chloe lets out a long exhale through her nose and closes her eyes to release the last bit of stress tension in her.

* * *

Katherine had turned up after a short while and they had ended up sitting together and talking further about how she can focus on  _not_  having breakdown after Beca time. In the end, she decided she wasn't going to cancel the lunch plans for the next day and give it a shot. Which she deserves to do. She knows she has the power to be happy again, somewhere deep down.

She had walked back to her dorm room after Katherine left to go back to the office. And as soon as she stepped inside, Eliza was in there with two other girls, one of them sitting on Eliza's desk chair next to the bed where Eliza and the other girl was. "Hey. Sorry for interrupting" she says quietly, moving across the room to her desk, and she could feel the stares burning into her as she sits and tries to avoid looking up.

"You're kinda famous you know" she hears, making her turn her head up to look at the blonde wheeling across to the other side of the bed to face her and make her involved in a conversation.

"I am?" she asks with a curious stare towards the girl.

"Oh yeah. Everyone wants to interview you for a thesis. You know, that one coming up about Josef Fritzl. It's kind of exciting to have someone with a Stockholm Syndrome past in our class"

Chloe swallows the growing lump in her throat and glances over at Eliza, who gave her a small apologetic smile and a shrug.

"Sorry, it came up when we were talking about the lecture" Eliza says

Chloe turns around to the desk again and closes the few books she has scattered on the desk, piling them up before she stands and picks them up. "I'm not doing interviews, and I'm not someone to be gawked at and talked about. It was… it  _is_  something that ruined me. How could you just…" She exhales loudly and shakes her head as she walks out instead of staying to confront her roommate like she probably should.

Her cheeks were burning with anger as she walks down the corridor to leave. Anger almost felt like a brand new emotion to her, she very rarely got to feel it after Brody. Who had apparently made her something to talk about. She did notice a few stares in her class earlier, but chalked it up to her own paranoia. It was Eliza spreading her story around.

She had eventually ended up at the library, thankful for them being open 24/7, because she plans to move in here and avoid Eliza forever. Her annoyance had caused her to send a text message to Stacie reading 'You were right now to trust my roommate. She told everyone what happened to me'

She had set her phone down and started to get into study mode after minutes had past without a reply, allowing her to calm down enough to read. She had been writing notes down and highlighting for a while when her phone dings at her, which she ignores for a moment to finish writing and drops her pen to switch the screen on and unlock to read the message.

_'Are you serious? Can I kill her now?'_

'No. I'm just angry at myself for telling her so fast. I don't even know her, so why would I expect her not to tell, you know?'

_'Because you expect people to be decent human beings. Who the fuck does she think she is?'_

Chloe stares down at the latest message and tilts her head slightly before writing her reply 'Aubrey?'

_'Okay, I JUST noticed this isn't even my phone, sorry, I'm in Stacie's room and just picked it up'_

'It's okay. I was going to text you if she didn't answer anyway. I was super annoyed, which was a nice change. Maybe I should thank her'

_'Or maybe I should thank her. In my own way'_

'You don't need to do that, Bree. I'm just going to keep my distance and focus on study. Did Beca tell you that we're having lunch tomorrow?'

_'No! You are? That's great. I'm so excited for you now, still angry as hell for you, but excited!"_

'LOL stop. I'm not bothered by them, you shouldn't be either. I'm nervous about tomorrow though. I kind of freaked out today'

_'You did? Beca said you had to go. What happened? Why didn't you tell me? I would have tried to help you'_

'You don't have to do that, I already feel like a burden on you guys. I keep freaking myself out about being alone with her, and it's silly, because I know she's Beca'

_'Chloe. You're not a burden, I'm your best friend. You'd do the same for me. As for the Beca thing, I can honestly say that it's her. She's not going to do anything to make you uncomfortable, if you want us to go, we can. We can even sit at another table just in case things get awkward, we can join you guys'_

'I feel bad for wanting that, but it would be really good if you could do that. I'm sure it'll be fine, I know it's all in my head'

_'It's no problem at all. If Stacie ever wakes up, I'll tell her :)'_

'Oh god. That is all I need to know about what you guys did when you got home'

_'I think they put viagra in those drinks'_

'OMG! LOL. Shouldn't you still be going then?'

_'It has been hours, Chloe. Even I don't have that much stamina to go for a week'_

'They should put Red Bull in Viagra'

_'That would kill everyone. They're already risking heart attacks by taking it'_

'I didn't realise you were such a fan….'

_'I am so not a fan. I just know that it causes health problems, okay'_

'Whatever you say, Bree. I'll text Bec and find out when and where I'm meeting her and get back to you. Get your post-sex nap in'

_'I will. I'll see you tomorrow!'_

'Thanks again. Goodnight!'

Chloe smiles when Aubrey replies with a  _'No problem!_ ', making her feel better about the whole situation of inviting the two girls along, kind of. She did feel bad, and she will explain it all to Beca, but as she stares down at the blank message, it just seems so hard to type it out. Everything she attempts to write sounds awful, like she can't even consider being alone with the brunette.

Her finger hovers over the picture of a phone and taps at it to dial Beca's number and hold her breath while she lifts the phone to her ear and listens to the ringing noises, considering throwing her phone across the library instead.

"Hello?"

Her heart skips as soon as Beca answers and she looks down at the book in front of her with her mouth opening to answer, which doesn't come out

"Chloe?"

"Sorry. Hi." She says quietly, reaching up to trail her finger around in circles on the page. "I just… wanted to talk to you about tomorrow"

"Oh. Yeah, it's fine. I get it if you don't wanna hang out, we can reschedule"

"No, I don't want to cancel, I was just hoping to.. I need to talk to you about…" Her eyes close for a few moments to let her nerves pass enough to let her speak "I want to make sure it's okay with you if I invite Aubrey and Stacie. They aren't going to sit at our table, but I kinda just…"

"Of course you can invite them, I don't mind"

Chloe releases the breath she had been holding after her voice faded out. She didn't even know what to expect from the brunette after asking. "Thanks" she says quietly

"Are you okay after today? I was kinda worried. I didn't know whether I should follow..or call, or text"

"I'm fine. Really, it was just a stupid freak out. I'm fine though" Her finger flicks at the pen on the page and she swallows nervously when she puts it out there that she had become uncomfortable with the brunette.

"Oh. Is it something I said? I thought after that lunch thing.. "

"It wasn't you, I kept thinking and I ended up freaking myself out about some things. One of those fast movements when I should be moving slow kind of things. I'm excited for tomorrow, I am. It's just a little hard for me to adapt"

"I understand. I'm kinda glad you invited them instead of cancelled. I want to spend time with you"

She could almost hear Beca's surprise after the brunette must have let that out accidentally. "I want to spend time with you too"

"So, I was thinking like… One thirty? I'll text you the address when you hang up"

"Sounds great to me. I'll go there after class, so I might be a little bit early"

"Well in that case, I'll see you there at one-fifteen"

Chloe smiles with a little huff and looks up at the distant shelves of books "Okay. One-Fifteen is perfect"

"Perfect" Beca repeats "So what are you doing?"

Chloe leans back into the chair as she smiles at the brunette's attempt to continue the conversation, which she doesn't want to deny "I'm at the library, studying. Like I said I would be"

"I guess I just didn't believe you, and I still kinda don't. I'm gonna need you to take a picture and send it"

A small laugh escapes Chloe as she twirls the pen around in her fingertips against the book's page. "I don't  _have_  to prove myself. What are you doing? I want pictures"

"I'm in a YouTube trap of animals. You know how it is"

"Oh god. I totally do. That happens to me every time I'm on YouTube"

"I know, I remember the million times you pulled me into a room to watch a thousand videos with you"

Chloe chuckles softly and bites her lip before she leans forward to rest her cheek on the book and close her eyes "I miss those times"

"Me too. You're a giant dork when it comes to those videos. I swear, you wasted a year's worth of hours keeping me in your room with compilations"

"I know. What one are you watching right now?"

"I will never tell you, because we have plans tomorrow and I'm gonna need you to show up for them"

Chloe sighs loudly with a smile, feigning her disappointment "You're so mean. I wanna watch the animals"

"I'll send you the link  _after_  lunch tomorrow"

"Okay, bookmark it now so you remember it. I expect to see the message right after I leave"

"Jeez, you're adamant"

"I always have been, I just got a little sidetracked" Chloe feels a twinge of regret for bringing that up during a nicely paced conversation "But now that it's back again… gimme the link"

"I will be tomorrow. How's the studying going?"

Chloe groans at Beca's link rejection and she raises her head, bending her arm to rest her head against her hand "It's going well, or was….before you distracted me with animals"

"You're welcome then. Do you want me to go, so you can be nerdy some more?"

Chloe falls silent for a moment before answering with a "No"

"Okay good, because I was super bored"

"How can you be bored watching animals?"

"Well I was already bored before that, so… it just kinda stayed a steady boredom until you called." Chloe falls silent for a moment, causing a lull in the conversation. "You still there?" she hears from Beca.

"Yeah. I'm still here" She says, sitting straight again and dropping her hand to the book "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anything, any time"

"It's just that.. I.. maybe we can just talk about this tomorrow. It feels weird over the phone"

"Well we could meet up now if you want to, I'm not doing anything"

Chloe chews at her lip, her nervous tick that reminds her to take a step back from the moment. "I should really focus on studying, I don't want to fall behind"

"Okay. That's cool too. But just so you know, I won't be freaking out about anything you say to me, even if you tell me you're in love with a lamp post"

Chloe smiles softly as she looks down at the book "I know, just talking about things is kinda hard sometimes"

"I get it, I totally get it. Words are stupid"

" _So_  stupid. But I should be reading words right now, not talking about them. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You will see me tomorrow. One-fifteen. I'm sending the address riiight now"

The phone beeps at her and she pulls it away to see the call had dropped, making her smile even though the brunette just hung up on her. A message comes through after a few minutes, which she takes a quick glance at before returning to her studies.


	13. Chapter 13

Chloe was a little too excited for the lunch, she's well aware that she's too excited. She spent a while on the phone with Katherine before she left just to make sure she was doing the right thing, which Katherine says she is, she can get through it easily as long as she stays in control of her urge to throw herself at Beca.

She had to stop herself outside the door and take a few deep breaths to try and settle the explosion of nerves in her body. It didn't too a great job, but she managed to get some kind of hold on herself. Enough to move into the restaurant and scan the people until she finds Beca trying to use chopsticks to pick up a napkin, which was  _not_  working.

It was these little moments that Chloe would always stop and smile at, Beca's dopey side would show when the brunette had no idea someone was watching. It reminded her that the brunette was actually Beca, there was no danger of it being Brody. Not that it was possibly anyway, Brody was still in custody until the trial. Chloe inhales deeply and starts approaching the table, her mind pushing the trial further away while she watches Beca still attempting to pick the napkin up.

"You should probably give up on that" Chloe says as she reaches forward with her books and drops them onto the table before she sits down and looks up at a smiling Beca.

Beca gives a little huff through a smile and puts the chopsticks down over the napkin as she looks up at Chloe. "I was just getting some practise in"

"I think you're gonna need some more" she says, reaching over to Beca's chopsticks and picking them up, her bottom lip moving between her teeth as she turns the sticks down to pick up the napkin Beca was struggling with, then flicks it towards the brunette and lets go, making the napkin drop onto Beca's lap.

"Show off" Beca feigns a pout and reaches down to the napkin to unfold it over her lap and reaches out over the table for the return of her sticks, which Chloe gives back with a smile. "How was class, dork?"

"It was class. Long and intense" Chloe sighs softly and watches Beca leaning forward towards her books and sliding them across the table.

"I have no idea how you can keep up with Psychology. It's no wonder you're studying all the time, and you  _just_  started" Beca opens the book on top and starts flicking through the pages.

"I know.. I don't know why I thought I could do it" Chloe's gaze drops to the menu covering her plate and moves her hand up to play with the corner of it for a distraction.

"I know you can do it. Can I ask what you wanted to talk about yet?" Beca says with a raised eyebrow

"Oh...yeah." Chloe's gaze drops to the menu again "Um… there's a trial next month. I just wanted to let you know about it"

"A trial? For…"

"Brody." Chloe says before swallowing the nervous lump building back up in her throat "She's trying to go for No Contest. My parents got this really good lawyer, so I'm sure it'll be nothing major, but… I wanted to let you know"

"How can she plead no contest? I mean… the evidence is there, the police caught her in the room with you"

"Not...technically.  _You_  caught her in the room with me. I don't know what she's arguing yet, but it all starts next month. I just have to stay focused on classes"

"So….because I was the one who found you, that means your story isn't believable?" Beca huffs slightly and leans back into the seat.

Chloe leans forward,reaching out and holding her hand out towards the brunette in a move she didn't get to think too much about before she does it. "No, Becs. Really, it's not your fault she's trying to go this route, this is just her trying to get away with it. You saved me, if you didn't… I could be.. anywhere right now, stuck with her, or maybe even dead"

Beca stays silent and stares down at Chloe's hand for a few moments before hesitantly moving up and putting her hand in front of Chloe's, not quite ready to test out whether the redhead can handle it or not.

Chloe looks down at their hands and finally catches up to her movement, but instead of moving it away, she leaves it there in front of Beca's and looks up at the brunette with a soft smile.

Beca returns with her own smile and extends her fingers out, moving closer to Chloe's hand and letting it drop gently over the hand held out to her.

Chloe tenses at the contact and exhales a shaky breath, which makes Beca's hand falter and start moving away, which she has to quickly move her hand up to stop. "Don't. It's okay." she says, and Beca stares at her before releasing the tension and allowing her to drop their hands back down, together. "I'm glad you're here"

"I told you I would be" Beca says, staring down at their hands and moving her thumb out to stroke against the side of Chloe's palm. "I always will be"

"No… you're going to L.A. to become the world's best music producer" Chloe says with a widening smile. "How's your internship?"

"It's boring, still. Coffees, food, just generally standing around while everyone talks about business" When Beca's eyes return to Chloe's, her heart feels like it skips a thousand beats. Chloe was smiling at her and they were holding hands.

"You're gonna be on top of the world, Bec. I  _know_  it" Chloe says with a small squeeze around Beca's hand before she looks down at the menu.

"You're my biggest fan, so of course you're gonna say that"

"I  _am_  your biggest fan. And that's for a reason. You're amazing at what you do" Chloe glances up from the menu to catch Beca's blushing smile and it fills her with butterflies. She had no idea if this was a bad sign or not. She didn't feel overwhelmed, not yet at least.

"Yeah. Thanks" Beca says quietly as she stares down at the menu for a few moments before turning her eyes to their connected hands, her heart skipping again.

Chloe looks up and catches Beca staring at their hands, making her self conscious about the touch. She chews at her lip as she stares across the table at the brunette "Is this okay? We don't have t-"

"No, it's good. It's great, even. I just didn't think I'd… I didn't think it'd be happening so soon" Beca inhales sharply and moves forward slightly "Not that, you know. Not that this is happening like  _happening_  happening. I just mean like… I didn't think the holding hands thing would happen so soon"

Chloe smiles widely and lets out a happy sigh "You're still the same old awkward Beca. I wanted to comfort you, and hugging might be a little much, so...hand hugs are good for now"

"Hand hugs are great" Beca says with a smile, then picks up the menu and waves it slightly "We should order some time this week, or I'll die of starvation"

"That's okay, I know a taxidermist. I can have him stuff your hand" Chloe says with a quick smile before looking down at the menu again.

* * *

They spent long over an hour in the restaurant, finding new reasons to order more drinks and talking endlessly until Chloe had noticed the time and pointed it out.

"Do you need to go somewhere?" Beca asks, thinking the hint at the time was a sign that Chloe had been around her too long.

Chloe shakes her head and leans closer to the table "No. I just...we might get kicked out soon." Beca smiles and leans forward to take her hand and play with it gently. Chloe's eyes watch intently, her breath catches in her throat as her anxiety slowly rises through her stomach and into her heart.

Beca was just about to to say something when she sees the look in Chloe's eyes that makes her completely aware of the way Chloe was feeling. "Are you okay? What happened? Do you want me to get Aubrey?"

Chloe opens her mouth and closes it again as she turns around to scan the restaurant, stopping when she finds Aubrey and Stacie smiling and talking to each other a few tables away from them. They had been that close the whole time and she didn't even notice. Her eyebrows furrow slightly as she thinks about what that means. Maybe it was because Beca had made her feel comfortable up until this point.

"Chloe, seriously you're kinda freaking me out here"

Chloe raises her gaze to Beca and smiles softly at the brunette's worry "I'm fine. Sorry, do you want to maybe go for a walk or something? I need to move around, it helps"

"Yeah. Of course" Beca stands up quickly, dropping Chloe's hand in the process to pick up her bag and pull the strap over her head onto her shoulder. After the bill had been paid, they were off and walking.

Chloe knew the warning signs, and luckily, she got out of herself before she let the anxiety get too bad. It was probably a really good thing that she hadn't noticed Aubrey and Stacie there, she completely forgot really, that means she was having a really good time. And she was, talking to Beca like no time had passed was just what she needed. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened to her, so it was an extreme disappointment when it all fell back into place as soon as Beca made that move.

It took one simple touch, a small touch that wasn't supposed to be a serious thing. Touching hands with Beca had gone over fine, but for some reason, if it was Beca doing it, it was off limits. Her mind was swelling with thoughts of anything else she could have done in reaction as she walks. She could have just said something, or even sat there and waited for the anxiety to pass. It wasn't as if Beca had done anything else.

A voice captures her attention and causes her to turn her head to the side and find Beca there looking concerned "Are you okay?"

Chloe's eyes dart around the area before they land on Beca again, a slow smile spreading across her mouth "Yeah. I was just thinking. Sorry"

"No, it's fine. Do you want me to go? You were there longer than I thought you'd be. Not that…. not that I think you can't be around me for long lengths of time or anything… I just… I mean like, you're.."

"Beca" Chloe huffs as she steps forward and rests her hand on Beca's elbow "Relax. I'm not going to freak out on you" Beca nods at her, and there's a small silence that falls around them, but it's a comfortable one, her hand drifts down Beca's forearm slowly until her hand was in the brunette's. "I know things were rocky when I first got back here, but I am mostly okay now"

Beca's hand tightens around Chloe's gently as they walk "I'm gonna be right next to you when the trial comes up. I promise"

Chloe gives a small smile and turns her gaze down to their hands "I know you will" she says quietly. Beca's hand in her own was reminding her of just how warm Beca was. How she used to do anything she could just to get close to the brunette to feel that heat, long before her feelings were made obvious. "Where do you wanna go?" Chloe asks after a few moments, her eyes returning to Beca's.

"Well I do have to find a place to try and work on this….song for my boss. He didn't like my mixes" Beca says, her disappointment showing off all over her face.

Chloe sighs softly and releases her thumb to stroke over the back of Beca's hand. "Your mixes are amazing. How could he not like them?"

"It just….isn't original. I need something original. Only…. I can't write songs" Beca gives a little defeated shrug and Chloe's sympathetic smile flashes before the redhead turns and pulls her along the path by her hand.

"I know a good concentration place" Chloe says as she leads Beca away. "Maybe I can help, I mean... I'm not a  _great_  songwriter or anything, but I can help" Their eyes meet as they walk together, which sends a jolt into Chloe's heart and causes her to turn away again. She knew her feelings were extreme, but Katherine was opening her eyes to the ways she can embrace them. She had to wait out the anxiety that her feelings give her and get to the good spot.

Which was easier than it sounds when most of her body was telling her to run away from the danger. Ignoring the rapid heartbeat and tense stomach was more than worth it when she looked at Beca again and found the brunette turning to her with a smile that lights up her insides and pushes the fear further back. "So where are we going?" Beca asks, which almost flew right over her head thanks to the swirling butterflies in her stomach taking over.

"Um.. it's just an open area that no one really goes to. It's really quiet. I found it the other day" Chloe says softly, her voice almost sounding alien to her as she watches Beca instead of the path. They could have walked right by the area already, she'd have no idea.

"Can I… talk to you about us? Is that.. is it gonna be a bad thing?" Beca's face flushes quickly, even though Chloe's nod was trying to be settling, she still felt the wall of nerves hitting her. "I don't want to put anything on you, I know you're still in fixing mode, but I just need to make sure you're….we're still a thing, right? I mean I never stopped thinking we're a thing"

Chloe's gaze turns away, finally letting her catch up to their surroundings. Her anxiety was making a comeback slowly, she can feel it building inside of her, pulling at her again and yelling at her to get free. She waits a few moments and veers off the path towards a grassy area. The moments were flying by as she waits for her anxious stomach to settle and slows down to a stop and turns to Beca. "I never wanted to hold you back, if you met someone-"

"I didn't. I don't want to meet someone" Beca quickly interrupts and immediately chastising herself for after Chloe finally talks. "I don't want to push it, I really don't. I just need to know that we're…. are you going to break up with me, or do we have a future after what happened?"

Chloe exhales loudly and lets go of Beca's hand to reach up take off her shoulder bag and sit down with her legs crossed, motioning for Beca to follow. Which the brunette does after taking off the laptop bag and sitting in front of her. Chloe leans forward and rests her hands on Beca's knees "I know we have a chance for a future. But I can't rush into anything, not when it overwhelms me so much. I ran away from you the other day because you  _looked_ at me. I can't pressure myself"

"I know. I'm a horrible person for asking" Beca sighs and moves to open her laptop bag, which gets closed again by Chloe, which makes her look up at the redhead's eyes again.

"You're not horrible. Believe me when I say that there's nothing I want more than to be comfortable with you again. You did everything right, you're  _doing_  everything right. I just need time. We have a future" Chloe sees the switch in Beca's eyes, the one that leaves the brunette looking relieved and hopeful. It settles all of her feelings and makes her feel the same way. Maybe they really did have a future after all of the crap.

Beca shoots a quick smile at Chloe and turns back to the bag next to her, after Chloe's hand moves away, she takes out her laptop and switches it on. "So… I have no ideas at all for a song. I'm literally blank on everything"

There was an idea scratching at the back of her mind, telling her to show Beca the little songs she had written in her journal, the personal ones that keep her distracted from feelings. She hadn't sung them out loud, or even attempted a tune. But that was because they were dark, sad or just not that great.

"How about a really metal song? I'm sure that'll impress" Beca jokes as she logs into her laptop and glances up at Chloe, who looked far away. "You okay?"

Chloe snaps out of her thoughts instantly and smiles to cover up her deep thoughts "Yeah. What kind of song were you thinking?"

Beca smirks at Chloe completely missing her joke and opens up Word, then turns the laptop around to Chloe and puts it on the redhead's lap. "No idea, but I'm glad you're here to write it for me"

"Oh I am  _so_  not doing all of the work. Are you thinking more Adele or Paris Hilton?"

Beca's head tilts with a look of disturbed confusion "Seriously? Paris Hilton?"

"What? She's gone all dance club pop. She isn't  _horrible_ " Chloe laughs as soon as Beca leans back and stares at her like she's just said pigs really can fly. "You're so closed minded"

"I am  _not_  closed minded. I just…. Paris Hilton?" Beca can't help the smile after Chloe's laugh fills her heart with happiness.

"Yes. Paris Hilton. I suggest you educate yourself before we collaborate. I'm not sure I can work with such a newbie producer" Chloe says, tapping a few keys to write out 'Beca's song', the sound of Beca's mocking snort laugh sounding into the empty area makes her look up with raised eyebrows and an amused smile.

"Gimme that back, you're fired" Beca reaches for the laptop, only to have Chloe hold the sides to stop her from taking it.

"I can write songs, Becs. You need me"

"Oh now you can write songs? How convenient. I'm sure Paris Hilton would  _love_  to hear them some time" Beca says with a grin.

Chloe rolls her eyes and smacks Beca's hands away from the laptop. "I'm serious. I can totally write songs. Just give me a subject and I'll prove it"

Beca's head turns slightly with narrowing eyes in suspicion "I don't believe you. Show me one of your works and I might re-hire you"

Chloe looks up at Beca and lets her gaze linger for a few moments before she turns her face down to her bag and reaches to open it and take out her journal. "Don't laugh" she says quietly as she pulls open the book and flicks to the back where she had written her songs.

"Wait, you're actually serious? I thought you said you don't write songs" Beca watches Chloe flicking through pages, seeing the amount of songs passing through them.

"I said I wasn't  _good_  at writing them" Chloe says, stopping on the open book and turning the book over to hold out to Beca "Go right, don't go left"

Beca looks up at Chloe and holds her hand up to refuse the book "Really, you don't have to prove anything. I believe you"

"I know I don't" Chloe says, holding the book out further and bumping it against Beca's palm to make the brunette take it. "It's hard for me to talk about some things. Maybe it'll help you better….understand me. Where my mind can go sometimes"

Beca stares at Chloe for a few moments before giving in and taking the book with an inhale that makes her well aware of her nerves from reading this. It was a personal thing, really personal. As soon as she looked at the first page, her heart was hurting and she had to take a breath.

"I skipped the earlier ones. They were kind of… sadder. This is one of the lighter ones"

Beca hardly heard the words from Chloe, she was reading far too much into the words already. Which is probably justified because it was about Chloe post-Brody. At least, that's what it read like. The next page was less dark, but still about her sister. Then the next one. And it wasn't long before she was staring down at the book wondering where she fit in, if she even did. Which isn't something she should be thinking about, she knows Chloe loves her, Brody just consumed so much of the redhead's spirit. She flicks over again and finds a song that was all Chloe, one that broke her heart all over again.

Chloe watches the way Beca's face changes to a softer expression, she knows the song the brunette settled on isn't exactly a happy one. The moments tick by and she becomes slightly more worried when Beca doesn't look up, long after finishing reading.

"I want this one" Beca says softly, her fingers trailing down the page. "Not for my song just… this is really good" her eyes dart up to catch Chloe's apprehension and shuts the book. "Sorry. Inappropriate" Beca hands the book over, and Chloe takes it from her slowly.

"You can use it if you want to. It isn't really a big deal" Chloe it well aware that Beca knows she's lying. Beca smiles at her and extends her hand out, which Chloe takes quickly.

"It's a very big deal. That song is pretty much all heart. Do you want to sing it?"

Chloe opens her mouth to say no, but ends up saying "Yes" instead. And the more she thinks about it, the more she really  _does_  want to sing it. She just wants to sing. She wants her voice back, the escape she got when she was singing was euphoric. She hadn't been able to sing, and ended up writing the songs instead, her mental block wouldn't allow it. "But I can't"

"Too painful?" Beca says, slightly leaning back from concern that the question was too deep.

"No… I mean… I  _can't_  sing. Every time I've tried, it doesn't… come out. It doesn't feel right" Chloe drops her gaze to their hands together, feeling that rising anxiety again.

"How about a duet? We can sing anything. Even Paris Hilton, since you're such a big fan" Beca smiles widely, letting a small laugh escape when Chloe's eyes roll at her.

Chloe turns away for a few moments to think, if it works, it'll be a huge step forward. But if it doesn't...she'll be in the same place anyway, there's nothing to lose but everything to gain. She looks back at Beca and nods. "You pick"

"Okay…so I'll start and if you jump in, you jump in. If not, that's okay too" Beca's hand tightens around Chloe's as she looks away to try and think of a song. A slow grin spreads across her face and she perks up slightly. "Got it. You ready?" Chloe nods slightly, watching Beca closely. " _You should it out, but I can't hear a word you say_  
 _I'm talking loud, not saying much"_

Chloe smiles as soon as Beca starts singing at her. She watches for a few moments in awe of the brunette, she'd forgotten the way Beca sounded. She forgot how her own singing sounded. But she can't open her mouth, she can just sit and watch Beca singing and waiting for her to jump in. By the time Beca his the second verse, she was looking down at her lap. She couldn't take the step she wanted to, and now she was disappointed in herself.

"Hey" Beca says, drawing Chloe's eyes back to hers. "It'll come back to you, don't worry" She gives Chloe's hand another squeeze before she lets go and shifts around to sit side by side with Chloe and pull the laptop over to her legs. "How about we forget the singing thing and focus on the writing thing?"

Chloe smiles softly as she looks to Beca at her side, staring at the side of the girl's face a little too long. Beca glances up at her with a raised eyebrow and makes her look down at the laptop quickly "What kind of song?"

"Let's go with something… upbeat."

"Okay. Upbeat song" Chloe says with her eyes fixed on the blank Word document. She hears Beca clucking her tongue and scans the area around them for any kind of inspiration. The moments tick by and they make eye contact. They smirk at each other and Beca was the first to break into laughter, which was quickly followed by Chloe. "How do people do this?"

"You're the songwriter here, you tell me" Beca leans back onto her arms and stares over at Chloe with a smile.

"My songs are all connected to me. So it's easy. But I'm just blank over this. Maybe we can write about us" Chloe looks back at the laptop and pulls it off Beca's lap into her own again.

"Us?"

"Yeah. Us. We don't have to make it sad, we can go back in time to when we first met, or when we started..feeling things for each other" Chloe smiles and glances to her side at Beca, locking eyes with the brunette for a little too long and returning her gaze back to the laptop before she gets pulled into a deeper moment that she can't get out of.

Beca opens her mouth to say something, but Chloe's fingers start tapping at the keys and she holds it back in case she pulls Chloe out of concentration. She watches the words that start forming onto the screen and turns her eyes up to Chloe's face.

Chloe had the image in her mind of their first kiss, even though it was a pretty bad situation since Beca was with Jesse at the time, it was one of the best moments of her life. She writes for a while, going back over things and changing them, and then shrugging and turning the laptop to Beca. When she looks up at the brunette, she catches Beca's stare and feels her heart skipping.

Beca's eyes drop to Chloe's lips and she doesn't notice she's been leaning in until Chloe turns away from her, causing her to reel back. "Shit. I'm sorry" Chloe's silent stare down makes Beca reach forward and snap the laptop closed. "I'm really sorry" she says as she shoves it into the bag and moving the strap up over her head to hang the bag on her shoulder before getting up.

Chloe keeps staring down into her lap while Beca turns away and starts walking. It was one of the first times Beca acted out of emotions rather than shutting down for her sake. She lets Beca leave without following and waits a while before she looks up at the path. Beca was long gone, and it was her own fault for making the brunette think they were further ahead than they are. She decides to take her journal out and write down the song she had written on Beca's laptop just in case it was lost and also so she can improve on it as much as she can. Maybe Beca won't be as annoyed with her if she hands over a better song.

_This is a night_   
_Like none before_   
_I knew it when you opened up the door_   
_With a look to paint the sky_   
_Let me read between the lines in your eyes_   
_Tonight_

_It's the event_   
_We dreamed about_   
_Where we whispered all the words they're shouting out_   
_And now it's one two three four_   
_Tonight_

_[Chorus]_   
_I'm with you when the lights go down_   
_Take my hand I'm all yours now_   
_I know you're the only one_   
_That would never lead me on_   
_I'm with you when the lights go down_   
_Cause you're the one and_   
_Only you're the one and.._

_*More verses or chorus repeats?_   
_*Maybe get Beca to add a building ending?_

Chloe can already hear it in her mind and smiles to herself until she remembers that Beca was upset and looks back in the direction of the path. She hates the distance she's had from Beca for the past year. All she thinks about lately is how happy they were before they were together, which was totally disheartening. She ends up flipping to the middle of the page and writes out a journal entry instead.

* * *

Chloe went back to her dorm room only for a few moments to gather her books and head to the library again, it had been almost an hour since Beca got upset and left. She had a brief conversation with Katherine about it, brief because she didn't need much support with it, she didn't feel like it was a horrible thing that happened. It was an understandable thing, she did tell Beca they had a future, so it was her fault for leading the brunette on.

They will kiss eventually, she knows they will. But she's only been back for a few days, and it really isn't fair to Beca if she pushes herself into kissing and freaking out right after. She needs to be clear about it.

She couldn't exactly focus on studying when her mind was going a thousand miles a minute and ends up looking around the library at the students with their heads down, or walking with open books and trying to read at the same time. Her eyes come back to her own book in front of her, which was open and yelling at her to study it so she doesn't fail.

She knows she should give Beca some time to settle, but she can't seem to stop her hands from picking up her phone and texting the brunette 'Are you okay? I don't want you to be upset'

She moves to set her phone down and feels it vibrate in her hand before it gets to the table, making her switch the screen back on and opening the message ' _I've been trying to think of the words to text you. I'm glad you did first'_ She smiles slightly as another message comes through ' _I'm sorry that I did that. I know I keep saying that, but I really don't want to push you over the edge. I'm worried that I've fucked up and made you break down, or worse'_

After a long breath, Chloe replies to the message with a frown 'You don't have to worry about that. I can handle a lot more than I could before'

' _Yeah…. I just worry about you. I think it's just...remembering things before makes me think you're more fragile than you are, and that sounds horrible, but I'm just worried_ '

Chloe leans back onto the chair and feels the tears welling up in her eyes as she stares at the message. 'Beca, you were really good with me'

_'Don't. I know that I hurt you more than helped you. You needed real professional help away from me. I was selfish. I wanted you to stay.'_

Chloe wipes at her cheeks and drops her phone onto the book in front of her before she reaches up and covers her face with her hands. A few moments pass before she moves her hands away and looks at her phone again, reaching down to open it up to Beca's last message and reading it again before replying 'Let's meet somewhere and talk about this'

' _I don't know if I can talk about this out loud, not without getting emotional, and you don't need that right now'_

'Okay. I never let you take me to a professional, I freaked out even at the idea for the longest time. You did everything you could, and I would have done the same things you did. I was better off with you than anyone else'

' _It took you 8 months to get better after me'_

'No. It took 8 months after Brody. Don't blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't your fault.'

' _It wasn't yours either'_

Chloe taps her fingers on the table next to the phone and turns the screen off instead of replying. She slides it off the book and starts packing up her things and piling them up so she can leave.

* * *

Eliza was there when she got back to her dorm, and nothing was said between them, which Chloe was thankful for, because she was still hoping to avoid that whole situation.

Her next morning was the same old routine, running, shower, breakfast and then onto her appointment with Katherine. She hadn't talked to Beca since the previous afternoon's texting and didn't really know whether she should or not. So when she heard her text noise, she got her phone out so fast she almost dropped it on the floor in the waiting room of Katherine's office.

' _Hey Chloe. Just wanted to know if you want to come over on Saturday night? It's Amy's birthday party. It's okay if you don't want to, it'll be a pretty big deal, you know how Amy can't do anything small. And that isn't a size joke.'_ It was from Aubrey, which makes Chloe sigh softly and lean back into the chair.

'I don't know if that's a great idea for me, I'll have to get back to you on that. Have you talked to Beca today?'

' _No, she's asleep. I think she's been working on this new project, I hardly saw her yesterday and Stace said Beca didn't even hear her when she took dinner in. How did lunch go? You guys left together, so it must have been good, right?'_

'It went well. What time do you finish?'

' _Three-ish. Wanna hang out tonight?'_

'I'd like that. I'll text you later' As soon as she puts her phone into her pocket, Katherine's door opens and catches her attention.

"Come on in" Katherine says with a soft smile. Chloe gets up slowly, picking up the bag off the floor she had with her and walks through the doorway towards the all too familiar couch and takes a seat. Katherine moves in after her and closes the door before sitting opposite her on a chair. "You seem thoughtful, is this about the almost kiss?"

"No, not really. Beca…. she's having trouble dealing with me being back. I think it's getting to her not knowing where we stand… or how to talk to me. She thinks I'm fragile" Chloe leans back into the couch with her eyes moving to the window.

"Well it's a good thing you're talking about it. You've gone a long time without having that conversation with each other, it'll be a difficult one to have, but it'll be rewarding for you both. She thinks you're fragile because of how you were before you left, right?" Katherine asks, Chloe's only answer was a nod as she stares out the window. "Do you want to have that conversation?"

"I want to, I just don't know if I can tell her what happened in there"

"You don't have to. All you need to say are the things you felt, defeated and stuck"

Chloe sighs softly and looks down at her hands in her lap. "She said she'd get too emotional if we talked anyway"

"Are you sure you just don't want to have the conversation you've been dreading?"

Chloe smiles and looks up at Katherine with a small shrug "Maybe"

"We both know you can do it, and that you need to do it. And yes, Beca will get emotional, and you will too. But when it's all out there, how do you think you'll feel?"

"Hopefully…. relaxed, free" Chloe chews at her lip for a moment and nods "I want to"

"So an idea here, you can write down some bullet points of the things you  _want_  to say, and then some things you don't. That way, you can keep track and not spill too much"

Chloe reaches to her side and opens the bag up. She takes out the journal and opens it up, flicking through pages until she gets to a blank one. "I showed her my songs"

"Really? That's a big step, how did that come about?"

"She needs to write a song..for her internship and I showed her some of the later ones. It was kinda scary" Chloe writes the heading for her page and looks up at Katherine again "She liked them though, I think. There was one that she wanted to keep. I don't know if that meant to record or just...to read"

"Did you give it to her?" Chloe shakes her head, and Katherine nods at her, a small silence falling into the room follows before Katherine speaks again "So your songwriting went well?"

"It was okay, I got some things written down, I'll work more on it today. The almost kiss thing happened pretty much right after, so we didn't get much of a chance to work on it" Chloe looks back down at the journal again.

"I'm sure it'll be a great song" Katherine says quietly. "Now onto the more pressing matters. You're meeting your lawyers in a couple of days, right?"

Chloe sucks in a long breath and raises her eyes again. "Yeah" she says quietly.

"You still have a few weeks to go, don't get too scared at the moment. They're just going to prep you for the trial"

"I know, I'm just... what if she gets away with it?"

Katherine smiles softly and waves the idea away "Impossible. The police would have evidence. She can't deny her fingerprints like she's denying everything else. You'll be fine"

"I hope so" Chloe says, her mind slowly drifting off as she looks back out the window again.

* * *

The way Chloe had written down the things she felt when she was stuck with Brody up until she left with Beca didn't make her cry. Maybe because bullet points aren't emotional at all. It felt like there was no danger to it when she took out all of the details and left the main parts in. And maybe she can get through the conversation a lot easier now.

She was walking across campus after getting back from her appointment, her Psych books in her bag along with her journal so she can study until she loses concentration and write instead. After working on that song. That was her first step. She wanted to make Beca feel better with the song.

As she veers off the path, she looks up at her spot and stops walking when she finds Beca sitting there with headphones on and clicking at things. Her heart jumps into high gear as she stares at the brunette's work mode and she slowly starts to approach.

Beca was just between a beat change between the verse and chorus when she noticed the movement and looked up at Chloe. She reaches up quickly and takes off the headphones. "Hey. Sorry, I thought you'd be in class or something"

"It's okay. Do you want to be alone?" Chloe asks as she stops a few feet from Beca.

"No. Stay?" Beca asks, reaching to her side where the laptop bag was and pulling it behind her to give Chloe a place to sit.

Chloe waits a moment just in case Beca's mind changes, and then moves forward and pulls her bag off her shoulder before turning to sit at Beca's side. "What are you working on?"

"I'm...sort of coming up with the tune" Beca hands over her headphones, and Chloe looks down at them before taking them and putting them on. She leans forward and clicks to the start of the half made song and plays. Her eyes stay fixed on the moving bar as the song plays to Chloe.

"That isn't as dancey as I'd expected" Chloe says as she takes off the headphones and hands them back. "It's really good, Becs."

"Do you think it should be dancey? I wasn't sure what you had in your mind when you wrote it out" Beca takes the headphones back and puts them down in her lap before turning to look at Chloe, her stomach sails away as soon as they lock eyes.

"I think it'll work better the way you have it. We're in need of a music reinvention anyway" Chloe says with a smile until she notices Beca's stare was a little too deep. "Bec"

"About yesterday" Beca starts, her eyes moving away from Chloe's to settle on the grass "I don't want you to think that I need more" Beca looks back with a more content look "I just miss you. Missed. I missed you"

"I missed you too, Beca" Chloe reaches over to Beca's hand and turns it over before intertwining their fingers. "We're fine, I promise. And any time you want to talk about...everything, I'm ready"

Beca's eyes move back to the laptop and she clears her throat as she leans forward and uses her other hand to change windows and bring up the saved song for Chloe. "So I was thinking we should add another verse"

Chloe frowns slightly when Beca ignores the topic of their conversation and looks down at the screen when the lyrics come up. "Okay" she says softly.

Beca taps at the corner of the laptop as she stares down at the words and turns to Chloe with a short exhale. "I want to be able to talk about it, Chloe. I just can't yet"

Chloe looks up at Beca again and gives her a soft smile and a nod "I understand. We can talk whenever you're ready, I'm not pushing for it"

"I know. I just...wanted you to know that… I'm working on it" Beca says with a single nod before she turns back to the laptop and slides it over onto Chloe's lap. "So I was thinking we should maybe make it a little more connected, something about the whole… music bringing us together thing"

"Can you.. do you mind singing it so I can think of something?" Chloe chews at her lip as her fingers move over the keys.

"Okay...but keep in mind, I have no idea what sound I'm going for yet" Beca takes a deep breath before leaning forward and looking at the words.

Chloe's eyes move to the side of Beca's face after the brunette leans forward and starts singing the words on the screen, which makes her lose all focus and takes her into a state of awe. Beca looks back at her with a raised eyebrow and she realises that the singing had stopped. For who knows how long. "Sorry…" Chloe says as she turns back to the screen and swallows the lump in her throat. She wasn't sure what feeling was building up faster, her anxiety or her overwhelming love.

"Are you okay?" Beca's hand moves to Chloe's back with a light rubbing. Chloe's eyes were starting to water.

Chloe nods as she stares down at the screen and starts tapping at the keys to write out another verse, her mind finally catching up to what she's supposed to be doing. It was good to write, she felt her emotions slowly drift away as she writes out another verse and chorus repeat.

Beca looks down at the screen as the words come up and points to the screen "We should add a second chorus after this one and put something between. Maybe another 'You're the one'

"Mm. That doesn't really work for the sound though, we need another word in there" Chloe says as she copies the chorus and pastes it at the end, then clicks between them and slumps slightly with a sigh.

"How about 'Chloe'?" Beca says, smirking after Chloe huffs at her.

"No way. That'll keep other people from being able to connect to it"

Beca leans back on her hands and looks up at the side of Chloe's face with a smile "You know this isn't going to be released, right? It's just a song for my boss to show that I can produce something"

"You should produce a bunch of different ones. Just in case he doesn't like the pop rock sound" Chloe says as she taps her index finger on the corner of the laptop lightly.

"That's...a good idea. I don't suppose you want to write some more for me?"

Chloe smiles and looks back at Beca, finding the brunette's eyes. "We aren't even finished with this one yet, you already want me to write a new one?"

"Yep" Beca shrugs slightly and looks down at the screen "What about you're the only one?"

Chloe looks back at the screen and reads over the song again, she knows she put something like that in there somewhere. "Oh. I've got it"

Beca leans forward again as Chloe types out the between chorus break and nods before she sings out the new parts " _The only one, who keeps it here, in each moment as the voices disappear, the audience stands, and we begin, and it's one two three four, tonight."_

Chloe's heart flutters all the way through Beca's singing, which doesn't settle even after the brunette finishes and reaches over to save it. "What's your second song gonna sound like?"

"Dancey" Beca says with a grin as she clicks on a new document. " _Fire away, fire away_ " She sings to Chloe, giving the redhead a look before she leans back again.

"You're a dork" Chloe says as she looks down at her blank page and goes back into thinking mode. "I have no idea what to write again"

"Dance tracks have sort of become a whole… inspirational supportive love kind of thing. Something that says I've got your back, or you're strong enough to get through something"

Chloe's eyes look up at the trees ahead in deep thought before she looks back down at the screen and starts typing, a lot.

"Wow. Are you sure you didn't have this planned?" Beca says, smirking when she sees Chloe's smile growing. "You totally did"

"I did not, now shush, I'm writing" Chloe says, taking a small break to talk before she finishes writing and picks up the laptop to move onto Beca's legs. "You're welcome"

Beca huffs out a small laugh as the laptop gets moved onto her lap. She reaches up to scroll to the top of the document and starts reading.

_When the rain won't stop_   
_When you feel unloved_   
_When you try so hard_   
_And it all falls apart_   
_When a promise breaks_   
_When the colors fade_   
_When the world looks grey_   
_And you can't find your way_

_I got you_   
_Through the darkness_   
_And the lightness_   
_When the rain won't stop_   
_When you feel unloved_   
_When it all falls through_   
_I got you_   
_I will hold your hand_   
_I'll be by your side_   
_When it all falls through_   
_I got you_

_When you lose your faith_   
_When you're out of place_   
_When the water's deep_   
_And it's hard to breathe_   
_When the bottles close_   
_When you've lost control_   
_Hope against all hope_   
_So far from home_

_I got you_   
_Through the darkness_   
_And the lightness_   
_When the rain won't stop_   
_When you feel unloved_   
_When it all falls through_   
_I got you_   
_I will hold your hand_   
_I'll be by your side_   
_When it all falls through_   
_I got you_

"Huh." Beca says after finishing and saves it. "Can I see your journal again? I don't believe you just came up with this on the spot"

Chloe laughs softly and reaches into her bag, stopping when she feels Beca's hand on her arm.

"It was a joke, Chloe"

"Oh" Chloe shakes her head in embarrassment at the missed point and takes her hand off the journal before leaning over and resting her side against Beca's arm with her hand behind Beca against the ground. She looks down at the screen, slightly impressed at her own work "So it's okay?"

"It's fucking awesome" Beca says while switching to her music mixer and starting up a new song. "I don't want to be rude or anything, but I'm feeling really motivated to start this song. Do you mind if-"

"Not at all, can I stay? I'll study while you work, I won't make any noises" Chloe turns her head, the distance from their position leaving them a little closer than she intended and making her move back and sit up straight.

"Please do. I won't hear noises anyway" Beca holds up the headphones and reaches up to put them on and smile at Chloe "You've always been my muse, you know"

"You're mine too" Chloe says quietly before turning to her bag and pulling it open for her Psych books.

"I wish that was true" Beca says, turning to her laptop when she sees Chloe turning to look back at her.

Chloe opens her mouth to ask what Beca meant and closes it again when she remembers Beca read her songs, which were more about her being hurt by Brody rather than about the way Beca makes her feel. By the time she thinks of something to say, Beca was already starting on testing out different sounds. She looks down at her lap before turning to her bag again and taking out the books.

* * *

Chloe was writing out a few points to remember from her book when she sees Beca moving backwards, when she looks over, the brunette was laying down on the grass. "Everything okay?"

"Shoulder hurts. It happens whenever I work for so long and forget to lean back" Beca says, her head turning to the side so she can look at Chloe staring down at her.

"Do you want me to rub it?" Chloe asks as Beca's eyes close.

"No, I'll be fine. I just need to lay here forever and wait for it to grow back again" Beca's eyes open when the headphones move away from her head, her gaze follows Chloe's hands holding the headphones and moving them away.

"I don't want to hear you complain about dirty headphones" Chloe smiles and puts the headphones down on her lap before leaning forward to her book again.

"So considerate" Beca says quietly, her head turning further to look at Chloe's back, her hand moving up behind the redhead and stopping before she touches Chloe. Her arm bends, leaving her elbow to drop onto the grass, her hand staying up in the air behind Chloe.

"That's my middle name" Chloe says as she writes down some more notes, her hand coming to a stop when she feels a light pressure against her back, making her turn to look back at Beca again.

Beca's thumb strokes over the material of Chloe's shirt, her eyes turning to meet Chloe's stare makes her stop and pull her hand back. "Sorry, is that…"

"No, it's okay" Chloe says quickly, giving Beca a smile before she turns back to her books. The feeling doesn't return right away, it takes Beca a few moments to return the hand to her back and make her whole body flush with nerves.

"Lie down with me" Beca says quietly, her hand travelling across Chloe's back until it falls back to her side on the grass.

Chloe lets out a quiet breath and closes her books before waiting a beat then leaning back and laying down, her head turns to the side to look at Beca with a smile, all she can do is take in the sight of Beca, the intensity in the brunette's eyes without intention makes her heart beat hard against her chest. She wanted her contact back with Beca badly, to the point where she could rush into everything and ruin it for both of them..

Beca's eyes scan Chloe's face, she could see the deep thought going on in Chloe's mind, and her concern was growing more that this was something they shouldn't be doing. So distract from the laying down together thing was the only way to settle Chloe back into calm. She wasn't about to push. "Hey" She lets her hand move to the side and brush against the back of Chloe's before taking the leap and connecting their hands with intertwined fingers.

Chloe's heart jumps when Beca takes her hand and leaves the grip loose, probably for her comfort. She moves her thumb to brush over the side of Beca's hand. Their eyes were locked on each other's, and Chloe felt the intimacy of the moment without any need for more, which makes her wonder if Beca feels the same way about pushing this further. She doesn't reply to the attempt at conversing, all she can do is wait for her inner voices to stop yelling at each other.

Beca closes her eyes after a few moments and turns her head to look up with a relaxed sigh. "I love being here with you" she says softly.

"Me too" Chloe says, her hand tightening around Beca's slightly as she watches the brunette's face. Her mind goes blank after a moment, and she smiles. Beca wasn't going to lean in again.

Beca's barricade drops from her mind as she relaxes a little too much into herself. "Do you still need me?" Her eyes open after a moment of silence, wondering if she actually let the question slip or not and turns to Chloe, who looked back at her with a sad smile and a nod. The sight alone makes her eyes become glossed with the tears welling up, making her turn back to look up again and close her eyes to avoid the pulling feeling from the sky trying to lift her body away, which would have been a nice thought right now. She takes a deep breath and lets out another question "Do you still think about her?"

"Sometimes, when I have bad dreams" Chloe says softly, her eyes still fixed on Beca, even though her tears were starting to fall away from her eyes and making her reach up to wipe at them.

"I blame myself every day"

"So do I" Chloe turns onto her side and reaches up with her other hand to rest it on the inside of Beca's elbow. "We aren't in control of those things, it was going to happen no matter what we did. She's manipulative and smart. She knew how to get to me, and I let it happen because I was so scared that she'd hurt you or the others"

"I know. And I hated that. I wish you would have let her just… beat me down or something just so you didn't have to go through that" Beca says, opening her eyes and turning to look into Chloe's eyes.

"I could never do something like that and you know it" Chloe moves her hand off Beca's elbow to wipe at her eyes and sit up, releasing her hand from Beca's in the process when the squeezing in her chest starts.

"I know. I just wanted you safe and healthy. And I know you're on the right path now, but I can't help feeling like this is too good to be true. What if it's just settled beneath the surface and as soon as I say or do something, you'll fall back into that"

"Bec, I'm working every day at being healthy. There's no guarantees in this. I could fall back, but I could also be fine" Chloe sniffs loudly as she wipes at her fresh tears, smearing them across her cheek and letting the cool air pull her away from the moment. .

Beca sits up after hearing Chloe's sniffling and leans forward to look at the crying girl next to her. Her hand moves up to Chloe's back as she leans in and presses her lips to the redhead's cheek then turns to hug Chloe.

Chloe was stunned at the sudden kiss against her cheek and doesn't react to the hug for a few moments. Her hands move up to Beca's back with her eyes still blinking in a stunned silence. She should tell Beca that it was a move that shouldn't have happened, but when she focuses on her body, she finds only a minimal anxiety had built up after it. Leaving her to think that maybe it was okay, it could be another step forward, but one that needs to be controlled.

"I love you" Beca whispers, her hug loosening when she hears the sharp inhale from Chloe and moves back to look at the redhead with curiosity.

Chloe has waited months to be able to say this, she's built up to this moment with her training and therapy. She nods softly and opens her mouth, waiting for the words that need to come out.

"It's okay. I know" Beca says, her hand moving to Chloe's shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze. A few moments pass before Chloe's face falls along with more tears. "Chloe, I didn't-" Chloe springs forward at her into another hug, startling her for a second. As soon as the sobbing starts against her shoulders, her arms wrap around the redhead tightly and holds them together.

Chloe made a promise with herself that she wouldn't keep freaking out on Beca, and each sob punches her heart, which only makes her feel worse and keeps her crying. It takes minutes before she feels herself calming down. Beca's hand started stroking her back and steadying her breath until she was still against the brunette.

"I know you want to say it, and I know she took it from you" Beca says quietly as she holds Chloe up against her body. "One day we'll have it back"

Chloe sniffs loudly and loosens her arms around Beca, waiting until the arms around her follow suit and let her move back from the hug. Her eyes find Beca's instantly and she gives a small smile and a nod.

Beca's hands move up to wipe at Chloe's cheeks with her thumbs as she looks into Chloe's red eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. You can take another thirty years to say it back if you need to"

"I promise not to take thirty" Chloe says as she turns her head slightly to press her cheek into Beca's hand. "I know it's there, and I've been working on it but… maybe I just need to wait for the right moment"

"Good idea. Just…. let it happen" Beca moves forward and kisses Chloe's forehead and flinching when her ringtone blasts from her bag, she sits back and drops her hand away from the redhead's cheek to rummage through the laptop bag and pull out her phone "Hello?"

Chloe turns away from Beca's phone call, the feeling of Beca's kiss burning into her skin, tugging at her to tell Beca to stop before it leads too far into something else. She doesn't want to risk leading Beca on only to freak out about it. But it was difficult to, she wanted Beca to kiss her, and then she really doesn't.

"No, I forgot…. I know, dude, I get it." Beca says quietly, her eyes moving to Chloe, who was looking away from her. "I'll be there soon" She says before moving the phone away and hanging up. After a few moments of silence, she looks down at the laptop bag and pushes her phone back into the front pocket "There was a practice today. I'm kinda late"

Chloe turns back to look at Beca quickly and watches the brunette start packing up, her lip falling back between her teeth to keep her from asking Beca to stay.

"Do you want to meet up later? Maybe we can get dinner or something?" Beca says after she zips up the bag and looks at Chloe.

"I'm meeting Bree. I'll text you" Chloe notices the disappointment in Beca's expression and goes to reach out for the brunette, which stops when Beca starts standing.

"That's cool. I'll talk to you on text then" Beca says quickly, her hand coming up in an awkward wave before she starts setting off to go to practice.

Chloe sighs to herself and turns to watch Beca walking away, then dropping her gaze to her books and smacking them shut before shoving them into her bag and taking out her journal to write at herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are Lifehouse - Only You're the One and Leona Lewis - I Got You  
> Because I can't write songs.


	14. Chapter 14

"So we're getting closer. Are you scared?" Aubrey says as she walks with Chloe towards the Bella house. It was the first attempt at Chloe being around the Bellas again, and she wasn't entirely sure the redhead was going to handle it well.

"A little" Chloe mumbles, her eyes were stuck on the house they were moving closer to. Half of her was anxious, but then there was a battle going on with her excitement to possibly see Beca. A few hours had passed since she last saw the brunette, and she shouldn't  _really_  be throwing herself into these situations with only short amounts of time between meet ups, but when it comes to Beca, she can't help it.

"Are you really sure you want to?" Aubrey was still watching Chloe's facial expressions change slightly.

"I'm okay. If I get too freaked out, you can take me away" Chloe smiles slightly and looks over at the blonde who was staring right back at her. She knows Aubrey was assessing the situation as soon as she asked if they could drop into the house. Although that may have been her acting faster than thinking.

"In a flash" Aubrey looks up as they start on the path to the front porch and glances constantly towards Chloe was they walk to the door and stop. Her gaze falls completely on the redhead, waiting for her to make the move to go in.

Chloe stares up at the door, then goes as far to just put her hand against it. She's been here before, and luckily her impulsive visit before didn't add on to her anxiety that she felt. This was a slightly different story, she wasn't full of nerves or worry, but it was there, holding her back. After a couple of deep breaths, she turns the handle and pushes the door open. "Kay" she says as she steps into the house and turns her head to find Beca sitting on the couch and laughing at Amy drawing something on the whiteboard while Stacie yells words out.

Aubrey stands beside Chloe, keeping her eyes locked on the redhead for any signs. Chloe smiles after a few moments and she feels so relieved, she might just drop. She turns to look at the scene in front of her and raises an eyebrow at Amy's drawing, which looked a Rorschach picture.

Chloe leans to her side against Aubrey as they watch Stacie's frustration growing further. It was a long time since she felt this way, just happy. She laughs softly after Cynthia yells out the answer and makes Stacie throw a cushion. Beca looks up at her and they lock eyes. She could see the moment Beca's breath catches, which makes her smile at the brunette and move forward into the room.

"Chloe!" Amy moves across the room with arms wide, and there was a second of hesitation that she manages to get a handle on long enough to get into the hug, which was when she could calm down again.

"Pictionary?" Chloe says as she moves away from the hug and moves to Stacie standing behind the Aussie for the next hug.

"Yeah, only she's horrible" Stacie says, casting a glare at Amy over Chloe's shoulder.

"I'm not horrible, you're just blind. That's clearly an apron"

"Are you serious?" Stacie moves out of the hug with Chloe to move over to the whiteboard where there was a painting of an alien with a dress on "This does not look like a fucking apron, Amy"

Chloe turns around to find Beca's eyes on her. She moves through the arguing girls to the couch where Beca was and sits down, her hand rests on the back of the brunette's as they smile at each other until she turns to Stacie drawing out an apron.

"Do you wanna team up?" Beca asks quietly as she turns her hand around to intertwine their fingers.

"Mm. No. Not with you, you're horrible at this game" Chloe bites her lip with a smirk and turns to look up at Aubrey standing next to the couch watching Stacie. "Bree?" Aubrey turns down to her with a raised eyebrow "Wanna be partners?" She ignores the offended noise from Beca.

Aubrey chuckles and leans over the side of the couch to raise her hand and highfive Chloe in front of Beca. "We're going to wipe the floor with them all"

"The only one doing the wiping will be you two wiping your sad loser tears" Amy says as she wipes off the board.

"Yeah!" Beca turns to Chloe again, giving a wide smile.

Chloe huffs out a small laugh and picks up Beca's hand to kiss the back of it before she lets it go and moves up to the other couch where Aubrey is, just to add insult to injury. She looks across the room at the brunette, settling into the stare until Cynthia moves across the room and calls out to Beca, stealing the brunette's attention from her.

She continues staring at Beca all through the round, and she loves the way the brunette gets so huffy. She smiles widely as she watches the frustration growing until the answer becomes more obvious. Aubrey jumps up quickly after Beca finally gets the answer and wipes the board off. "You're so going down" Chloe says with her eyes locked on Beca's.

"Save it for the bedroom" Amy says through a hand tunnel at her mouth, making the words boom across the room at Chloe. Who goes red faced almost instantly.

"Dude." Beca was close to smacking the Australian down until she hears Chloe again

"You share a bedroom. Do you plan on watching?" Chloe could see Beca's head reeling back in the corner of her eye as she smiles at Amy.

"I've always been curious about how Beca was in bed. You know what they say about the quiet ones" Amy jumps when Stacie smacks her arm and glares over at her. "What is with everyone getting so huffy about sex for? It's just bodies"

"Anyway." Aubrey starts, turning to Chloe with a quick once over to make sure no one was stepping over lines. Chloe gives her a small nod, so she turns to the board and starts drawing. It only takes the redhead about 3 seconds and a few drawn lines to say 'Bus' and make her stop.

As soon as Chloe said the answer, everyone started making a fuss and calling them cheaters, which only made her laugh and shrug as Aubrey sits down next to her. She locks eyes with Beca again, and chews at her lip as the brunette's head starts shaking at her. "I did warn you, Becs"

"It was just a lucky guess. Or you saw the card and you're cheating" Beca's eyes narrow slightly as she looks over at the cards and tries to figure out how they were cheating.

"You're just mad because we're amazing" Aubrey says to Beca as she makes her way back to Chloe's side.

Stacie moves up, picking a card out of the box on the way to the whiteboard. After a few moments, she glances up from the card at Amy. After a small sigh, she turns to wipe the board off and tries her best at drawing a helicopter.

"I know it" Aubrey says loudly, quickly getting hit in the face with a cushion. She turns to look at Amy, because it definitely came from the Australian.

"It's a person skiing." Amy states, proudly smiling as everyone stares at her silently. Then she looks up at Stacie facepalming. "Or is it not? Is it a snow mobile? Why does it have skis? Is it a boat? An ice skater?"

"Oh my god, dude" Beca couldn't help but laugh at Amy's sad attempt at guessing the picture. The blonde was actually worse than she is at this.

"It's a fucking helicopter, Amy. What the hell is wrong with you?" Stacie says, throwing the marker into the tray at the bottom of the whiteboard. "This is a stupid game"

Beca practically launches at the board after Stacie moves away, the battle lines were drawn and she was ready to win this. After she cleans off the board, she picks up a card. Penguin. Shouldn't be too hard. She turns around to the board and starts drawing a little faster than she should, but it was important to beat the Cheaters.

"The hell is that? Is it a duck? Is it some kind of bird?"

All Beca could hear was Chloe's giggling growing louder, taunting her. And when she looks at the finished product, it really  _didn't_ look like a penguin. And as much as she tries to colour it in or add lines, it was still looking a mess. Her shoulders slump as she gives into defeat already, and she turns around to Cynthia, who just about named every animal in the world except the right one. "Penguin" she says, making Cynthia groan and fall back against the couch.

"I kinda see it" Amy says, tilting her head to the side as she examines the wonky drawing.

"Shut up, I was in it to win it"

"Your drawing wasn't though" Chloe says as she moves up and reaches for the marker from Beca. The brunette hands it over with a small huff and a smile, and she turns to the board to wipe it off as Beca moves away. "Okay. You ready Bree?" Chloe says, turning to her best friend before she even picks out a card. Which she does as soon as Aubrey nods at her. It was a Dress. Which could have been a giant hint from the universe telling her to put one on again. And most of her feels like she  _could_. But when she thinks about Beca being close to her, it almost feels too overwhelming. As if she was pushing for Beca to be tempted. And it's not as if she really thinks Beca would do anything, but it was there. The memory.

"Chloe?"

She looks up from the card and finds everyone staring at her, a lot less amused now that she'd zoned out into an unhappy place. "Sorry" she says quickly, turning to the board to start drawing, if her mind was in it, Aubrey could have got it straight away, or maybe it's because she threw the game off.

"Dress" Aubrey says, eyeing Chloe closely as the redhead nods at the whiteboard and stops drawing. There was something different in the room now, like a giant cloud was hanging over it. "Lets get some drinks" She says as she stands up and reaches out for Chloe's hand.

Chloe takes the hand instantly and starts moving out faster than Aubrey, she felt the tears trying to make their way out. And she didn't know why, she thought she had everything under control. This was supposed to be a light hearted time with friends. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened"

"It's okay. Maybe you just need a break from them" Aubrey says quietly as she reaches up to rub Chloe's arm. "Do you want a drink?"

"Just water" Chloe turns her head to look around the kitchen, everything was exactly the way it was before. She steps forward away from Aubrey and wipes at her eyes discreetly while the blonde starts filling glasses.

:"Hey" Beca almost whispers from the doorway, and Chloe  _still_  span around quickly at the sudden voice. "Sorry" she says with a small smile.

"It's okay. Bree's making the drinks" Chloe says, her eyes bouncing from the blonde back to Beca. Aubrey's back was facing them, so she couldn't ask her friend for help. From what, she has no idea. She just psyched herself out again.

Beca could feel it, or she could see it. Chloe didn't want her to get closer. She almost asked why, but that'd be inappropriate. These things happen, Chloe was going to get nervous around her and run sometimes. Things are bound to trigger the redhead. Still, it didn't suck any less to have Chloe so apprehensive about even looking at her right now. "I've got some work to do on those songs so… I'll be in my room. It was good seeing you today" she says, slowly moving backward, and there was a small flash of disappointment on Chloe's face, but she had to turn and walk away. She couldn't stay and keep making the redhead uncomfortable.

Chloe watched Beca leaving, and she knows for sure it was about her weird moment. Her gaze drops to the tiled floor and bounces up again to Aubrey looking at her. "Do you think I should go talk to her?"

"I… don't know. Do you want to?"

"What I want and what I should do seem to be different things" Chloe says quietly as she turns back to the hall where Beca went. "I want to be normal again for her"

"You will be. But you know… time is healing. Go talk to her, maybe it'll make you feel better. And if it doesn't, you can talk to me. What do you have to lose?"

Chloe hesitates for a moment, but Aubrey does have a point. She can keep being hard on herself, or she can try to make things better. She  _was_  making things better. A few moments go by in silence before she finds herself moving down the hallway and up the stairs. It felt like a week goes by as she makes her way to Beca's room, stopping for a few moments to stare at her old bedroom door. She doesn't fall for the trap, and starts moving again, ascending the stairs to Beca's room.

Beca was booting up her laptop when she sees the movement and looks over at Chloe walking up. Now she wishes she cleaned up a little, although Chloe had seen it messy in here so often before, it was like they were  _new_. Like she needed to keep impressing the redhead as if they had just met or something. "Hey" she says nervously.

"I'm sorry that I was… I need to talk to you about.." Chloe turns to look down the stairs and almost chokes on her inhale before she stops and just breathes out slowly to calm herself. Her eyes return to Beca, who moves to sit on the edge of the bed and eyes her with concern. "I'm okay. I just… there was a thing with… I can't wear certain things because they remind me of the bad. So when I think about it too much, it kinda shuts me down" Chloe swallows the lump in her throat, and she isn't sure whether she's about to cry because she's breaking herself open to Beca, or because she's so embarrassed that she's letting something so small come between them.

"You don't have to explain it to me, I know things can get to you like that" Beca slowly gets up from the bed and approaches Chloe, when the redhead doesn't shy away from her again, she smiles softly and holds out a hand as she stops in front of Chloe. "You don't have to worry about me"

Chloe takes the hand offered to her and stares down at it. "Yes I do, Bec. This isn't just about me. If we're together, then we should  _both_  be okay"

Beca blinks a few times, she hadn't even thought that they were even  _officially_ together again. Now she felt like her whole world was okay again. "Can I hug you?"

Chloe wasn't quite sure when the sad tension dropped from the conversation, but she wasn't about to keep it hanging over them. She nods at Beca and brings her arms up to welcome the brunette in a hug. She sucks in a long breath and closes her eyes as she breathes in the scent of Beca.

"We're gonna get through this you know? It doesn't matter how long it takes. I'm gonna be right here attached to your front" Beca tightens the hug a little and smiles widely when Chloe chuckles at her quietly. "I promise I'm okay"

Chloe slides her hands down Beca's arms as she moves out of the hug and stares into the brunette's eyes with a smile "Okay. But I need you to promise that you'll tell me if it gets too much"

"I promise" Beca says, knowing all too well that it'll never be too much for her. Chloe could cut off all of her limbs and she'd still want to be right there at the redhead's side.

"I should actually get going soon. I have a thousand things to write. Our place tomorrow?"

"I'll never miss a day" Beca captures Chloe's hand and brings it up to her lips to kiss the back of it and let it go again. "See you tomorrow"

Chloe's mind freezes as she stares at Beca, and she almost felt like she was falling even more in love. Beca raises an eyebrow at her, and she realises she'd been staring far too long. "Kay. Tomorrow" she says, ignoring the one sided staring competition. She makes her way toward the stairs and glances back at Beca, who was still grinning at her, totally aware that she just dorked out. She gives a quick smile and starts down the stairs.

Her heart was beating a thousand times a minute and she wanted to turn around and stay, but she didn't sign up for psychology just to drop out after a week. Studying is important. Studying needs to be done. She had to continue talking herself into leaving, even long after Aubrey had started driving her back.

"So, you're really quiet and it's kinda worrying me" Aubrey was staring at Chloe for a good minute before she broke the redhead's thought train. "Did you guys not work it out?"

"Oh. No, we did. I just… I'm thinking too much" Chloe smiles and looks around the area to find them outside of her building. Which she hadn't even noticed.

"About Beca?"

"Yeah" Chloe breathes in deeply as she turns back to Aubrey and reaches over to pat the blonde's leg "But you don't need to worry about that. It's all good stuff"

"So I  _don't_ want to know. Okay then" Aubrey smirks and nods at Chloe to move out "Go get studying or I'll turn into my father and make you"

Chloe huffs and gets out of the cart. When she turns back around, she stares for a moment before speaking again "I love you, Bree"

"I love you too, Chlo." Aubrey says, choking back air as soon as Chloe had started walking away.

* * *

The days over the next week had them meeting every afternoon at the same place, which was their  _thing_. Their place just to be alone and together. They hadn't moved further than hugs and cheek kisses. But Chloe was on her way. She could always feel the urge to, but thinking about the things that follow kissing was making her anxious. And she couldn't even say she loves Beca. Practising on Aubrey was fine, because that was completely different.

She can say it in her mind, the three words that could take all of Beca's hurt away. To maybe put them in a more secure space. Maybe that's what she was scared of, being stuck again. She doesn't think of Beca as abusive, more that relationships are a danger to her. And right now they were together, but not  _together_. It was a pre-school relationship of handholding and hugs, and occasional cheek kisses that she never found it in herself to stop.

The idea of taking it another step further and setting their relationship in stone was a slightly scary one. If Brody somehow gets out again, she's going to have to run away, and asking Beca to leave everything behind for her wasn't fair. She knows Beca would, too. Beca wouldn't think twice about it.

Chloe starts to wonder if her songwriting was showing that fear, a few times, she's noticed verses getting darker than intended and deleting it all to restart, but Beca was always there at her side. She just isn't sure if that was obvious to the both of them, or just her.

They had their first two songs finished, Beca's vocals and music with her lyrics. They were a great team. Beca was super talented, and she loved that. She loved how easy it was for Beca to sing to her, every now and again, the brunette would sing out some of the words she'd written to test out the sound and then make jokes about how metal it sounds.

She'd always react the same way, calling Beca a "Dork" or "Dopey", and then smile and get an overwhelming urge to say the three words, which just sucks to the back of her brain as quickly as it shows up.

After her run in the morning, she walked into the showers with her supplies and into a stall, humming as she undresses and turns on the water, it wasn't until she was standing under the water that she realised she was humming a song. One of the songs Beca had made. The stunned state made her stop altogether, and when she tried to start again, it happened. She could hum, that was a big start. She was finding her music again. Luckily she was alone in there, because if someone caught her flailing surprise, they'd think she was having a fit.

She didn't tell anyone about the humming, not even Katherine. Just in case she imagined all of it and it never actually happened. It made her feel alive again, just to hum along to a tune. It was like she was one step closer to herself, a big step closer. She could smile at herself in the mirror again and for once, she felt like she had something to make her special. To make her feel worthy.

She wanted to test out how far she could push herself, maybe she could actually sing one of their songs. After she finished getting ready for her day and humming through her morning routine, she set out across campus. She still had a couple of hours until her class, so she had time to see if Beca was in the old Bella auditorium.

When she gets there, the doors are open and she smiles on her way in, but when she looked around, it was empty. She wasn't disappointed though, her eyes settle on the piano and she moves over to it slowly, taking another look around to see if she was really alone.

She gets out her journal and pulls it open to the page of the song Beca liked so much . For some reason, ignoring all of their collaborations and focusing on this seemed like a better plan, she could sing it for Beca. Maybe.

She hadn't thought of a good tune, or had the chance to practice one, so she plays a few different keys and hums along with the words in her mind. It takes her a while to settle on one and starts playing, then opens her mouth and almost floats away when her words come out.

_It's not simple to say  
_ _That most days I don't recognize me  
_ _That this girl and those dresses  
_ _That place and it's messes  
_ _Have taken more than I had left  
_ _It's not easy to know  
_ _I'm not anything like I used to be  
_ _Although it's true  
_ _I was never attention's sweet center  
_ _I still remember that girl_ __  


Her voice stops, with her heart racing away. She moves forward to pick up the pen and write down the notes for the verse, then she looks back down to continue, a teary smile on her face.

_She's imperfect but she tries_   
_She is good, but she lies_   
_She is hard on herself_   
_She is broken and won't ask for help_   
_She is messy, but she's kind_   
_She is lonely most of the time_   
_She is all of this mixed up_   
_And baked in a beautiful pie_   
_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

Her tears fall slowly as she plays, her eyes cast down at her fingers pressing the keys down. She forgot how therapeutic singing was, how full her happiness metre would get. She'd always find her way back to music, now matter how horrible the past year had become. And she had Beca to thank for it.

_It's not what I asked for_   
_Sometimes life just slips in through a back door_   
_And carves out a person_   
_And makes you believe it's all true_   
_And now I've got you_   
_And you're not what I asked for_   
_If I'm honest I know, I would give it all back_   
_For a chance to start over_   
_And rewrite an ending or two_   
_For the girl that I knew._

_Who'll be reckless just enough_   
_Who'll get hurt but_   
_Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised_   
_And she gets used by a girl who can't love_   
_And then she'll get stuck and be scared_   
_Of the fear that's inside her_   
_Growing stronger each day_   
_'Til it finally reminds her_   
_To fight just a little_   
_To bring back the fire in her eyes_   
_That's been g-_

Chloe stops when she looks up at the page and catches sight of all of the girls standing inside the door watching her. The silence filled the area quickly, the first sound being her sharp inhale as she gets up quickly "Sorry, I- I didn't.." she says quietly, catching Beca's eye, which were welling up with tears and makes her take off around the group and out the door.

She hears the distant sound of her name being called out, but she doesn't stop, she doesn't want to stop. She runs until Aubrey's security cart pulls in front of her and cuts her off, making her stop and breathe heavy. Aubrey gets out of the cart just in time for her to surge forward and hug the blonde tightly.

"What happened?" Aubrey says quietly, holding onto Chloe tightly as the girl cries against her shoulder.

"I didn't.. I didn't think she'd hear it, I didn't want them to hear it. I..I just...ran"

"What do you mean? Go from the beginning" Aubrey says, moving away from the redhead to wipe at Chloe's cheeks.

"I went into the practice room and sang to myself, I didn't think she'd hear it" Chloe's breathing was already calming down, and she turns her head down to her side and notices her bag isn't there. Her eyes close tightly "I left it on the piano!" her hands move up to cover her face as the tears start again.

"It's okay, I'll call Stacie, she can get it for you, okay?"

"You don't understand, this has  _everything_  in it. All of my stupid thoughts for the last year are in there." Chloe's hands move away from her face and wipe her tears away before dropping them onto her hips. "What if.."

"No one will read it, Chloe. You know that" Aubrey moves forward to hug Chloe again and closing her eyes.

"Jesus" Chloe hears from behind her, making her arms pull back from Aubrey so she can turn around and find Beca wincing, leaning down and breathing heavy. The brunette holds up her book and she takes it gently, her eyes stuck on Beca. "You run too much" Beca says, finally standing up straight. "Way too much"

"Sorry" Chloe says, her gaze dropping down to the book in her hand "I didn't want anyone to…"

"No… it's cool. I got that. What with the...freaking out and running off" Beca says, her hands moving up to her sides as she tries to regain control of her breath after running a thousand miles to catch up to the redhead. "Chloe, that was..."

"I didn't… think you'd be there. I thought I was alone" Chloe says, her eyes slowly making their way back up to Beca's.

"No, I know… which is probably why it was so hard to hear. It was...it  _is_  amazing, really. But I get why you didn't want anyone to he-" Beca stops talking when Chloe moves forward quickly and hugs her tightly. Her eyes widen and look to Aubrey, who smiles and turns away from them.

Beca's arms wrap around her after a few moments and she exhales loudly, her head turning down until her mouth was against Beca's shoulder. "Thank you" she says quietly against Beca's shoulder before moving away and looking at the brunette.

Beca's stunned expression softens into a smile when she locks eyes with Chloe, their moment extending for a while before they were interrupted by the sound of Aubrey's cell phone ringing. The blonde moves away from them further with an apology, and Chloe turns to look at Aubrey before looking back at her again. "Are you okay?"

Chloe nods at her and moves forward again into a less tight hug, one that makes her close her eyes and take a deep breath. "You helped me find my voice again"

"I did?" Beca's arms were loose around Chloe's lower back, and she had to fight the urge to turn her face into the redhead's neck just like she'd been fighting every single urge this week.

"If we hadn't been working together on those songs… I'd be in the same place" Chloe's hand slowly strokes up and down Beca's back. "You always save me"

"It wasn't just me. You were helping yourself" Beca was the one to move back this time, staying close to Chloe and reaching up to the red locks and brushing them back softly with her fingers.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys" Aubrey says, getting the attention of both of the girls on her and causing them to step apart from each other "Chloe, your lawyers are here"

Chloe's eyebrows furrow slightly and she reaches down to her pocket and finds her phone missing. "Oh.. my phone's in my bag in the practice room"

"Ah. Yeah, I just took your book. Sorry, I didn't see the bag" Beca says before pointing over her shoulder "I can go get it for you"

"No, I have the cart" Aubrey says, dangling the keys to the security cart and waving at the two to follow.

Beca watches Chloe's expression changing over the course of the few minutes that it took to get to the auditorium, it was like every emotion washed over the redhead and left Chloe sad. She tried to reach out, but the cart stopped outside the auditorium and Chloe turned to her quickly, making her second guess the movement and drop her hand to the seat between them.

"Do you mind getting it for me? I'm not really..ready for the girls yet" Chloe asks, Beca nods and jumps out quickly. There were a few moments of silence before Aubrey grabs her attention.

"You guys are getting close. Are you okay with everything?" Aubrey asks, turning in the front of the cart to look back at Chloe.

She nods softly after turning to Aubrey "Yeah. I think so. Katherine and I are talking about it a lot, my nerves with her aren't as horrible now"

"That's good but...are you still scared of her?"

Chloe stares at Aubrey blankly for a few moments and shakes her head "No. I don't think so. She hasn't really… I haven't had a reason to be"

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to make sure you're okay" Aubrey reaches over the back of the seat to Chloe's hand. "You're always my number one"

Chloe smiles and looks down at Aubrey's hand covering her own. "I know" She says, hearing the footsteps coming closer. The hand moves away from hers when Beca climbs back into the seat next to her and hands over her bag. "Thanks" she says quietly as she takes the bag and holds it on her lap before turning up to look at Beca "You should stay for practice. I can handle my lawyers"

"Are you sure? What if it's bad news?" Beca asks as she reaches forward to the back of the front seat.

"It's not, we're just going over somethings. I forgot I had a meeting, it's fine" Chloe gives off a smile and tries to settle Beca's nerves, which doesn't work, and she sees the concern stuck to the brunette's face even after Beca gets back off the cart.

"Call me when you're finished? Or text, whatever you want" Beca says, her worry only slightly lessening after Chloe's nod.

The cart moves away, and Chloe turns around on the seat to watch Beca staring at her leaving, it was an odd moment for her to watch herself leaving like that. Maybe it was because Beca was looking sad as she moved further away.

* * *

' _Hey. It's been a few hours. Are you still in your meeting?'_

_'Chloe?'_

_'I don't know if you're checking your phone or not. Please talk to me'_

Chloe was laying in her bed with her phone in her hand watching the new messages rolling in. Only a small part of her was wanting to reply, her meeting with her lawyers had involved training for her to go on the Stand, which ended in a freak out. The questions they had to ask her were horrible, just as they warned. But even knowing that it was coming didn't prepare her for actually being asked whether she wanted it or not.

' _I just need to know you're okay'_

_'Even if it's just a single letter'_

_'I'll keep texting until you answer, you know'_

"Are you going to get that?" Chloe hears from across the room. She decides to ignore her roommate and holds the volume of her phone down to silence it. The messages kept coming, so she lays her phone down face up and closes her eyes.

The next time she opened her eyes, the room was totally dark. She sits up slowly and looks around, catching the time in Eliza's digital clock across the room. It was midnight. She'd slept all afternoon and missed her class. She turns to look down at her phone and sees the light blinking back at her.

After unlocking the screen to her messages, she scrolls up for a while before she finds the last message from Beca, then she slowly goes through each one until she hits the bottom. There were messages from Aubrey and Stacie as well. She sighs softly and goes back to Beca's message to finally send her reply 'Sorry. I'm fine'

The reply back was almost instantaneous from the brunette ' _Is everything okay? What happened?'_

'Nothing. I was just distracted with studying'

' _Oh. Good. I was worried that the lawyer thing went badly'_

'It went fine. Just a small talk about the trial'

_'Are you nervous for it? I'll be there with you'_

Chloe slumps slightly and lays back down again on her side. 'Please don't. I can't have you there'

Beca's reply doesn't come at first, which makes her tears start welling up and takes her out of bed. She pulls out a tissue from the box on her desk and wipes at her eyes as she moves over to the window and looks out at the campus, lit up by the path lights. She looks down at the phone in her hand and there was still no reply.

She felt more horrible knowing that she's blocking Beca from being at the trial, there's just no way she would be okay with being forced to talk about everything that happened to her in a gross defensive way. Brody was going to try and make it out like she was either a willing participant, or that she's totally crazy and got the twins confused.

She turns back to her desk and throws the tissue in the trash before reaching out to the drawer and taking out her journal and pens. She glances at her sleeping roommate as she picks up the bag hanging from her chair and pulls it onto her shoulder before walking out.

While she walks down the corridor in the dorm building, she puts the journal, pen and her phone into the bag. She knew it wasn't a smart move walking around campus at midnight, but she was beyond the point of just being upset.

She thought she was heading in the direction of her quiet place, and woke up to her thoughts to find herself on the way to the Bella house. Her pace slows to a stop and she looks around before swallowing her fear and walking again, taking out her phone on the way before she gets to the house so she can text Beca.

The house was only lit up by the moon, causing her to worry that maybe Beca was already asleep. She looks up at the front porch with a sad smile, remembering the moments she had spent with the brunette out there. They had so many nights where they'd sit on the porch and talk, or just cuddle. And then there was the time she told Beca she had to leave, out there in the rain.

She looks down at her phone and pulls her bag open again, dropping the phone back into it instead of texting Beca. She walks up onto the porch and takes a seat on the bench. Her eyes turn down to the space next to her, her mind stuck on the time she fell asleep on Beca when they were storm watching. Just before all of the mess started.

"Ginger?" Chloe jumps from the sudden voice, even though it was quiet. She looks up at the door quickly and finds Amy standing there staring at her. "Sorry about that. Did you walk here in the dark?" Chloe nods at the blonde, who shrugs back at her with a smile "I'm about to do the same. Bumper wants a booty call. Or… is that what you're here for?"

"I don't want you for a booty call, I promise" Chloe says, smiling slightly when Amy snorts at her and moves forward toward her.

"If I was single, you would" Amy says "You okay, Red?"

"I'll be fine. I just wanted to sit. I didn't think it'd be a problem" Chloe says, her eyes turning away towards the lawn.

"Not a problem" Amy says, walking a few paces toward the porch steps and turning back to Chloe again. "Hey, that song you wrote was pretty awesome. You should get Midget to record it. I smell a Grammy"

Chloe huffs softly with a smile and returns her gaze to Amy. "Thanks"

"Oh, and… you're not gone. You're just hiding behind some walls now, walls the size of me, but you'll get by them " Amy gives Chloe a thumbs up and a smile before turning and walking away.

Chloe furrows her eyebrows in confusion for a moment and catches on to the song reference about her being gone, then smiles at the back of Amy. Her gaze drops to her lap after some time and over to her bag. She thinks about sending Beca that text message and refuses again.

She sighs softly and leans back against the seat as she stares up at the quiet street, the distant form of Amy slowly disappearing as the blonde takes a turn.

A few minutes pass and she hears the door clicking shut, drawing her attention to it again and finding Beca's eyes staring at her with concern. She swallows nervously and moves forward to get up, stopping when Beca's voice sounds out, saying "No, stay. Please" Chloe settles back against the seat again as Beca moves around to the space next to her and sits down, facing toward her. "I know you're not okay. You text me whether you're studying or not" Chloe's eyes fall to her lap, confirming Beca's suspicions with a single avoidance. "Talk to me. Please, I can handle it"

"I have to go on the Stand, and they're going to ask some really… horrible things" Chloe says quietly, her eyes fixed on her hands in her lap. "And I can't….. I don't want you to know the answers to some of these things"

Beca turns slightly to sit side by side against Chloe, her hand moving over the back of the redhead's "I know a lot of crazy shit happened in there. And if you really don't want me there, I won't be. But…. I want to support you. I want to be there for you, and celebrate with you when you get her put away forever"

Chloe's stare moves to Beca's hand as she chews at her lip and blinks back the threatening tears. "And if she gets free?"

"Then we'll just have to move to that made up place called New Zealand and live with the hobbits. It'll amuse Aubrey endlessly if I live with my people" Beca says with an amused grin. Chloe smiles and looks up at her, which makes her hand spring up and brush at the red hair with her fingers. "Honestly, Chloe. It doesn't matter what happens. We're going to be living together anyway"

"How can you be so certain? What if it doesn't work out? What if I take so long you get bored and end up-"

"Hey." Beca interrupts with a slightly stern voice, her hand settling on the side of Chloe's head "It doesn't matter if it takes thirty years, remember? I'm in this with you. Just you"

Chloe's eyes drop to Beca's lips and settle there for a few moments before her face turns down and away, the growing anxiety pulling her far from the moment and leaving a stabbing pain in her chest.

Beca's hand drops to Chloe's shoulder when the redhead turns away from her, which makes her extend her arm around the redhead. "I wonder what we're gonna be like in thirty years. We could start our own business. You could give the celebrities Psych help while I record them. It'll be a nice set up since most of them are on drugs"

Chloe leans to the side against Beca and looks out at the lawn. She tries to imagine the future, what their future would look like. Probably the two of them in a house with a dog or two. She'd be living without fear and have a serious career helping people like her. Or maybe that was a wish instead of a prediction.

They sat there in silence for a while, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling before turning away and looking out at the night. Beca's thumb brushes back and forth over Chloe's shoulder slowly, keeping the redhead calm.

Chloe sinks lower on the seat and tilts her head sideways until it was resting on Beca's shoulder. Her eyes close after a few moments, but her mouth opens to speak "I'm happy we're still.."

"Together?" Beca finishes quietly, her breath catching and holding in her throat while the silence counts the seconds passing.

"Yeah" Chloe lets out, moving up slowly to turn and face Beca again. Her eyes scanning the brunette's face before she leans in and presses her lips to Beca's cheek. Her eyes closing at the contact as she lingers.

Beca smiles softly with Chloe's lips against her cheek, her heart skipped a beat when the redhead moves back again slowly and stops, leaving a small space between them and staring into her eyes in a way that causes her whole body to flush.

Chloe swallows her growing anxiety and pushes herself forward to brush her lips over Beca's. It sends a shooting jolt through her core from the light graze of their lips. It felt like she'd just been hit with lightning and made her come alive. She exhales softly against Beca's mouth and lets her eyes flutter close, taking the next step into pressing her lips firmly against Beca's and moving back a little to separate them again. The overwhelming tingle through her body wasn't scary, it was just a lot to take on after being so long. She'd forgotten how Beca's kiss made her react.

Beca's eyes open slowly to find the redhead still lingering in front of her, she controls all of her need to move forward again, waiting for Chloe's next move instead of freaking the girl out.

Chloe opens her eyes to Beca's, the connection pulling her deeper into the comfortable tension between them. She smiles softly and leans in again, connecting their lips for another lingering kiss that sends more butterflies through her stomach. Beca's lips were welcoming each kiss from her without a movement to push further, leaving her with the full freedom to stop whenever needed.

Chloe's head tilts to the side, sending a deeper rush of tension through her stomach, freezing the butterflies in their movements and parts her lips, which Beca follows after a quick moment. As soon as their tongues connect, she gasps and pulls back with heavy erratic breath. Her eyes dart away from the brunette as she focuses on bringing herself back down to Earth.

Her heart felt like it was trying to crawl out of her throat and escape. She swallows hard to contain the wild beating and closes her eyes. Probably scaring Beca in the process. She takes a few long breaths and opens her eyes again when she feels herself floating back down into her body. Her head turns to her side, reconnecting her gaze with Beca's. "Sorry" she says quietly.

Beca smiles softly and shakes her head "Don't be. That was… It was… I don't want to say 'nice' and have you feel like it needs to be a thing that has to happen a lot. I want you to be comf-"

"Bec" Chloe smiles with a huff and moves forward again, her hand moving up to the brunette's other cheek as she presses her lips against the corner of Beca's mouth. "I just wanted to see if I could get further" she whispers against Beca's lips before pulling gently at Beca's cheek and pressing their lips together again. It was a more comfortable tension after she got her answer of how far she can go. Leaving it at small kisses was where she needs to be, and she hopes that was fine with Beca.

Beca exhales slowly when Chloe pulls away from their next kiss, her eyes opening again to the bright blue eyes shining through the darkness. "Wow" she says in a whisper, her eyes dropping to Chloe's lips. "I forgot how much you make me feel"

Chloe smiles and almost feels like she needs to cry through her happiness. She bites down on her lip and nods at the brunette before leaning back and settling against the back of the seat, her hand dropping from Beca's cheek to her lap.

Their eyes were connected in a long stare before Beca reaches forward to Chloe's hand and moves up from the seat, leading Chloe to stand with her "There aren't strings involved here, but do you want to get some sleep?"

"I slept most of the day, maybe I could just hang out in your room while you sleep? I have a lot of studying to get through, I missed my class earlier" Chloe notices the returning look of worry on Beca's face and she smiles softly "It isn't anything to worry about, I just had a hard time with the meeting today"

"Okay" Beca says quietly, moving toward the door and keeping her hand in Chloe's to lead the redhead inside and up the stairs quietly.

Chloe's anxiety was building faster and pulling at her with every step. By the time she got to her old room, her body was screaming at her to stop. Which she does with her eyes on the closed door.

Beca turns around after her hand gets pulled back, they disconnect from each other and she looks at Chloe in the dimly lit hallway, finding the girl staring at the closed door of their room. She waits there silently, for any sign that she should pull Chloe out of the moment.

Chloe chews at her bottom lip and moves forward to the door, opening it slowly and moving in. There was a double bed where Aubrey and Stacie were sleeping, and the layout had slightly changed, but her mind was only focused on one spot. The wall near her old closet. She walks further into the room in the direction of the wall, staying as quiet as she can until she gets there and puts her hand against the wall. She can see the moment in her mind when she first realized it wasn't Beca who she was letting into her. That same fear rings through her when she turns around and finds Beca standing at the door watching her. It was a small flash of fear that makes her gasp, but dissipates almost instantly when she sees Beca realizing and leaving quickly.

Chloe steps forward and almost drops dead of a heart attack when Aubrey springs up in the bed and turns on the light, almost blinding herself in the process. "Who the fu- Chloe? What's wrong?" Chloe didn't get a chance to answer before the blonde was moving out of the bed and sending more questions at her about why she was in there.

"I just-"

"What's going on?" Stacie says through her half-awake state, one of her eyes opens and catches the bright light of the lamp, making her squint and close it again. "Bree?"

"Go back to sleep, Stacie" Aubrey says, taking Chloe's hand and leading her out into the hall. She pulls the door closed and sees Beca standing against the wall. "What are you guys doing? Did you bring Chloe back here? Were you guys even out, I thought you were here all night?"

"Chloe needed to get out, I went over there and picked her up. We walked back together" Beca says, she'd prefer Aubrey to come at her for walking alone rather than add to Chloe's stress.

"Are you crazy? Don't you know how unsafe that is?" Aubrey feels Chloe's hand dropping away from her and redirects her concern to the redhead instead "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just needed to… I don't know" Chloe's eyes turn away to find Beca's, locking onto the stare. She settled quickly with a soft smile and turns back to Aubrey again "I just wanted to make sure I could handle seeing this place again, the spots where... I'm sorry for waking you"

"Oh, Chloe. You shouldn't do that, what if you freaked out?"

"But I didn't. I just… I had to see. I'll leave it for day time if I do it again, I promise" Chloe gives Aubrey's arm a gentle stroke with her hand.

Aubrey sighs with relief and nods at Chloe before turning to the door and looking back again "If you need me for anything, wake me up, okay?"

Chloe nods at Aubrey and watches the blonde moving back into the room before she turns to Beca with a loud exhale. "Sorry. I didn't think"

"It's fine. Sorry for scaring you in there. I should have thought before I did that" Beca says with a nod, turning away from Chloe before she gave the redhead a chance to reply.

Chloe's eyebrows furrow slightly before she starts following behind Beca until they were upstairs in the brunette's room. "Are you...did I hurt you by getting startled?"

"No" Beca says, her voice a little deeper than usual. She moves across the room to the bed and turns around to Chloe standing near her desk and looking back at her. "Maybe… I just. I don't know how to bring things up with you, I don't want to… I  _can't_  trigger something with you. That's what will seriously hurt me. Or us."

"I know, Becs. But we can't keep bottling things up anymore. I'm trying to open up to you, and I know it takes me a while to do that, like today. But…"

"I'm scared that you think about her more than me" Beca's eyes drop to the floor instantly to avoid Chloe's stunned silent face. "And I know that's fucking nasty of me to say but… the songs you have written down aren't about me" Her eyes move back up slowly to reconnect with Chloe's sad stare. "She made you love her, right?"

"I don't love her" Chloe says quietly as she slowly approaches the brunette "I never loved her. She made me think she was you, and then made me say it to her. I-…. I only felt that for you. And the songs…. they're about me and the things she put on me. They aren't about her" Chloe reaches into her bag for her journal and opens it at the back. "I have a lot about you, you just didn't get that far"

Beca moves forward to close the distance between them and puts her hands over Chloe's to shut the book gently. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being paranoid, okay. I know how you feel about me, and I know you were stuck in a fucked up place with her. Ignore what I said"

Chloe shakes her head and looks down at Beca's hands against hers, keeping the journal closed. "But.. I can show you the songs"

"You can  _sing_  me the songs" Beca says, making Chloe's eyes dart back up, the redhead's expression going from surprise to a slow happiness, which flows off the redhead and right into her.

"And you can make the music" Chloe says quietly with a growing smile.

Beca huffs and reaches up to Chloe's cheek, her eyes searching the bright blue orbs for any hint of resistance as she leans in slowly. She takes her time to get closer, giving Chloe plenty of time to back away from her, which doesn't happen. Her eyes close when their lips connect gently.

Beca's attempt at moving away gets broken by her following and reconnecting their kiss again, her hands moving up to the sides of Beca's head to keep the brunette anchored to her. Her head tilts again, but she doesn't push herself further than she needs to. She just keeps reconnecting new kisses after moments against Beca's lips until she feels her mind dizzying and making her move back to regain control of her senses.

Beca's eyes open slowly to Chloe, her lips still tingling as she stares over the following moments "You're aca -awesome you know?"

Chloe laughs softly and turns to move over to Beca's desk. "Do you mind if I use your laptop, dork?"

"Not at all, dope." Beca smiles as she watches Chloe sitting at her desk and turning her laptop on. Chloe was one of the only people who she knows would care for her laptop. Or its because she's in love with the girl. Both are good reasons.

Chloe feels Beca's stare burning into her, and she grins to herself before she glances over to the brunette. "Can I help you?"

"A lot" Beca says as she moves across the room toward her closet to get changed. "Can I ask you something weird?"

"That's a scary thought. Your normal thoughts are weird. I'm worried to know what weird means to you" Chloe spins around on the chair to follow Beca with her eyes. After the brunette disappears into the closet, she couldn't really stop herself from staring over at the doorway until she hears Beca's voice and snaps out of it to turn back to the desk.

"I just wanted to know where you see yourself in five years"

Chloe stares down at the laptop and furrows her eyebrows slightly. She hadn't really thought that seriously about it. Mostly because she isn't even sure if she's going to be able to stay here. If Brody gets out, she's taking the first plane to anywhere else. Hopefully somewhere Beca plans to go, because she doesn't want to make the brunette leave, but she can't see herself without Beca either.

"Too deep?"

Chloe jumps when the voice comes from right near her, and she looks up to Beca apologizing with a reassuring smile. "It's okay. I just don't know. There's a lot to consider when I think about that"

"True. Let me rephrase. Where would you like to see yourself. Or us. Because you know, we're gonna be there together" Beca grins and pats Chloe's shoulder before turning away and climbing into the bed.

"Where would I like to see us in five years.." Chloe locks eyes with Beca once the brunette was settled in bed and looking at her. It wasn't a serious question, but there was a lot of weight on her now. She slowly turns back to the laptop and chews at her lip.

"You can get back to me on it. Preferably not in five years, but take your time" Beca felt the cloud of guilt as soon as Chloe fell silent. She should have thought more about how it would affect the redhead before asking.

"What's your answer?" Chloe asks quietly, keeping her eyes locked on the mouse track pad instead of giving in to what her body was craving. She couldn't look at Beca, not right now.

"We'd be living in L.A. I'd be a producer, you'll be anything you want. We'd be married and living happily ever after"

Chloe couldn't breathe, she lost her ability as soon as Beca dropped the M word. Her mouth opens slowly, and she knows she has to say something, but there was nothing.

"That isn't a proposal or anything yet. And it might take longer than five years to get there… but I know we will" Beca says quietly, hoping she can make it better.

Chloe turns back and looks at Beca for a few moments before she stands up and makes Beca sit up in the bed out of worry that it was too far. She looks down for a moment and takes a breath before nodding. "I think we'll get there too" she says as she exhales with relief from just being able to say it.

Beca settles again and smiles before she lays back down. She watches Chloe return to the seat and she knows the redhead was one second from taking off, but didn't. Chloe stayed. "If you get tired, you can… or.. Maybe I should sleep in Amy's bed and you can take mine"

"I'll be fine, you stay in your bed" Chloe gives a smile before she turns to the laptop and starts her studying by bringing up Google. "Night Becs."

"Night"

* * *

Chloe wasn't tired, but it was 7am and she'd been reading and writing notes forever. When she glances over at Beca, it quickly turns into a stare. She missed watching Beca's sleep face. Her eyes cast over to the bed behind Beca and she thinks she can handle it, just as long as she doesn't let anything happen.

She leans forward to untie her laces and take her shoes off before moving around the bed and assessing the situation. She can be safe in Amy's bed, or spoon Beca and get another step ahead. After a minute of deliberation, she moves forward and carefully gets in the bed behind Beca.

The warmth hit her immediately and she almost wants to jump back out, but she pulls the covers over her and shifts closer to Beca's back. A long exhale escapes her as she presses her front against Beca and wraps an arm over the brunette. She was shaking, and it was starting to get overwhelming to be this close, even though it was just sleep. She tries to stay focused, her arm was around Beca. They were snuggling, even though only she knew of it. She took a few minutes to settle her anxiety and relax enough to actually enjoy the feeling of having Beca in her arms. Every inhale had her breathing in the smell of Beca's hair, which then made her more relaxed until she could close her eyes. She felt safe there, it wasn't like it used to be, she didn't have to have Beca holding her to sleep, she was the one doing the holding and it was working, she just has to tell Beca in the morning that she's gonna be the big spoon forever. She smiles to herself when she thinks about Beca's eyes rolling at her and slowly starts to drift away into a dream.


End file.
